Chapter 7 O rly?(A Brief Yet Triumphant Romp)
Beast Boy walked pass the couch where Raven was habitual reading some dark, mysterious book that for all it's dark, mysteriousness was probably just some gothic smut novel that she was waiting for everyone to leave the room so she could rub her cunt while skimming over the juicy parts, which would lead to fingering, to fisting and finally culminating in terrific, blood-curdling-scream-inducing, hawt deemin klymax!!!!…
Anyway, Beast Boy walked pass the couch where Raven was reading, "Hey Raven? Uh, know how we always seem to be having random sex in these H fics?"
Raven's eyes shifted to him over the top of her book, a sign to continue.
"Well, uh." Beast Boy fumbled over his words, "I was thinking that maybe we could, umm, actually… gooutsometime DON'T HURT ME!!!"
Raven's eyes strayed back to her por- dark, mysterious literature, "Is your name Tom Gabel?"
Beast Boy looked confused, but answered nonetheless, "Uh, no."
"Do you look like Tom Gabel?"
Beast Boy scratched his head, "Probably not."
"Then no, I'm not legitimately interested in have any kind of intimate relations with you. Sorry."
"But-but" Beast Boy's hands grasped the air unthinkingly searching for an answer, "What about all those times we fucked? Just because H was writing then, does that make them any less real?"
"Yes. Just like how the series went on for years and we never aged, and here years later we're still not any older. Just like age doesn't affect us, those author choreographed sexual exploits don't count for shit, BB. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still a virgin. Which would explain all the cobwebs up there..."
After a moment of looking around the main room pleadingly Beast Boy sulked out of the room.
"Huh, didn't take you for an Against Me! fan, Raven." Starfire said from the kitchen counter, blowing out a steady stream of smoke from her cigarette.
"Starfire, since when do you smoke?" Raven said, lowering her tome-o-smut momentarily.
"Shit, Rae." Starfire smiled crookedly, "After all we've been through in these H fics how can you even ask me that?"
"But back to my question, since when are you the Eternal Cowgirl?"
Raven shrugged, "It's not so much that I'm a big Against Me! fan as much as I just have wet dreams about Tommy boy. I mean, the music is fine and whatnot but mostly, yeah, I just want full penetration from Tom Gabel."
Starfire took a long drag from her cig, "I see. Makes sense."
Raven's gaze shifted slightly to the prone form laying on the kitchen counter, "What's wrong with Robin?"
Starfire gave Raven a cynical look.
"H fics?" Raven hazarded a guess.
The alien nodded, "He's still passed out from speaking so much leet last chapter."
"But last chapter was barely a page long. How does that work?"
"Maybe you were too busy yelling about tentacle rape or whatever to notice, but that was grade A leet last chapter. A body can only take so much impossibility being forced upon itself by an author before it just wears down."
"Is that why in so many shitty fics we don't even resemble ourselves? The author just fucks us up so much that we don't even know who we are anymore?"
Silkie busted up into the room, "Bitches!!! What does this have to do with the Gaslight Anthem???"
A second Silkie busted up into the room, "Bitch!!! None of H's readers will get that joke!!!"
The first Silkie turned to the second, "How do you know they don't go to PunkNews?(.org) Or listen to that band?"
The second Silkie contemplated this for a moment, "You bring up a strong argument." So the second Silkie whipped out his switch-blade as stabbed the first one in the neck.
T-Cubed came down from the ceiling, "YES! LARVA KNIFE FIGHT!"
A crowd of spectators gathered, shouting a jeering the two insectoid combatants as the first Silkie pulled out his own switch-blade and the two started to circle one-another.
"What the fuck?" Raven said, ogling the occurrence.
"Oh dear." Starfire mumbled, "It's starting."
"What?" Raven asked.
"An H fic." She mumbled, "It's starting, he's beginning to write."
Actually, I've been writing for two pages now…
"Here we go." Starfire sighed, stamping out her cigarette.
Beast Boy sprinted back into the room at full speed…
Wearing a Tom Gabel mask.
"Hey Raven! I'm Tom Gabel, let me make full penetration!"
Raven squinted at him, "Beast Boy, that's obviously just you with a Tom Gabel mask on trying to seduce me- FUCK YES TAKE MY PUSSY TOMMY! AHHHHH!"
Starfire frowns at you, "See what I have to deal with? I don't hate it though. It's a job. Oh well, business time. Ahem... Oh trepidations! What is forth-coming from friend Raven's nethers?"
And, indeed, in response to Raven's climatic screams, a giant red bulge of flesh was expanding out from her va-jay-jay.
"Oh snizzap nigga!" Beast Boy said from behind his Tom Gabel mask.
Cyborg busted into the room, pointing a shining, metal finger at the red mass now taking the form of Trigon that was seeping out of Raven's pussy, "Ay No! ROJO MALAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
"Cy, are you still speaking Spanish from last chapter?"
