AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was my 30th story on Fried Potatoes Eroica fan fic archive, and is also more self-indulgent bondage smut. What can I say? I'm a perv. I just loved the idea of poor Klaus being trussed up like a Christmas turkey and then presented to Dorian on a silver platter. Not surprisingly, Klaus is not pleased.


SLEIGHT OF HAND
By Margaret Price

The mission had gone wrong. Horribly wrong

Eroica still didn't know how it happened.

The only thing he could think was that they had been betrayed. This was the only way the Major could have been taken so quickly. They were separated almost immediately. The last thing the thief heard was the officer insisting that he was a civilian and should be let go.

The Earl eventually found himself in a large executive suite with a man who identified himself only by his code name—Bali. He also seemed to be the one in charge. He knew exactly who the thief was, so bluffing was out of the question. After more than half an hour of small talk about art, the phone rang. There was a brief conversation in a language Eroica could not identify after which the man rose to his feet, inviting the Earl to follow.

Eroica wondered why Bali had not tried to interrogate him in any way. He also wondered what had been happening to the Major, whom they would definitely be interrogating. "Where are we going?" he asked nervously.

"To conduct a little business," came the vague reply.

That's what I'm afraid of, the frightened Eroica thought.

The journey ended at a room what must have been an exercise room at one time. Eroica noticed that the equipment had been modified to include ropes, chains, and restraints of varying types. In the center of the room was a padded table that the Major had been secured to. He was naked and lying face down. His hands were pulled up to the top of the table and buckled into thick, leather cuffs. Ropes were tied around his elbows and secured to the frame underneath the table, pulling his arms apart. He had a large, wedge-shaped cushion under his hips that lifted his buttocks into the air and fully exposed his genitals. His legs were spread, his ankles in cuffs similar to the ones around his wrists. There were ropes tied around his knees and secured in the same manner as his elbows, making it impossible for him to close his legs. On top of all this, straps were secured over his shoulders, back, and legs, essentially locking him in place. He also had a gag jammed in his mouth. Not far away, a man was standing beside some strange looking equipment. When the Earl saw it was plugged into the wall, he did not even want to speculate as to its use.

Eroica stood in a horrified silence as he watched the officer struggling vainly against his bindings. The Major's muscles were rippling from the effort and Eroica finally had to close his eyes when he caught himself admiring the man's magnificent physique. This was not how he wanted to see him naked for the first time.

Eroica was returned to reality when he was suddenly being dragged into the room.

"I believe we can help each other, Mr. Eroica," Bali said smugly.

Eroica saw the Major freeze and turn his head to glare at him when he heard this. No, I am not cooperating, Major. "How?" he asked suspiciously.

Bali turned his gaze in the Major's direction and smiled evilly. "Don't play the innocent with me. We all know what you want from Major Eberbach."

This was all the Major needed to hear. He clamped down on the gag in his mouth and gave a loud growl before renewing his futile struggles with his bindings. Eroica observed this reaction and closed his eyes again. God, they want me to rape him, and he thinks I'll do it. "I thought that sort of thing was against the spy rules or something," he said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. The smile he got in return sent a chill down his spine.

"I'm sure that's true for the officially sanctioned groups."

"But…you're not officially sanctioned?"

"No. I believe we fall under the heading of terrorists."

Bloody fucking marvelous. "And after I—" Eroica waved a hand in the Major's direction. "Then what?"

"Once I get what I want, you're free to go."

Eroica gave the man a dubious look. "You'll forgive me, but terrorists aren't exactly known for their generosity. Why would you let me go?"

Bali's eyes flickered. "I have my reasons."

"And…just for the sake of argument, say I actually refused?"

Bali burst out laughing upon hearing this. "Oh, you English with the dry wit!"

"Quite. But if I weren't so conveniently available…" Eroica went on. "I take it you have some other form of torture lined up for the Major."

