SPOILERS: Squeeze (Hellooo Colton)DISCLAIMER: No, they are not mine. No, I'm not getting money for this. No, I didn't ask Master Carter for his permission. And no, I hope this isn't the last time I do it.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my very first attempt at writing something other than a letter, so be nice, ok?

I know about the nicknames. Hell, I'm all too aware of the gossip flying around this place. Everyone and their brother is trying to figure out my relationship with Scully, and, so far, no one has come close to the truth ... hell, even I don't know what that truth is... but it amuses me to listen to them passing judgments on us.

Just this morning I've overheard 3 secretaries as they made their way from the parking lot:

"I tell you, they have to be doing it"

"I'm not sure Skinner would allow it ..."

"So, you're saying they're just partners?"

"What's wrong with keeping their relation professional?"

"With a guy like that? Christ, his name spells it out for him. He IS a fox, all right. Half the typing pool has the hots for him and SHE has kept her hands to herself? I don't think so"

"Perhaps she's ... you know ... lez?"


"Or frigid ... you know, they call her "The Ice Queen" ..."

" Oh! I'd love to have a nickname like that!"

"I'd love to have a partner like that!"

"So ... are they fucking?"

"You always have to be so crass ..."

" I just ..."

The rest of the conversation was shut out by the elevator doors. I'm not sure if I'm amused or plain pissed off. How dare they talk of Scully like that! She isn't an ice queen, not by far ... I sigh. I may be the only human being that knows how caring and loving and warm a person Dana Scully can be.

I'm amused at the fact I have such a high regarding among the female population. Don't get me wrong. Ever since I was 16 I've known woman find me attractive ... heck, I've used it to my advantage more than my share of times. I'm a shameless flirt, can't help it. I even flirt with her ... but, as usual for the last 5 years, I have no idea whatsoever if she finds it amusing, or not.

Is she attracted to me? I think so. I'd like to think she is. But with the "enigmatic" Dr. Scully, there is no way to know. Which brings me back to his whole nickname and gossip thing. You see, I DON'T know what she makes out of this. Is she amused? I don't think so, I wouldn't be, for one. Does it make her angry? I can't tell for sure. Will she ever do anything about it? Who? Scully? Am I out of my mind? Her outside walls are so thick it would be easier to run down the Great Wall of China ... is she going to let them down for something as ... as childish ... as office gossip?

Not unless it hurts her professional image or threathens her well-built facade... in that case, Lord have mercy on whoever she chooses to plague. I've seen her do it. She's not made of ice, she's made of steel. And steel needs fire to attain its strenght. I know. I've been burnt in that fire more than once ... that's one of the zillion things that made me love her.

Love. As in "forever" and in "eternal". As in "let's live together for the rest of our lives". "Marriage? Sure, whatever you want, just don't leave me." But then reality kicks back in. I'm in love with her, madly, deeply in love with Dana Katherine Scully, but I won't tell her. Stupid? Yes. But it is the only sane thing to do. If I want to protect her I'll have to keep my feelings in check, because ... shit. Who am I kidding? I don't tell her because I'm a fucking coward. Simple as that.

I hear voices as I approach the coffee area on the second floor. I normally wouldn't be here, but we ran out of coffee over there in the basement, and I'd rather die than taste that decaf poison they brew on the first floor.

The voices are talking about us. Figures. Three males, young. Then recognition hits me. Tom Colton. Figures again. I lean on the door frame while the door is slightly apart and listen to their gossip. They seem to be enjoying it. Good. Let them while they can. I'm getting tired of this whole business and I'm tempted to end it with the slimy bastard that started it 4 years ago.

Helloooo Colton, I'm back.

I peek through the door. Yep, it's Colton all right. Next to him are Sanders and Perkins. Just the right audience for Colton's poison.

" ... so Skinner is screaming his head off, telling them to drop it or he'll definitively close the X-Files .." goes Colton

I smile at myself. So what else is new? Skinner's been using that line on us ever since our first expense report came across his desk.

"You think he caught them doing it down in the basement?"

"Who? The ice queen? Come on ..."

" I can tell you, from personal experience, that she's not that cold ..."

I feel anger boiling in me when I hear Colton use that insinuating tone ... just what the hell is he talking about? As if on cue, I hear Sanders question

"What do you mean?"

"We-ell. Last Saturday I invited Dana on a date. Nothing serious, you know ... a movie and dinner. Then I took her home and she was quite friendly, if you get my meaning ..."

That's it. That's were I come in. If that asshole thinks that he can break Scully's reputation with his wet dream fantasies he has another thing coming. Like me.

I can see Colton's eye widen when he sees me. Perkins swallows hard and Sanders is suddendly fascinated by his own feet. Easy boy, don't kill him ... just maim him ... permanently. I stroll up to the coffee pot with my best "cat that ate the canary" smile pasted to my face. Hope you're insured, Colton.

"Morning, gentleman"

"Um, ah, oh ... good morning, Mulder"

I can see Colton squirming as I pour my coffee. You'll never know what hit you, pal, once I'm through with you. I head for the door, and just before I open it, I turn halfway around ...

"Oh, Colton?"

"Yes, Mulder?"

"I couldn't help but listen to your "enlightining" description of your weekend, and ..."

My hesitation makes Colton daring. Poor idiot.

"Feeling jealous, Spooky?"

"Maybe ... I mean, you would make a formidable rival but for one small detail ... last Saturday Scully drove to her mother's place to spend the weekend"

I see Sanders doing his greatest effort not to laugh outloud. Colton seems taken aback, but quickly recovers.

"Is that so?"


