Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of his little buddies. If I did, it wouldn't play on daytime television, if you catch my meaning.

Warnings: Bad language, blatant and descriptive boy/boy romantic relationships. (In case you can't figure that out, it means slash, shounen-ai, yaoi, gay, however you want to put it.) If any of this offends you, you shouldn't read this story. Please don't flame me about it, because I will either ignore you or publicly make fun of you. Thankies.

Author's Note: Oh my gosh! New story! This is so cool!...Well, really, I shouldn't be starting a new multi-chaptered story, but...I really wanted to. Oh! That reminds me—yes, I did read and adore the story "Pet" by cutiechibi as well as a couple other stories about animal/human creatures. Let me just state now, I did not, I repeat, did not take or copy the idea. I've wanted to do this story before I read others like it. My only point is this—please, please, please don't think I copied anyone's idea. I will be very upset if you do! However, if you do find a part that seems too similar to be coincidence, tell me about it. I'll either justify myself or edit the part.

Okay. Just wanted to get that out of the way. :smile: Alright, then! I hope you like my story! Reviewers will be loved!

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Humanity

Where the hell was it coming from?.!

Hatake Kakashi had been in every room of his house, and several twice, but he still didn't have the slightest clue where it was coming from. "It," of course, being that noise. That noise, in this case, consisted of a series of timid, soft tapping sounds that Kakashi couldn't identify for his life. The curiosity and growing frustration ate and ate at him until now, when he finally was reaching his breaking point. So, standing lopsided and half-naked on his coffee table, he tangled his hands into his choppy silver hair, tilted his head back, and bellowed for help.

"SASUKE!"

There was a lengthy pause, and then the muted sound of a door opening came from the floor above. Kakashi picked up on Sasuke's light feet on the stairs, and a moment later, a very miffed homo animalis appeared in the living room doorway.

The homo animalis, who was named Sasuke at an early age, was one of the very last members of the acclaimed Uchiha species. As such, he was extremely desired. (Seventeen years ago, when Sasuke was auctioned off as a baby, Kakashi won the bidding war the old-fashioned way —bribery and nepotism.) However, even if Sasuke had been nothing but a common mutt, he would still be worth the price of a small yacht. Sasuke was, in a word, stunning. He was tall and lean, but not skinny—muscles as strong and pronounced as rope were wrapped around his shoulders, arms, and chest. His limbs were long and powerful, and the suggestive ridges of his stomach muscles were fully visible through any shirt. But in contrast with his somewhat intimidating figure, Sasuke's face seemed surprisingly innocent. Not sweet, obviously (Sasuke was not sweet),but sort of...peaceful. Almost pure. His nose was unbroken and of perfect length. His jaw line led smoothly down to a carved chin and accentuated the slim curve of his neck. He had chiseled cheekbones that women would kill for. To top it off, the beautiful features were covered by immaculate alabaster skin.

Actually, Sasuke's skin was one of the first things people noticed about him. (The second being, of course, his sleek black cat ears and matching tail, which, in the Uchiha species, had been recently bred to perfection.) The skin was smooth and delicately white—the direct result of avoiding the sun. Even in bright light, where some light skin turned yellow- or green-ish, Sasuke's stayed totally pale, and it made him stand out amazingly.

In sharp contrast with his skin tone, Silas's hair was entirely dark. The color was such a deep black, in fact, that it almost looked blue. Sasuke's eyes embodied a similar optical illusion, color wise. They were a perfect midnight blue. The color was dark enough to commonly be mistaken for black at first glance. But no, Sasuke's eyes were blue. Deeply, darkly, fiercely blue. Terrifyingly blue. Beautifully blue.

Oh yeah, he was gorgeous all right, but a prickly little bastard. For the life of him, Kakashi couldn't figure out why he kept Sasuke. Yes, Sasuke was a passionately desired homo animalis, a group a creatures that were literally created to be perfect pets, but Sasuke was about as pleasant to own as a mountain lion. (The only difference between the two cat-creatures was that, when Sasuke chewed Kakaski verbally, a mountain lion would chew Kakashi physically.) Well, to be honest, Kakashi kind of felt sorry for Sasuke. When he was up for auction as a kitten, Sasuke received all kinds of weird, obsessive attention. Mainly, Kakashi bought Sasuke so other people couldn't. So he could protect Sasuke.

