Prologue: One of us is Gonna Die Young
I wanna hold you but you're out of reach,
somewhere searching for your inner peace.
I'm just looking for a little squeeze,
face to face and cheek to cheek.
It's in your blood but not in mine,
what's in your blood is in my mind.
Something's broken in the way we smile,
It is within us all the time.
- "One of Us is Gonna Die Young" by the Ark
"Why can't you ever do as you're told?" His voice was soft and tender. He was looking desperately at her, begging her to just let it be, to let him go. But she wouldn't. She was just as tired as him, having the same row for the hundred and seventh time, but she didn't budge. She was going mental in this house, and she needed somebody to understand that if she wasn't allowed to get out of here for some time, she would find a way of her own out of here.
Because of Snape's betrayal, the Order had to find new Headquarters. Nine bloody, fucking months had she been locked in this boring, old farm, being told that it was for her own good. To hell it was. Sometimes Order members showed up to a meeting or something, but she didn't care really. The most exciting thing that ever happened was when Tonks or Kingsley visited. Seeing as Hogwarts had closed, they had taken the responsibility teaching her to defend herself. Both of them were quite impressed with how talented she was, but they still wouldn't let her fight.
Harry, Ron and Hermione spent most of their time here at the Headquarters, but they often locked themselves into a room and made plans for the next time they would go after one of the lost pieces of Voldemort's soul. She didn't see them very much, at least not Ron or Hermione. Harry was another story. He had stopped sleeping in his own bed. Every evening when the others were asleep he would sneak into her room instead. Her mother would have kittens if she found out, but she never did. Harry used his invisibility cloak to get from his room to hers, and he always left early in the morning. What they did during the nights wasn't so very innocent either. Harry had never been the guy to talk about his feelings, but during these times of war it was too much for him to hold in, so instead of telling her, he showed her his feelings. When they had sex it was as if there were no bars or rules keeping them from each other, just their own lust and passion making its own little word, protecting them from the rest of the world. Harry had once told her after their lovemaking that if it wasn't for her, he would have given up months ago, and if he gave up, he would be killed. All the pain, anxiety and grief he felt during his search for the Horcruxes would just let go when he saw her. He used to call her his lifesaver, that he owed her everything. Between them there always was another kind of understanding, something that made the need to speak unnecessary. They somehow just knew what the other one was thinking or feeling, when they needed company because their demons were getting to close.
But right now, Ginny couldn't sense anything of the connection between them. Even though she was positive that Harry knew exactly how much she was suffering from being left out, he wouldn't let her join the fights. He, Ron and Hermione had been out on one of their usual trips yesterday, searching for clues to find the remaining Horcruxes, when there had been an attack on a muggle village. She had found out where it was, and had immediately apparated over there (during these war times, the Ministry had ordered that every person over fifteen should learn to apparate). At the village, it was absolutely chaos. Muggles were running around in the streets screaming as Death Eaters killed them one after the other. Ginny found a little boy hiding behind a dustbin, shaking with fear. She stood in front of the dustbin, preventing anybody coming near him. She actually stunned three Death Eaters who didn't seem to find a girl like her interesting. The Death Eaters left quite soon when they noticed that they were outnumbered. When it was over, her father caught her when she was helping the little boy find his mother. Even though she only had some scratches, he became furious seeing her there and immediately apparated her back to the farm. Her mother must have found out somehow, because when she came home from the village she was purple in the face and all she could stutter was that she should go up to her room, and not come out until she promised she wouldn't ever do it again. So here she was in her room, refusing to apologize. Harry, Ron and Hermione came home that morning and of course somebody told them what she had done before they even had time to take off their clothes. Harry came bursting into her room with his cloak on. Not that she really cared about his cloak, she was looking more at his face which featured some kind of mixture of fear, anger and pride. He screamed at her for ten whole minutes while she just sat calmly on her bed, waiting for him to let her talk.
"Why can't I do as I'm told? Because people never tell me anything, Harry! People expect me to sit here and do nothing, when everyone I know is risking their lives and I have no idea what they're even fighting for!" The words left her mouth sharper and more accusing than she meant for, but she didn't care. Right now all she wanted was for him to understand, to let her be with him. It was the only thing she asked of him, but the only thing he refused to give her.
"Ginny, my father's dead, my mother, Cedric, Sirius and Dumbledore. Do you think I'll just let Voldemort take you? You know that you're the reason I keep searching. All I want is a normal happy life with you, without Voldemort. The reason I'm killing Voldemort is not only for revenge, but also so that you and I can finally be together. You're all I want, Gin." She couldn't help but wonder why he would always confess his love for her when they were arguing, but not so often when they were having a normal conversation.
