Note: Some of you might not know what "jammers" are; I don't know if the term is widely used outside of like swim teams and pools and stuff like that. Basically, jammers are a type of men's swimsuit. They are long like your standard swim trunks, but tight like Speedos. (My friends and I affectionately christened them, "All the eye candy, minus the mental scarring.")
(Some of you are probably wondering how this is relevant, but others might have some idea and are probably laughing their asses off at the mental image. I know I did.)
Read and Review no Jutsu!
Who Says Konoha is Peaceful?
Chapter Ten: Caught with Your Pants Down
Sasuke found the laundry room relatively quickly. It was two floors below Naruto's room, and on the opposite end of the hall. Sasuke wrinkled his nose. The room was dingy and smelled like mildew – the apartment building was rather low class – but it would have to suffice. Now, as he stood in front of the washing machine, Sasuke realized he had another problem to worry about:
He'd have to either stand there in his underwear for the forty minutes it took to wash and dry his shorts and hope nobody walked by, or make a mad dash back to Naruto's room, pray he didn't run into any passers-by, and wait it out there.
Well, Sasuke is pretty quick on his feet, so he decided to go with the "Wait in Naruto's room" option. Nodding to himself in confirmation, Sasuke made sure the coast was clear, and quickly stripped off his shorts, threw them in the wash, popped in a few coins to get it going, and took off.
The Uchiha flew up the two flights of stairs, down the dimly-lit corridor, and skidded to a halt in front of Naruto's door. He grabbed the doorknob, twisted it—
OH HELL NO!!
Locked?! How in the hell did THAT happen?! Sasuke screamed in his head. Naruto's door did not lock on its own, and Sasuke sure as hell couldn't and wouldn't have locked it behind himself! Unbeknownst to him, Naruto had finished his painting (with the help of half a dozen clones, of course) and dashed back home to intercept the Uchiha and mess around with his head a little.
Sasuke yanked at the knob again, a bit of a frantic edge to his movements. After several more fruitless attempts at opening the door, Sasuke pounded viciously on it several times, just to vent his frustration...and hey, if he just so happened to break the door down, well, Naruto deserved it anyways.
"Who iiiiiis it?" came a disgustingly sweet sing-song voice from inside the apartment.
Sasuke's head jerked up. Naruto came back? "Let me in, dead-last!"
A pause, then Sasuke heard footsteps coming his way. A smirk stretched his lips as he imagined beating the living tar out of Naruto...he could almost taste the blond's blood...
But Naruto didn't open the door. Instead, there was a muffled thmp that suggested he was now leaning against it. "What'll you give me for letting you in, teme?"
"Hey, that's a sucky prize!" Naruto faux-whined. "How about something else?"
A string of curse words was his answer.
"Buy me ramen?"
"Dead dobes don't eat ramen," Sasuke threatened. Naruto had the nerve to laugh at him. Sasuke snarled at the closed door and was about to yell some more obscenities when he suddenly heard footsteps, several pairs of them. And judging by the accompanying giggles, it was a group of girls. Coming up the stairs.
Naruto's room was almost directly across from the stairwell.
That does it! No more messing around! Sasuke thought in a panic, taking a firm stance and flying through some hand seals.
CHI-CHI-CHI-CHI KRRRNSCHH!! WHAM!
Naruto let out a yell and barely managed to dodge the door as it exploded inwards. Wood shrapnel flew through the air and the concussion knocked the blond on his butt. As Naruto picked himself up off the ground, he could make out the flickering electric glow of Sasuke's signature attack through the smoke. Sasuke himself probably would have looked a whole lot more menacing if he weren't wearing only a shirt and short, skin-tight underpants...but that was beside the point.
"Y-YOU CHIDORI'D MY DOOR!?" Naruto shrieked. "You crazy bitch, my landlady's gonna KILL me!!"
Sasuke stepped carefully over the debris, teeth bared in a dangerous sneer. "She can't if I kill you first!" He pushed what was left of the mutilated door to close behind him, but the sorry thing just bounced off the frame and swung sadly there on one hinge. Oh well; the girls on the stairs had probably fled at the sound of the Chidori anyways.
Sasuke lunged. Naruto met him halfway, and the two tumbled to the floor in a jumble of fists, kicks, and curses. Sasuke was aiming for restraining joint locks and strikes to the face and gut, while Naruto fought dirtier, pulling hair, biting, and trying for crotch-shots. They each gave and received several good hits – within minutes, Naruto was sporting a bloody lip and bruised ribs, while Sasuke was covered in claw marks and was bleeding from the shoulder where the feral blond had bit down and refused to let go.