Oh, and Sasuke's species was sexy beyond all reason. That too.

At the sight of his ingenious and somewhat loyal pet, Kakashi exhaled a heaving sigh of relief. "Hello, there, Sasuke," he said with a smile, the eye not covered by his bangs curving upwards.

Sasuke's tail twitched—a sure sign of his irritation, if his do-me-a-favor-and-die glare wasn't a clue. "What do you want?" he demanded sullenly, slim arms crossing of their own accord.

"I need your help, Sasuke," Kakashi admitted with his usual cheer, hopping down from the coffee table.

Sasuke waited. His tail twitched again.

"I need your sharp ears. I'm trying to identify a noise. I think it's—wait," Kakashi said, holding up a silencing hand. "...Did you hear that?"

Sasuke blinked. "What?"

"Shh...Listen. It's the most infuriating tapping noise. Shh..."

There was a brief silence, and then...A timid series of thumping sounds. Ah ha! There it was again. That noise.

"What is that?" Kakashi moaned, tearing at his scalp and pulling a complete 360.

"The knocking?"

"Is that what it is? Knocking?" Kakashi cocked his head, concentrating. "Yes, I suppose you're right. Knocking, then. But still: Where the hell is it coming from?.!"

"Try the door," Sasuke suggested flatly, turning and heading back up the stairs. The word "idiot" was left unspoken on his tongue.

Kakashi blinked. Then he smiled. "Oh, yes," he said, reaching an epiphany. "The door. Of course."

Kakashi strolled over to the door happily, wondering who in the world could be visiting. Maybe it was his boyfriend, Iruka, looking for some wild, late-night action. Ooh, kinky. Kakashi had never really considered Iruka the frisky, impulsive type (more the "Not here! We can't! Don't—ahh! Nn..." type), but hey—there's a first time for everything, right? Kakashi certainly hoped so.

With that thought in mind, Kakashi grabbed the doorknob and swung open his front door.

He blinked hard in surprise, and then his eyes popped at the incredible sight before him.

A young male, maybe fifteen or sixteen years old, stood on Kakashi's doorstep, and he was...beautiful. Kakashi had never seen someone like this before. The boy was...just...breathtaking.

Of course, Sasuke was breathtaking as well, but in a completely different way. The two boys couldn't look more different. Sasuke was raven-haired and pale—this boy was blonde and tanned. Sasuke's face was cold and calculating and perfect—this boy's face was innocent enough to make hearts hurt. Sasuke's ears were shiny and totally dark—this boy's ears were fuzzy and yellow. Sasuke's tail was black and sleek to match his ears—this boy's tail was fluffy and blonde to match his. Sasuke's eyes were so dark they were almost black—this boy's eyes were so bright they were almost stars. Sasuke was a fallen angel—this boy was God's finest. Sasuke blazed with a fierce, icy intensity—this boy glowed with the untapped potential to love.

"Oh," Kakashi remarked softly, his eyebrows up in his hairline. The boy, or, more accurately, the homo animalis, looked lost. He looked lost, disoriented, vaguely frightened, somewhat embarrassed, and, due to the current thunderstorm, utterly soaked, too. And painfully, painfully beautiful.

Kakashi cleared his throat.

"Well...You're not Iruka."

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Sasuke was pissed off. Well, to be frank, he was almost always in a state of pissed-off-ness, but today he felt particularly peeved. He wasn't sure why. It wasn't Kakashi's idiotic "noise" escapade a few minutes ago—Sasuke was so used to Kakashi's stupidity, he hardly even noticed it anymore. Sasuke just felt... off. Something was different. A new scent, maybe. Maybe it was something in the air...?

Sasuke had no idea, and that unnerved him—Sasuke always had an idea. Human or not, he was one bright kid. He couldn't remember the last time he was stumped, and now that he was, it was seriously getting under his skin.

