Desperately

By Melora

Rating: T (For some mild language and sexual situations)

Pairing: Sam/Jack

Category: Angst, Romance, Episode Addition

Spoilers: Season 6 – Frozen, Abyss

Set: After Abyss

Sequel to: "You're Not the Only One in Need" and "Without You."

Series: Part Three in the "In Need" Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/ Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Created for entertainment not monetary purposes.

Status: Story Complete; Series is a WIP.

Summary: While recovering in the infirmary, Jack comes to some realizations about his relationship with Sam.

Author's notes: This is the third story in the "In Need" Series. It is a sequel to "You're Not the Only One in Need" and "Without You." It would be helpful to read the other stories in the series, but not necessary. The basic premise of the series is that Jack and Sam started an intimate relationship after "Meridian." The 16+ versions of all of the earlier stories in the series are archived at The 17+ versions are at the Sam/Jack Adult Archive. This is the only version of this story and is rated T (13+). Sorry, no smut this time. ;)

Sorry it has taken me so long to post stories in this series. I have a lot of the stories written, but I just haven't had the time to edit them to my satisfaction. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous stories in the series. I hope you haven't lost interest.


Part One

SGC Infirmary

Jack tossed and turned uncomfortably in the infirmary bed. All he wanted was to be able to sleep through the chills and the pain, yet a deep and comforting sleep eluded him. He had been in the infirmary for over twenty-four hours and the withdrawal symptoms were finally starting to kick in with a vengeance.

One moment he would be burning up, then he would be freezing. The worst part, however, was the underlying cravings – he needed to feel healing warmth pulsing through his veins once more. He yearned to feel whole again – he longed to feel the same way he had felt after his time in the sarcophagus. At that moment, he felt that he would give anything for one more time in the device...as if just one more time would take care of everything and alleviate all his pain.

His thoughts lacked clarity while he drifted in and out of a light and unsatisfying sleep, most likely due to a combination of the withdrawal symptoms and the sedative that Doctor Frasier had administered earlier. Although half-asleep with his eyes firmly closed, he sensed a presence beside his bed. Struggling to open his eyes, he finally managed to open them only wide enough to take in the blurry face of his commanding officer.

"Sir?" Jack called out, his voice faint and cracking slightly.

General George Hammond looked at him in concern. "Hello, Jack. How are you feeling?"

Jack barely attempted a faint smile. "I've been better, General. Just glad to be home in one piece."

Jack immediately noticed something was wrong by look on Hammond's face. The general looked uncomfortable and very troubled.

"Son...I'm sorry to have to bring this up now..." Hammond began as he took a seat in the folding chair by Jack's bedside.

"What is it, sir?"

"While you were gone it came to my attention that there is something inappropriate going on between Major Carter and yourself... that your relationship isn't exactly professional anymore and it hasn't been for quite some time now."

Jack quickly interrupted him, trying to deny the accusation, "What are you talking about, sir?"

Hammond cleared his throat anxiously. "Jack...Major Carter was...how can I put this? She was very emotional over your disappearance and capture. I confronted her about her feelings for you. She tried to deny it at first, but eventually she was forced to admit it."

"Admit what exactly?" Jack asked, unable to believe that he was finally having this conversation that he had been dreading for weeks.

"That you and she have been carrying on a non-professional relationship outside of work."

"She told you that?" Jack looked up at Hammond in disbelief. He never thought Carter would be the first to break down and reveal their secret. She was always so strong, so self-assured, so in control. Jack had always imagined that he would be the one to slip up and do something stupid that let everyone know just how much he loved her.

"Yes, Jack. And I'm afraid I had to initiate court martial proceedings against her."

"What?" Jack yelled out in horror and bewilderment. "But she was just here yesterday. She didn't say anything about this to me." Jack's agitation grew as the conversation continued.

"She's worried about you, son. As are we all. I allowed her to come visit you as a personal favor. She has been advised not to see you again until the hearing. That's one of the reasons I'm here. She wanted me to explain why she won't be by today or any other day for that matter."

With his vision continuing to blur and his head pounding with pain, Jack could barely absorb the gravity of the situation. "This is serious...isn't it?"

"Jack...I don't want to kick you while you're down but..." Hammond paused to debate his next words. "How did you think this would play out? You two flagrantly violated the fraternization regulations. Did you think you wouldn't get caught?"

A cloud of worry darkened Jack's face. "What will happen to her?"

"Honestly?" Hammond inquired. Jack merely nodded and Hammond answered candidly, "Dishonorable discharge. Probably no jail time. But her Air Force career will be over, as will working at the SGC."

