This, my first completed fanfiction, I dedicate to my good friend Sins of Angels, who encouraged me to write it. You made me realize that love stories can be great and reminded me of the importance of love in life. Thank you so much.
Author's Note: I posted this story before, but I hadn't properly edited it, since I was eager to post my first fanfiction. Upon being informed of some errors and contradictions within the story, I deleted it. I have since edited it to the best of my ability and re-posted it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am not making any money from writing this.
Harry James Potter's Why You Don't Want Me To Be Your Boyfriend
By Geek Squared 1307
The grandest party that anyone had ever seen was in progress, and had been in progress for the last two weeks, since the defeat of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Even the Ministry had been lax in their enforcement of the "Don't be noticed by Muggles" rule and joined the celebration that had spread across the globe.
So, of course, this party was absolutely great, and included the consumption of much food and intoxicating beverages. The guest of honor, however, was conspicuously absent. Harry was under the close medical supervision of Madam Pomfrey. He, Ron, and Hermione had virtually moved into the Hospital Wing during these two weeks after the defeat of the Dark Lord Voldemort. During that time, a large percentage of the magical community of England had moved its celebrations to Hogwarts Castle and its grounds, and many of them were trying to break through the door of the Hospital Wing, to see Harry Potter, the Savior-his latest nickname. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had barricaded the door with the extra beds. Of the others who had also been in the Hospital Wing, Remus Lupin and Severus Snape had gone to St. Mungo's due to their relatively severe injuries, but had been released a few days before. The others-including some members of the Order and some Death Eaters-had injuries minor enough so that they had joined the celebrations a week ago.
It was about two in the morning on the last Saturday of June. Despite the late hour, the celebrations had shown no sign of slowing down, let alone stopping. Harry and Ron were sitting on opposite sides of a table, playing wizard's chess while Hermione sat at a desk, looking through large old books she had snuck out of the library while no one was looking.
Ron made his next move and said to Hermione, "What exactly are you looking for?"
"Morden," she answered, sounding as though that should explain everything.
"And what exactly is a Morden," asked Harry, making his next chess move.
"It's a school-Morden Academy, and they're going to start taking applications soon," said Hermione, not looking up.
"Relax, Hermione," Ron advised his friend. "You're sure to get in."
"One cannot assume such things Ronald."
"I don't think anyone else can put 'assisting in the downfall of Voldemort' on their application."
Before Hermione could respond in turn, the three of them heard a loud banging on the door. Voices from the other side were yelling, "Harry," "We want Harry," "We love Harry," and the like. Harry groaned. Among the group, he could clearly hear the voice of one Janine Rosewater, who had managed to barge into the Hospital Wing a few days ago and talk to Harry before Madam Pomfrey tossed her out. Janine was the Founder and President of the We Love Harry Potter Fan Club, the creation of which Harry had dreaded since second year when Colin Creevey, Ginny Weasley, and Professor Lockheart had all come to Hogwarts. She had, in the brief time before Madame Pomfrey noticed her presence, declared her undying love for him, said that the club currently had thousands of members who felt the same way, and that she was sure he could find a wonderful girlfriend among their ranks. Harry had been so dumbstruck that he hadn't said anything, and Hermione had laughed about it for hours. Ron had said he'd be Harry's bodyguard.
Among the voices, the three friends could now hear Tonks, who had assigned herself the job of protecting Harry from manic fans until the Ministry resumed its highly illogical, fun-to-criticize idea of normal leadership and ordered her to return to work. With her Auror training, Tonks was more than qualified to keep a crowd of fanatics away from the unwilling recipient of their worship. She had kept the Harry Potter Fan Club out of the Hospital Wing during the last two weeks. This time, however, the crowd proved to be too numerous for even a highly-trained Auror. There was a loud crack as the door began to split down the middle.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione could hear Tonks telling them to run away as she herself went to find help from anyone she came across. The three of them looked at each other and wondered Run away where, exactly? The splintering door was the only one leading out of the Hospital Wing and into the corridor; the other door lead to Madame Pomfrey's office, where they'd be even more trapped if the mob broke through the first one.
It was Hermione, of course, who saw the answer first. "The window," she said. The three of them rushed over, Harry and Ron grabbing their brooms on the way. The two boys mounted their brooms and Hermione sat behind Ron on his. The door crashed open, coming off its hinges just as the three of them sped away towards the village of Hogsmeade, which was also packed with loads of witches, wizards, and several other species of magical beings from all over the world. As Harry scanned the crowd, he saw that luckily there were no members of the Harry Potter Fan Club-at least not anyone he knew of.
