Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. If I did own Love Hina, Keitaro would have had a backbone and treat Naru just like the bitch that she is.

disclaimer two: In reference to any religious themes found here well. ..

THIS IS A JOKE! I don't actually think this way so if you are even thinking of saying something negatively then don't because I am doing that as a joke.

Keitaro Almighty

Chapter One

Receiving the power.

It was another perfect day at the town of Hinata. The bees were buzzing, the birds were chirping and another missile had been launched at the unofficial missile silo known as the Hinata Sou. Well for most people it was a perfect day but not for one Keitaro Urashima. No, his life would be considered nothing short of a living hell. The fact that he hasn't gone insane and been sent to an asylum or gone on a killing spree is a miracle in itself.

"I can't believe the crap I have to put up with. Every day is the same for me. I trip and fall on one of the girls and I get blasted sky high for it by the empty-headed time bomb known as Naru Narusewega. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised that if Satan had a sister it would be Naru. That evil sadistic monster says she loves me one minute and then can't wait to kill me the next.

I mean I can handle and even tolerate Motoko's sword techniques or Su's wacky contraptions and kicks to the head and even Kitsune's attempts to seduce me for favors but Naru has gone too far this time. I have had it with the living hell that is my life. I was always told that God is watching out for you and is protecting you.

Yeah right, God has done a lousy job with that and I wonder sometimes if god is a woman considering the way God seems to allow those girls to do whatever they want and it seems that the whole world is blind to the truth. I bet I can do a whole lot better then him or her or whatever God is." Keitaro says to himself as he starts to walk home.

Suddenly his cell phone rings and he opens it up to take a look at who is calling. The number that comes up is tlk-2god.

"Ha ha very funny." He answers the phone and a voice starts to speak.

Do you feel that your life is a living hell? That it seems that God isn't watching out for you? Do you get beat up, attacked, and used as a target for wacky contraptions? If that describes you, then come down to . . .

An address is given and the phone number that was shown on his cell phone and then it hangs up.

"What a crazy person to call me up and I don't even know who they are." Keitaro says to himself as he hangs up the phone and it rings again.

He picks up the phone and the same message is heard again.

"Damn it. I don't know who the hell you are so leave me alone!" He yells slamming the phone down and it breaks into several pieces.

"Ah damn it, now I broke it." Keitaro said to himself angry that he broke his expensive cell phone. That is gonna cost me money that I don't even have. What a day this has been. Even though the phone is broken, it continues to ring. He picks up the broken phone.

The same message came up for a third time with the same phone number and address.

"I'll go down to this address and if any psychopaths or weirdos do anything funny then I am going to kick their asses because frankly I don't give a damn any more." Keitaro says to himself.

He starts walking to the address that he was told to go by his phone and finally reaches his destination. He eventually calmed down over the long walk and has forgotten what made him so mad in the first place as he knocks on the door.

"Come on in, Keitaro." A voice said from behind the door.

He opens the door and walks inside and already knows his first question.

"How do you know my name uh miss?" Keitaro said to the woman who is standing in the middle of the large nearly empty room. She is standing next a ladder and seems to be planning on replacing a dead lightbulb.

"Oh, that is easy Keitaro Urashima because I am God." She said.

"Ha ha very funny and let see how you can prove that." Keitaro said looking to see if she could prove it.

"Well let's see. Your name is Keitaro Urashima a three-time Tokyo U applicant. You are the manager of an all girls dorm and . . . " she said before getting interrupted by Keitaro.

"How in the heck does shew know all that stuff for I am almost positive that almost no one knows that I am the manger of the Hinata Sou? That isn't exactly public information." Keitaro wondered for a moment if she really was God.

"Ahem as I was saying, you think that I am not doing my job as well as you like and you want to take a crack at it. Well it looks easier then it really is but it is way beyond someone like you." God said to Keitaro.

"Well while I am talking to you, I always had a few questions that no one could answer. Do you mind if I ask them?" Keitaro asked.

"Go ahead because you can ask me anything." God said.

"Well I have heard that you were a peaceful, loving patient god but can you explain Job and the whale?" Keitaro asked.

"I had a bet with Satan that he could get a faithful person to turn against me and I won the bet and I made him walk around in a pink tutu for it. I will say that he never heard the end of that." God replied.

"Sodom and Gomorrah?" Keitaro asked next.

"What happens when a large group of people piss me off. I may have patience but even I have a limit to how much." God replied.

"The great flood?" Keitaro asked again.

"I went postal that time but don't worry. I won't be needing to do that again, I hope." God replied.

"And finally my current situation if I may ask?" Keitaro asked.

