Owning HSM

Summary: This is what happens when dwilivia owns HSM...

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"NOOOOOOOO!" Zeke screamed in the men's locker room. Everyone turned to look at him with curious stares. Zeke got on his knees, clad only in a white towel from the waist down and yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Again.

Jason cast a worried glance from Chad to Troy to Zeke and finally back at Troy. His head hurt a lot after that.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Chad chewed on a fingernail while Troy had his hands on his hips, swaying from foot to foot as he watched Zeke have a nervous breakdown right in the middle of the locker room. Jason tried hard not to think about food. It was really, really hard.

Zeke sobbed loudly, before raising the daily Alberquerque newspaper and shoving it into the faces of his teammates. Troy grabbed the newspaper, his heart beating wildly. Suddenly, his heart stopped. And he fell down dead.

Just kidding.

His heart stopped for a moment, but only a moment, before he raised one hand to run it nervously through his blondeish brown hair. Chad could only look worriedly from his Captain to the article that cause such a stir in Zeke. Jason couldn't do anything, because he didn't know how to read.

Troy bit his lip, looking around at the half empty locker room. So... this was it. It was over. They were over.

"Damnit." He cursed lightly under his breath. Jason, who had spent the past three seconds since we'd last mention him humming the Barney theme song suddenly looked up curiously.

"What is it, Troy?" He asked, his voice quivering slightly (he was trying very hard to be dramatic). Troy shook his head and walked to a toilet stall and locked himself inside it. Chad stared after him, then proceeded to talk to Zeke, but found him asleep on the floor, drooling.

Jason was delighted, but he sombered up after remembering (in the script) that it was a very tense moment, and he'd have to wait until the scene finished to show his quirky side.

Zeke suddenly awoke and stood up, wiping the drool on his cheek away with his back hand. He looked almost apologetic. "Sorry. Being dramatic is really tiring work."

Jason patted his shoulder understandingly.

Chad threw up his hands in defeat. "I don't know what to do man. If only... if only it hadn't happened this way." His eyes started to water. "Perhaps... perhaps we might have had a fighting chance-"

Troy burst from the toilet stall with toilet paper trailing on his foot. "Well, we don't, okay! So stop rubbing it in, Chad."

Chad looked about the room miserably. But mostly because he was missing the basketball he always carried around. It had burst this morning when he rolled over on it in bed. Jason looked a little confused and impatient for the scene to end.

Zeke sighed and ploped down on a seat. "Look guys, it's no big deal, alright? We'll just... we'll make it, alright?"

Chad stood up, suddenly inspired. "WHAT TEAM?"

Jason and Zeke replied heartily, "WILDCATS!"

"WHAT TEAM?"

"WILDCATS!"

"WHAT TEAM?"

Troy burst out crying. Jason and Chad looked horrified. Zeke screamed, "GET'CHA HEAD IN THE GAME!"

Chad shot him an annoyed look, to which Zeke mouthed an apology.

"I... (sob, sob) I can't take it anymore!" Wailed Troy. He rubbed his sleeve across his nose where it was leaking (ew) and took a shuddering breath. "All I wanted was for this stupid musical to finish shooting, then take my mother out for a nice dinner. IS THAT TOO MUCH TOO ASK FOR?" He turned to his teammates, and Chad and Zeke were visibly shaken by his violent reaction. Jason had, meanwhile, gone off to inspect the spider's web in the corner of the room. "All we ha-had..." Troy sobbed and hiccupped. "All w-we e-ever at-ate was (hic, sob) CABBAGE SOUP!"

Troy buried his head in his lap while Chad patted his back consolingly. Zeke spoke. "Well, you know, it couldn't have been that bad. There is, after all, twelve hundred and two ways to prepare cabbage soup!"

Troy burst out into more hysterical sobbing. Chad glared at Zeke, who mouthed another apology guiltily. Meanwhile, Jason hopped (yes, hopped) over like a bunny and demanded, "I'm hungry."

Everyone looked up at him in surprise. Troy sniffed. Chad patted. Zeke grinned. "I'll make you CABBAGE SOUP then!"

Troy hiccupped. Chad went on patting. Jason looked miffed. "I'm allergic to cabbage. And-" He paused to pick up the article that had fallen to the floor, "WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" He pointed to the huge, bold headline that stretched across the newspaper front.

Zeke, Troy and Chad stared at him in amazement. "You mean- (hic)" Troy managed, "You mean you don't know what's happening?"

Jason shook his head. "I never learnt to read."

"Really?" They all asked. Jason nodded and pointed at the bold print. "So, could one of you please tell me what this says?"

Zeke read it out. "It says: KENNY ORTEGA TO SELL HSM RIGHTS TO UNKNOWN FANFICTION AUTHORESS."

"OH!" Jason said. They all waited for him to respond. He didn't.

"C'mon, Jason." Chad said, crossly, "You've got to have a reaction somehow! Think of how she'll ruin the play! How she'll cut our parts after we've memorized them all line by line-"

"I haven't." Admitted Zeke, Jason and Troy simultaneously. They looked at each other, then at Chad. He yelled, "DAMNIT!"

Troy dragged another sleeve across his nose and sniffed. "Well, don't worry Chad." He tried a faint smile. "At least she might be kind of cute."

Chad turned to him, angered. "Yeah, and so is a crocodile during puberty, but you don't pet it!"

Zeke turned to him and whispered, "Er, Chad, I think it was supposed to be a 'mountain lion', not a 'crocodile'."

"OHHH! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!" Chad yelled as he marched off the scene. Jason skipped up and down and clapped his hands. "YAY! YAY! SO DOES THIS MEAN THE SCENE IS OVER?"

Troy and Zeke gave him strange looks. Yes, strange looks indeed.

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A/N: This came to me an hour ago, and I thought it was a cool idea. Wow. Me, owning HSM! Like, WHERE DO I SIGN? (:

Reviews are appreciated, thanks.