"You don't get it do you? How am I supposed to share your life, when I don't even know what you've gone through? It feels like I barely know you lately, Harry, you're completely into your own world. I can't reach you anymore. I can't help you if I can't reach you, and I can't reach you if I don't know what you're going through and you're keeping me from fighting by your side." The tears were threatening behind her eyelashes, but she wouldn't let him see them. She wouldn't let him hurt her anymore. She had been willing to pay a high price to be with him, but she felt that now, the price was becoming too high. She couldn't give everything up for him anymore.
"But if you die Ginny, you won't get anything. You will just die, nobody will be able to love you anymore. You'll be leaving pain behind. And death. Without you, I'll die too. If all my friends but you die, I'll be able to continue because I have you. But if you died, only you, I'd collapse and break. I probably wouldn't try to kill myself, but I wouldn't be able to get up in the mornings, eat and go to work. I simply can't live without you, Gin. I don't fear my own death, but I fear yours." He was looking desperately now. Trying to reach her, begging her to understand that she needed to keep herself safe. She could feel him now. It's been weeks since she felt him this way. She closed her eyes, but she still knew that his chest was rising from his rapid breaths, that he was leaning against her table and had his back turned half away from her, that he was reaching for her. Maybe there was a chance after all, maybe he would understand as he used to. Maybe they could have the relationship they used to have where only they existed. Maybe they could, after all.
"Harry, just let me in. That's all I want, to be with you. Being locked up in this house kills me, not being together with you. You've been through this yourself, Harry, and you hated it. You know I feel just the same, why can't you let me join you?" He had been looking out her window, now he turned his head to her. As his eyes set on hers, she felt a cold pressure spread through her body, a lightning of loss. She had lost him. Again. He had backed into his own body, letting her stand alone without his connection. Apparently she had said the wrong thing, gone too far. He wasn't going to let her go with him this time either.
"You know I can't do that, Ginny. Don't try to talk me into it, it will only make it worse. You're too precious to me. I can't lose you." He straightened himself and walked towards the door. When he went past her, he stopped for a second and stroked his finger along her cheekbone with a look of pure sadness across his face. Then he continued to the door and left the room without looking at her again.
She stood in the same position as he left her, stroking her cheek with her left middle finger where he had just touched her. She knew what his touch had meant. He knew, just like her, that they were falling apart. The war had stolen their love. She knew that he thought a world without Voldemort could mend their love. That was what he meant when he said that he would kill Voldemort so that they could be together again. It hadn't anything to do with her safety, but with her loneliness in this house.
Suddenly, all the tears she had been hiding behind her eyes began to fall. From her eyes to her cheek, to her chin and then falling down on her chest. Everything inside her that was Harry poured out of her eyes. He was leaving her now. She felt that this row would be one of the last they would ever have. She had been preparing for this for more than a month, but she never really wanted to believe it. Their love wouldn't be for eternity. They wouldn't live so long together that they stopped being two individuals, but one. They wouldn't see their common dreams unfold before them. They wouldn't be anything. She had lived with only one wish, to have him. But the world took him away from her. The world needed him to rescue it, killing her in the process.
She sank down to the floor, but now she got up and walked to the window. Outside, the sky was a greyish blue, as if the night didn't want to let go. As if it begged to stay a bit longer. The grass was billowing in waves because of the rapid wind. From somewhere far away, she heard a car accelerate and drive away. She sighed. She knew that the moment where Harry would destroy Voldemort was approaching. She could feel it in every fibre of her body. Harry would kill him, she never doubted that. Voldemort was too crazy and unloved to kill something as beautiful as Harry. Harry would kill him, the world would mourn the loss of friends and family members, but then they would worship Harry as their hero and saviour. The world would stand up again and continue to live. But not Ginny. She already knew that this war would kill her. If not literally, at least physically. Harry would destroy Voldemort and think that now he could finally have the life he always dreamt about. But he would be wrong. The sad story was that Ginevra Molly Weasley, the only girl Harry Potter would ever love, wouldn't be there with him. She would leave him, slip away. Ginny didn't want to leave him, to share a life with him was her most precious dream, but it had cost her so much to stay with him. It wasn't his fault, but Tom's. Everything was Tom's fault.
A bit more than half a year ago, Tom had suddenly begun to talk to her again. Through her head. She had panicked at first, but then she understood that Tom couldn't hurt her. Voldemort had somehow found a way back to her, some old connection from the Chamber, but he couldn't posses her like before or find out things that she knew. He was imprisoned in a little part of her mind, where he couldn't reach her thoughts. He couldn't find out secrets she knew, like where the Order were hiding or what Harry was up to. Tom only showed up from time to time to have a little chat.
