The Spiffy Spoofer does not own Aladdin or Gravitation. They both belong to their respectful owners…so don't sue or I'm going to have to re-instate the complaint department. *points to scary looking stick*.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for…
Aladdin…With a Sprig of Gravitation
Presented by the one and only Spiffy Spoofer!
9/17/2010 - I fixed the first chapter, as in I replaced the song with the format I used in "Prince Eiri". I also rewrote the intro. Peace out peeps.
"Oh, I come from a land, from a faraway place where the caravan camels roam…" a man sang, half walking, half dancing, through the streets of Agrabah.
It was dark enough that most people had left the streets for the safety of their homes, and the only building still lit up was the palace.
"HEY! A person! A kid!" the man shrieked, seeing a man walking toward him from the city's marketplace. He was used to being alone at this time of night, and he was thrilled to find another streetwalker to bother. "You want to be friends? Kuma and I always need new friends…"
"No, that's alright. I need to be getting home." the kid answered, adjusting his vest. "And I'm not a kid, I'm sixteen."
"Ah, that's too bad. Are you sure?"
"Yes…please leave me alone." the younger one replied, a little uneasy about who he'd just run into. He kept looking at his stuffed rabbit like he expected it to talk as well.
"No…I need to get going. Now." the accosted teen said, trying to hold his own. "I'm tired."
"OH! You need a bedtime story!" the bunny advocate sang out, clapping his hands and jumping up and down.
"For the love of…"
"LISTEN! It's a story about a…a…some kind of gem in the ruff."
"If I listen to your story, will you let me go?" the boy asked, a little scared. There was a strange glint in the older man's eyes, and he was feeling more than a little overwhelmed.
"YEP! My name's Ryuichi! And this is Kuma!"
"Fine…and I'm Suguru." Suguru muttered, sighing heavily and leaning against a wall.
The stars shone down to illuminate a not-so-dark man astride a horse, a lime green feather boa around his neck. Covering his torso was a stylish sleeved satin shirt. Over the fine shirt was a velvety vest adorned with rope braiding. A brilliant green parrot was nestled in between the feathers of the boa, his maroon tail clearly showing. The man was the royal vizier of Agrabah, a man that was to be feared. The affair that had led him to the middle of the desert at this time of night was unknown to all but himself and the Sultana, Mika.
There was an ongoing, but entirely secret, affair between the royal vizier and the Sultana. The two had plans to rule Agrabah. But, Agrabanian law prevented the Sultana from re-marrying until all the royal children were spoken for. Even though the current prince was not her blood child, she had to find someone for him first. The object, a lamp, that Tohma had been sent after could help with this. If Tohma failed to get the lamp, his head would be up for grabs by Mika. She was truly a woman to be scared of. One look could melt a glacier, her words cut like daggers.
The object was a lamp of magical proportions. It would grant its owner three wishes. The Sultana planned to use one on the prince's marriage, one on her own marriage, and then the third…well that was undecided. World domination was in the top three.
"I hope Mika-san is right about this…" muttered the man to his parrot. "But, then again, she's never wrong."
"Heh…she's always wrong." answered the parrot haughtily. He and the Sultana had never gotten along. "Especially on topics concerning food…"
"Knock it off, Caspian." said the man in response. (A/N: Caspian is the name of my own parrot. He's a green-cheek conure with an attitude.) "The Cheezits aren't that bad."
"Says you." muttered Caspian moodily as he made his way to the other shoulder. "Why can't we just go home Tohma? I'm tired of waiting out here."
"Be quiet! We have to wait for the thief." said Tohma in frustration. "You didn't have to come along so stop complaining."
"I'm here…" came a voice out of the darkness.
"You're late…" said Caspian, mimicking Tohma's voice.
"Caspian!" warned Tohma. "You're late."
"Well? Do you have it?"
"Yes…I had to kill some people…" replied the thief, trying to sound tough. And failing. "But I have it."
"Good. Give it to me."
"No! I want my treasure first!"
"Victory is mine!" shouted Caspian as he dove off of Tohma's shoulder and grabbed the object from the thief.
