Reflecting HURTS

Reflecting HURTS!!!

By: Theodore 'Blitz' Leung

Theoleung@sprint.ca

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Final Fantasy 9 or story line, or anything related to the game.. I wish I did, but I don't. Oh well. Just read.

Author's Note: Expect characters to be out of character. This is humour fic, so anything goes for me. I've never really tried to make a 'serious humour' fic before, so if it seems like dry humour, sorry. Oh well. hope it works. Anyway, just have fun reading.

Eiko blinked once, then twice, then thrice, then stared at the Black Mage that stood beside her.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING BEHIND MY BACK!?!" Eiko screamed out at the Black Mage known as Vivi beside her. Vivi cringed upon hearing the voice, as did the other six Black Mages before them that looked exactly like Vivi. The Vivi clones exchanged confused glances, unaware of the relationship Eiko and Vivi held.

"Err…it's not what you think," Vivi tried to explain, stepping up to the group of Black Mage clones.

"Oh, screw it," Eiko told Vivi, not wanting to explanation behind it. "Just introduce me to the group of…er…you's." The true Black Mage nodded solemnly, turning towards the group of Vivi's.

"Well…this is Viviα and this is Viviβ and this is Viv…"

"Oh MY…!" Eiko cut herself off, as well as cutting off the speech of her Black Mage counterpart. "Why do you have to make things so complicated!" she exclaimed, sighing.

"Err…okay…well…let's just simplify," Vivi spoke. "From now on, you're all just called by your symbols, understood?"

"YES!" all six Vivi clones shouted at once, with a resounding echo in the forest area. Both Eiko and Vivi winced at the volume of the group.

"Role call!" Vivi ordered, stepping back.

"Alpha!" "Beta!" "Gamma!" "Zeta!" "Omega!" "DOG!"

"Wait wait wait…DOG?!" Eiko exclaimed, the sudden change piercing her mind. Vivi turned around, a bit nervous as well.

"Er…yeah…I didn't know any other letters in the Greek Alphabet, so I just gave him the first thing to come in mind," Vivi explained.

"…DOG…?" Eiko muttered, one of those large anime sweat drops appearing over her head. "I don't want to know what was going through your mind at that moment…"

"Well…I was a bit hungry…" Vivi tried to explain.

"Okay, STOP THERE!" Eiko shouted out, halting Vivi. "Now I really don't want to know what was going through your mind…"

"But…" Vivi protested.

"No buts!" Eiko told the Black Mage. "I think you've been spending too much time around Quina…" Eiko eyed the six Black Mage clones suspiciously, especially the one called DOG. Then she blinked once, then twice, then thrice.

"Just why did you drag me out here from Lindblum?" Eiko demanded, finally remembering what she intended to ask in the first place upon reaching the destination.

"Er…" Vivi muttered, trying to compose his answer. "We found a way to reflect reflected spells, but we didn't have enough Reflect Rings to go around for the entire group…so…er…"

"So you wondered if I can summon Carbuncle to cast Reflect on all of you," Eiko concluded, getting the basic gist of what the Black Mages wanted. Of course she wasn't sure what the purpose of the experiment was, but she didn't care. As much as she cared for Vivi, she only had so much patience in matters like these.

The young Summoner closed her eyes, concentrating lightly on. The Summoning horn on her forehead glowed softly, then intensified in power. The Black Mages that were transfixed on the glow were soon forced to cover their eyes of be blinded by the intensifying light.

Eventually, the group of Mages were able to open their eyes again. Sleeping on the ground before them was the small emerald rabbit like figure of Carbuncle

"Is he always supposed to be sleeping like that?" Vivi asked, pointing at the Summoned Monster.

"No," Eiko replied sharply, kneeling down beside the Summoned Monster.

"HEY!!!!!! WAKE UP AND CAST REFLECT ON ALL MY BLACK MAGE BUDDIES BEFORE I RIP THAT RUBY OF YOUR FOREHEAD AND SELL IT FOR LOTS OF MONEY!!!!!!!" Eiko shouted into the ear of the monster. The sleeping monster's eyes went wide opening, jumping into the air in sheer shock, before landing back on the ground, panting heavily.

"YOU TOUCH MY JEWEL AND I'LL HAUNT YOUR CORPSE FOR THE REST OF YOUR DEATH!…wait a minute…that didn't make much sense…" Carbuncle spoke afterwards, wondering what he did just say.

