Disclaimer: whoops…keep forgetting this… 'I do not own Naruto.'
n-n Reviewers are the true gods. A mucho gracias to my reviewers and those who are just too lazy but still looks up my 'lil tale from time to time. :-) Cearo Dameer, Sienna Maiu, Hiei's Shadow Tenshi, ohmgeeits cindee, Heart's Door, Einhart, Battlestations, realeza, Ami lee-chan
III: To Debauch
…The more you know…
… "…Rock and Cloud have secretly allied, though for how long this one will last, I do not know. In my travels, I also detected movement in Rain as well."
"..Mm...I suspected so…"
"…It'll soon begin…don't you think?"
"It has already begun."
"…We have precious few spies left."
"…Then surely, you're not continuing with the exams? It would be suicide."
"Yet, suspicious not to. Whatever our enemies hope to achieve through them, we are capable of the same. However, it is not completely my decision alone. The council members and Jounin leaders should be arriving soon."
"Then I'll take my leave. I'll try my best to stay close by and check in more frequently from now on."
Genius was one thing, but wizened experience was another.
Kakashi furrowed his brows in thought, trying to figure out exactly how he lost for the fourth, consecutive time. While pondering, the rustling noises finally seemed to creep up onto his nerves as an angry head vein popped out.
"…Grrr…if I wasn't so distracted by her noise I might have actually played better!"
The girl did not respond but continued mumbling to herself and searching the bushes. She suddenly popped up by the two on the bridge and appeared in deep thought.
"….Hmm…do you think he can make himself all ghost-like and invisiblyfied?" She waved her arms around in the air to test her theory.
"….That was a good game anyway Kakashi, I really thought you had me there those last turns." Kiyoshi smiled in a good sport, if not with a slight sweat drop, despite the other's dangerous eye twitching while in the background Amaya whirled around, waving her arms in spaces containing open air. The shoji-loving boy fleetingly wondered if his teammate's eye muscles were strong enough to crack open a walnut with all the 'exercise' it went through. Kiyoshi stared for a moment. Yeah…probably…
"..Um…hehe..do you want to play a game too Amaya?"
From across him, a loud snort answered for her. "She's incompetent of sitting still for even a second. ADHD disorder…"
"Bah! I could whoop your sorry hiney anytime!" The girl had appeared by them and slapped her hand down on the travel size board, causing the few pieces left on it to jump up and rattle.
There was yet another intense battle of the glares, the air between their eyes crackled with unseen electricity. For once, a wicked thought couldn't help but sprout in the bystander's mind. The two were already so close…a slight bump to the girl's back and…an interesting turn of events. The contemplative boy weighed such options while offhandedly patting down his hair that was rising due to the static voltage from over yonder. He needed to get to get that hair gel soon before he retained a permanent fro.
"..Hey, wait." Amaya pulled back and frowned. "Where's sensei anyway? It isn't like him to be late." The others also realized the time passed and mulled as well.
Sharp instincts promptly shot into full alert.
Ropes-nets-kunais blazed out in deadly precision and speed.
"Ya-hoo! We finally caught you first sensei!" Amaya grinned joyfully and leaned in closer. "We finally—…you're not sensei…"
Only the man's dark eyes squinted out of the tight bounding of nets and ropes, he sat immobile on the bridge fastened to one of its posts. Kakashi poised his daggers in calculated spots on the intruder's neck.
An angry, muffled response came from the trapped figure. Off to the side, Kiyoshi slackened one of the ropes he held. The net piece covering the man's mouth slid off.
"You damn, little brats! Let go already!"
Amaya tightened his binding to the post as the daggers closed in warningly.
She pouted her lower lip up while narrowing her eyes to fine lines.
"Our sensei never gets caught like this—you're too stupid to be our sensei—our sensei isn't funny-looking either—who are you?"
A well-known twitchiness started in the stranger's right eye.