"Give it here, Caspian."
"No. I think I'll keep it…"
"Fine, fine…" said the parrot in defeat. He hated giving up so easily, but he knew he had to behave in front of strangers or Tohma would cut him off from the donuts.
"Finally." Tohma said, practically aquiver with anticipation. "It is time."
With that, Tohma put his shiny object against the thief's. They glowed for a few seconds before joining together with a loud bang and catapulting off into the distance. Tohma could see their glow trailing over the sand dunes.
"After them!" shouted Tohma, attempting a stylish takeoff on his horse and instead falling ungracefully from its back. The steed sped towards Agrabah, clearly finished with the proceedings. Tohma ran after his henchman, trying to keep the sand off of his boa. "Quickly!"
The trio came upon the objects settling themselves into a mound of sand in the distance. All of a sudden, the sands started shifting and a magnificently odd cave rose out of the ground.
"At last…the Cave of Random Objects!" said Tohma gleefully.
"What devilry is this?" asked the thief, pondering the arrival of the cave.
"Go on. Go inside." ordered Tohma. "You'll have your treasure."
Before the thief could enter, the cave addressed the strange trio.
"Only one may enter here. A golden sapphire in the rough." it bellowed, its voice echoing through the still desert night.
"Go on, go on! Get the lamp!" Tohma said, a tiny bit frightened by the cave. This was a business trip, however, and he refused to show any sign of fear. Especially in front of the insolent parrot, which had happened more times than he cared to admit. "Be a man and get in there!"
"Fine." said the thief, stepping into the mouth of the cave. "Like to see you do it…" he added under his breath.
The sand beneath Tohma and Caspian shifted uncomfortably, betraying the cave's intent. The thief cast a startled glace over his shoulder as he too felt the sand move, but before he could comprehend what was happening, let alone save himself, the cave swallowed him whole. As its mouth closed over the screaming crony, it began to sink into the sands below. Before submerging completely, a wooden yoyo was catapulted out and smacked Tohma in the forehead. A bottle of vinegar sailed after it and knocked Caspian off of Tohma's shoulder.
"Well…that's that. I guess he wasn't the one." said Tohma, rubbing his head where the yo-yo had struck him.
"Really? I had no idea. Never would have expected that one, Tohma, or should I say Captain Obvious? Call an ambulance, check my pulse, I might have just died from shock." answered Caspian, shaking sand from his green feathers. "I hate sand! It gets everywhere! How the hell am I supposed to stay clean out here?"
"Oh, shut up."
"You shut up! I'm molting! Do you know what molting's like? It's not fun!"
"Caspian! I'm warning you!"
"No, I'm warning you!"
"You dumb animal!"
The bickering continued all the way back to Agrabah. But, Tohma had a plan. He would find this golden sapphire, and everything would go smoothly. Within the week, he'd have everything he'd ever wanted.
"Get him!" screamed Tatsuha to his guards. "Don't let either of them escape this time!"
"Yes sir!" answered the pack of guards that were running after two men, a rabbit, and a loaf of bread.
"Ryuichi! Would you stop all of the antics already!" yelled the taller of the two men as he slowed to a walk and slipped behind some barrels. He wore tattered clothes that still barely clung to once-achieved finery. The top was a linen shirt with a plunging square neck bordered with faded ribbon. The pants were plain linen that matched the dark green of the ribbon. His golden eyes set the entire outfit off, blending with his melted sunshine hair.
"Yuki, Kuma-chan and I can handle them!" said the other man in reply, swinging into a supposedly open window. He was a shorter man with brown hair and ocean blue eyes. He wore only a vest over his torso. The vest had once been light blue in color, but was very faded. The pants were cropped on the bottom and more fitted than normal. They were darker blue in color with a loose golden sash around the waist that had lost its seaming. Kuma was a pink rabbit. And he had a red bowtie. "Ummph!"
The window was nowhere near as friendly as Ryuichi had presumed; it was closed. The man ran face first into the barricaded window and slipped, dropping the stolen bread. Yuki had been watching him closely, and moved out from behind his barrels to catch the falling bread.