"Thinking about me are you, little Ginevra?" Typical, she thought. He appeared just when she was thinking about him.
"You know, Ginevra, I don't think it will be as hard convincing you to love me as you have stated. You seem to think about me quite often, don't you? Tired of Potter, maybe?" His voice was cold as always. She didn't want to speak to him now, didn't want him to notice how broken she was.
"Go away!" It sounded childish and stupid, she knew, but she really couldn't care about him right now. He couldn't hurt her, he was harmless.
"That wasn't very nice, Ginevra. Hasn't your stupid mother taught you to be polite to your future lover? If you're not nice to me, I might have to punish you later."
"You will keep on dreaming your whole life, Tom, you'll never get you hands on me." He laughed his odd, cold laugh again. The sound echoed throughout her whole head.
"Won't you ever understand? I get what I want, Ginevra, and I want you. And don't think I want you because of who you are, even if I can confess that I think you have a rare beauty. The only reason for me wanting you is so that I can have something Potter wants. There is nothing more arousing than the thought of ravishing Potter's girl." She noticed that he actually became excited when he spoke. She felt a sickness in her stomach at the thought of having sex with him.
"Oh, don't worry, Ginevra, I will make you want me. I will make you beg me to make love to you, I will make you scream my name when you come. You won't ever want to have Potter again after you have tasted me." She couldn't help that she became a bit uneasy by what he said. To have sex with him was one thing, wanting him to have sex with her was something completely different.
"Harry will kill you. I will never love anybody but him, no matter how hard you try."
"You're so naïve, Ginevra. Weren't you right now thinking about how the two of you are falling apart? How your love is fading? You're so stupid at times. Love won't save you, it will kill you. It makes you weak. Just look at yourself, you're crying over a stupid little boy who thinks he can change the world, who thinks he can compare his powers to mine. It's love that caused that, Ginevra, love, pathetic little love for Potter makes you weak. With me, you will never experience weakness again." She tried to keep him out of her head, she didn't want to hear his words. She didn't want to think about how right he was about Harry. They didn't have anything anymore. They were completely alone. Tears poured out of her eyes again, like a flood of desperation. No matter how hard she ever tried, she couldn't be angry at Harry. It was her own fault, she had tried to reach him when he didn't want her to, and so he pushed her away from him. It was all her fault.
"You know, there actually was a time when I was troubled about what he could do. When he was close to you, his powers seemed to be awfully high. I actually feared that he would be the only one to have powers enough to kill me. But then you began to slip away from him and immediately he seemed weaker. I will thank you some day, Ginevra. Because of you, I will be able to kill him." If Ginny had been in a normal condition she would have ignored him, but right now she was too sore and tender to do so. She knew that what he said was true, she knew that she had hurt Harry. Maybe even killed him. She couldn't stand it any longer, she fell to the floor without caring how much it hurt. She wanted to hurt, wanted to do something for Harry one last time. She had killed him. She had killed Harry. Her selfish behaviour had weakened his powers and now there was a chance that he wouldn't be able to finish off Voldemort. She never wanted to see anybody again, she wanted to die right then.
Suddenly, it was as if a knife cut right through her head. Pictures began to flash through her mind, pictures from her memories. She saw the old farm that had become the new Headquarters of the Order, where she was temporarily living along with Harry, Ron, Hermione and her mum and dad. She saw Harry, Ron and Hermione come home late one night, wounded and tired. She saw herself pressed to the door of the dining room, trying to hear what was said during the Order meeting. She saw the signpost in front of the farm where it said: Blue Hill's Farm (she never understood why the farm was named Blue Hill's Farm. She couldn't notice any hill nearby and certainly not a blue hill). She saw the view from her window, the trees, the road and the never-ending fields. Then, as fast as it happened, it was over.
"Thank you, Ginevra. I never really believed that I could get information from you, you seemed to be so strong. But alas, love can make us all go weak. Remember what I said, Ginevra. I will come on a little visit to your house before the sun sets, and I will take all my friends with me. And believe me, I will forever take Potter away from you. He will never bother you again." Then he was gone.
She sat still for some seconds. Then she realised what just happened, Tom had broken through her barriers. She had been broken and feeling so small, he had used it to his advantage to get information.
