So, it's Haru-time.
That time of day when everyone gets down with Haru.
... This chapter takes a bash out of McDonald's.
DISCLAIMER: The sentence, "Tohru's on the dollar menu" comes from Angel-san's story about Ren.
Nothing disgusts me more than a half-pounder at McDonald's.
It's that new burger, you know.
The one where it's like... half of a pound of meat?
"To people who aren't American, that is a little bit more than one kilo."
"... Thanks a lot, Hatori."
"Any time. Whenever you need measurements measured out to a different country's measurement system, I'll be there. Whenever you feel fat and decide to weigh yourself using a different country's measurement system, only to find out you're still fat, I'll be there. Whenever you-"
"We get the point, Hatori."
"... I'll leave now."
Speaking of McDonald's...
Ren told me something interesting the other day.
"Tohru's on the dollar menu!"
"She is? Oh, boy!"
In a fit of excitement, I grabbed Rin by the chest and dragged her to the closest McDonald's outlet.
"Haru, for fuck sakes, LET GO OF ME."
"C'mon, Rin... we're going to McDonald's..."
"I don't wanna go there! God dammit, let go already!"
"I want Tohru..."
"Tohru's on the dollar menu. Ren told me."
I don't think Rin was too happy.
She was all... crying and stuff.
"Who cares? She said she hated you, anyway."
"Good point, Akito... wait, AKITO? What are you doing here?"
"I'm coming to McDonald's with you to complain."
"I want to be on the dollar menu."
Akito is such a jealous tart.
"You're such a jealous tart."
In the end, we allowed Akito to come with us as long as she promised not to amputate anymore of Rin's hair.
When we got there, we were greeted by lots of Halloween themed signs.
It was pretty scary.
But, there was one cool thing.
A Halloween themed burger meal.
"I think it's meant to be a rip-off of the word 'macabre'."
"Hmm... small fries, small Coke and a whole lot of horror... yours today, less than six dollars away... sounds tempting."
"Haru, have you ever considered that these burgers are-"
"Sh, sh... looking at the dollar menu..."
"Haru, Akito's right you know, the food here is-"
Some people were surprised I could hold that much air in my lungs.
But then they remembered that I can give a really awesome blowjob for five minutes straight without breathing breaks.
"I'll have one McAbre Meal, please."
Then, the "horror" of the McAbre Meal began.
"That'll be five ninety-five."
"That's bullshit! On the sign, it says-!"
"It says, 'less than six dollars away'. Five ninety-five IS less than six dollars, sir."
"So is your crack whore of a mother, but you don't see me advertising it loudly in the middle of a fast food restaurant."
But the macabre of the McAbre Meal wasn't over yet.
"Haru, are you listening to me? As your God, I demand-"
"Shut up Akito, everyone's over that whole 'thing' now."
"... That burger is made out of cows and so are you."
"(spits burger into small girl's hair in DISGUST!)"
"Actually, it's made out of ninety-nine percent human parts."
"W-T-F? Human parts?"
"Yes, these burgers are made from the same people who bring you human rinds."
"FUTURAMA! FUTURAMA!" (Akito)
"Alright Akito, settle down. Nobody is anyone's grandfather from the past."
It was Kyo's birthday in February and I forgot to get him something.
"HEY! WE'RE SUING! ONLY WE CAN SAY THAT!"
"Go die in a hole, various members of Operator Please."
I wonder why everything at McDonald's has "Mc" at the front.
"Maybe because the shop name has Mc in it, you idiot!"
"I guess so... What about the Backyard Burger though?"
"I'm pretty sure that's only available in Australia for a limited time only."
"Yeah, just like your mom!"
"My mom is dead, Haru."
"STOP BEING A SAP, KYO!"
In the end...
I got a McNugget Meal for free because I made some people cry.
Rin went home because she was tired and emotional.
Akito didn't get on the dollar menu.
"Why the hell not? I'm hot enough! Hot just drips off me!"
"That's sweat, Ms. Sohma... and we can't allow you on the dollar menu because your mother is already on here."
"Please, Ms. Sohma, profanity won't make it better."
It's piñata time!