"Get moving, you idiot!" ordered Yuki as he calmly walked down the street, the bread tucked haphazardly under his arm.
"Gotta keep...one jump ahead of the breadline, one swing ahead of the sword. I steal only what I can't afford, and that's everything!" Ryuichi quipped in response, warming up for his morning vocal routine, and completely ignoring Yuki's usual orders.
"Get him!" one of the guards shouted, unsheathing his sword and leading his charging comrades after Ryuichi. They rushed past Yuki, who had ducked behind a large potted plant, screaming like a pack of rabid baboons.
"Run, Kuma!" Ryuichi squalled dramatically, playing with the guards. He hugged Kuma to his chest and dashed around the corner. "Uh oh…"
Ryuichi had misjudged his turn and cornered himself in an alley. Yuki was nowhere to be seen, and he could hear the guards thundering footsteps. He squeezed Kuma and took a deep breath, getting ready for whatever would happen next. The guards were usually more than inept, and he felt pretty confident that he could handle them, cornered or not.
"We got him boys!" the leader called out, taking a violent swing at Ryuichi, who warded off the blow and darted through the guard's legs.
"Better luck next time!" Ryuichi chirped, smashing a few barrels of assorted food stuffs and tripping up the remainder of the guards. He scaled one of the walls and dropped back in to the main street, noticing Yuki's shape disappearing around a corner up ahead, bread still intact. He cleared his throat and kept going with his song, starting to really enjoy himself. "One jump ahead of the lawmen, that's all, and that's no joke. These guys don't appreciate I'm broke!"
He leaned against a wall and waited for the guards echoing yells and taunts to reach him. When they were close enough for him to hear their labored breathing, he pushed off of the wall and made a break for one of his favorite midnight haunts. In one of the main alleyways, there was a large stack of barrels that the marketplace vendors shared. He climbed to the top like a deft monkey and put a hand over Kuma's mouth to keep him quiet for their surprise. They hadn't used this tactic for a while, and he was sure that the guards were pining for it secretly.
The guards paused in the main street, wondering where the thief had run off to, unable to hear any cackling or one-sided rabbit related conversations.
"He's in there…" one the merchants hissed, having been robbed by Ryuichi accidentally and purposefully several times in the past.
"Right." one of the guards replied, nodding vigorously and signaling to his comrades to follow.
"Here they come…" Ryuichi whispered to Kuma, trying to keep calm. He knew that he needed to wait for the guards to start climbing up after him, but he'd had one too many pastries from an unsuspecting cart that morning, and the sugar rush was getting to him. "Can't…sit…still…"
With that, Ryuichi let out a war whoop and jumped on top of a precariously perched barrel, careening down the stack and out of the alley, taking guards out right and left. In the street, Yuki rolled his eyes and kept walking, starting to wonder if Ryuichi was worth the trouble.
"Ryuichi! Wrap it up!" Yuki shouted, vanishing into some shadows to make sure that he wasn't the one that screwed them over. He hated being arrested, and he was already in a foul temper without adding unnecessary guard altercations to the pot.
"Ten four kemosabe!" Ryuichi replied, spotting a tall scaffold on the opposite side of the street, past the fruit vendor. "Ten four…"
"Ryuichi…" Yuki groaned to himself, shaking his head. He could see the scaffold too, and he knew exactly where Ryuichi was heading next. If he ever wanted to switch sides, he could have made a fortune capturing his friend for pissed off merchants and guards.
"Top of the world! Woo! Victo-" Ryuichi started yelling, thrilled with his new vantage point. He'd been intrigued by the scaffold, and had only realized the practicality of it once he'd attained the highest seat possible. From here he could see a wide array of possible jumps, and he felt secure enough to inform the world that he was the king of it. The guards, however, didn't quite agree with his grand vision. "HEY!"
"Riffraff! Street rat!" the guards shouted up at Ryuichi, vigorously shaking the supports of the platform while insulting their quarry. "Scoundrel! Take that!"