"And how do you happen to know this? If Dana told you a white lie to spare you the humilliation ..."

" Oh. Scully didn't tell me anything ..."


"I know because I drove there with her"

Sanders just looses it. He's laughing so hard that tears are flowing down his cheeks. Perkins has this amusing smile on his face, and Colton ...oh, God! My kingdom for a camera! His face turns bright red and he starts to stutter

"Well, uh ... it's just that ... I got confused with the dates ..."

"Forget it, Colton, Scully would never agree to date you"

"Oh? And what makes you so sure of it?"

"You're just not her type"

"And I assume you are"

"I wouldn't assume anything regarding Dr. Scully's preferences"

"You're such an arrogant prick ... why don't you let her be? She's NOT Mrs. Spooky, you know ..."

" I think we should let Scully decide on that one, shall we?"

Colton in loosing this argument and he knows it. Perkins and Sanders also realize this and are casting pitiful glances towards him. He's defeated, he's been ridiculized and kicked in the ass. I should be content with this, but I can't help myself.

As I turn around to leave, and as a kick in the ribs on a fallen enemy, I can't quite stop myself before adding:

"But, if you ask me, I think she'd rather be Mrs. Spooky than Mrs. Hope You Land On Your Ass ..."

I hear Colton's cry of rage. I feel Colton's hands on my shirt. And I think I feel the door frame crashing into my face. Then, I feel nothing but blackness.

Next thing I know, I'm staring into the most beatiful blue eyes I've ever seen. Scully is kneeling next to me, examining my head. I can hear Skinner issuing orders around ...

"Colton is suspended for a week! I don't care if it was provoked! He assaulted a man while his back was turned to him! Scully, how is he?"

"I think he'll live, Sir"

"Agent Mulder, don't you think you're a bit too old to be playing bullies in the schoolyard? Go down to the nurse office and take the rest of the day off. Tomorrow you'll be in my office ant 9 o'clock sharp, and I need a complete and logical report for today's episode. Do I make myself clear, Agent Mulder?"

"Yes, sir"

I'm still too dizzy to argue with Skinner. Besides, taking the day off sounds like the most wonderful thing to do right now. Colton's argument has opened my eyes ... very wide.


"Yes, Mulder?"

I don't need to say anything. She doesn't need to say anything. I look into the vast oceans of her eyes, searching for clues. I loose myself inside the depths of her soul and find the answer I'm looking for. At least, that's what I hope I found there.

After dropping by the medical services, I leave the building. Instead of driving towards my apartment, I head for downtown D.C. There, in the corner where it has stood for more than 30 years, is the store I'm looking for. If only I could find a parking place!

It's late. I found what I wanted almost immediately. My credit card is still sore from the blow, and will be for the next year or so, but my heart is singing and my mind is unnaturally at ease.

I've spent the whole afternnon searching for a right scenario, the right phrasing, the right time. This is going to be harder than I've ever tought it would be. Asking my mother for advice doesn't seem like a good idea. Maybe I should call Mrs. Scully. But then again, maybe I shouldn't. If I call her, and then chiken out of this one, she'll hate me for the rest of her life. Heck, I'll hate ME for the rest of my life.

I hear a knock on the door. I glance at the clock. Only Scully would come knocking at this time of the night. I let her in and I notice she's fuming. She's raging mad. I only hope she's not mad at me. That would only make things a lot more difficult than they already are.

"Scully? Are you all right?"

"I'm fi ... hell no! I'm not fine! I'm furious!"

I wait for her to continue. After 5 years with her, experience has taught me well.

"You know Laurie Stevens, the secretary at VCU? Well, she bothered going to the office to fill me on every little detail of your fight with Colton! How dare he? How dare you, for that matter? I don't need your protection, Mulder! I just need your respect! And if you're going to keep jumping into fights with every guy who wants to brag on a hormonal display, I ... I ... "

She couldn't finish. She sat down on my sofa and covered her face with her hands. Not long after that I heard her sobbing. I stood where I was, wanting to comfort her, but knowing she'd never accept it. At least, no tonight. After a while she calmed down and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry, Mulder. I'm not really mad at you. It's just that ... that I'm tired of listening to people discuss my private life as if it were popular merchandise. Don't get me wrong. I know I'm not a beatiful woman, but ... to hear them talk about it, you'll think I should be grateful I'm "Mrs. Spooky" ... nothing personal, Mulder, but ... I ... we ... oh,God, what am I saying?"

She seems confused, hurt. Common sense tells me to give her a nice cup of tea, a pat in the hand, a little "feel good" chat, and then send her home and forget about the whole thing.

Then again, common sense and I have never gotten along well.

"Does it bother you?" I ask softly


"Does it bother you to be considered Mrs. Spooky'"

"Not really ... it's just that ... it implies that you and I ... it isn't professional ..."

I take her chin with my left hand. I have to look into those eyes again, before I loose my courage. What I see there gives me all the encouraging I need. I release her face and reach for the velvet box I tucked under one of the cushions.

"Scully ... Dana ... I think you've been Mrs. Spooky long enough now..."

She looks at me, a thousand questions in her eyes, her eyebrow raised in interrogation

"I think it's time we changed that into Mrs. Mulder ..."

I open the little box and wait for her repply. She opens her mouth but no sounds are coming out. She just stares at the solitary ring nested inside. I long to hear her say something, anything ...

But then she looks up at me.

I don't need to hear the words. I see it in her eyes.

The legend of the "Ice Queen" is about to melt.

The End

There! I did it! Ha! I'm invencible! (sure, fine, whatever)
Like it? Hate it? Let me know!I'm a teacher, I can take rejection!

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