In an unexpected whirlwind of forceful power, the three were knocked into the air by violent winds, their ropes and nets flapped in the ripping air currents and slapped around the two boys like cocoons and dropped as so when the winds stopped. Amaya was snatched into place, tightly encircled and held up by a long tongue.
"Geez, you little brats are just as troublesome as he said you would be." After muttering this half to himself and the wide-eyed children, the tall man atop the horse-sized toad shouted out louder while gesturing majestically, his long, wild flank of hair whip lashing back as if having a life of its own.
"Who am I? Behold! And never forget the name of—"
"—NAA-AAH! Stupid froggy man! Lemme go!"
The tongue drew in to bring her closer to the man, who leaned forward with a rigid jaw and a shaking fist.
"You! You'll be the first to be punished for disrespecting your elder!"
"As if! Nnnnnn!" She fiercely scowled and rudely stuck out her tongue. The girl then poofed out of the toad's tongue and reappeared by the man's leg.
"Take that!" She gave a decent kick to his shinbone at which he leaped up and grasped, letting out a howl in pain. By then the other two had already escaped their bindings and charged forwards. Kakashi leaped and hurled a bombardment of shurikens where the target had to twist and contort his body this way and that to narrowly miss them, one shaved off a good part of his top hair and would have done more if the other boy had not canceled out and dismissed the frog summoning. The besieged man crashed onto the ground, bottom first and cursed himself for not listening.
"…No, really, I wouldn't take them so lightly…"
"Bwahaha! What can a bunch of tiny toddlers do?!"
"…Sigh…don't say I didn't warn you…"
"…Could have warned me a little better…" The white-haired man grumbled grouchily while sitting up. The standing genin met his view, staring humorlessly with crossed arms. Amaya suddenly leaned forth with slitted eyes once more, the scene rewinding to the beginning.
"…………Are you a witch?"
"Cuuuuz…witches have warts on their noses. But you're too biiig and faaat to be a witch." She gestured with her arms and hands to demonstrate just how 'biiig' and 'faaat'. "And you don't really look like a witch. Witches don't have a funny face like your's. They have a green, ugly face, not a weird, funny face. Did you go under plastic surgery? Or did you use your magic hex spells? Do you have a really big broom to fly on since you're a really big and fat witch?—"
Massive head veins pumped out as he stood and roughly grabbed the girl by the back of her shirt so she dangled in the air as a puppy would, held up by the gruff of its neck. His nose touched hers as he furiously glowered.
"Kid!!! You don't when to shut up—YEOW!"
"Ewwwwwwww…I got nasty wart juice over myyy fiiiingerrsss….ewwwwwwww, now I'm going to have yucky warts on my fingers like yours! Ewwwwwwww!"
Making a face, she gagged nauseatingly and looked away while wildly flailing her hands on the man's face in an effort to wipe them off and rid of the wart juice.
He finally managed to hold the aggravating girl at arm's length, shaking with rage and resentment.
"You rude, talkative little brat!" With this, he moved his arm to the side and let go, letting the yelping girl to fall and 'sploosh!' into the river below.
"For a supposedly great and legendary sannin, you're quite easily caught off guard."
The man narrowed his eyes and looked down towards the masked boy who was still crossing his arms and staring up coolly. His eyebrow started to twitch at the thought of having to deal with another little monster.
"So you're the "punk" of this group eh? …I would have expected a son of Sakumo to be well-mannered…"
Kakashi indignantly drew his brows together and made an offended sound.
"….Umm…we apologize Jiraiya-sama, we didn't recognize you before…please forgive our actions." The small boy had stepped forward and bowed his head quietly, side glancing at Kakashi to follow so-who stubbornly refused.
At this the tall man gave a hum of approval. "At least one of you knows proper manners—"
"—Why are you here?"
The hermit crouched down to the young Hatake, beginning to get ticked off again.
"…Oi..you wanna take a cold bath too?"
The boy didn't answer but continued to boldly glare directly into the sannin's eyes.
Before any threats could be carried out, a piercing shriek interrupted the scene.