"I have several things lined up for the Major." Bali waved a hand in the direction of the man still standing beside the unfriendly looking device plugged into the wall. "And, if you hadn't been available, there are others able to step in and…take care of the matter."

Eroica shuddered upon hearing this. He drew a deep breath to steady himself. "Then…a little privacy, if you please?" He waved a hand to shoo the men from the room.


Eroica waited until he heard the door locked before turning his attention to the now frantically struggling Major. He sighed heavily and crossed to him, pulling a chair closer to the table and sitting down so he could look him in the eye.

"Major, if I take that gag out of your mouth, will you promise not to start yelling at me?"

The Major's eyes narrowed, a growl rising in his throat.

"Well…?"

The Major closed his eyes and nodded. Anything to get the wretched thing out of his mouth. The instant it was gone, he snarled, "What do you care if I start yelling, you bloody pervert?"

Eroica looked him in the eye again. "I want to talk to you. That's rather difficult when you're screaming your head off."

"Talk? Just get on with—"

"Major, do you really think I want to rape you?" Eroica interrupted sharply.

"Don't you?"

"No!" Eroica sat back, a hand going to his head. "God, if that was all I wanted, I'd've done it years ago."

The Major's eyes widened. "That's not how it seems to me. All you talk about is sex."

"Yes, sex. You're the one who talks about rape. Sex is something…beautiful." Eroica closed his eyes and shuddered. "Rape is…ugly. Violent." He opened his eyes, giving the man a piercing look. "You know me. You know I'm not a violent person, Major. I could never do what they're asking. Especially to you."

The Major thought this over, having to fight back his panic in order to think logically. He swallowed hard before saying, "Eroica, if you don't…" He paused, drawing a deep breath. "If you don't do what they want, they'll kill you and do it themselves." And you, at least, won't be sadistic about it.

Eroica's enormous eyes grew wide. Before he could think of a suitable argument in reply, he heard the lock on the door being turned. He looked up as Bali appeared in the doorway. "Done so soon, Mr. Eroica?" he said disapprovingly.

The Major was impressed at the way the thief recovered his composure. Eroica tossed his hair back, leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs and giving the man a bored look. "I can't do anything until I have lubricant of some sort, a couple of towels, and a few condoms."

This reply surprised Bali as well as the Major.

"You afraid the Major has something catching?" Bali sneered.

"No, I'm afraid of leaving biological evidence," Eroica replied succinctly.

Bali laughed. "And the lubricant is so you don't hurt him?"

Eroica got to his feet. "It's so I don't hurt me." He gave the man a cold look. "You don't know anything about all this, do you? Have you ever had sex, Bali?"

Bali gave him a dark look. He vanished for a few minutes, returning with the items requested.

"Oh! And…an hour or two of privacy, if you don't mind?" Eroica said as the door was being closed. He could not help smiling at the loud harrumph the man gave as he left, locking the door behind him.

"Fucking sadist," the Major hissed as the Earl returned to his side. He was surprised when Eroica covered his bare backside and exposed genitals with one of the towels. Considering how often the thief commented on his ass, he felt certain he would want to leave it in full view.

"We're being watched, aren't we?" Eroica said, breaking into the officer's thoughts, his level tone helping him to think rationally.

The Major nodded. "The whole place is probably wired with cameras."

"But not sound, apparently." Eroica looked around the room, spotting two cameras.

"Not usually."

"So untying you is out of the question, I suppose?"

The Major laid his head on the table and sighed heavily. "They're probably champing at the bit waiting for the show to start."

Eroica gave the officer a serious look. "You really believe they'll kill me, don't you, Major?"

"Yes."

"Will they really let me go afterward?"

"They're fanatics, Eroica. They want you to…bear witness to the humiliation of Iron Klaus." The Major closed his eyes. Humiliation did not even begin to cover what he felt at that moment.

Eroica gave him a pained look. "And what happens to you?"

"I don't know."

Eroica closed his eyes. This is killing you, isn't it? Having me, of all people, see you like this. Helpless, vulnerable, powerless. He had to fight to pull himself together. "Alright then, I might as well give them a first rate show," he said far more cheerfully than he felt.