"I think you've been hanging around Hades just a touch too often…" Eiko commented, eyeing the emerald rabbit suspiciously. "Just cast Reflect on all the Vivi's please."

"All the Vivi's…?" Carbuncle asked, turning to face Vivi and the six clones. "WHA!?!?! What is this!? Snow Eiko and the Seven Vivi's?!"

"Bad joke…really bad joke…" Eiko muttered under her breath, shaking her head lightly. "Just cast the Reflects," the Summoner told the monster.

"What do I look like?!" Carbuncle exclaimed. "An overnight Reflect delivery service?! Get your Reflect in two minutes or it's magic free?!" The eight mages exchanged glances then soft words, then turned to face the emerald rabbit.

"YES!" the all screamed out with enough combined force to blow the emerald rabbit a few inches.

"OMG?!" Carbuncle swore, shaking his heard fiercely, turning around, crossing his arms. His gaze fell onto a sign that no one saw before.

"Of course you're that summoning over night delivery! Why else do you think I summon you in the game?!"

"Wha?!" Carbuncle shouted, reading the message again before turning to face the other mages. "Who's sick joke is that?!" The rabbit's eyes went wide, as another sign was there behind the mages.

"It's none of their sick jokes. Now cast the dang Reflect before I hit you with something."

"Go ahead, make my day!" Carbuncle shouted at the forest, making the other mages wonder of the sanity of their…well…insane friend.

"I think constant summoning made him snap," Eiko whispered to Vivi. "Especially when all you're good for is casting Reflect on others."

"Come! Go ahead, try it you sicko!" Carbuncle shouted at the forest and the sky. For a brief moment, the sky went dark for a second, then flashed sapphire and crimson. A split second later, a massive twin beam lightning bolt of crimson and sapphire energy zapped the monster.

Carbuncle fell onto the ground, quite black and crispy after that experience. A third sign appeared from nowhere, the mages reading it.

"Prophetic Bolt – 3UR, 4 damage to target creature or player. Look at the top four cards of your library. Put one of those cards into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library."

"Err…should we ask…?" Vivi spoke aloud. A hissing of wind behind them got them to turn around and face a fourth sign.

"No. Just revive the insane Summoned Monster. I just toasted the insanity genes in his body, so he should be okay."

"Oooo~kay…" Eiko spoke, casting Full-Life on the Summoned Monster. Carbunle jolted to life, running around the group of mages like a monsters that drank coffee at a million times the strength.

"DAMN BABY! That was COOL!" Carbuncle told all the mages. Each of them had a small anime sweat drop over their heads now. "What?!"

"Noting…" Eiko replied, regaining her compulsory. "Can you please cast Reflect on the Vivi's now?"

"YEAH YEAH!" Carbuncle told them, concentrating. The ruby on his forehead glowed lightly, then the mage's felt a presence of the Reflect around. "It's always such a nice tingly feeling, isn't it?"

"I never got used to it," Vivi admitted, even though he constantly used an Auto-Reflect/2x Refelct combo in battle when the world was threatened. "Can you maintain the Reflect for us."

"Of course I can!" Carbuncle told them over-cheerfully. "Who else do you think can beat me at this."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOBODY!" the six Vivi clones all shouted at once. The real Vivi and Eiko blinked once, then twice, then thrice, before a sweat drop over came them.

"Someone's been watching too much T.V.," Eiko made note, stepping back. "Alright Mages, go right ahead."

Alpha took the initiative, igniting a Fire spell, then bouncing it towards Zeta. In turn, he reflected it to Gamma, and then the process became a game of 'Anti-Dodge Ball', the Mages trying to hit the mark as much as possible, bouncing the spell amongst each other.

Two hundred bounces later…

"YARGH!" DOG exclaimed, leaping at the Fire spell. His Reflect hit the off course spell, the force of the blow knocking the fire spell at Zeta.

"Wha?!" Zeta cried out, stepping back and tripping over a tiny pebble. He fell flat on his bum, and the resulting reflect knocked the Fire spell way into the sky.

"Zeta, without being able to save the spell, you are the weakest link!" Carbuncle shouted. "Bai bai!" The Vivi clone sighed, nodding slowly then walking off to join the Summoned Monster and Eiko in the sideline.