Harry turned towards The Three Broomsticks, which was virtually overflowing with patrons, yelling to Ron and Hermione, "I think Remus said he was going there!"
The three friends landed in front of The Three Broomsticks and snuck in before the people on the street could recognize The Boy Who Lived Again. Once they were out of sight of the people outside, however, there was the problem of trying not to be seen by the people who were inside. Harry quickly ducked to the left and crawled under the buffet table, which was covered by a tablecloth that almost reached the floor. Ron and Hermione followed.
"Did anyone see us," asked Ron.
"I doubt it," said Hermione.
"Wish we had our wands," said Harry. The Death Eaters had destroyed the wands of several people during the last battled against Lord Voldemort. No one had been able to get a new one from Ollivander's or any other wand shop, because most shop owners had closed up and joined the partying.
Several pairs of feet appeared by the buffet table. Voices that had once been a part of the general din inside the building now became comparatively clearer. The topic of conversation was, of course, Harry. The voices were of teenagers.
"Oh, and did you see Harry's picture in yesterday's Prophet," asked one voice that was almost painfully high.
"Oh, my god," said another voice, this time a boy's. "He is so hot." The conversation continued in the manner, with two or three more voices joining in. Harry could feel his face getting red, and Ron and Hermione were having a difficult time attempting not to laugh. Harry glared at his two friends, and they smiled at him.
The feet moved away, and Ron whispered, "Oh, Harry, you are so handsome. Won't you go out with me?" Harry glared at him. This caused Hermione to burst out in a fit of muffled laughter behind their hands. Harry rolled his eyes at his friends and turned away to peek under the table cover. The other two joined him.
Suddenly, they heard a voice from above them. "Hey, what's going on?" Harry, Ron, and Hermione jerked their heads up and saw the freckled face of Ginny Weasley.
Hermione told Ginny what happened, and the youngest Weasley laughed.
"Not so loud," said Harry. "Someone will hear you." He looked around. "Where's Remus?"
"The Order rented a room in the back," said Ginny. "I'll get your invisibility cloak from Sirius." She ran off toward the back of the building, dodging intoxicated party-goers along the way. A moment later, she was back, carrying Harry's cloak. Harry, Ron, and Hermione struggled to put it over themselves while still hiding under the table. They finally managed it, and crawled out.
Ginny lead them to the back, where there was a long hallway off of the main room. At the end of the hallway, there was a door to the largest rented room. The four friends could hear the voices of their friends coming through it. Ginny opened the door for her friends, and they eagerly discarded the invisibility cloak once they were inside.
Mrs. Weasley, of course, was the first to notice them. "Harry. Ron. Hermione," she said, trying to embrace them all at the same time.
"Mum, stop it. I can't breathe," said Ron.
The others in the room, who were mostly members of the Order, came up to ask how the three of them were. Lupin quickly ushered them to some free chairs, and Mrs. Weasley gave them plates piled high with food. Their friends quickly moved near them.
"What're you lot doing here," asked Siruis. "I thought Madam Pomfrey had you locked in the Hospital Wing."
"Crazy fangirls -" started Hermione.
"And fanboys," supplied Ron, grinning sheepishly at Harry. Harry blushed and glared at his best friend.
"- and fanboys," continued Hermione, "decided to break into the Hospital Wing and kidnap Harry." Everyone laughed.
"They did not try to kidnap me," said Harry.
"They would have thought of it eventually," said Ron, shrugging. Harry rolled his eyes.
Despite the jokes, Harry was glad to be surrounded by his friends. After all the horrors of Lord Voldemort, this felt like heaven.
As the school year drew to a close, the parties subsided. Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, and most of the wizarding world slowly returned to their normal state. Harry and his friends bought new wands from Diagon Alley. There was, however, one more important event coming up. Professor McGonagall had announced that there would be a Grand Ball at Hogwarts for Harry's birthday, since Harry had not been able to attend any of the many celebrations during his stay in the Hospital Wing. Of course, Harry was grateful, but McGonagall's announcement had left him with a dilemma. The We Love Harry Potter Fan Club started harassing him with a new vigor, hoping he would take one of them to the ball. Harry considered saying that he wanted to go without a date and just hang out with his friends, but the truth was that there was someone he desperately wanted to ask.
