Well, I've been sidetracked from the story that I was supposed to be writing because I've been writing this story… oops. Well, here it is! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: If I was really making money off the Teen Titans, do you think I would be posting things here? Nope, I'd publish a novel or something and make even more money off them. Unfortunately, I don't own the Teen Titans, so I'll just have to settle with this :).
Chapter One - The Reunion
It's been five years.
Five whole years since we broke up.
Aren't people supposed to be over things like this after five years? Aren't people supposed to move on and find someone better? Or if not someone better, at least someone else.
In the mirror I stared at a man in a pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt. His skin was an unusual shade of green, like the color of beach grass at twilight. His mouth carried a twin set of short, animal-like fangs. His face was very plain and blank at the moment - but his eyes were alive.
I don't want to be this anymore. I don't want to be here.
Robin walked into the room and pat me on the back, looking clean with his usually spiky hair slicked back for the ceremony.
"Congrats, man," he said as he offered me a wide smile. I felt my face transform and, by habit, I returned it.
"Thanks." I said, inwardly cringing at how false my cheerful tone sounded. His look turned serious. He searched the room to make sure we were alone before leaning in to me.
"So uh… how did you know… y'know, that you were ready?" He asked in a low voice. I smiled, feeling ridiculous.
"I guess you just know." I answered with a shrug. God, I sounded so lame. Everything I said sounded fake nowadays. Heh… nowadays.
In the "good old days," I wasn't like this. Yeah, I would tell horrible jokes for the attention I'd get (plus, I loved seeing that I could cheer people up), but I was never fake about it. When I was angry, people knew. When I was sad, people knew. When I was annoyed, people knew.
I'm not what I used to be.
When Robin left, I stared into the mirror again.
I don't want to be this anymore.
It's been five whole years since I've been anything like what I want to be… five whole years.
"I… I love you too," she had said, "I guess I have for a while now."
She had flushed a bright, cherry red at her own words and bit her lip gently, but she gathered the courage to look into my eyes.
"I guess I was just scared that you'd… that you'd say that you didn't really feel the same. That you'd get creeped out and run away. I… I'm not really used to talking about my feelings. I just know that I don't want to be alone again."
Cyborg came in next, wearing a black suit that covered the more obvious parts of his machinery. He was probably the closest to understanding any of what was going on in my head. He put a hand on my shoulder, smiling at my reflection as he admired how well he cleaned up in the mirror.
"Today's the big day, man." He said, looking to see my reaction to his words.
"Yeah," I smiled back, my voice trailing off. "I never thought I'd actually do this."
He laughed at that, "yeah, I never thought you'd get laid, either." I smiled genuinely, feeling some old bit of normality slip into our routine. Even after all these years, I was mildly comforted by the knowledge that we would never change completely. We would still compete, argue and tease each other well into old age. For a few seconds, the room got quiet before he turned from the mirror to face me.
"Hey man, you're happy, right?" He asked seriously. I turned to him, another fake smile glued perfectly into place - I'd been waiting for this one.
"Of course, I mean, who wouldn't be happy? I'm getting married."
I'm getting married. I should be ecstatic. I'm not. I want to turn into a bird and just fly away from all of this. Just get away from here and all the people waiting to see me walk down the aisle. I want to go back in time, to when the Titans were still just teens. To when Raven…
I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. Not much feels like it does.
I'm a 28 year old crime fighting super hero, I'm getting married to a gorgeous civilian, and all I want to do is run away. Run as far away as my legs will let me.
What happened to me?
Starfire was next to greet me.
"Friend Beast Boy!" She exclaimed as she engulfed me in one of her token bear hugs. She let go, then set her hands together by her face as she continued. "Today is most joyous! Would you allow me to recite the poem of great joy and celebration for you? It is only 87 versus long."
"Star… I," I started, hating what I loved about the situation. It was nice to think that Starfire would always be so young and enthusiastic, no matter what lemons life gave her. They were qualities that were quickly leaving me.