However, they were so evenly matched that after almost a half-hour of rolling around on the floor and beating the living tar out of each other, neither male had managed to trump the other. It was only after Naruto cracked his head on the corner of a table, disorienting himself, that Sasuke was able to finally to pin him down, using his knees to trap the blond's arms at his sides.
Naruto wriggled and cursed as the stars cleared from his skull. He lifted his head to glare at Sasuke, who looked quite smug straddled there on his stomach. But Naruto could tell the Uchiha was tired. Sasuke was breathing heavily – they both were – and had to prop one arm across Naruto's chest to steady himself. Naruto was just as exhausted and felt that he probably didn't look any better. They were both sweating; plus the exertion, it was a hot day and Naruto didn't have air conditioning.
Naruto looked up to meet Sasuke's eyes and laughed dryly. "Wow."
Sasuke could feel the abdomen muscles contracting against his bare thighs with that laugh. After that strange, foreign sensation had subsided, Sasuke raised an eyebrow at his blond rival.
"Oh nothing, really...I'm just getting a view most girls would kill for," Naruto explained with a leer, letting his eyes flick down and back up. Indeed, he was: Sasuke's underwear resembled short, cloth jammers (his defense was that it allowed for better movement and fit well under his usual fighting gear; Naruto never pretended to buy it), and the fact that he was sitting on top of Naruto with his legs spread to either side... Yes, about ninety-five percent of Konoha's female population would indeed kill to be in such close proximity to that much Uchiha pride and glory.
Sasuke flushed immediately. He hoped the room was dark enough that Naruto didn't catch it. "...Sh-shut up. You're gonna have to try harder than that if you want to beat me," he glowered.
"You mean like this?" In one swift move, Naruto seized the distracted Uchiha firmly by the back of his thighs (or perhaps a bit higher than that, given the position in which his arms were pinned), and made a very inappropriate gesticulation with his hips. The movement threw off Sasuke's balance, causing him to topple forwards and freeing Naruto's arms. Naruto caught Sasuke's wrists, completed the roll that his thrust had begun, and effectively reversed their previous position. However, where Sasuke had kept his hands free to punch with, Naruto used his own to pin Sasuke's above his head.
Sasuke gawked up at the blond's face, which now bore a huge, shit-eating grin. He twisted in an attempt to free himself, but to no avail. Now, if Naruto had been using any of the conventional, proven-to-work shinobi holds, he would've been thrown off in an instant. But here, Naruto's methods were so unorthodox that Sasuke was unable to counter the thighs bracing his hips, or the hands that were holding his wrists firmly and creating a rather compromising position. And Naruto had a good fifteen pounds on the slender Uchiha, which didn't do anything to help the matter.
"Naruto..." Sasuke growled uneasily, clenching and unclenching his restrained fists. He'd never felt so exposed in his entire life.
Naruto could tell that his comrade was both unnerved and frustrated that his attempts to free himself were failing. The blond laughed, though it was a bit strained since he was still out of breath. He leaned forward, causing Sasuke to squirm uncomfortably as Tsunade's necklace grazed his chest. "Our fighting styles differ 'cause I've got no shame!"
"I noticed," Sasuke ground out through his teeth.
Naruto retreated a bit. "Truce?"
Sasuke shrugged as nonchalantly as he could from his position on the floor. "For the moment."
Naruto grinned widely at him again. He sat back on his heels, freeing Sasuke's hands. The Uchiha dumped Naruto to the floor with a roll of the hips and sat up. The blond snickered and flopped over to sprawl on his back next to his broody friend.
Naruto surveyed the damage to his apartment from that upside-down viewpoint. Busted door, several knocked-over potted plants, scrolls and clothing strewn everywhere (the latter from when they rolled over the hamper and flattened it), and a hole in the wall from a poorly-aimed kick...
"Wow, you seriously annihilated my apartment," he commented wryly.
Sasuke scoffed. "You contributed to it as well."
"We must have one twisted definition of friendship if all we ever do when we hang out is beat the snot out of each other, huh?" Naruto mused with a laugh. "Love sparring, but maybe we should try, like, partying or going to the cinema or something, y'know, like normal best friends do."
Sasuke gave him an incredulous look, as if the blond had gone insane.
"Hey, hey, what's that look for?? The partying part or the best-friends part?"
"...Both," Sasuke muttered.
"Okay, okay, yeah I know you aren't the party-type," Naruto allowed with a shrug. "But I meant the best-friend part, bastard."
"Hn. Rival," Sasuke corrected. "Best rival."
"Best teammate?" Naruto offered playfully.
"Best enemy," Sasuke countered, just to be difficult. Naruto caught the way his lips quirked slightly, signaling his amusement with their game.
"Fine, fine, asshole," Naruto grinned and offered up his fist. "Best everything?"