At the end of June, Harry moved into number twelve Grimmauld Place, and started trying to make the house feel like his home. He'd tried to get Sirius to take it back, but his godfather insisted that he never wanted to see the house again-at least not until Harry had completely gotten rid of all memories of the Black family. Sirius and Remus, who had been dating since their fifth year at Hogwarts, moved into a little house not far away. Number twelve was a big house, so Harry decided to ask Ron to be his roommate, and Ron was more than glad to accept.
One day in the middle of July, the doorbell rang. When Harry answered it, he found Hermione and Ginny standing on the porch with large shopping bags.
"Hullo, Harry," said Ginny and Hermione in unison.
Harry just stared at them. "What on Earth...?"
His two friends moved past him into the house and put their bags down in the main floor living room. Harry followed them.
"We went shopping to help you guys decorate," said Ginny, taking a multitude of different knickknacks, wallpaper samples, curtains, and silverware out of the shopping bags.
"Really," said Harry, "you guys. You didn't have to...this must have cost a fortune."
Hermione smiled. "It did, but we wanted to do something nice."
"Now, where's Ron," asked Ginny. "First, we have to figure out what color wallpaper you guys want so we can make everything else match."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Ginny bought everything in every color, so you guys could pick, and then we'll return everything else."
"Ron's gone to an interview with the Ministry-not that he'd be much help anyway," said Harry. "Actually, I won't be any help either."
"Oh, come on," said Ginny. "You must have some idea of what you want your house to look like."
Harry laughed. "Besides getting rid of everything that belonged to Sirius' awful family, we're just going to wing it."
Hermione giggled a little. "See, Ginny? I told you."
"Oh, honestly," said Ginny, measuring the windows, which currently had no curtains after Harry and Ron had thrown out the old ones. "You're worse than Hermione. At least she bought new curtains for our house, even if they clashed dreadfully with the wallpaper. You didn't even replace the ones your got rid of."
"We're guys Ginny," said Harry. "We don't know anything about decorating. We just threw out or sold anything with the Black family crest on it."
Ginny ran out of the living room, saying over her shoulder. "I'm going to go see what else we've got to do. I have a feeling this is going to take forever."
Hermione made a move to follow Ginny, but Harry put a hand on her shoulder. "Wait, Hermione. I-I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Sure, Harry," she said. "What's up?"
He grabbed a copy of the day's Daily Prophet and handed it to her. On the front page was an article entitled The Love Life of The Boy Who Lived. The article speculated on who Harry would take to the ball, with many comments from members of the We Love Harry Potter Fan Club, all of whom claimed Harry was madly in love with them.
Hermione tried to stop herself from laughing and failed miserably. "Oh, come on, Harry. It's just rumors. They'll find someone else to talk about next week."
"They've been talking about me for the last seven years. I was thinking, well, you know, to tell everyone the truth-or at least part of it. Maybe if they knew that I was already with someone, they'd leave me alone."
"I think knowing who you're with will scare them off much better than just knowing you're with someone. Unless you tell them who, they won't back off. They'll bother you even more, following you guys around with cameras while you're on a date, and then make up stories about your relationship."
Harry didn't like to admit it, but he knew Hermione was right. "You're a good friend to be okay with this, Hermione."
"Hey, it's no different than my relationship with-"
"Where are you guys," called Ginny from upstairs.
"You two love each other, Harry," said Hermione. "No one will mind."
"I doubt that Hermione, but thanks for saying it anyway."
The two of them joined Ginny in her check of the house, and when Ron returned he promptly rolled his eyes at his sister before telling her not to put too much lace on everything.
The next few weeks were filled with matching furniture with curtains and Harry and Ron trying to stop Ginny from turning their home into a "pink puffball." As Harry's birthday got closer, the quantity of love letters in the mail increased and the articles about him in the newspaper grew more suggestive. Harry decided to do something about it, so he sat down at his desk one day and wrote a letter.
23 July 1998
I hope you are enjoying the summer holiday. I really enjoyed your article in The Quibbler. Thank you for sending it to me.