"Just a little snack, guys!" Ryuichi pleaded, trying to buy himself some time. He started dancing in place, unsure of his next move. While he wasted time with nervous jiving, the guards started hacking away at the poles supporting the scaffold, and one of them set fire to it. "FIRE! YUKI, FIRE!"
Yuki stayed where he was on the other side of the street, enjoying the spectacle. Sure, Ryuichi was useful when he was in the right mood, but Yuki wasn't entirely sure that he'd complain too much if his roommate was captured.
"Rip him open, take it back guys!" the guards answered, continuing their sinister chorus. The flames raced up the brittle and dry wood, making Ryuichi's panicked dance even more frantic.
"I can take a hint, gotta face the facts, you're my only friend, Kuma!" Ryuichi replied, bowing at the guards. As hopped in place in his frenzy to find a way out of the fire, he'd seen a grand opening. If he timed it just right, he'd get away unscathed and take out a hunter in one fell jump. He took a deep breath and plunged off of the platform, bouncing off of the head of one of his pursuers. He ran down the street and ducked into the nearest dark doorway, hoping that it would be a safe place to hide for the time being.
"Who?" a chorus of female voices snapped at Ryuichi, their owners having watched the exchange from their windows.
"YUKI!" Ryuichi screamed, unsure of what to do with himself. Yuki'd been here before, quite often, and Ryuichi was used to waiting outside, or at home. "Kuma, I'm scared…"
"Awww, he's so adorable!" one of the women cried out, picking up Ryuichi and rocking him. "You're Yuki's friend, right?"
"Yeah, that's him, and he doesn't have any money, put him down!" an older woman ordered, stomping down the stairs and grabbing a vicious looking broom. "You can't pay, you can't stay, get out!"
"Ryuichi, come on, jeez, do I have to do everything?" Yuki asked, having nearly killed himself to come to the rescue this time. When harem girls were involved, it was always in his best interest to be involved as well, even if it meant being dragged into Ryuichi's antics. He sighed in fake annoyance and snagged Ryuichi away from his admirer, intending to take to his place.
"Oh no you don't!" the proprietor yelled at Yuki, taking a swipe at him with the broom. "Get out, you lecherous street rat, shoo!"
"Oh, it's sad, Yuki and Ryu have hit the bottom, they've become a two-man rise in crime..." the girls chanted, realizing that they had to let their potential pet go. One of them reached out and patted Ryuichi's head, stuffing an apple into his shirt for a snack later.
"I'd blame parents, except they haven't got 'em!" the harem mother reprised, swinging the broom at Yuki again. He'd been there before, and he'd left one too many times without paying. Most of the girls had a soft spot for him, and were prone to helping him out when they thought she wasn't looking, or listening.
"Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat. Tell you all about it when I got the time!" Ryuichi sang at the girls, wondering if he'd get more food if he put on a show or visited later on, with or without Kuma. He'd heard the guards whispering at the back door anyway, and he didn't really want to get busted before he got to eat his apple. He tucked Kuma into his shirt and grabbed the back of Yuki's, dragging him out of the front door with more strength than he looked capable of. Yuki slapped his hand away and hurrumphed, stomping out of the harem and rubbing his head where the owner had whacked him with the deadly broom.
"One jump ahead of the slowpokes, one skip ahead of my doom. Next time gonna use a nom de plume. One jump ahead of the hit men, one hit ahead of the flock, I think I'll take a stroll around the block…" Ryuichi picked up again, waiting for Yuki to disappear into a new hiding spot. When he couldn't hear the pissy muttering anymore, he started skipping down the street, trying to lure out the guards. When they started giving chase he ducked behind a performer's stage and squatted down behind it, putting Kuma on top of his head for safekeeping.
"Where'd he go?" one of the guards asked frantically, spinning around in place. "We can't lose him, the captain will be upset…"
"Wait! There!" another guard shouted, attempting to spear Kuma with his sword. Ryuichi fell over backwards to avoid the blow and then grabbed Kuma, catapulting himself over the stage and past the guards. He started cackling maniacally and ran off down the street, waving Kuma wildly.