"Oh God..." Jack muttered in anguish. "Is there anything I can do? I mean, I would gladly take the fall in her place. It's my fault, really, not hers."

Hammond nodded in agreement. "Yes, it is your fault. You were the ranking officer and as such you will not come out of this situation unscathed. Once you are out of here, you will be court-martialed as well, Jack. You'll probably get the same deal as Sam – dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of pay, no more SGC..."

Jack had never seen such an expression on his commanding officer's face. The sadness and disappointment in Hammond's eyes was almost too much to bear. He had let Hammond down, a man he admired more than he could say... he had let Sam down as well. And he had absolutely no excuse – he had knowingly committed a huge transgression…all because he couldn't live with being just her CO anymore.

Hammond observed the emotions playing over Jack face before he continued, "I cannot express how disappointed I am in you both. The SGC needs you two... and you put your own selfish desires ahead of your duty to the Air Force and your country. Unfortunately because of your indiscretions, we will all suffer the consequences. The loss of Major Carter and yourself from this command will be a blow from which the SGC will not soon recover."

"It wasn't like that," Jack tried to explain unsuccessfully. He wanted Hammond to understand that it hadn't been just a torrid, lust-driven affair – it had been more than that. He wanted Hammond to know that he truly loved Sam and it had come to the point that he couldn't live without her anymore. In the end he could not bring himself to provide any of these excuses and merely conceded, "For what it's worth...I am sorry, sir."

Janet Fraiser was at the nurse's station, checking on everything one last time before leaving for the evening when she noticed Colonel O'Neill's vitals on the monitor in front of her spike. She immediately rushed to his bedside and found the Colonel shaking in his bed, sweat pouring down his face. His blood pressure was elevated and he was mumbling frantically in his sleep.

"I'm sorry, sir...I'm so sorry...so sorry...so sorry," he kept repeating as he writhed uncontrollably on his bed.


Janet immediately called for the nurse on duty to bring a sedative and some restraints just in case she was unable to calm him down. She shook him firmly, trying to wake him from what appeared to be some sort of nightmare.

"Colonel... sir...wake up!"

At the sound of her voice, Jack immediately calmed a bit and slowly opened his eyes. He started looking around the room anxiously, the after-effects of his dream still lingering in his subconscious. He then turned his confused gaze on the doctor standing next to his bed. "Janet?" he inquired groggily.

Janet sighed in relief and then laughed. "You must really be out of it if you're calling me by my first name, sir."

"Where is she? Is she all right?" Jack was clearly uneasy and Janet had to push him back into the bed to prevent him from getting up. Luckily, he was too weak to put up much resistance.

"Who, sir?" she asked, his insistent questions confusing her.

"Sam..."

Janet's eyes widened in surprise. Colonel O'Neill rarely called her 'Janet', but he hadn't called Sam by her first name in years.

"Sam's fine, Colonel. She's gone home for the evening, but she'll be by tomorrow morning to see you bright and early. She dropped by earlier but you were asleep."

"What's going on?" The confusion in Jack's eyes had not yet faded.

"It looks like you were having a nightmare of some sort," Janet reassured him. "Although, it probably seemed very real to you. I should have warned you earlier... Daniel reported suffering from some delusions during his withdrawal from the effects of the sarcophagus. You probably will too."

A sigh of relief escaped Jack's lips. "You mean Hammond hasn't been by to talk to me?"

"No, sir. He came by earlier today to check on you but you've been out for quite a while. He's probably in Washington by now. He has a meeting at the Pentagon with the Russian delegation...you know, to hammer out the details of the agreement over the use of their Stargate?"

"So...everyone is okay? Right?" Although Jack now appeared much calmer, there was still a hint of anxiety in his voice.

Janet smiled comfortingly. "Well...everyone except you, sir. You've had a rough day, but you're going to be fine in a couple of days. You just need to hang in there a bit longer. I'm going to give you a slight sedative to help you sleep better, okay?"

Jack usually objected to unnecessary sedatives and other drugs, but he was desperate. He needed to sleep peacefully through the night, and if he didn't consent to the drugs he knew he would only be experiencing a night filled with disturbing nightmares like the one he had just lived through. It had been so real to him and that fact alone convinced him to allow Janet to administer the sedative.

He nodded his head slightly in agreement and Janet carefully injected the drugs into his IV. "Thanks doc."

"You're welcome, sir. Try to get some sleep. And be sure to let the duty nurse know if you need anything. Her name is Lieutenant Richards."

"Will do. 'Night doc." Jack eyes quickly drifted shut once again, succumbing to the effects of the sedative.

"Goodnight, Colonel." Janet watched over him for a few more moments, making sure that her patient was once again peacefully asleep before turning to leave for the night.

TBC