So, in conclusion, Sasuke was pissed off.

"Uh, Sasuke..." Sasuke rolled over on his bed, pointedly ignoring Kakashi's distant call. "Sasuke, please come here. I think there's something here you should...err, there might be a...You should take a look at something." Sasuke's ears twitched. Kakashi sounded kind of...weird. Maybe there was something happening downstairs.

Too bad Sasuke didn't care.

Kakashi's loud sigh could be heard all the way up the stairs. "Look, Sasuke," he said. "I seriously think you should come downstairs. Uh, yeah. We need to talk about something." There was a short pause. "Sasuke! If you don't get down here this instant, so help me, I'll turn on the internal sprinklers. I swear to God I will. Sasuke, I'm warning you!"

Sasuke sighed heavily. Goddamn it, he hated those sprinklers. Contrary to what Kakashi said, they weren't installed as a fire-protection feature—they were installed as a threaten-Sasuke feature. Well, it seemed Sasuke had no choice now. He knew from past experience that Kakashi wasn't bluffing. Damn that Kakashi. Damn him to hell.

As he left his room, Sasuke's scowl could petrify. Damn that Kakashi. Damn him to hell.

Sasuke trotted down the stairs sulkily. Stupid, stupid Kakashi, Sasuke mentally growled as he entered the living room. What's his problem now? Dumb human probably got his clothes stuck in the door or something. Now I'm going to have to—

Sasuke blinked and his ears twitched, prickling awareness bubbling over his skin. There was that weird scent again. That smell that Sasuke couldn't name. It was here, in this room, and it was stronger than ever. And it was coming directly from...

Sasuke's thought processes stopped abruptly.

Sound seemed to muffle. Sasuke couldn't tell if he was breathing or not, but he must have stopped because he felt sort of faint.

There was a boy, in the living room, and he was stunning. Literally.

The boy was standing in the middle of the room, turned toward Sasuke but not yet noticing him, shivering almost violently, a drenched towel wrapped around his slim shoulders. As he stood there, buckets of rainwater sloshed off his trashy clothing (which looked more like rags than anything) and soaked the carpet. A yellow, slightly puffy tail brushed the wet floor. The water made the cheap clothing fiercely hug the boy's body, showing off every ridge, muscle, and slope of his lewd little figure. Everything about the boy was long and slender, specifically resulting in elegant limbs and a perfectly lean torso. Even his fingers looked slim and delicate. Sasuke couldn't help giving the other boy a lusty once-over, his eyes being tugged downwards. Man. Chiseled abs...long legs...sensual hips...and holy shit, look at the size of that—

Sasuke swallowed hard.

Then Sasuke glanced at the boy's face. The overhead lights leaked down from the ceiling and glinted off the glass coffee table, framing the boy's head, and if Sasuke didn't know better, he would have sworn the light was a halo. The boy had tan skin that looked unbearably soft. His hair was made of this flaxen, magical stuff that looked for all the world like sunlight. Two triangular, yellow ears twitched and shivered on top of the dripping blonde hair. His face was open and innocent.

Abruptly, Sasuke's gaze was pulled to the boy's eyes, as if by a physical force. At almost the same time, the boy's blonde ears twitched, and he glanced into Sasuke's face.

Sasuke's pupils dilated. The boy's eyes were blue, gapingly, infinitely blue, as bright and immortal as the sea. They were enormous eyes, almost oddly so, but they didn't look strange on the boy, somehow—just mysterious and strikingly angelic. Sasuke felt himself sinking hopelessly into those eyes, drowning in that perfect blue.

"...about, Sasuke."

Sasuke's ears twitched at the sound of his name, making his awareness spike and his eyes blink. He came back to himself hard, wrenching his eyes away from the other boy's. The slightest tinge of embarrassment colored his face.

He glanced over to Kakashi, who until this moment Sasuke hadn't noticed was in the room. But there he was, smiling that goddamn knowing smile of his. Renewed irritation flared as Sasuke took in Kakashi's stupid cheerful face.