Sasuke blinked, then had to turn his face away to hide his pleasure. He slowly reached over to touch his own fist to Naruto's.
Naruto, unlike the Uchiha, didn't attempt to hide his glee. He was grinning ear to ear. "Great! Now go put some pants on!"
Sasuke used his still-closed fist to whap him smartly on the head. Naruto just laughed as a disgruntled Sasuke stood up and brushed himself off. "I'm going to check the laundry. Lock me out again, and I swear I'll remove body parts that you might be fond of."
Naruto gulped and crossed his legs. "You, uh, wanna borrow some shorts or something for the trip down?" he offered in an attempt to butter-up his best friend-enemy.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes.
"Hey, hey, not ALL my stuff is orange!" Naruto exclaimed defensively. "I've got a pair of black shorts you can have for a bit!"
"Oh?" Sasuke didn't remember seeing anything black when he was digging through the blond's stuff earlier.
"Yeah! They're a bit small, but your hips are scrawnier than mine anyways." Naruto scuttled to his bedroom and rooted around under the bed. Half a minute later, he did indeed produce a pair of normal, plain black shorts. In fact, as Sasuke took a closer look, they seemed rather...familiar...
"...What in the name of nine hells are you doing with my clothes?!"
Naruto's eyebrows lifted. "Oh, they're yours? Well, that explains why I couldn't remember buying them...And why they don't fit..."
Sasuke stared at him. "You mean to tell me that you have no idea how you came to acquire these?"
Naruto could only shrug. Sasuke scoffed irritably, hastily pulling on the shorts and stomping down the stairs to the laundry room.
"Seriously though, teme," Naruto said about ten minutes later, prodding at his apartment door. "You freaking murdered this thing!"
"Payback for my window," Sasuke replied easily, leaning against the wall and now fully-clothed. (Quite honestly, Naruto was surprised he came back.)
"Dude, my landlady already hates me," the blond griped. "She never really liked me, but after all those mailboxes exploded this morning – no thanks to your psycho fan club – I'm walkin' a thin line here! She threatened to kick me out!"
That caught Sasuke's attention. "Oh really?"
"Yeah!" Naruto proclaimed hotly. "So you'd better buy me a new door if ya don't want me campin' out on your porch for the rest of my life!"
"Hn, that certainly would be troublesome," Sasuke agreed with a snort. "We'll talk after you replace my window."
"You jerk! I can't afford one of those prissy, designer windows!"
Sasuke crossed his arms. "Tch, now not only will my room be drafty, but I'll hear you snoring all night long from the deck," he sighed mockingly.
Later and Elsewhere...
"Okay, quiet, people! Quiet!" Ino shouted, banging her palm several times against the desk she stood in front of in order to be heard over a couple dozen chattering girls. After yelling for a few more minutes, the blonde kunoichi managed to earn everyone's attention.
"Okay, ladies! First order of business!" Ino slapped a sheet of paper decorated with happy rainbows, glitter, and script font up onto the blackboard. "By popular vote, the "Sasuke is SexyFanclub" has officially been renamed the "Passionate Boy-Love Fanclub." Since Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor is unfortunately, yet beautifully in love with Konoha's Blinding Foxy Prankster, it is our duty to promote and drool over such passion to ensure the happiness of all!"
The girls burst into cheers, whistles, and cat-calls. Sakura just rolled her eyes. Can that girl sound any cornier?!
"So! First we need some eye-candy!" Ino declared. More wild cheering. "Therefore, I propose a challenge! The first young lady to obtain a picture of Sasuke and Naruto engaged in some sort of romantic exchange shall receive a prize!"
"What kind of prize?!" Several young women cried out.
Before Ino could reply that she hadn't thought of any yet, a tall, pretty brunette stood up and thrust her fist into the air.
"One month's worth of free, all-you-can eat ramen at my father's ramen stand!" Ichiraku Amane shouted. "If you bring me a picture of a kiss!"
"THREE MONTHS if there's tongue!"
Ino cackled as she was suddenly struck with an idea. The lightbulb lighting up above her head was almost tangible...
Well, I don't think it's the best thing I've ever written, but I'm trying to be more consistent with my updates, so here it is anyways. Un-beta'd, so any constructive crit is welcome!
Lol and I definitely almost named the PBLF the "Tender Boy-Love between Two Emotionally-Scarred Shinobi Fanclub," but I definitely kept feeling the urge to puke out my fingers whenever I tried to type it. –rolls eyes– HOW CHEESY, IT BUUUUURNS!! D:
I mean, come on..."Tender"?! I don't think that adjective is appropriate for two guys who can't go five minutes without trying to break each other's teeth.
Oh well, guess that's what happens when I attempt to write fanfiction while listening to PotC techno remixes at a time when most sane people are sleeping.