Halves and Wholes
"Because a Nobody can't be somebody, except when they can. Roxas X Axel"
Roxas hates being a Nobody. At least, he thinks he does, but he's not really sure because he's missing a crucial element of that whole 'feeling' thing. He hates the fact that he is only half of somebody, which really means he's a nobody. And that bothers him, because one half does not make one whole.
It's like one plus one equals two, he thinks, that one half plus one half is one whole. But he is only one half and will always be one half, so in the end, nothing has changed and he is still nobody. And no matter how many Heartless he destroys, no matter how many hearts he frees, Roxas finds that he can't feel anything.
He can't feel joy that they are getting closer and closer to achieving their goal. He can't feel regret at the loss of life that each Heartless represents. He can't feel pain or hate or love. Roxas the Nobody can't feel anything.
He knows that the other Nobodies of Organization XIII can't feel anything either, but he can't feel pity for them and so it doesn't matter. Instead, Roxas concentrates on their goal (which somehow turned into his goal) and ignores the rest of the black-coated group.
Except he's found that one member refuses to be ignored. Axel is fiery in every aspect of life, he has come to realize, and the fire in Axel cannot be ignored. So when he comes back from a mission, reeking of the strange mix of darkness and light that he has come to use, Axel is there waiting for him. And even though Roxas refuses to acknowledge his presence, it doesn't deter or even dampen the fire that is Axel.
Axel is there when the missions end, and he is there when Roxas really would just like to be left alone. He is there when Roxas doesn't feel like talking but somehow ends up talking anyway, and he is there when Roxas can't say a word but somehow manages to say two anyway.
But he never does, and in a strange way, Roxas is grateful. Because even if he doesn't want the companionship that Axel represents, somehow he knows he really does. And Roxas is grateful that Axel sees that, that through the insults and the anger, he has never stopped appearing and disappearing with the ease and consistency of a star on a dark night.
And when, one day after one mission, Axel is not only there waiting, but is there waiting with an aura of barely controlled excitement (or maybe nerves) Roxas finds that he is even more drawn to the fire he is. So when Axel drags him to the room marked 'XIII' and kisses him, backing him up against the wall like he is going to run away, Roxas doesn't get angry or try to mumble two words.
Instead, Roxas returns the kiss, because finally, finally, he can feel something. And he's not really sure what it is, because Nobodies can't really feel, but it doesn't matter. Axel is one half of one whole, and Roxas is one half of one whole. And in the real world, one half plus one half equals one whole.
Roxas knows that Nobodies can't be somebody, because they are only one half of one whole. But with Axel, Roxas thinks he – they – can be something else, because one Nobody plus one Nobody is somebody.
.:one half plus one half equals one whole:.
Cataracta's Notes: So? Let me know!