"Repeat yourself," Sasuke demanded of his owner, pale arms deciding to cross.

Kakashi's smile took on smirk-like qualities. He gestured toward the dripping blonde stranger. "This is what I called you about, Sasuke," Kakashi repeated helpfully.

"Hn."

Sasuke risked another glance at the strange boy, hoping he'd keep his newly found composure. The boy was now blushing and examining the water-logged toes of his decrepit sneakers. Luckily, this meant that his amazing blue eyes were not on Sasuke's, which in turn meant that Sasuke could think fairly clearly.

"Since you're the only homo animalis that I've ever been in close contact with," Kakashi explained to Sasuke. "I am by no means an expert. I figured having another of you little guys around would help me figure out what to do."

Sasuke consciously ignored the "little guy" comment. His tail twitched with the effort. "What do you want?"

"Talk to him," Kakashi said, pointing to the blonde boy. "He says he's a stray and he asked for a place to wait out the rainstorm, but that's all I've been able to get out of him. He seems pretty freaked out. I guess he's not too used to humans."

Sasuke was silent. Kakashi pushed out his lower lip in a poor excuse for a pout. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Sasu-chan?"

Sasuke glared. He hated that nickname. And knowing Kakashi, he would continue to poke at Sasuke until the pet did exactly as his owner asked. Damn that Kakashi. Damn him to hell.

Sasuke sighed inaudibly. "...Fine."

Kakashi grinned up to his ears. "Aw, thank you Sasu-chan!"

"Shut up."

Sasuke stuck his hands in his pockets and walked over to the blonde. The boy was still staring at his shoes.

"Hey," Sasuke said. The boy looked up shyly through his wet bangs. God, his eyes are beautiful, Sasuke thought with a swallow.Sasuke nearly lost his breath all over again.

Instead he simply blinked, thanking whatever god existed for natural Uchiha composure. The blonde didn't seem to have as lucky genetics—he blushed.

"...Let's go upstairs," Sasuke said, shooting a peeved glare at the all-too-interested Kakashi. The blonde nodded mutely, his eyes firmly back on the carpet.

"Oh, I get it!" Kakashi called as the homo animalia headed up the stairs. "Swell idea, Sasuke! I think I might phone Iruka right now about that very same thing. Splendid, splendid. Have fun, you two! Tell me how it goes! And for God's sake Sasuke, be gentle. I don't want the poor guy not being able to sit for the next two weeks—" Kakashi's voice was abruptly cut off with the violent slamming of Sasuke's door. Plaster could be heard shattering in the walls.

From his place in the living room, Kakashi smiled. Things were going to get a hell of a lot more interesting around here.

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"Take your shoes off," Sasuke commanded. He knew he sounded rude, but he was annoyed. The kid was ruining his carpet.

The blonde immediately complied, shucking off his ruined sneakers and kicking them into a corner.

"Socks too."

The socks were taken off just as obediently as the shoes, and they too were thrown into the corner.

"...You'd better just take all your clothes off," Sasuke said after a pause, a barely visible blush grazing his cheekbones. "You're going to freeze otherwise."

Off went the clothes. Flimsy jacket, threadbare t-shirt, oversized/ripped jeans. With every article of clothing that came off, Sasuke's desire for the other boy increased exponentially. Water droplets rolled down tanned skin, provocative muscles rippled, lithe parts twisted and writhed. Sasuke's eyes traced the boy's natural body lines down to the hard, scooping plane just below his hips—that innocently seductive expanse of skin that sloped infuriatingly out of sight and teased Sasuke's eyes to the fullest extent.

When the blonde placed an unabashed hand on the waistband of his boxers, Sasuke almost moaned.

"W-wait," Sasuke got out, kicking himself for his stutter. The blonde paused and looked up, his blue eyes shimmering. The boy was so innocent, it was nearly painful.

Sasuke swallowed. "You can leave those on," he said evenly after a moment's pause. He turned to his dresser and pulled out a non-descript dark shirt, tossing it at the blonde. The other boy was examining one of Sasuke's lamps with interest (God knows why), and he didn't notice the t-shirt until it hit him in the face.