"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!! WEIRD FUNNY PICTURES!!! WEIRD FUNNY PICTURES!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!" A dripping wet Amaya had appeared in her usual suddenness and was screaming while blindly running around in uneven circles with a note pad flapping in her hand. A familiar note pad.
"NEVER. EVER. LET. HER. OUT. OF. YOUR. SIGHT. EVER."
Jiraiya frantically searched and patted all of his pockets, only to affirm that his pockets had been picked clean.
"GAH! NOOOOOO!" Pulling at his hair roots, the man sprinted forward to be taken aback and smacked in the face by his own notepad that had uncontrollably flown out of the hysterical girl's hand.
Such an action caused the man to stagger backwards and crash back down on his backside before the boys' feet, exposing the open note pad all too well.
Who knew the man could draw?
Mental images perpetually diseased in their minds, the twitchiness began.
For while genius was one thing, social maturity was another.
It was a simple task in gathering the three in one spot on the bridge, they were hardly in the state to think sensibly.
The man sat cross-legged before them on the bridge, sighing solemnly while smoking thoughtfully on his pipe.
"Hmm…all right…looks like I have no choice." He began in a very serious tone, "Kids. We're going to have a talk. We're going to have The Talk."
"These are just prototypes, but they'll serve their purpose for now." Three books plopped down into the hands of the still trembling children.
In an ironic, respectful schoolteacher fashion, the man instructed the children so. "Now everyone turn to page 1 in their books to the prologue and follow along as I read."
ooooooooooooooooApproximately 4.46216 miles awayoooooooooooooooo
"…Hmm? What is it?"
"…No…its just…I swear I heard…it sounded like a group of girls screaming…"
Their previous twitchiness had escalated; it was far beyond the normal twitchiness. Perhaps fitful convulsions or epileptic seizures might have described it better.
Nevertheless, for the said 'teacher', a clean getaway was absolutely essential.
Hunching over, the hermit tried his best to tiptoe away, resembling a runaway burglar of sorts.
"…Damn..he'll be back soon…I need to get outta—"
His nose bumped into a solid figure.
"…Sensei…why are my students…rocking back and forth and mumbling to themselves?"
Not the slightest noise or change of wind.'I taught him too well…'
Striving to regain some of his dignity, the man stood to his full height and regally cleared his throat, miffed.
"..So.." Jiraiya started in a casual manner, coolly flicking off invisible specks of dust off his shoulder, "..how long have you've been here..?"
"I just got back from the meeting…you did…tell them I was going to be late right?"
The other sniffed and looked elsewhere, indignantly muttering something about being reduced to a mere messenger boy.
"..Pff…first day back…treated like this…damn little brats…almost as bad as my old team…—huh? Oh, oh, uh..of course! Why…...they got so sad when they heard the news! Really you should have seen their faces...hehe.."
The expression on the young man's face clearly showed anything but belief. It was more of an accusing glare directed at the figure who was nervously starting to subtly edge away.
The boy didn't get angry that often. In fact it was downright rare. Annoyed yes, but hopping-mad-spitting-fumes-glare-of-annihilation, a definite no. It had once annoyed Jiraiya to death to how the blonde could maintain such a calm, friendly approach to everything. A 'sweet-darling little angel' as many of his…focuses of…research…put it.
"Please forgive my sensei, he does not know how to properly compliment such beauty as yours."
"Ohhhh, what an adorable sweetheart!"
"…(twichtwitch)…Dammit boy! Stop bowing already!"
"AND YOU! YOU NO-GOOD PERVERT!"
"…Eeh?…How long was I out for this time…?"
"…(yawn, scratch)…Hmm? Where'd that runt go?"
"..Umm..over there.. (points to large crowd of woman cooing over said adorable blue-eyed blonde)"
"…Sigh…some guys have all the luck…(sulk)…"
The one time. The one, single time he witnessed actual rage from the happy go lucky squirt, was the day he full heartedly, without a doubt, started to believe in the boy's potential in becoming Hokage.