"I'd never though I'd get eliminated that early," Zeta told the two. "I swear…I'll get my revenge on DOG…"

DOG glanced around, his turn to choose the spell to be reflected. The Vivi clone of odd name decided to up it a notch, picking Thundara as his spell, tossing it at Alpha. The spell went wide, and Alpha was forced to dive to save the Thundara spell. And so round 2 of the 'Anti-Dodge ball' game was started.

Two hundred bounces later…

Gamma leaped up and 'headed' the Thundara spell much like soccer player to a soccer ball. HOW this is done with a Magic Spell, don't ask…

The force of the spell slammed right into Alpha, the reflect bouncing the spell out of the way, but in the wrong direction. Alpha was knocked back from the force of the blow, and the resulting reflection knocked the Thundara spell away.

"Alpha, for failing to keep the Thundara in play, you are the weakest link!" Carbuncle announced. "Bai bai!" Much like Zeta, Alpha walked out of the circle disappointedly.

"Why is it the spell seemed to get stronger with each Reflect?" Alpha asked his partner clone. "Every time I reflected, I Was forced back in recoil. That last blast was just too much…" Zeta shrugged, not knowing either the answer.

The five remaining Black Mages faced off, Gamma picking the spell since he was the one who eliminated Alpha. He opted to cast Blizzaraga, bouncing it off his own reflect first.

Here comes round three of 'Anti-Dodge ball'…

Two hundred bounces later…

The Blizzaraga spell dead right towards DOG at such a skewed angle that no one thought the Black Mage clone could get it.

Boy, how wrong they were. DOG ended up diving underneath the spell, just a split second before it would hit the ground. The spell went wide, but was still directed within the circle of mages. Gamma's eyes went wide as the Blizzaraga headed in his direction. Taken with confidence DOG couldn't reflect the spell, he tripped upon seeing the spell in his direction. Life with the Fire spell, it bounced high and out of the field of play.

"Gamma, failing to keep the sp-" Carbuncle started to announce.

"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP AND STOP SAYING THAT?!" Eiko demanded, getting royally annoyed with the Summon Monster's announcements.

"NO!" Carbuncle shouted back, laughing in the insane Dr. Evil three minute long laugh.

"Gamma, you ARE the weakest link!" Carbuncle shouted after he finished laughing. "Bai bai!" The Black Mage clone sighed softly, heading out of the circle of friends. DOG laughed lightly behind the Mage's back, a sort of maniacal laugh.

The round was down to four Mages, and ten seconds have been shaved off the ti-, oh, wait, wrong game. Oh well. The next round of 'Anti-Dodge ball' started, and DOG took the opportunity to start with a Water spell.

Two hundred bounces later…

Reflect spells can be seen as ripples of water trailed down the normally invisible barrier. Droplets of water escaped the confines of the spell on each impact, and that eventual moisture lead up to a blanket of precipitant on each barrier.

"HAH!" DOG shouted, spiking the Water spell in Volleyball like style. His aim was directed towards his original known as Vivi. The spell was a little hard to see behind the barrier of moisture, but Vivi still deflected it well, in the direction of Omega. Omega then bounced it towards Beta. Beta, unable to see the spell clearly, couldn't reflect and the spell nicked his Reflect, taking altitude before leaving sight.

"Beta, for letting-" Carbuncle spoke, but was promptly interrupted when another spiral of crimson and sapphire lightning energy crashing into his rabbit like form.

"OCHIE-WAWA!" Carbuncle screamed out, falling dead on his face, more toasted then a 24 hour roasted turkey.

"Thanks!" Eiko shouted to the sky in gratitude for shutting the Summoned Monster up.

"No problem," another sign had on its face from a distance away. "I hope you got enough Reflect Rings for the remaining contenders." Vivi nodded to no one in particular, taking three rings from his pocket and tossing two to each of the remaining contenders in this experiment-now-game.

Omega, not wanting anymore water on his Reflect, started by bouncing a Flare spell off his own Reflect, evaporating the water instantly with the high temperature flames.

Two hundred bounces later…

Omega was knocked off his feet, the power of the Flare Spell cracking his balance and forcing him down. The resulting Reflect sent the Flare spell flying wide and high out of the play area. Eyes fell on Carbuncle, but everyone was relieved when they saw the Summoned Monster was still a crispy black object on the ground.

"Omega…you are the-" another sign spoke, though the previously eliminated mages didn't have time to read it, as each of those mages ripped the sign apart with a Fire spell each.

"OUCHIE~!" the next sign wrote. "THAT HURT! Do I look like Fire bait?!"