Cyborg shrugged, "Oh, nah. I just thought I'd give it a second try. I think I kinda like it but last chapter wasn't long enough for me to really make a verdict, Beast Boy."
He nodded, "Oh, I see. But I'm not Beast Boy, you must be confused, I'm Tom Gabel."
Cyborg nodded conspiratorially, "… Who?"
"MORTALS!" Trigon's voice ripped through the heavens, "TREMBLE AND DESPAIR, FOR DOOM HAS COME TO YOU WORL-KA! KAH! HAAAACCK-SPLOOH! UH, SORRY, CAUGHT A COBWEB IN MY THROAT FROM RAVEN'S PUSSY HOLE. IT'S FUCKIN' DUSTY DOWN THERE, NOT THAT I REALLY GET HOW, SHE'S A LITTLE SLUT."
"Daddieeee!" Raven whined, "No I'm not! Quit tell that to the cosmos! You're embarrassing me!"
"Yeah!" Beast Boy slid in front of her defensively, "Stop that!"
"AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO DENY ME?"
"My name is, TOM GABEL!!!" Beast Boy pronounced triumphantly.
Cyborg rolled his eyes.
Cyborg, Raven and Starfire snickered. Even the unconscious carcass of Robin smiled a little in his sleep.
"N-No, not Gayballs, Gabel!"
"WHATEVER TOM GAYBALLS, CHILL OUT. IT'S NO REASON TO ACT LIKE A PANSY."
"I wasn't acting like a pansy!" Beast Boy screamed up at the looming figure of Trigon, "And it's Gabel!"
"WHATEV. I'M GONNA GO ENSLAVE A UNIVERSE, THEM I'M COMING BACK TO KILL YOU ALL AND, I DON'T KNOW, SLATHER MY DAUGHTER'S BODY IN YOUR BLOOD BEFORE I RAPE HER? YEAH, NOT SURE WHY I'D DO THAT BUT IT SOUNDS SUFFICIENTLY EVIL, SO I'LL GO FOR IT. PEACE OUT TOM GAYBALLS."
Beast Boy leaned out the side of the Tower and bellowed after the departing form of Trigon, "TOM GABEL!"
A white screen is presented to you. The form of T-Cubed strolls out to the middle, "Hey kids, it's me, everyone's favorite jungle-cat turned Cooltastic Pimpmaster, T-Cubed. This is an intermission from the chapter. As you can probably tell from the quality of the chapter, H just woke up and is rather bored and is doing this entire chapter stream of conscious instead of planning what would happen next and try to slip some random, funny sex humor in there. This leads to a downgrade in the quality of the chapter, but H feels bad for giving you guys such a piss-poor excuse for a chapter last time, so he thought he'd try this out. Although he does find parts of this mildly amusing.
"In any case, with the PSA now over, lets get on with the rest of the intermission…
"LARVA KNIFE FIGHT!!!!!"
Now a boxing ring with the two Silkies is present, they're circling eachother with respective switch blades.
At a table nearby sits T-Cubed with a sports jacket and a microphone, "Hello, this is your announcer for the fight, T-Cubed, I'm joined today by my good friend Beast Boy."
Beast Boy popped out from under the table, he eyed the cereal icon from behind his plastic mask, "Tom Gabel."
"Ugh, Tom Gabel."
Cyborg's head popped out of the crowd, "Who?"
Trigon's voice melted through the air, "TOM GAYBALLS…"
"FUCK YOU TRIGON!" Beast Boy screamed to the heavens.
"In anycase, we're about to get underway with the first round here, and… go!"
"OK, and the two contestants are still circling eachother. OH! One Silkie lunged for the other, but he dodge with leet pwnage skillz and ended up slicing off the very end of the other Silkie! Now the other Silkie turns, growling. WOW! Now they're fighting all Samuria Champloo stylee! I sure wish you folks at home could see this amazing display of power! Or at least had an author who wasn't so lazy as to describe it! This is probably the most action-packed thing ever! OH MY GOODNESS! They collided their weapons so hard that both blades shattered! Now they're fighting hand to hand… er… whatever those little feeler things are called. Beast Bo-er… Tom Gabel, what do you think of the fight?'
Beast Boy was jerking it under the table to a picture of Kevin Smith.
"OK, and back to the fight! OH! Left hook! Gut punch! Body slam! Where'd he get that sledge hammer? NO! NOT LIKE HBK! NOT LIKE HBK! OH THIS IS BRUTAL! Wait! Wait… he's out of it? He's out of it! Headlock! Headlock! Cross-face! CROSS-FACE!!! Now they're in each other's face, they're on the ground, rolling around, wrestling each other! Face to face! Oh this is brutal! Oh the humanity!"
Cyborg leaned in from the crowd, "Hey, T-Cubed, I don't thing they're wrestling, that looks like they're getting to second base."