"Well, those girls you live with well just Naru and Motoko really pissed me off with the way that they conduct themselves so I thought setting up the events that caused your grandmother to send a clumsy, slightly perverted man otherwise known as you over there as their live in manager will shape them up into better people even though Naru is a lost cause but I still have faith in both of them to shape themselves up into better people." God said.

"Hey Keitaro up here." She told him after noticing his eyes were going down to her chest.

He nearly jumped out of his skin from total embarrassment.

Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Keitaro said apologizing to God for doing such an awful thing.

It's all right since that is how I created man in the first place. God said.

Boy if Naru or Motoko ever heard that well I know they would go crazy. Keitaro thought to himself.

"Hey here's what I'd do. I give you this power to use however you please to make your life better and maybe you get Naru and Motoko as well as the other tenets of the all girl dorm that you work at to become a better people for it. I know that Naru is probably too immature and stupid to get anything through that thick head of hers but please try your best, ok." God said.

"So uh, what kind of power will I be receiving anyway?" Keitaro asked not understanding what God had just said to him.

"You'll see." God said before everything went black and Keitaro woke up where he first heard the phone call.

"Wow, did I just daydream again? I must have because I could have sworn that I heard some strange phone call, broke the phone, and heard it again then went to see a person who called herself God. Yeah right, must have been my overactive imagination but it seemed so real."Keitaro said to himself.

Well, he started the long walk home to the Hinata Sou and it was quite an eventful one too if he was aware of what his new power was capable of.

Keitaro stops at a light and is waiting to pass.

This light is taking forever to change. I wish that this all of the lights on the way home would stay red and everyone would let me get through. Keitaro thinks to himself.

Suddenly every light had turned red and every car stopped to let him pass. Unfortunately it screwed up the lights so each time he passed through one all of the lights would turn green and cause a massive pileup when they started to move again but Keitaro didn't realize that it was his doing either.

As Keitaro walked home, he bumped into someone because he wasn't paying attention to where he was going.

"Hey watch where you are going, you stupid ass." The stranger said as he kept on walking.

Go to hell you inconsiderate bastard. Keitaro thought to himself.

For some unknown reason that man just simply disappeared but Keitaro didn't notice that.

"The nerve of some people and they have no respect at all. Oh well, I guess I have to get home before one of the girls starts worrying about me." Keitaro said to himself.

Well after a long walk, he finally made it home and up that long almost never ending set of steps where the girls were waiting patiently for him well not all of them.

"Are you alright Keitaro?" Asked Shinobu who was worried about him the whole time since he "left."

"I am fine, Shinobu." Keitaro said.

Then there was Naru who obviously wasn't waiting very patiently for Keitaro to come back from his trip even though it was her fault that he has been gone for so long.

"What took you so long, Keitaro?" Naru asked.

Keitaro started to think himself with a disgusted look on his face.

Suddenly, Naru just moved her mouth like she was trying to speak but wasn't able to for a whole minute.

Next Su tries to give Keitaro her hello kick to the head which she thinks a good way to greet people.

Keitaro started to think to himself as he saw Su's foot aim for his head.

For some reason, Su missed Keitaro's head and she went flying down those steps.

I hope she is all right. Keitaro thinks to himself.

For some reason, Su got up without a scrape on her and ran up the steps to greet Keitaro.

"HELLO KEITARO!" Su screamed at the top of her lungs into Keitaro's ear.

Keitaro started to think to himself with a smirk on his face.

Su jumps up on top of Naru 's head and screams something into Naru's ear.

"Damn it Su! I am not deaf but you keep this up I will go deaf." Naru said getting mad that Su just screamed into her ear.

"Yeah so how are you enjoying it, Naru?" Keitaro said sarcastically and obviously enjoying himself.

"How dare you ask such a question?" Naru yelled while readying a Naru punch.

Keitaro thinks to himself about how tired he was of her inconsiderate remarks.

As Naru tries to punch Keitaro she suddenly trips and goes flying down those stairs.

"How dare you treat Naru like that?" Motoko yelled as she pulled out her sword and was about to use one of her ki attacks on Keitaro.

Keitaro started to think to himself and had a disgusted look on his face.

"Air splitting spirit sword!" Motoko yells as she projects a ki attack that aims for Keitaro but halfway to its target it turns right around and aims straight at Motoko.

"What the . . . " Motoko says before the ki attack hits her and sends her flying thorough the air and back onto the ground.

Motoko gets up and starts to wonder just how exactly did a ki attack turn around and hit her instead of its intended target being one Keitaro Urashima.


They all went inside and Keitaro went to his room to rest after the long walk home.