"Well, you're wood, and you tried to piss us off," Eiko commented. "I'd think so."

"Why you ungrat-" the next sign spoke, before a Prophetic Bolt of crimson and sapphire energy hit the sign, disintegrating it. Eyes fell onto the original Vivi, his hands raised, sparks of crimson and sapphire between his hands.

"EEP! *Dies*" a third sign 'spoke', appearing from nowhere, also crumbling to pieces.

"Good, now that's over…" Eiko spoke, wiping her hands, then turning back to the two remaining mages after reading the sign. "Continue." The two mages nodded, Vivi having initiative on spell choice. The original mage opted for Demi, and so the final round begins.

Five hundred bounces later…

The match between the two mages started to resemble a gain of Badminton. Neither let the spell touch ground or past them, and for some reason, the two mages were getting pulled closer together.

A short pass on the spell forced DOG to jump forward. The gravitational force of the spell, growing exponentially, pulled the mage in, and the resulting crash blasted the spell forward, right into Vivi and smashing him against a nearby tree.

"Vivi!" Eiko screamed out in a concerned voice. She rushed over to her fallen mage, cradling him in her arms. Then, another thought struck her.

"Wait…DOG won?!" Eiko thought, eyes wide. She grabbed the fallen mage by the collar of his cloak and shook him violently.

"HOW COULD YOU LET A MAGE CALLED DOG WIN!?!?!" Eiko demanded, shaking Vivi until she was to tired to shake the mage.

"The spells increased in power…but…why?" Vivi asked, his voice staggering after the shaking he took. "OH, WAIT, we all had a Reflect x2 ability in use! That's why the spell power got so big."

"Well, that's explain how you'd lose," Eiko remarked, calming down before another thought hit her. "Wait…what happened to all the other spells…that flew in the distance?"

"Err…" Vivi replied, trying to find the right word to explain the predicament.

* * * * * *

"I am alive!!" the Iifa Tree screamed out, finally reassembling himself after getting bested by Zidane and his party. The massive tree scoped out the landscape.

"Time to start creating mist again…" the tree told himself, preparing to release with his roots once more.

The Fire spell hit the base of the tree, incinerating the entire Iifa tree in less then a second, including all the roots around the world.

"Oh damn…" the Iifa Tree muttered, cursing for his continual bad luck.

* * * * * *

"All systems go?" Cid asked the crew of the new airship. Each crew member registered an 'A-okay' as the Airship took to a new altitude.

"Alright! Let's put this baby to the test! Helm, full speed ahead!" Cid ordered.

"Ai-ai!" the helmsman responded, slamming the acceleration lever to the max.

Thunderbolts smashed through the ship, detonating it into a fiery mass. Seems like the reflected Thundara spell found its mark.

* * * * * *

Quina stepped into the Frog area of Qu's Marsh. S/he slurped his/her lips hungrily, watching the frogs bounce around. They were so tempting…

"Lunch time!" the blue mage shouted, leaping into the air.

The Blizzarga spell hit the marsh, freezing everyone and everything inside. Quina blinked once, then twice, then thrice, wondering how s/he got stuck in an ice flow like that.

* * * * * *

Kenny wandered across the dessert, dying from dehydration. His walk became a crawl in the last few hours.

"Water…water…water…" he muttered, falling flat on his face.

A drop of moisture on his forehead awakened him, then he looked up.

"RAIN!" he exclaimed, standing up quickly and stretching out his arms. "Give me life!"

The whole Water spell landed on top of the traveler, flooding the entire dessert with a great deluge.

Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

You bastard!

Oh, wait, wrong quote. Oh well, you get the basic gist of it.

* * * * * *

Zidane and Dagger stood side0-by-side, admiring the sun set before them. The two stood on the roof of Alexandria castle.

"It's so nice…" Dagger commented, leaning against the monkey tailed Human.

"Yeah.." Zidane replied, glancing down at Dagger. The two exchanged eye contact for a second, then moved closer together, their lips about to meet.

The Flare spell smashed into the side of Alexandria Castle. The resulting explosion created an orb of fire energy, wiping out everything in a 100-mile radius. Well, so much for that kingdom.

* * * * * *

"Woopsie…" Vivi responded, finally finding the word to describe the predicament.

Fin

Author's Note: Like I said before, this is my first humour fic, so dun mind it if it's dry humour. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed reading this.