"Shit," She thought, "He knows! He knows where the Order is hiding, he knows where Harry is! And he's coming to kill him. To kill Harry." She scrambled up to her feet and rushed over to the door. Harry had forgotten to put a locking charm on the door when he left, so she threw it open and ran down the stairs. She stopped outside the dining room door. She could hear voices from the inside, probably talking about something she wasn't allowed to know about. She only hesitated a second before she pushed the door open. Every face in the room turned to her as she entered the room. On a couch near the fire sat Harry, Ron and Remus. Hermione was standing in front of the fire. Her parents, Tonks, Kingsley, Professor McGonagall, Moody and maybe ten other Order members she only had seen once or twice were scattered around the room.
"I told you to stay in your room! You're not allowed to come out, even less come bursting in like this when Hermione is giving us an important report on their latest mission! Go back to your room, immediately!" Her mother rose from her chair and grabbed her arm, beginning to drag her out the door.
"No, wait Mum! I have something important to say, more important than what Hermione's saying." She struggled to get out of her mother's grip, but that was as near to impossible as you could ever get.
"Not only are you disobedient, you're rude too! What did I do wrong when I raised you, Ginevra?" Ginny could tell that her mother still was fuming over what happened yesterday, but she had no time to cope with that now, she knew that the information she held was invaluable. There was a problem though. Her family didn't know anything about her connection with Tom, she had been slightly ashamed when she found out he was still inside her. As the coward she was, she only told Harry about it, seeing as it was useless to not tell Harry about something she knew. He always knew when she was hiding something, just as she did with him. Desperately, she turned to Harry. She concentrated for a few seconds and then whispered in Parseltongue:
"He's coming, Harry. Tom broke through my barriers and found out about our location. He said…he said he'll be here before the night arrives…to kill you."
The latest hours were a blur of hexes and curses, dodging, running and fighting. The only thing she could remember clearly was Tom's voice in the back of her head. Teasing, screaming, laughing, telling her how he was going to kill Harry. If it wasn't for the fear that he would die, she would probably be dead by now. The only thing that kept her from giving up was the thought of finding Harry, to see that he was safe. She knew that this war had killed her, but she still loved him somehow.
Everybody had been too busy preparing themselves that they didn't notice or care when she slipped out of the house to join the fight. She had been doing surprisingly well. Apart from a nasty cut on her left arm, she only had some bruises and small cuts. Things began to calm down now, maybe she could sneak away and find Harry? There was a small forest nearby, and without anybody seeing her, she disappeared into the darkness. Here, the air was soft and clear, and she could breathe calmly for the first time in hours. She had no idea of where Harry had gone to, she had kept an eye on him the whole evening, but suddenly he had just disappeared. At the same time, Tom had left her head, she was quite sure that he and Harry had finally met to have the fight that was unavoidable. She continued to make her way between the trees, stumbling occasionally because of her tired feet and the complete darkness. Was the fight over yet? What if Harry was dead? She didn't want to think about it, but she couldn't keep the thoughts out of her head. She both wanted to find him and not, she was scared about what she would find.
"It's too dangerous for pretty little girls like you to wander around at this time of night, isn't it Weaslette? A cold voice said behind her, before somebody grabbed her and pushed her to the ground. Ginny didn't have to look over her shoulder to see who it was. Draco Malfoy's voice wasn't one you forgot. She didn't know what he wanted with her though, Malfoy had never paid much attention to her.
"Aren't you going to answer me, Weaselette? Or hasn't your stupid mother taught you any manners? Malfoy grabbed both her wrists and pulled them against her back, and at the same time he pushed her face and front into the wet earth. He shifted, and then he leaned his face close to hers, so that she could feel his breath on her neck.
"You know what? I don't care if you don't answer me, Weaselette, I can have so much more fun with you. Even though you're a little blood-traitor, I may say that you are quite pretty, Potter has good taste in girls. It's the only thing we have in common. And I can tell you that there is nothing more arousing than the thought of me having something Potty wants." Malfoy's voice was slippery and ghostly, to Ginny he sounded slightly mad. Not that that was a reassuring thought.
He must have put some kind of paralysing charm on her, because she found that she couldn't move. She just lay there.
Later, Ginny wouldn't be able to exactly recall what had happened. She would remember what he had done to her of course, but it was all a blur. All she would remember was heated breaths, pain and dread. It was probably for the best that she wouldn't be able to remember it.
And then suddenly it was over, and Malfoy left her alone and broken. She lay still for several minutes, trying to accept the thought that she had given Malfoy something he wanted. It made her feel so unworthy. Who could love someone who Malfoy had touched? For a second she wanted to die, right there. But God, if there was one, didn't answer her prayers. She continued to breathe. Ginny closed her eyes. This world was never meant for her, her task in life had been to die in this war, but even that had been taken away from her.