The Major's eyes snapped open and he felt his panic return in full force. "What?"

"I'm supposed to rape you to soften you up for them, isn't that the idea?"

The Major found himself struggling automatically. "You bloody pervert! I knew you'd take advantage of the situation! All that hesitant talk was just bullshit!"

Eroica gave him an enormous smile, put a hand to his chin, and leaned an elbow on the table. "Major, if I weren't playing to the cameras right now, I'd slap you." This was enough to cause the Major to stop his struggles and look him in the eye. "If you do exactly as I tell you, we can make it appear as though I'm doing what they want and you'll escape with your precious virtue intact."

The Major's eyes narrowed. "How?"

"Sleight of hand." Eroica moved to the end of the table and climbed up between the officer's spread legs. "Your men will be able to trace us, won't they?"

"Eventually. But it will take time."

"Then I'll have to make this a very long show." Eroica glanced around the room. "Those cameras are in a bad position to see exactly what I'll be doing back here. Especially if I leave this towel in place."

"And just what will you be doing back there?" the Major demanded. His head jerked up when the towel was lifted and the Earl's hand suddenly brushed against his genitals as he slid his fingers between the cushion and his body. "Bastard!"

"Major, if I'm to pretend to rape you, I'm going to have to touch you."

"I know," the Major replied between clenched teeth. "That doesn't mean I have to like it."

Eroica sighed heavily. "You'd like it even less if that lot gang raped you, so stop complaining."

The Major responded with a low growl and tried to get control of himself in order to think logically again. "How many did you see?"

"Including Bali, three."

"Then there are at least eight. There were five with me."

"Five?"

"One held a gun to my head while the others stripped me and tied me down."

Eroica could almost imagine the scene. No doubt this was the reason the Major had a gag in his mouth. He was probably screaming obscenities at the top of his voice the whole time.

The Earl drew a deep breath and got down from the table, slowly taking his clothes off and silently wishing the situation were completely different; that he had the Major in an exotic setting rather than tied to a table in some third world country. He found it ridiculously ironic when the Major turned away as he undressed. He tore open a condom and put it on, hearing the Major's breathing change in response, growing more rapid and shallow. He was obviously fighting his panic, but he was still panicking, despite the Earl's assurances. He wanted to scream at the man. Dammit, Major, I'm not gonna rape you! As much as I'd love to take advantage of the situation, I won't. You'll never trust me again.

Eroica knew it wouldn't make any difference even if he said something, and the officer's obvious discomfort only strengthened the illusion. He got back on the table and picked up the lubricant. "Major, I'm going to start the…performance."

The Major closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, his body going rigid. "If you think I'm gonna say that it's okay, you can forget it."

Eroica actually grinned. "What normally happens is I would begin by putting my fingers inside your lovely ass, one at a time, to get you ready," he said mildly.

"Christ, Eroica, I don't want to know all that!"

"I'm sure if you fight like hell, they'll think I'm doing all that," Eroica said as he ran a hand over the officer's firm buttocks.

The Major did not even have to think about it. Before he even realized, he was struggling for all he was worth against his bindings. It was a futile gesture, but he was sure their captors would be pleased. "You had better not be enjoying this, you Goddamn faggot!"

Eroica gave the officer's ass a sharp pinch, causing him to jerk up and cry out in response.

"What the hell did you do that for?" the Major demanded.

"Realism. That's how you'd really react if I stuck my finger in you."

"Bastard!"

After few minutes, Eroica got to his knees. He made a show of putting lubricant on himself before moving closer to the Major's upraised ass. "This cushion seems soft enough for me to get in between it and you, and make it look like—"

"Don't tell me what you're gonna do, just do it!"

Oh, God, I wish you would tell me that for real, Eroica sighed.