"Put that on," Sasuke said. He sat on the floor as the blonde did as he was told. A moment later, the blonde hesitantly took a seat across from Sasuke, loosely pulling his knees to his chest.

Silence.

"So," Sasuke said blankly.

Shit. He hated talking to people. He was a really lousy conversationalist, mostly because he never got in any practice. Did he mention that he hated talking to people? And how was he supposed to talk to some guy he'd just met, anyway? Not to mention Sasuke's raging lust. How the hell was he supposed to politely chat with this kid when, in actuality, Sasuke felt an extremely strong (and, admittedly, animalistic) urge to simply jump him? Talk about awkward situations.

Sasuke exercised one of his angsty, inaudible sighs. May as well start with the basics.

"So," Sasuke repeated. "...What's your name?"

The blonde's large ears twitched. "Naruto," he said. His voice was a tenor, a little raspy, and slightly nasal. It possessed the flaring potential to be annoying, but somehow, there was a slight allure in it.

"Naruto, huh? I'm Sasuke."

"Sasuke," Naruto repeated, his face serious and oddly intense. Naruto was silent, and for a few moments, and everything was still. Then Naruto shattered his contemplative state was a grin, showing off the most dazzling smile that Sasuke had ever seen. "Sasuke. I like it!" the blonde proclaimed.

Sasuke blinked in surprise. "Um...thanks."

Naruto dropped his knees into a relaxed Indian-style, his hands in his lap. "So, Sasuke," Naruto started. "What breed are you? It's a cat one, right? I bet it's a cat one. Nine lives, yeah?" Naruto's yellow tail swished joyfully behind him.

Sasuke allowed himself a tiny, tiny smile. He wasn't sure when shy-blushing-mute Naruto had turned into happy-smiling-chatty Naruto, but he decided that change could be good.

"I'm an Uchiha," Sasuke said, wiping the smile off his face.

Naruto's eyes widened comically. "Whoa...Dude, that's awesome!" he said, leaning forward enthusiastically. "See, I knew you'd be a cool one. A real Uchiha. That's amazing Sasuke! I kind of thought you guys were all extinct."

Sasuke's midnight blue eyes darkened several shades. "...We almost are."

Naruto's face fell. "Oh, I'm sorry, Sasuke," he said. The sympathetic ping in his voice sounded very sincere. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm one of the last of my breed, too."

Sasuke glanced up. "Oh? And which would that be?" His voice was perfectly impassive, but his twitching ears gave away his interest.

Naruto grinned, showing off his spectacular smile for a second time. He seized the hem of his (err, Sasuke's) shirt and pulled it up to his chest, fully exposing his taut stomach muscles. Naruto pointed proudly to his navel. Sasuke tried very hard to follow Naruto's finger and to not, for example, stare at that spot below Naruto's hips that Sasuke had so recently noticed—that lewd, tantalizing patch of tanned skin that sloped down and under to better things...

Shit. He was thinking about it again, wasn't he? Damn this kid and his bewitching sex appeal!

Sasuke blinked and quickly refocused. Naruto was pointing to something that appeared to be a birthmark. The mark was dark and a little raw looking, almost like a scar. It swirled around Naruto's belly button in an open-ended, slightly jagged spiral.

"Uzumaki!" Naruto sang out, sounding almost patriotic.

Sasuke's eyes widened a fraction of an inch. No way. He could not have possibly heard what he just thought he heard. "...You're an Uzumaki?"

"Believe it!" Naruto said with a grin, dropping his shirt.

Sasuke's ears were twitching so hard, he reached up with both hands to physically still them. "...That's impossible. The Uzumaki species isn't released anymore. They stopped breeding them years ago."

Naruto cocked his head with a sly grin. "Sasuke, are you trying to break it to me that I don't exist?"

