Revan watched the ceaseless ticking arrows of the chronometer in her apartment. The chimes sang that the time had passed into the early hours of the morning, and she pulled her knees to her chest. She didn't want to admit that she was terrified. She knew that Carth was fine; it was the thought of what he was doing to keep him out so late that troubled her. She lifted a hand to rub her forehead before wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to dispel the dark thoughts that crowded her mind.
Carth hadn't been home much lately; he left for work just after dawn and came back to their apartment long after the sun had set. It hadn't always been that way. Once upon a time, it had been all that he could do to climb out of her arms and head off to the office with bleary eyes. He'd return home with a surprise tucked under one arm most of the days…flowers on occasion, dinner from their favorite restaurant most often.
Revan couldn't quite pin point when exactly they had begun to drift apart. The passion had slowly dissipated from their relationship, leaving hurt feelings on both ends. Arguments began to trickle into their time together, growing more and more frequent with every day that passed. He began leaving the house earlier and coming home much later, often after Revan was already abed.
After the birth of their son, they had tried to keep the arguments at bay; to attempt to understand each other like they used to. Carth began to come home earlier, but the fighting was inevitable. Often, they would lose themselves so that their dispute escalated to an all out shouting match. Their son would lie where they had left him and look on with wide eyes. Carth swiftly resumed his late night activities.
Revan sighed softly, and played with the tassels on the edge of a pillow. It was late and she was tired, but there was no way she was leaving that chair until her husband came home. She looked down at her left hand, and closed her eyes so that she would no longer have to look at the ring that symbolized their mockery of a marriage. If it weren't for her son… Revan wasn't quite sure what she'd do.
She glanced back up at the chronometer, and felt fear claw at her insides upon seeing that another fifteen minutes had passed. She swallowed hard, and rubbed a hand over her bleary eyes. "Oh Carth," she whispered brokenly, wrapping her arms tighter about her body. There was once a time when she would have never shown such weakness, even in private. If only such a time still existed; if only she could still be able to put aside dark thoughts for later…
The door swung open, cutting off her thoughts. Carth walked in slowly, quietly closing the door behind him. Upon seeing him, Revan's fear dissolved, and anger swiftly replaced it. "Where have you been?" she demanded, her voice harsh.
Carth jumped, and she flicked on the lights. "Where were you?" she demanded again, careful to keep her voice low so as not to wake the baby.
Carth stared hard at her. "I've been out," he replied vaguely. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very tired…"
"Not this time, Onasi!" Revan cut him off. "I've pretended long enough. We need to get this out in the open tonight. Right now."
Carth winced and turned to face her. "The discussion can wait until tomorrow," he said after a moment, hanging his jacket in the hall closet and proceeding towards the bedroom.
"No, Carth. It can't wait until tomorrow. You know why?" Carth kept walking, and Revan reached into the force to throw a wall in front of the hallway. Blocked of his escape, Carth turned to face her with a raised brow. "Because you'll leave early, and you most likely won't come home until I crash!"
Carth glared at her. "Don't act innocent. You're always too busy for me," he retorted.
"How am I too busy for you? You're the one that's out all the time! You won't answer your communicator; your job takes precedence over your family. Dammit Carth! No wonder you never had a relationship with Dustil!"
Carth stalked over to her and gripped her shoulders roughly. "Don't you dare bring him into this," he bellowed, shaking her hard enough to make her teeth chatter.
Revan shrugged his hands off and took a step back. "What? Are you going to hit me now?" she demanded, her eyes dangerously dark. "Hit me and I swear…"
"You'll do what? Break every bone in my body?" Carth retorted, clenching his fists at his side.
Aminta ignored the comment. "Where were you?" she demanded again, and Carth's face flushed.
"That's none of your damn business!" he replied hotly.
Revan's eyes went wide. "I'm your wife; whatever you do is my fracking business!"
"Well, maybe I don't want you to be my wife anymore!" Carth shouted, and Revan fell silent. Carth calmed himself, and stared at his hands. "I…I…" he looked up to see Revan leaning against the wall, her face ashen. "Oh, Rev, I didn't mean it," he said softly, but his voice lacked conviction.
Revan pressed her hands to her face to stop the tears that were so near the surface. "Yes," she whispered brokenly. "Yes, you did." She removed her hands and looked up at him, her eyes filling. "What happened to us?"
Carth was silent, a muscle working in his jaw. Revan brushed away a tear, and stared hard at her husband. "When did this start? How did things get this bad?"
Carth looked away. For all the problems that they had, he still broke when he saw her cry. "I don't know," he replied softly, walking over to the couch and sitting down. "I don't know," he repeated, his voice hoarse.
"We went through so much… Taris, the Star Forge, the Hero Worship. We should have been able to handle anything. Carth, we aren't even friends anymore. Sometimes, I think the only thing that's holding us together is our pride."
Carth hung his head, knowing that she was right. It was his pride… he couldn't allow anyone to know that Admiral Onasi, the hero of the Republic, couldn't handle taking care of a family. "There's Doran," he said, gesturing to the nursery.
"Doran doesn't even know you," Revan said bitterly, staring down at her hands. "He's getting his first tooth, did you know that? Have you been there to hold him as he cries, to freeze his teething ring? He's almost through nursing… he's growing up, and you're missing it."
Carth raked a hand through his hair; the scene playing out between him and Revan was one that had been played over and over again before Morgana's death. And he knew what happened when he neglected his family… the rocky relationship that he had with his son proved that. "I know," he admitted, staring at his lap, unable to meet the eyes of the woman that he once loved.
There was silence for a while, and finally, Revan summoned the courage to look up. Funny how she could face a battalion of with no fear, but the mere act of looking at her husband made her tremble. "Is there someone else?"
Carth's head snapped over to where she stood quickly. Far too quickly. "What?" he demanded, hoping that she wouldn't pry farther. He couldn't bring himself to lie to her.
"Are you having an affair?" Revan managed to keep the tremor from her voice, and gasped as she felt a wave of Carth's guilt consume her. "You are," she whispered brokenly.
Carth swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."
Revan felt her heart break in two, and nearly cried out from the anguish. "You were there with her tonight, weren't you?" Carth's silence confirmed her suspicion, and she pressed a fist to her mouth to hold back a sob. "That's where you've been all this time, haven't you?" Again so answer. "Answer me, damnit!" she cried.
Carth finally summoned the strength to meet his wife's eyes. "Since a few months after Doran was born," he admitted, and felt his throat close at the waves of pain and betrayal that crashed through Revan's eyes.
"And to think, I've loved you all this time," she whispered, pulling her arms close to her body. "I've loved you… and you've been making love to another woman."
Carth winced, and stared down at the carpet. "I'm sorry," he repeated softly.
Revan stood from her place against the wall, and pulled her wedding ring off of her finger. "It's over. When you come home tomorrow night, Doran and I will be gone." Her voice was choked by the tears that she held inside, and she dropped the ring on his lap before running into the nursery.
Carth ran his hands through his hair and swallowed against the waves of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. He picked up Revan's ring from his lap, and pocketed it before rising from the couch and heading towards the bedroom.
On his way there, however, he stopped in front of the door to his son's bedroom. He cracked the door open, and tears leapt to his eyes at what he saw. Revan was curled around Doran, hugging him close, her body wracked with sobs. And as usual, his son simply looked on with wide, oddly knowing eyes.
Carth closed the door, and rested his head against the cool metal. What happened to us?
Yeah… I was in one of my moods when I wrote this. Anyway, please leave a review.