The Major gritted his teeth as the other man carefully moved his genitals aside before sliding his firm cock against his body. There was another sharp pinch on his ass and he jerked up again, cursing at the same time. "You bloody pervert! Don't you dare enjoy this!"

"Certainly not, Major. I am extremely miserable back here."

"Don't lie to me, you fucking degenerate!"

Eroica could not prevent the smile from coming to this face. He did his best to make a show of things, putting his hands on the Major's hips and slowly thrusting forward and back. He did not even have to fake the contented smile that came to his face as he did this. He was amused when the friction of his movements eventually caused the Major's penis to begin hardening.

This only caused the Major to become even more furious, and he renewed his struggles, wishing he could lift more than just his head from the table. "God fucking dammit! You knew that would happen!"

"Well, it was a possibility, Major," Eroica said mildly as he continued his show of long, deep thrusts. "I always suspected that Iron Klaus was a human being and not really a tank."

"I'm gonna beat the shit out of you for this!"

"Major, if you can get us out of this, I'll let you."

The Major shuddered as the thief's movements brought him to a full erection. The feel of the other man's cock gliding alongside his and against his stomach, of his body pressing against his balls, and the fact that he couldn't move to do anything about it were all combining to drive him mad.

Suddenly, Eroica heard the lock on the door being turned and stopped, pressing himself hard against the Major's genitals, causing him to gasp. The officer tried to move his hips, which only made the situation worse. Just as the door opened, the Major screamed, "Dammit, Eroica, stop that! You're killing me!"

Eroica threw a sideways glance to the door, seeing one of Bali's men standing wide-eyed in the doorway. "A little privacy, if you don't mind!" the Earl said sharply.

The man turned beet red, quickly shutting and locking the door.

"What the hell was that all about?" the Major heard himself asking.

"I'm guessing they wanted to make sure my performance was genuine," Eroica replied as he pulled back, relieving the maddening pressure he had been placing on the officer's balls and straining erection. "I think you convinced him."

"Wonderful."

"Major, this situation is extremely bizarre even for me."

Eroica began the show anew. Within a few minutes, he was breathing rapidly, the grip he had on the other man's hips tightening. The heat of the Major's body as he slid against him, the feel of his genitals, the sounds he made every time he pressed up against him were combining to make the Earl's lust scream at him to forget his promise and just go for it, just take the man who had been handed to him on a silver platter.

Eroica continued his performance as long as he could. Finally, he could hold out no longer and finally came with a deep intake of breath followed by a loud groan. He gave a final thrust into the cushion, hoping the illusion appeared real to his audience. "Oh, God, Major, I want you…" he gasped out, not realizing he has actually spoken.

After a moment, he felt the Major still struggling beneath him. Then he realized it was not for show when he heard a faint whine of frustration. The Major was trying and failing to move his hips to get some friction against his cock. Eroica made a show of extracting himself and sat down, very lightly brushing his fingers against the man's straining erection. "Major, shall I…?" he left the sentence unfinished, but they both knew what he meant.

The Major needed some kind of friction to get relief and knew there was only one option available. "Dammit!"

The Earl took this as a yes. He put some lubricant on his hand and shifted his position slightly, pulling a gasp from the other man as he took hold of his cock and started to slowly slide up and down its length.

"Faster, you idiot," the Major growled.

Eroica could not help smiling at this. "I'm trying not to hurt you," he said mildly. He gave the man's engorged member a squeeze, pulling sharp gasp from him. Then he moved his hand faster, pulling low moans from the officer in response.

"Bloody pervert," the Major gasped out. "I am not…enjoying this!"

The smile on the Earl's face widened. He felt the pre-cum on his fingers and heard the Major's breathing turn to short ragged gasps. It was only a matter of time.

The Major came with a low groan and a shudder, ejaculating into the towel the Earl had placed beneath him. He closed his eyes and shuddered again as the other man expertly milked him of every last drop. Then he went limp and lay catching his breath, waiting for the thief to make some sort of declaration of triumph about what he had just allowed him to do. He was surprised when this did not happen. Instead, Eroica silently cleaned him off.