Sasuke was silent. This wasn't possible. It just wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

Around sixteen years ago, the breeding of the Uzumaki species had been decreed illegal, on the basis that the creatures were too dangerous. At first, the public found this very hard to believe—by default, members of the Uzumaki breed were beautiful and carefree, gifted with the ability to love with a fierce loyalty that would last their entire lives. But over time, the people at H.A.P., Homo Animalis Project, discovered something that they had never expected: the Uzumaki breed was developing a new defense mechanism, one that was independent of any human creation and/or regulation. The scientists called it "Kyuubi."

When an Uzumaki was in incredible danger, under extreme stress, or was experiencing ferociously strong emotional trauma, Kyuubi would "come out." The Uzumaki would receive an unimaginable boost in strength, stealth, and ruthlessness. Kyuubi would push the pet's personality and reason into the creature's subconscious, leaving unrestrained fury to coil and burst in an extremely powerful, amazingly destructive, and viciously brutal body. In essence, a demon would be released.

Now, since it was illegal to breed them, the Uzumaki species was hanging on by a thread.

So, in conclusion, Naruto's claim was impossible.

Right?

"...Are you really an Uzumaki?" Sasuke asked dubiously.

Naruto sighed loudly. "Yes, Sasuke, I really am," he said, rolling those gorgeous eyes in gentle exasperation. "Dude, you might not believe me, but the mark doesn't lie. Look it up if you want to." He grinned. "And you know what being an Uzumaki means, don't you?"

"Um, no."

"It means that..." Naruto gave Sasuke a sly look. "I'm a fox."

Sasuke's ears twitched. He liked foxes. More specifically, his pheromones liked foxes. Which, coupled with the wildly raging hormones of a teenaged human boy, meant a lot. Damn pheromones.

"Well, that explains the ears and the tail," Sasuke said evenly.

"Yep." Said ears twitched proudly.

"But...the Uzumaki species is so rare these days...How come you're a stray?"

Naruto shrugged. "Dunno, really," he said. "Well, my mom and dad have been dead for as long as I can remember, and I guess their owner just didn't want me or something. I lived with a group of strays for a while when I was younger, but one day I woke up and they were gone. So since then I've sort of just lived by myself."

"How do you eat?"

Naruto laughed and rubbed the back of his head, a sheepish grin on his face. "Sometimes I perform on the street. You know, like weird dances and stuff people tell me to do. I get some money for that. And other times...well...I kinda, sorta... borrow food."

"You steal."

"Heh-heh...I like to think of it as 'leasing with no intent to return.' Like going to the library."

"...You're supposed to return library books."

Naruto's eyes widened. "Really?"

Sasuke sighed. This kid was unbelievable. "Very real," Sasuke said flatly.

"No shit?"

"No shit."

Naruto leaned back, propping himself up with his hands. "Huh. I did not know that."

"I bet you didn't."

"Oops."

"'Oops' indeed."

There were a few moments of silence. Then Naruto's ears twitched. He blushed slightly and glanced and the floor. "Ano...Sasuke..." he started.

"What?"

Naruto gave a nervous chuckle. "Well...Okay, um, this is weird and kind of...extremely embarrassing to say..."

"Say it or don't, Naruto."

"Okay!" Naruto's blushed darkened. "Erm, I was just wondering what kind of shampoo you usebecauseyousmellreallygood."

The last part of the sentence came out in a jumbled rush. Even with his sharp hearing, Sasuke could barely pick apart the words. But when he did, he felt himself smirk.

"Thanks, Naruto, but that scent isn't shampoo."

Naruto cocked his head. His tail swished curiously. "It's not?"

"No. It's not." Sasuke looked positively smug. "It's my pheromones."

Naruto blinked. "What's a pheromone?"

Sasuke smirked again. "Pheromone. Noun. From the Greek 'pherein' meaning 'to carry' or 'to see.' A chemical secreted by an animal, including insects, that influences the behavior or development of others of the same or similar species, often functioning as an attractant of a possible mate and/or the opposite sex. In other words..." Sasuke paused to rephrase. "...You've got the hots for me."

Naruto turned a delectable shade of crimson. "W-what!"

"I'll take it as a compliment," Sasuke drawled.