At my hesitation, she opened her mouth to start the first warbled verse of the poem.
"Starfire?" Robin called outside my door. I looked to the ceiling, sending a small prayer of thanks to the powers that be. Meanwhile, she pouted for a second, looking at the door, before turning to me with another bright smile.
"I am very pleased that you are happy, friend Beast Boy." She gave me another quick squeeze. "I am sure that your future will be most glorious."
Raven was supposed to come see me next, but I had the curious feeling that she was avoiding me. On the invitations, I had asked all the Titans, along with Raven, to make sure that they saw me before the ceremony. They must have thought that I needed some kind of a pep talk, but I needed more than that.
I needed to see her again. At least one more time before I signed my life away.
Back in the mirror I continued my motions. I put the bow tie on myself and adjusted it until it was centered on my shirt. I put my cuff links on and tried once again to smooth back my hair, then stopped to stare at my coat.
The ceremony would be in three hours, but for some reason my fiancée had insisted that we get ready at a ridiculously early time. She was really very ridiculous…
Why am I doing this? I have to get out of here. I can jump out the window and become a bird. Probably a black one, so that my beak and feet will be the only recognizably green parts of me, then I can just… fly forever.
It was only the quietest of knocks, but I jumped at the sound. Did someone find me out? Did someone somehow know that I wanted to leave so badly?
"Co-" my voice cracked. I cleared it nervously. "Come in."
The door swung open, then softly closed. A lump formed in my throat and butterflies wrecked havoc on my stomach.
There she was.
She looked radiant even in the God-awful dress all the brides maids were required to wear. The bright orange clashed against her hair, the drape was terrible… but she seemed to just radiate out of it. Like she was somehow able to send a projection of herself through it that made the dress fade away until it was just… Raven.
She looked up from the floor and stared at me. I almost flinched at the look I received. I had forgotten how good she was with the whole "cool and calm" deal. It made me want to tear out my hair and yell and scream - anything to get a reaction. But I knew that I couldn't do that. It wasn't her fault that I was here, it was mine. I was running away again.
"Congratulations," she said simply. I reached out, but at her flinch my hand froze.
"I-" what was I going to say? There was so much that needed to be said between us and yet, standing there in my tuxedo with her in that ridiculous orange and black dress, not one thing would come to me.
After we had broken up, I had spent nights avoiding sleep and thinking of all the different ways I could've handled our situation. All the different things I should've said. When I finally gave in and let myself sleep, she haunted me there, trying to hide her tears, trying not to show that she was hurt, that she was human, that I mattered to her enough to have the power to hurt her.
It had been a stupid argument, but then, all our arguments were that way. I just always thought that I would have the time to get her back.
Two days after the fight she left the Titans.
She had told everyone but me.
"I've missed you," I blurted out. Smooth one, Beast Boy. Just scare her away with heavy emotions coming from no where.
She stared at me, a part of her façade breaking as her face softened.
"Why are you doing this?" She asked quietly, staring at the fascinating pattern on the floor of my hotel room as she gently bit her lip. I knew that look. She hadn't meant to expose herself like that. She always bit her lip when she didn't want to show her emotions. I took a step towards her before stopping myself.
"She's happy." I said simply. Without a word we both knew I was referring to my fiancée. "She wants this." Raven looked up at me, her eyes shining fiercely.
"What about you?" She asked forcefully. I turned to stare at the floor, as she had been seconds before. It was a rather interesting pattern, now that I had the chance to examine it. Red as a background with brown, white and orange in an almost -
"Beast Boy," my head slowly raised as I heard her utter my name. It stung to hear it. How long had I imagined her saying my name again? How many nights had I sat up, simply imagining the way she said 'Garfield,' trying to retrieve it from my stubborn memory? And after the long wait, I still didn't have the satisfaction of hearing it in person. It had been five years… "Please, what about you?"
I swallowed an embarrassing lump in my throat and stared at her. She was trying so hard to be strong, but I knew her better then that. She was hurt. She was fighting to keep her feelings from bursting through to the surface like they wanted to. I couldn't face her, so I resolved to stare at a spot just above her shoulder rather than try to meet her eyes.