"Mmm hmm, can't touch this!" Ryuichi taunted, jumping up and kicking his heels. He ran towards the entertainment district to throw off the guards, and narrowly missed a spike bed gimmick. He leaped over it like a gazelle and tore through the area, trying desperately not to make eye contact with any shiny objects or fire.
"THERE HE IS! GET HIM!" the leader of the group of guards bellowed, charging after Ryuichi again. He miscalculated his footing and tripped over the edge of the spike bed, face-planting into it. He tried to pick himself up, but his fellows trampled him soundly before he could even move an inch. "Oww…"
Ryuichi didn't look back for fear that he would start giggling and crash into something, though the guard's screams were hilarious. He danced over a coal pit next, wondering if the guards would be stupid enough to try the same thing. He rounded the next corner and paused, listening for what would happen next. When he heard some sizzling noises and more screaming, he snickered and took off again, thoroughly enjoying himself. He skidded to a halt when a large jewelry display distracted him. He knew that he shouldn't stop and look, but he wasn't sure if he could help himself. He lost the fight rather quickly and grabbed a large pendant, admiring the way it reflected the sunlight so magically.
"Stop, thief!" a townsperson yelled out, having spotted Ryuichi.
"Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!" the melodramatic shopkeep shrieked, charging around her stand and swinging at Ryuichi. As long as he didn't steal anything, he was good for business. Every time he showed up, she could put on a show, and that drew people in, as this was the entertainment district. She swooned and took a quick peak over her shoulder to see how many potential customers were watching.
"Let's not be too hasty…" Ryuichi cooed, trying to smooth things over and carefully placing the necklace back on the table.
"You still haven't gotten him?" a tall man yelled, jogging around the corner and staring at his subordinates with an impatient expression.
"He's putting up a real fight today, sir!" one of the guards answered, pausing to salute the other man. "Sorry, captain."
"Captain…" Ryuichi murmured, giving the new arrival a startled glance. Tatsuha, the captain of the guards, was standing in the middle of the street with his hands on his hips, surveying the circus of the pursuit. "Better get this over with…"
Ryuichi spun around in circles, looking for a quick way out. Whenever Tatsuha got involved, things got hairy, and he wasn't looking to get snared that early in the morning. He stopped spinning long enough to see a door behind him, and he darted for it, pounding on it to see if it would hide him. He slunk into the shadowy doorway and crouched down, only moving when the owner of the house opened the door and scooped him up, overwhelmed by how adorable the small man and his cowering bunny were.
"Still I think he's rather tasty!" the woman exclaimed, rocking Ryuichi and Kuma in her arms. Yuki sighed, still hidden, and turned away, starting to feel ashamed of his cohort.
"AHH!" Ryuichi shrieked, terrified at being accosted in such a manner, and fought his way out using Kuma as a weapon. "You'll never take us alive!"
He made a mad dash for the door and flew out of it, focused on his escape. He careened out onto the street and looked both ways, trying to find Yuki. Instead, he found all the guards assembled outside the door, looking startled to see their prey emerging so readily. Ryuichi cleared his throat and dusted off Kuma, sauntering up to a few of the guards.
"Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat. Otherwise we'd get along!" Ryuichi sang out, throwing his arms around the guards' shoulders.
"WRONG!" the guards shouted in unison, shoving Ryuichi off and reaching for their swords. Ryuichi gulped and bolted, allergic to capture.
"Get him already!" Tatsuha shouted, unsheathing his sword and gesturing at Ryuichi with it. His men started running in all directions, unsure of where Ryuichi had jetted off to this time. "Damn…"
"I'm getting tired of this, Kuma…" Ryuichi whispered to his rabbit. He pulled up short in the middle of the street and waited for the guards to come get him. He'd used this trick a few times, and it was always fun. Yuki didn't approve, but Yuki wasn't there to stop him this time. "Hey guys! Over here!"
"Ryuichi, you idiot…" Yuki muttered, shaking his head. He was still creeping along in the shadows, watching his accomplice screw up.