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They talked. They talked for hours. Sasuke didn't know what to make of this kid. Naruto was tireless. The little blonde single-handedly drove the many branches of their conversation—people, pets, the city of Konoha, the weird high school that homo animalia had to attend that Naruto had never been to, Kakashi (who was a teacher at said school), Kakashi and Iruka, and, through Kakashi and Iruka's relationship (and to Sasuke's smug delight), boys and boys.

Sasuke had never spoken, or been spoken to, for so long in his life. He couldn't say that he liked it, because he didn't, but Naruto was certainly entertaining.

The boys only paused in their chatter once, around ten, when Naruto clutched his stomach and moaned for food. Sasuke led the blonde down the stairs, acutely aware of Naruto's sudden silence. As they passed through the living room, Sasuke's ears twitched as he picked up on quiet, oh-too-familiar noises. He sighed.

"Hi, Iruka," he said flatly, deciding to alert Kakashi and his boyfriend to the boys' presences.

Two heads poked up from their hidden position behind the couch. Kakashi was smiling cheerfully and his hair was in incredible disarray. Iruka, Kakashi's tanned and slightly younger boyfriend, was blushing madly and had very visible love-marks on his jaw and neck. Both men lacked shirts, and probably other clothing as well.

"Oh, heh-heh, h-hello, Sasuke," Iruka stuttered, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

Kakashi gave a little wave. "Hey, guys," he said. "Having fun?"

Iruka blinked, just seeming to spot Naruto, who had shrunk back into the doorway. "Oh, Sasuke," Iruka said. "Who's your friend?"

Sasuke glared at Kakashi briefly. "...His name is Naruto," he answered Iruka, turning sharply and heading into the kitchen. Naruto followed with hurried, shuffling steps. The kitchen door swung shut behind them, and there was a moment of contemplative silence in the living room.

"...Naruto, huh?" Kakashi repeated thoughtfully.

Iruka blinked. "You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

"His name."

"Nope."

"But...isn't he yours?"

"Nope. He showed up on my doorstep some hours ago. Says he's a stray. I'm going to let him stay the night. Sexy little thing, isn't he?"

"He's...attractive," Iruka said carefully. "But about ten years too young for you. I hope you're not planning to...advance on him."

Kakashi leered and placed a hand on Iruka's chest, seductively pushing the other man back to the floor. "Why, Iru-chan? Are you..." He leaned down to whisper in Iruka's ear. "...jealous?"

Iruka colored slightly. "Don't be ridiculous," he said. "I'm just saying—"

"Of course you are," Kakashi interrupted, pushing his hands through Iruka's dark hair. He settled his bare body on top of his boyfriend's, boldly parting Iruka's legs with one of his own. He heard Iruka's muffled gasp and smirked. "Now...where were we?"

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In the kitchen, a very hungry fox-boy stared in awe. Naruto had never seen this much food in his life! And this room was so clean, too. Often, Naruto just bought a packet of Pop-Tarts or instant ramen (that latter of which, conveniently, he loved), and would eat it as he walked. And those times when he was forced to lease with no intent to return, it was usually just an apple or something off a stand, and he would eat it hiding behind a building or in a public bathroom. This room was shining and white, with a full refrigerator and packed cabinets, with a counter and lots of chairs to sit on.

Sasuke casually walked over to the refrigerator as if he did it everyday. (And, Naruto realized, he probably did.) Sasuke wrenched open the door, and the kitchen was flooded with bright light and flowing cold. When he realized Naruto wasn't following him (instead, the fox-boy was paralyzed and drooling in the center of the room), Sasuke glanced over his shoulder.

"Oi, get over here," Sasuke commanded. "You're letting the cold out."

Naruto blinked and spurred himself into movement. He went over to the fridge and hesitantly ran his fingers over the food. Look at it all! Naruto identified everything as he touched it: milk (1, 2, whole, fat free, and half and half), orange juice (pulp and no pulp), water, four kinds of soda, chicken, roast beef, hamburger meat, sliced turkey, tuna, potato salad, a variety of pasta, yogurt, applesauce, broccoli, carrots, a plethora of fruit, and the three remaining slices of a chocolate cake.