"Cyborg, that's just inappropriate."
"No, for real, they're getting it on."
"Cyborg, please just look at the ring, these two combatants are clearly in the fight of their lives and are totally and completely not getting it o- Ok now they're 69ing."
Cyborg nodded deviantly, "Hot worm on worm akshun. Si, muchisimo gusto."
"I'm sorry for this everyone, but we can't continue to broadcast this filth! I am truly sorry tha-"
Beast Boy flipped the table over, pounding his tiny green meat furiously, "OH YES! YES! SILENT BOB! YES! JERSEY GIRL! AAAAHHHHH-SPLOOGE!"
From the tiny, pointed end of Beast Boy's green cock came forth and unproportional amount of sticky white semen which rained down upon the entire crowd. A large stream of steaming cum managed to hit the 69ing larva clones dead on. For a moment nothing happened, but then their GMO asses reacted with the changeling's semen and something miraculous happened. Their forms started morphing. They grew to near normal human size and shape. They were slender, with long hair. Their voices became human and before too long…
"OH GOD, JINX!"
"LICK MY PUSSY!"
"OH GOD, YOUR PUSSY TASTES SO GOOD!"
"I DON'T KNOW HOW WE GOT HERE, WHY WE'RE 69ING, WHERE THIS SEMEN CAME FOR OR WHY WE'RE NAKED BUT I LOVE IT!!!"
Cyborg rubbed his metal hands together, "Yo mismo, puntas."
T-Cubed stuttered into his microphone, "Sorry folks, but the announcer has gotta get in on this. At the site of the two semen drenched teenage chicks going at eachother's muffs the (mostly male) crowd has gotten naked and are starting the biggest orgy in Saint H history! I myself am about to enter this ring and give the two young ladies a much needed Y chromosome, and I have a feeling my partner in crime, the good Cyborg, will help me in my endeavor."
"Mas o menos, si podemos!"
"Signing off, this is T-Cubed, buh-bye now. YEOW!"
The two jumped into the ring, whipping out their twin cocks and started going to town on the two jizz-drenched honeys.
Beast Boy hopped into the ring as well, a single strand of his own dick-juice dangling from his mask, "Hey! Tom Gabel wants in on this!"
Jinx's head popped out of the foursome, "Heh, Tom Gayballs."
Terra's head popped out on the opposite end, "Who?"
"It seems we are unable to stop the evil Trigon!" Starfire screamed to her teammates while peppering his dark red hide with starbolts.
Cyborg stood his ground while firing his sonic cannon at the beast, "This is worse than that time Starfire put her period blood in that batch of cookies!"
"Ah! I can't seem to drive him back like I did in the fourth season!" Raven cried.
Beast Boy sat in front of Trigon with an acoustic guitar, singing Against Me! songs. Even the occasional single from Heart Burns. Every now and then a little bit of that one really popular song by Everlast would crawl in, despite it not sounding like any of the others at all.
"We seem to be missing something!" Raven said above the sounds of battle.
"I'm right here!" Robin said from where he was perched on the very top spire of a magnificent cathedral, the sun rising gloriously behind him as a flock of doves flew past and victorious trumpets sounded joyously in the distance.
"CONCEPTUAL PATHS WIDE OPEN, I'M SCARED TO DEATH! EXISTENTIAL WEIGHT NO LONGER HOLDS YOU BACK!"
A passerby with short-ish, dyed black hair and a scruffy face threw a trashcan at the changeling, "Stop butchering that song!"
That Goth kid from the series walked up behind him, "Against Me! totally sold out."
The passerby threw a trashcan at the Goth kid too.
"WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY DO AGAINST ME(haha) ROBIN? YOU ARE A MORTAL, AND I AM A GOD OF HELL!!!"
"I may be a mortal, but the author of this whole story gave me a great power! IVI4551\/3 1337 5I(l11zzz0125!!!"
"WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"130\/\/ 1)0\/\/l\l 71211317(I-I! 00013312-i?\/\/I\I4&3!!!!!!"
"NO! HIS LEET IS SO ADVANCED IT'S INCOMPREHENSIBLE! MY POWERS ARE WANING!"
"NOOOO! I AM DEFEATED!"
And then Trigon 'sploded.
"So, Raven?" Beast Boy sauntered up to her, "No that this is all over, you want to make love to me, Tom Gabel, some time?"
"Beast Boy," Raven dead-panned, "Even if you were Tom Gabel, I just gave birth to a 10 story tall demon, my vagina is in no shape to do anything-" Raven caught sight of the fact that Beast Boy was wearing a Tom Gabel mask, a detail she had somehow thusly been oblivious of… how? Because I said so, bitch. "-TOM GABEL! OMFGuuush TAYK ME PUSSAI!!!!"
-tch, Starfire lit up another cigarette.