Eroica pulled the condom off himself, wrapped it in the towel, and tossed it to the floor. Then he got to his knees and made certain the Major's backside and genitals were covered again. He realized, with a bit of a jolt, that the Major had stopped struggling and was completely limp. His eyes were closed and his hands, which had been balled into fists from the moment he walked into the room, were open and relaxed. I think you actually did enjoy that, didn't you, Major?

This was not the time to gloat, however. They still had a group of terrorists to contend with. He drew a deep breath and sat down on the end of the table. "Now what?" Eroica asked apprehensively.

"We wait for the threats."

"Threats?"

The Major drew a deep breath and opened his eyes. "Bali will return, demand I answer his questions and will probably threaten to have you repeat your performance if I refuse." He paused a beat before saying, "I will refuse."

"Can you…handle a repeat performance?"

"I'd prefer it to gang rape or the electrodes they were threatening to shove up my ass."

Eroica threw a shocked look at the device the man had been standing beside. Bloody hell, that's what that thing does! Then he realized the implications of the statement. Does that mean you trust me not to lose control and rape you if we have to do this again?

After a few minutes and no one appeared, Eroica got off the table and put his pants and shoes back on, going to sit in the chair at the head of the table. The Major was surprised when he saw fear in the thief's eyes. He also seemed to be trembling. He was the one who was completely helpless, yet the Earl seemed to be the one who was terrified. "Eroica…"

Whatever the Major was about to say was interrupted when they heard gunfire. His head snapped up off the table. "Get me loose!" he ordered.

Eroica was already diving at the buckles on the cuffs, releasing the officer's hands and feet. He undid the straps locking him to the table before going on to struggle with the ropes. "I can't get the knots untied!"

"There's a pocketknife in my coat." The Major pointed across the room where his clothes had been dumped in a heap.

Eroica scooped up the bundle, dumping them on the table at the Major's feet before searching for the knife. "Major, they left your gun!" he gasped.

"Thank God they're fucking idiots," the Major replied as the Earl cut him free. He sat up and flexed his stiff shoulders a moment before grabbing his clothes. "Go listen at the door," he ordered. "Tell me if you hear anyone coming."

Eroica nodded and grabbed his own shirt, throwing it on as he went to the door where he listened while the officer got dressed. He could hear shouting in several languages followed by more shots that seemed to be drawing nearer. Then all was quiet for several very long minutes. Suddenly, the door was being unlocked and the Earl threw a terrified look across the room. "Major!" he said in a frightened whisper, pointing at the knob that was slowly turning.

The Major already had his gun in his hand and waved the Earl away from the door before pointing the weapon at it—and waiting.

Eroica turned away from the door opening behind him, closing his eyes, and waiting for the gun to explode. Instead, he heard Z sheepishly saying, "Major…?"


Several weeks after the disastrous mission, the Major was still waiting to be called in to explain why the full details on the incident in the room had failed to appear in his official report. Bali and his men had indeed been fanatics. Those who were not killed in the exchange of gunfire had committed suicide rather than be taken alive, leaving Eroica and himself as the only ones to know the exact details of what happened in the room.

Eroica had said he would go along with anything the Major chose to report. So, officially, the thief had been locked in a room, escaped, located the Major, and freed him just as the Alphabets arrived. Then the surveillance tapes were located and confiscated, and the officer found himself waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was also waiting for Eroica to start using the incident against him.

So, when he left work late one evening and found the Earl waiting patiently beside his Mercedes, he wasn't terribly surprised. Fuck, here it comes. He did not even want to contemplate how the thief had gotten into the NATO parking garage. "What are you doing here, Eroica?"

Eroica gave a small smile and held up an envelope. "I was going to post this to you, but I decided it might be better to deliver it in person."

The Major frowned and took the envelope. His frown deepened when he saw it contained two video tapes. "What's this?"