Holy God.

"You're drooling, dobe."

Naruto blinked. "Dobe? What do you mean, 'dobe'?"

"I mean 'dobe,' dobe. It means 'dead last.' Would you prefer that?"

"No! Don't call me that! And don't call me 'dobe,' either, you bastard!"

Sasuke smirked. "Just pick your food. Dobe."

Naruto growled softly but returned his gaze to the fridge. He studied the contents in silence for a few minutes.

"Ano...Do you have any ramen?"

Jesus. How much could this kid eat?

After inhaling three cups of instant ramen, Naruto had gone through a packet of roast beef, two cans of tuna, a cup of yogurt, an entire carton of milk, a piece of cake, and exactly twenty-three pieces of potato salad. (Not that Sasuke was keeping track or anything.)

Now, finally, the little fox-pig seemed to be full. He sat back in his chair, placing his hands on his stomach, which, miraculously, remained totally flat.

"Ahh..." Naruto said, grinning. "That hit the spot. Thanks, Sasuke." His ears twitched and he opened his eyes. "Sasuke. You didn't eat anything!"

It was true. Sasuke was sitting with his hands innocently empty of food.

"Why didn't you eat anything, Sasuke?" Naruto wanted to know. "Are you sick?"

"Actually, yeah, now that you mention it. You repulsive eating habits have made me ill. I'm feeling rather nauseous, to tell you the truth."

Naruto puffed out his cheeks in an offended manner. "Sasuke, you bastard! I'm not—"

"Oh, shut up. I'll get something, okay?"

Sasuke got up and grabbed a carton of cream from the refrigerator. He took a glass down from a cupboard and rejoined Naruto at the counter. He popped open the carton and poured himself a full glass. After all of this was completed silently and Sasuke had taken a deep gulp, he noticed a weird smile on Naruto's face.

"What?"

"Sasuke," Naruto said slyly. "...You're drinking milk."

"So?" Sasuke said, scoffing. "You drank milk too. A whole carton." Sasuke took another sip.

"Yeah, but that's cream. And you're a cat." A pause. "Well, sort of."

"Yeah? What of it?" Another large gulp. Sasuke's glass was now more than half empty.

"Well..." Naruto said slowly, as if speaking to a very small child. "You're acting very cattish. And the word 'cattish' sometimes means 'girly.' So, therefore, you're acting like a girl!"

"Hey, Naruto."

"Yes, Sasuke?"

"...You're an idiot."

"What!.?"

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No way!"

"Way."

"No, no, no!"

"Yes, yes, yes."

"No one thousand!"

"Yes infinity."

"...But I don't wanna!"

"And I don't give a shit. Do it."

"Me? Why do I have to do it? Why can't you do it?"

"Because this is my room, Naruto. I'm not going to sleep on the couch."

"But I'm the guest!"

"So?"

"So I should get what I want!"

"Says who?"

"Says...Says manners! Yeah, manners! I'm the guest, and I'm supposed to get what I want! And I want to sleep in a bed for once!"

"Well, it's my bed. And I want to sleep in it too."

"Well, then I guess we have a problem!"

"I guess we do."

"...Well...I suppose...I guess...Maybe we could—"

"No."

"No what?"

"I know what you're going to say. And the answer is no."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to share my bed with you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"..."

"What? I can't hear you, Sasuke."

"...Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes, fine!"

"Well, fine then!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

--------------------------------------------------------------

No, not fine. Not fine at all. This wasn't good. This was so not good.

Sasuke lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Naruto was asleep next to him, having passed out cold nearly an hour before. Sasuke wished he could join him, but he was having a slight problem...

Okay, so maybe his problem wasn't so slight. Maybe his problem was rather...large. And stubbornly refusing to just go down.

Sasuke scowled and rolled onto his side, his face to the wall. He pulled the blanket over his head and shut his eyes tightly.

Stupid hard-ons. Stupid pheromones. Stupid Naruto!