"..Heeeeeheeeeeheeeee…(nosebleed-wipe)…haven't seen you here before…(scribble, scribble).."
"(Heart attack, choke, sputter)..whaa..what're you doing here..there's no training today…"
"…I'm here at the bathouses. ………Waiting for my mother…"
(Cracking of knuckles)
"…Somehow…I highly doubt that.."
"—Sensei…" The quivering girl tugged on the man's pants, beckoning with large, despairing eyes.
He quickly looked back up and twitched an eyebrow when seeing the hermit had taken the opportunity to succeed in his getaway. Yet, he turned back to his student at hand, who had disappeared behind a held up, graphic page that suspiciously looked to have had been ripped from a certain notepad.
An unsteady and hesitant voice came muffled behind the page. "…neh…w..what's the lady doing…to the man's thingie…?"
With eyes larger then planets, staring at the completely unexpected, vivid depiction, the reddened shinobi turned away and peculiarly started wiping his nose. While turning back, the held up drawing was quickly snatched away. The man coughed once into the same fist holding the crumpled paper and cleared his throat. An ample blush bloomed in his face as he determinedly stared in another direction, avoiding looking the child in the eye.
His reply was curt and if not, somewhat, high-pitched. "Nothing."
One-track minds were nice sometimes; temporary confusion took over her traumatized state while question marks wavered above her tilted head at her sensei's abnormal behavior and even more so when the curious redness of his face turned to a darker, angrier shade of a huffing baboon when he chanced to observe the woman closer after some epiphany seemed to have had struck him.
It was quite uncharacteristic of her placid sensei to be snarling like this…perhaps it was wise to back away for the moment…
"…—That. (Rip!) ….Erph… (Tear!) .. Always. (Shred!) …Was. (Slash!) …Pervert. …"
After some deep breaths of calming and making a mental note to pop a friendly visit to his ex-teacher , he was currently sitting down and wracking his mind for answers, fidgeting awkwardly.
"……i..i..it's n..not t..t..true?"
"Huuuh? So froggy-man was lying??"
"….I don't believe you."
They were better when twitching and mumbling. Twitching, mumbling and mentally dysfunctional children did not spout awkward questions.
"But then he put it in—"
"And the lady began—"
"…….What does the term…'or-gee' mean ……..?"
Now past the trauma, ignorant curiosity reigned instead. The incitement of new information that their sensei was greatly reluctant to explain convinced their calculating minds that they were onto forbidden and grand secrets and powers of the shinobi world.
The man who knew otherwise, however, took on a defeated, twitchy look when realizing their version of two and two put together.
"Please, won't you tell us?"
"Tell us! Tell us!"
Tampering with memory was extremely dangerous. They were strictly, prohibited jutsu. Quite illegal actually.
But rules always had their exceptions.
After giving the man a similar, skeptical look, the last carefully enunciated his name as if speaking to a senile elder that was hard of hearing.
"Right. And who am I?"
"……Are you okay sensei?" :-\
"Mis-ta Fried Egg!!" n-n
"A person. With a nose." -.-
Yup, everyone was just peachy.
"……………….No, wait..grandpa, there must be some mistake..?!!! The king was…umm…how does the king move again……??"
"SPEAK TO ME KIYOSHI!!! FIGHT THE DEMONS POSSESING YOU!!!! BEGONE EVIL SPIRITS!!!"
"Owwwwoww, jii-chan, stooooop shaaaaking meeee, youuu'ree maaakking me diiizzy…"
"Lalala, there's-a-fly-on-the-hair-on-the-wart-on-the-frog-on-the-bump-on-the-log-in-the-hole-in-the-bottom-of-the-….the….the….uhh….umm…heh??? I forgot??? Noooo! Bottom of the…in the bottom of the………bottom of…bottom………"……
"…One, two………one…two…………ONE. TWO. …Only two books??? ……Ahhhhhhhh—dammit!!"
'I wonder why sensei was acting so peculiar today……huh? What's this doing in my pack…?………Icha Icha…Paradise……???'