"It doesn't matter." I answered finally.
"What?" Her tone continued to defrost, although it now had a slight hiss to it.
"It doesn't matter," I repeated, forcing my voice to become stronger.
"How can it not matter?" She asked, taking a step towards me. I wanted her to come to me again, like we used to go to each other. I wanted her to tell me that she forgave me for being such an idiot and that she had never stopped loving me. I wanted her to tell me that she had spent sleepless nights wondering what had gone wrong and how it could've been fixed, just like I did. I looked up. She must've sensed how hopeful I was because she immediately stopped moving. Stupid empath skills.
We were an arm's length away from each other, and after all the time we spent apart, I still couldn't face her. I ducked my head once more.
Our conversation felt like what I imagine all slow, agonizing, torturous deaths feel like. The death of everything that I've ever wanted with her. The death of our past. The death of the hope I'd harbored for the past five years, that maybe, just maybe, somewhere out there she was thinking about me, too.
"We both know that there's no way around this." I said quietly.
It would be better this way. It would be better if I could just let everything about our past go. It wasn't fair to my fiancée that I was standing in my room, getting ready to get married to her while I stared at a woman from my past with so much… emotion, I guess.
"Why? Why is there no way around this? Why can't we do anything? Why… Why didn't you try, just once, to find me or talk to me? Why couldn't you just let me keep my pride and talk me through my emotions? Why did you just…" she stopped, her voice becoming little more than a whisper, "forget me?"
I took another step forward, and try as I might, I couldn't seem to stop myself. I wrapped my arms around her, burying my hands in her hair, my face in her shoulder. She didn't welcome me, but she didn't try to stop me either, and that was good enough for me. I could feel her shaking with quiet, proud tears. Of course, even her tears wouldn't be able to resist the allure of her pride.
I took this opportunity to remember all the little things about her that would hold me over for the next couple of years. I stroked her hair, felt its silkiness. I breathed her scent and reminded myself not to forget it. I memorized the feeling of her fitting into me, seeking in me the comfort she lacked.
We stood there in the middle of the room for what seemed like ages - but it wasn't long enough. It could never be long enough. Finally, I broke the silence.
"Raven… I never forgot you. I'm sorry."
She was silent for a moment, seeming to digest the information.
"You're sorry?" She stood stock-still for a second before hitting me with her fists, trying to fight her way out of my grip. I held her tight. If I let go of her now, then the moment would be over and we'd go our separate ways again. If she had decided to scream at me or throw things at me, it wouldn't have made the situation any different. All we had were these spare moments, and I wasn't willing to relinquish them without a fight.
"You're sorry? I've spent five years wondering what went wrong, why we couldn't just work out our differences and our problems and move on. I tried writing you, Azar, I even tried calling you once… but nothing. Nothing. You never called me back. You never wrote back… Nothing."
She was crying again, but I was still trying to sort through the information she had just let slip.
"Rae… I never got any calls, or any letters."
She beat her hands against my chest with renewed strength.
"Let go of me. Let me go, Beast Boy!" Her eyes glowed with a black fire, and I had a feeling that I knew what was going to happen before it did. The darkness wrapped itself around me by her command and tossed me onto the nearest couch a good, safe distance away from her.
"I'm sorry that it wont be me with you today." She said plainly as she turned and grasped the door handle. She half turned to me again.
I stared at the place she had been, my heart feeling heavier than it had in a long time, before putting my head in my hands and letting myself cry.
So, how about that? I've got about eight chapters in mind now… but we'll have to see how my writing goes. It could be more or less. I'll be explaining Beast Boy and Raven's history together and introduce Marilyn, Beast Boy's fiancée, in the next couple of chapters. And I promise that the next couple of chapters won't be as emotional, I just needed to introduce the "current" situation with the pair before delving into the details.
I appreciate any and all comments, so feel free to review. Just hit "go!