Road of Redemption

I had once thought there was no room in my heart for anything but pain. I worked toward redemption, walked a lonely, empty road. I'd thought that's how I would spend the rest of eternity. Then I met her. Buffy.

She didn't know I was there at first. I made sure of it. I got to know her from afar, by watching her, and I never expected that one day, we'd talk. Of course, we soon did.

And once we had, I began to question the depths of my emotions. Was I still capable of love? Am I? Should I be?

It didn't matter what the answer was - still doesn't - because I am a killer. She deserved, deserves, so much better.

I am a vampire. She's a slayer.

We aren't right together, even if it feels like she is the best thing to ever happen to me. Together, we are more bent and broken than when we are alone.

We soon learned this, and that we weren't each other's strength. Not really. We were each other's weakness - and eventual downfall, if we allowed it.

And down, we fell, until the day I walked away. It was the most difficult choice I had made in too long to remember.

It was the right choice.

And, it was then that I realised all that we had shared, as it eternal as it is, was leading to this point, to this realisation: There was, indeed, room in my heart. And it was a very bad idea to fill that room, given the gypsy's curse.

My purpose was redemption, I grew to realise. Not love.