The pursuers stopped scattering and converged on Ryuichi, eager to catch him now that their boss was watching. They started inching towards Ryuichi, who was adjusting Kuma's bowtie absentmindedly, waiting to pounce on him when they got close enough.
"Oh, hi, what's up?" Ryuichi asked, standing perfectly still until the first guard jumped. As soon as he made the move, Ryuichi catapulted up and over the tackler and onto a shop's cloth roof. A few of the guards grabbed their colleagues, mistaking them for Ryuichi, and a brawl ensued.
Ryuichi carefully got down and slunk down the street, not wanting to draw attention to himself. He looked over his shoulder to see if he was being followed and bumped into a sword swallower, letting out a scream that put little girls everywhere to shame. The performer dropped his favored food and fell over backwards, unsure of what had just assaulted him. One of the assailants was a stuffed rabbit.
"Sorry!" Ryuichi said, clearing his throat to drop his voice back down to normal. He bent down to retrieve the sword, straightening up only to come face to face with the guards. "Ahh!"
"Woah! He's armed!" the closest guard shouted, tripping over his comrades to get away.
A collective gasp went up from the guard contingent and they all started back pedaling, each and every one of them terrified of Ryuichi with a weapon besides the deadly rabbit. Tatsuha ran up behind his men shortly afterward, and shook his head. He'd been bamboozled by Ryuichi before too, but that was because he wanted to get into his pants, not because he was stupid. He sighed deeply and pulled out his sword.
"Guys? We all have swords…"Tatsuha said gingerly, not sure how his men were going to take the news.
"He's got a sword!" one of them shouted back at him, visibly shaking.
"You've got to be kidding me…" Tatsuha muttered, losing his cool. "You idiot! We've all got swords!"
The guards looked down at their belts, those that hadn't done so earlier drew their weapons, and they all looked back over at Ryuichi. Ryuichi flashed them a big cheesy grin and set the sword down, stepping back as he did so. As soon as the sword hit the ground he took off again, leaving clouds of dust behind him.
"Not again! Catch him dammit!" Tatsuha screamed, close to jumping up and down on the spot. "NOW!"
The guards scattered and took off after Ryuichi, finding him dancing in place and spinning in circles in a busy intersection of streets, trying to decide the best route for escape. They closed in, blocking off the exits, and before Ryuichi could make another move to flee, they had him completely surrounded.
"Finally…some competence…" Tatsuha said under his breath, wondering how the city managed to stay safe when his men were all that was protecting it.
"Great." Yuki whispered, glaring in Ryuichi's general direction. He hated having to intervene.
"Not good, not good…" Ryuichi said, panicked. He wasn't sure where to go, or what to do. He glanced to his left and saw a rope snaking up a wall. Without giving it a second thought, he darted around the few guards blocking that side and launched himself at the rope, scurrying up as soon as he had a hold of it. "That was too close, Kuma."
"How does he keep getting away from you?" Tatsuha screamed, flapping his arms. "He talks to a stuffed animal! He can't walk down a street without getting lost at least twice! This is pathetic!"
A handful of the guards ran towards the rope as well, spurred on by the words of their frothing captain. They all reached the rope at the same time, and in their rush to be the first one up it, it got wrenched down.
"HEY! What the hell do you think you're doing?" a man shouted, waving his arms and smacking one of the guards. "It's a freaking trick rope, you idiots! You ruined it!"
"Move it! We have to catch him!" one of the guards responded, rubbing his arm where the angry man had hit him.
"No, you have to fix it! I want paid for this dammit, these things aren't easy to do!"
"He's getting away!" the guard pleaded, three seconds away from stomping his foot and throwing a tantrum.
"I don't give a flying rat's ass, you better make this right!" the trickster yelled, grabbing the guard and giving him a shake.
"Jeez, you, stay here and handle this. Fill out a form or something." Tatsuha said, shaking his head and signaling to his other men to keep moving. He pushed through the people that were starting to gather around, excited to see Ryuichi's usual spectacle. "Move it!"