She rolled onto her back and looked at the stars through the branches of the trees. People like her were never welcome. Not even to death. She sighed. The only girl born in seven generations. She should have been somebody else, someone with brains and guts. Someone everybody loved, who could bring pride to her family. But she was never the daughter her parents wanted. She broke into the broom shed for the first time when she was six, and after that she was lost to her parents. Ginny never became what they wanted her to. What had she become? What had she accomplished? She had sent hundreds of people to death tonight, just because of her weakness. She had lost the only man who would ever love her because she couldn't stand being left out. And now, she had become an object of pleasure to a man she hated since she set her eyes on him. No, she hadn't given her family what they wanted, only pain.
Suddenly she sat up, determined about what she would do. She would leave, never bother her family and Harry again. Then this fucking, damn world would be content, because Ginny Weasley had finally given up trying to fit in. But first, she would check on Harry, she had to know that he was alright. Then she could leave in peace, her work would be finished.
Quickly, she dressed and began to walk. She winced from the pain coming from between her legs, cutting through her abdomen like a lightning bolt. She didn't stop however, never again would Draco Malfoy beat her. From the east horizon, a tiny bit of sunlight tried to reach her. It didn't succeed, but it was enough for her to find her way. Guided by her instinct, she walked to the place where she somehow new Harry would be. She was just as scared as before, but now she knew what she would do even if Harry was dead. He wasn't even hers to begin with.
His body was cold, but he was breathing. When Ginny first came to the glade, she thought that Harry was dead. She became cold and couldn't move for several minutes. Then she noticed his chest rising, and she was able to move again. Harry was in a horrible state however, he had cuts and bruises all over his body, and he was deathly white. But he was breathing, even though his breaths sounded so weak. Just a few meters away lay a little un-human creature. It was just as small as a baby, with a head, feet and arms, but it was so unlike an innocent baby you could come. Ginny knew who it was the first time she saw him, she felt his dead presence in the air. His presence was something she had much experience of, but Ginny didn't care that he was dead, right now Harry was the only thing that mattered. She looked down at him again. If she left him here, he would probably lose too much blood and die. She had to take him to the temporary hospital tents at the north side of the castle. She took out her wand and conjured a charm so that he would float beside her, then she made herself invisible. Ginny sighed once more, unwilling to do what would cause so many people pain, but she knew she had no choice. With only a moments hesitation she mumbled:
"Mortus fausseus!" On the ground beside her, a body looking exactly like hers appeared. There was a trail of blood all over the false face, from a cut in the head. When somebody found her, they would think she was dead, because the fake body looked exactly like her. It would cause great pain, especially for Harry, but it was the only way. Ginny turned around and began to walk away, leaving her own fake-dead body and Voldemort's behind her as Harry's floated beside her. She didn't feel any dread or regret leaving her life behind, only sadness. Ginny Weasley was from this moment no longer alive, actually, she had died several months ago. Ginny would leave Harry somewhere where they would find him, and then her task would be fulfilled. She no longer had any ties to this world.
Those were the last thoughts of Ginevra Weasley, when she left the life that had taken so much away from her, but never given anything back.
A young man, or rather a boy who had to become a man too fast, stumbled over a field. He was looking for something he had lost, someone who had been taken away from him. It was three days since he woke up in the Hospital Tents, where he ended up somehow without knowing how. Now he was looking for the last thing in this world he would ever claim as his. Nobody had seen the girl who had been his hero and life-saver, which was why he now had sneaked out from the hospital bed, to find her.
Without thinking about it, he was walking directly to the place where he faced Tom Riddle for the last time. He didn't want to see the place again, but he felt that there was someone there who called for him. And he obeyed, because he didn't know where else to go. When he drew nearer to the glade, he began to run. There was something about the glade, something that was completely wrong, he could feel it.
There she lay. His girl, his hero, his life. The only thing he ever demanded from the world to keep had been taken away from him. Ginny Weasley was dead. Lying on the ground with a horrible cut in her head, which spilled blood over her whole body. Desperately he tried to dry away some of the blood off her face, he didn't want to see her beautiful features spoiled, but he only made it worse. He couldn't believe it, wouldn't believe that she was gone. Something must be wrong, the world couldn't take Ginny away from him; she was his last reason to be alive.
He began to cry, without realising that he did so. He didn't realise that the world cried with him, that thunder suddenly broke out over the whole sky. All he could think of was that the girl in his arms was gone forever. Suddenly, the ground opened itself, and people hundreds of miles away felt the earth shake from it. Trees fell and water from a nearby lake streamed into the opening in the ground. All this was Harry Potter's work, but he didn't notice anything at all because his life had just been ripped away from him, his soul was buried deep in his mind where he relived all his memories he had with Ginny Weasley.