Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Inferior

by chairomori

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I don't know when it was that I started to feel inferior. I suppose it stemmed from my childhood insecurities and bashfulness. Even so, it has made we weak. Tou-san neglects me, to constantly train Hanabi-chan and only stops to scold me. Every time, I can't stop the feeling of disappointment from welling in my heart, the aching feeling of turmoil and despair. I can't stop the tears from forming in my eyes. And no matter how much I try, I can't stop them from falling. Just like I can't stop Tou-san from berating me more for crying.

Many times, I have tried to argue back. To deny what Tou-san accuses me of. I am not weak. I'm a chuunin now, aren't I? So what if I stutter in front of people? So what if I'm easily intimidated? It's because of you! You made me this way! It was because of your constant discouragement and disappointment that I am who I am today! It was you who tore away me confidence, stripped me of it piece by piece, one by one. You are the one to blame, not me!

I can feel power and strength surge through my veins when I think such things in my room. I feel confident and self-assured. Next time, I tell myself, next, time, I'll make him see I'm not weak.

But I never do. The words are always choked back by my traitorous tears and emotions. I don't control them. They control me. Instead of proving myself, I only bring more shame and humiliation at my pitifulness.

It's strange how there words come so easily to me as I write them, but they never seem to be able to escape my lips. If only I could be more brave, I wouldn't have to write my feelings. But I'm not, and that is why I feel I must write. To ensure that someone, anyone, will someday come across this, see, and finally understand what I can never express.

Hyuuga Hinata

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