Ryuichi was perched up on the roof, watching the guards make fools of themselves, and periodically waving to his forming fan base. When he saw Tatsuha head for the building he'd taken roost on, he waved at him and started taunting the guards as they thundered up the stairs towards him.
"One jump ahead of the hoof beats!" Ryuichi called down, cupping a hand around his ear.
"Vandal!" the crowd shouted back up, getting into the moment.
"One hop ahead of the hump!" Ryuichi continued, smiling wickedly. Yuki took everyone's distraction as an opportunity and ducked into an alley next to the building, ready for the morning to be over. He was ready to strangle Ryuichi.
"Street rat!" the people yelled, jumping up and down and clapping. They loved a good show to start the day off right.
"One trick ahead of disaster!" Ryuichi plowed on, listening for the guards.
"They're quick-but I'm much faster!" Ryuichi said, doing a spin and striking a pose. The guards were about to reach the roof, and this time he was ready for them.
As soon as the guards reached the roof, Ryuichi smiled and took a bow, falling backwards off of the building. He righted himself in midair and bounced off a cloth stretched over a street vendor's shop. He grabbed onto a window ledge and pulled himself into the room. He was in a storage room, and there was only one door leading into it. He could see the guards putting it together, and he knew that he'd be trapped if he stayed there very long.
"Think…think…what should we do, Kuma?" Ryuichi asked the rabbit, a little uneasy. He started to pace around, and spotted a throw rug. He cocked his head and considered it, deciding that it would be the best way to go. Even if he got caught, it would look really, really cool.
"Here goes, better throw my hand in, wish me happy landin', all I gotta do is jump!" Ryuichi sang out the window, blowing kisses out to the crowd. He jumped on the rug and sailed out of the window, Kuma's ear clamped in his mouth.
The guards quickly flooded the small room and several of them dove for the window that Ryuichi had just escaped out of. One of the first ones got stuck in the window, and the others occupied themselves with making cracks about laying off of the roasted camel.
"Back down! Now!" Tatsuha screamed, ignoring the protests of the man wedged in the window. "We can still get him! He's in the alley, he's trapped!"
"We did it, Kuma!" Ryuichi said, high-fiving the rabbit. He spun around, holding the bunny up in the air, and failed to notice that the guards had trapped him in the small space.
"Yes! I've finally got you, my honey!" said Tatsuha in ecstasy. "You're mine now! Cuff him!"
"Yes sir." answered the guards, moving to corner Ryuichi.
"Not fair…" Ryuichi said, furrowing his brow. He considered his options, and faced Tatsuha. "Bring it."
"Not a problem." Tatsuha responded smugly, convinced of his victory.
"I don't think so! KUMAGORO BEAM!" screamed Ryuichi as he threw Kuma at the guards with all of his might. All three fell over and Tatsuha ducked as the rabbit flew over his head. "Aha! Kuma wins again!"
Ryuichi danced around the still cowering Tatsuha and snatched his rabbit. He ran off, wanting to find Yuki. After some searching, he discovered Yuki hiding in the alley beside the building he'd commandeered earlier.
"Here. You need to get a new song. You've used it three times this week." Said Yuki irritably, tossing half of the loaf to Ryuichi and biting into his own share of the bread.
"Hey! What about Kuma's share?" squealed Ryuichi as he eyed Yuki's bread.
"You've got to be kidding me…Give him some of yours, stupid."
"No! Kuma helps! He wants his own fourth!"
"Fourth? There are only three of us."
"Wait…three?" said Ryuichi, counting on his fingers.
"Why do I even bother with you?" sighed Yuki as he sat down to finish his bread.
"Hey, Yuki, look. Kids." Said Ryuichi, abandoning his attempt to count how many were in their trio and seeing two children going through a garbage barrel.
"Ryuichi, no. We've talked about this, abandoned fish skeletons and broomsticks are not children." Yuki told Ryuichi, thinking back to when Ryuichi had brought home various refuse, claiming that it had followed him home or needed to be babysat.
"Real kids this time." Ryuichi replied seriously, walking up to the kids and handing over his and Kuma's share of the bread. "Here you go."
