1Disclaimer: Don't own. Want to, but don't.

Warnings: Squishy uke and already-chewed food being spewed about. AU-ish.

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Summary: Lunchtime musings of lesbians and whoreish plastic dolls.

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"I think I know why Barbie dumped Ken."

Sasuke looked up from his lunch, glancing almost interestedly at the blonde who had just spoken. He took approximately ten seconds to decide between humoring the blonde and completely ignoring him.

"And why is that?"

Naruto shot him a cheerful, mouth-full-of-noodles grin. "Because she's a lesbian."

And the dark-haired shinobi proceeded to choke violently on the rice he'd just swallowed.

"I mean, come on," the blonde continued, "How HOT are those plastic chicks compared to that Ken doll? I mean, she's totally justified ditching the fag."

Still hacking.

Naruto seemed to suddenly notice the other male's predicament and thumped him on the back, which sent him flying forwards. After several more seconds of coughing, the masticated rice was on the ground, no longer obstructing his bronchi, and watery dark eyes were glaring in the blonde's general direction.

"You've thought this through?"

"... yes." He seemed a bit put-off by the chewed food spewed everywhere.

"Dobe." Sasuke sighed as he righted himself, crossing his arms and gazing amusedly at the blonde.

"TEME!"

"... hn."

"I wasn't finished, you know," Naruto pouted, sticking his lower lip out and batting his eyelashes.

"Finish, then." Seemingly unaffected by the squishiness.

He smirked, leaning forwards and smiling winningly up at the Uchiha. "And I've already got the hottest male in existence, so she might as well go les."

Said 'hottest male' smirked, shaking his head at his koi's shamelessness. "Usuratonkachi," he murmured, affectionately kissing the blonde's forehead.

"... besides, she has Sakura to help her along."

"... NANI?"

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A/N: The first thing I've submitted in agggggggges. Definitely OOC. This random conversation just came to me last night (at eleven fiftysomething) and I just got around to typing it up. Flame if you want, I know it sucks. But, since it is my first posted Naruto fic, you could be nice...

Ah, what the hell. Just press the little button. Feed the hungry authoress?