A small, self-conscious smile flashed across the Earl's face. "It's the footage of me…raping you, Major."

The Major looked up sharply, his eye wide.

"No one knows the reason your men were able to get in so quickly was because Bali and his men were distracted by our…performance, do they?"

The Major didn't care about that. "Shit, Eroica, where—how—did you get these?" he heard himself asking. "They were confiscated."

"Oh, Major, really. NATO Headquarters is hardly impregnable."

The Major continued to stare at him in amazement. "How long have you had them?"

"I stole them the day after they were confiscated, actually."

"That was weeks ago! Why are you giving them to me now?" the Major practically demanded. "You could've…"

"I could've used them to blackmail you, I know," Eroica cut in. Then he sighed heavily. "But since that happened I've noticed that…you've started to trust me a bit more. You don't panic every five minutes when I'm alone with you at close quarters." He drew a deep breath. "I realized that…if I used those, I'd lose that. You'd never trust me again, would you?"

The Major blinked. It hadn't occurred to him until the Earl mentioned it that he had been more relaxed around the thief than in the past. Since the incident, the Earl had curtailed the number of sexual overtures he made, seeming to only make them when there was an audience. Nor had he brought the incident up. His only comments were when he was debriefed, and all he did then was verify the Major's story.

His silence had been driving the Major mad. He had suspected he was planning something, and the tapes would have been a perfect tool to use against him. Then again, what Eroica had said was also true. If he used them to blackmail him, the Major would never trust him again. Ever, and he said so.

Eroica nodded. "On the other hand," he said mildly, "you can use those against me. There's no sound. It really looks like I'm…hurting you."

"You watched them?"

"I had to be sure I got the right tapes."

The Major nodded. This made sense.

"With those, you can prove that I really am the degenerate you always said I was."

"We both know that would be a lie."

Eroica's eyes flickered. We do, do we? "Then might I suggest that we burn them."

The Major did not even think twice. He broke opened the cases, yanked the tape off the spools, and pulled out his lighter, setting the whole lot alight. Then he lit a cigarette and watched the only record of the humiliating experience go up in flames, feeling the weight lifting from his shoulders at the same time.

"Well, that's that, then," Eroica said with a satisfied sigh. He gave the Major a sideways glance and smiled. "Do you still want to beat the shit out of me, Major?" he asked mildly.

The Major gave him a steady look. "No. I want…to thank you."

"Major, it's the least I could do."

"No, not for that—well, yes, for that—but for not…" The Major broke off, closing his eyes and drawing a deep breath. "For not taking advantage of the situation or throwing what happened in my face. For not…being the degenerate I always said you were."

Eroica silently marveled. This could not have been an easy thing for the man to say. "Major, you said it yourself. They did what they did to humiliate you. And they tried to make me a party to it," he said mildly. "They wanted me to tell the world. Well, I'm not telling a soul."

The Major found himself at a loss for words.

"Major, you can trust me when I say that I will never use what happened against you."

The Major's eyes widened. "Never?"

"Of course not, you idiot German. I love you," Eroica said in exasperation. He did not expect a reply and turned to leave. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the Major suddenly ask, "Have you eaten?"

Eroica turned back, a startled expression on his face. "Um, no, actually."

The Major drew a deep breath. "Will I be able to trust you to behave yourself if I ask you to join me for dinner?"

A dazzling smile lit up the Earl's face. "Yes, you will. I would love to join you for dinner."

The Major got into the car, waiting for the Earl to get in the passenger side. "Do you have a preference of where you'd like to go?" he asked as he pulled the car out of the parking lot.

Eroica's eyes flickered. Oh, the possibilities… He did not rise to the bait, keeping his thoughts to himself. "Major, wherever you were going is fine with me," he said evenly.

"Good." The Major threw a sideways glance in the Earl's direction and pulled out his cell phone. "I was going home." So saying, he called the Schloss, informing his butler that he was bringing a guest for dinner and that he might need to have a guestroom made up.

END . . . ?


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.