Yuki sighed again, got up, and handed his bread over to the kids. It was either that or risk a fight with Ryuichi, and he wasn't sure if he was awake enough to handle a temper tantrum from his roommate.
"Damn your good nature." He hissed in Ryuichi's direction, watching the kids devour his hard-earned breakfast.
"Not in front of the kids!" squealed Ryuichi, reaching to cover the children's ears, all seriousness forgotten.
A few minutes later, music cut through the uncomfortable silence of Yuki glaring and Ryuichi hiding behind the children. The kids ran from Ryuichi and went into the square to view the happenings. Yuki followed after them closely, slightly concerned about what was happening out there. Ryuichi grabbed Kuma and headed out as well, knowing better than to leave Yuki alone with the kids. His temper couldn't even handle him, a thirty-two year old, let alone two kids that weren't even ten.
There was a small procession meandering down the main street that led to the palace. At its head was an interesting looking man riding on a prancing horse. He had long brown hair, and sensitive grey eyes to match.
"He must be another suitor for the prince." said one of the bystanders, staring in awe at the Prince's coterie.
"Yeah, I've heard that the Sultana is desperate to marry him off." added another, practically drooling over the opulence being displayed.
Suddenly, the children ran out from the crowd and in front of the horse. They realized their mistake too late to correct it. As they attempted to flee the spotlight, a brusque guard from the company approached them holding a whip menacingly.
"I'll teach you two a lesson!" said the guard threateningly, raising his whip. "Never impede royalty, you trash!"
"Leave them!" the company leader ordered, his grey eyes flaring. "They're just kids for Allah's sake…"
"Just leave them alone and keep going. That's an order; please listen this time…" said Hiroshi as his horse continued toward the beautiful palace. However, the reluctant guard lagged behind and awaited his opportunity.
"Hey, Yuki! He's going after the kids! Do something!" whispered Ryuichi in Yuki's direction. "Come on!"
"And why should I? You do something, oh mighty Kuma." Yuki replied sarcastically, not willing to openly show his concern.
"Please? You're bigger and stronger and smarter and-" stammered Ryuichi, trying to get the taller man to run to the rescue of the small children he had befriended.
"Fine…" said Yuki as the belligerent guard sidestepped his master's orders and went to raise his whip again.
"You know, if I had that kind of money…" said Yuki eyeing Hiro's fine clothes while he stepped between the children and the guard. "I could afford to teach my guards some decency."
"What…?" said Hiroshi, turning his horse around to see better. "Hey! I told you to leave them!"
"Meddling street rat!" the guard yelled, pushing Yuki into a puddle of mud.
"It must be hard guarding a horse's ass and behaving like one at the same time." Yuki quipped. "And yet you're doing a wonderful job of it."
"You worthless filth!" shouted the guard, retreating back to his angry master. "You'll never amount to anything, you're not even worth my time."
"I'm not worthless!" Yuki yelled back, but the doors to the palace grounds had already closed. "And you couldn't afford my time if you wanted to…let's go, Ryuichi."
"Riffraff, street rat. I don't buy that. If only they'd look closer…would they see a poor boy? No siree. They'd find out, there's so much more to us." Ryuichi sang as the two walked home, really getting into the moment.
"Enough with your damn singing." Yuki snapped, pulling back a ragged curtain and looking at their excellent view of the palace. He sighed heavily and stared out the window, ignoring Ryuichi's protests. "Things are going to change, Ryuichi. We're going to be rich, we'll live in a palace, and you'll be contained in your own wing, far away from me. No more scrounging for food, no more guards, hell, I'll have my own…"
Not really anything new here, just found a better way to do the song and tried to clean up some of the messy spots. Enjoy, and I hope everyone has a great weekend.
OK, OK, shameless plug for another story... I started writing a spoof of Jim Henson's "Labyrinth", so yeah...it's there if anyone's interested. Also, the first chapter of Return of Caspian is almost finished.
Love and peace,
(9/24/10 - Needed to fix some page breaks, nothing new)