You've probably read the many articles people have been writing about me in The Daily Prophet. I really want people to leave me alone, and they probably won't until they know the truth. I remember when your dad printed the interview about me in The Quibbler, and it helped a lot. I was wondering if he'd be willing to do the same again. I wrote an article that I hope people will find funny and not hate me for. I'll understand, of course, if he can't print it.
I hope you are well. By the way, congratulations on your and Neville's engagement.
Lots of love,
Harry took one last look at his article, and a part of him couldn't believe he'd actually written it.
Why You Don't Want Me To Be Your Boyfriend
by Harry James Potter
Recently, loads of people have been trying to get me to go out with them. For some reason, they think that it would be wonderful to be my girlfriend/boyfriend, just because I am famous. In truth, I must tell these people: You do not want me to be your boyfriend. Following is a list of reasons why this is so.
1. Growing up with my aunt and uncle, who really didn't care if I was alive or dead, instead of my loving parents, has made it difficult for me to express my feelings.
2. Trouble (Vodemort-related or otherwise) seems to like me, and I have resigned myself to this fact. I'm likely to go off on wild adventures and even more likely to get myself killed or seriously wounded during said adventures.
3. Being hunted by Lord Voldemort has caused me to feel responsible for those around me. I have a general disregard for my own well-being, which is not a good thing if you're looking forward to the whole "growing old together" part of a relationship.
4. I'm not very romantic and do not enjoy dancing. Just ask my date for the Yule Ball.
5. I never felt loved in my aunt and uncle's house, and am therefore extremely clingy and protective of those who are important to me.
6. I have seen many people get hurt and die at the hands of Voldemort, the Death Eaters, and myself, which has disturbed me greatly. My anger and guilt may cause me to yell and lose my temper a lot.
7. Because I had to fight Voldemort, I didn't really have a proper childhood. I'm likely to start acting very childish in order to get back the time I lost.
8. I have an everlasting grudge against several people: Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Dolores Umbridge, Fenrir Greyback, The Lestranges, all Death Eaters, and basically anyone else I think is evil and/or up to no good. Although the Ministry will probably not charge me with the murder of Voldemort, I will surely end up in Azkaban when I kill these people.
9. I basically cheated my way through N.E.W.T. Potions class with a textbook that had all the answers from a previous student, and was easily tricked into believing that said student was a good person, instead of the lying, despicable git he really is. I believe this shows my disregard for the rules and morals and proves that, despite popular opinion, I am not very intelligent.
10. Voldemort's Death Eaters are likely to kidnap/torture/kill you (probably a combination of all three) in order to get to me.
11. Although I have become a celebrity, I do not enjoy being the center of attention in a crowd of complete strangers. I prefer time spent with close friends. If you want to date/marry me in order to become famous and meet celebrities, I must warn you that this will not happen.
12. My mother is Muggle-born. While I think Muggles and Muggle-borns are just as good as half- or pure-blood wizards and witches, I'm hoping this fact will deter anyone who wants to marry into a pure-blood family.
13. I am friends with a werewolf and half-giant, which again, I hope will deter any self-righteous pure-bloods.
14. According to several people, I am arrogant and act like I am above the rules.
15. I can speak Parseltongue, due to my encounter with Lord Voldemort as a baby, and there are those who think I will one day become the next Dark Lord, even more terrible than Lord Voldemort.
16. Being cursed by Lord Voldemort may have "addled" my brains, according to the Daily Prophet.
17. Lastly, I am taken. Ginny Weasley, contrary to popular opinion, is not my girlfriend, so please stop threatening her. I am already with someone who I love very much and who will attend the Ball with me. Said someone will beat you up if you show any romantic interest in me-and probably even if you don't.
Harry tied the letter and his article to Hedwig's leg, and the owl returned with Luna's reply in a few days.
28 July 1998
I love the article! My father's really excited about printing it. He's putting it on the front page of the 30 July issue. We're anticipating record-breaking sales.
You really should have told us you were going out with someone, Harry. Who is she? I bet she's wonderful. I can't wait to meet her.
Neville and I plan on getting married sometime next year. Expect an invitation soon.
Harry considered telling Ron about the article. After all, he really should know. In the end, however, he decided it would be more satisfying to see Ron's face when he saw it on The Quibbler's front page.
On the morning of 30 July, Harry was having orange juice when Ron stalked into the kitchen brandishing The Quibbler like a sword.
"Harry James Potter! What the hell did you-why-what-when-"
Harry laughed at the look on Ron's face. "You've been saying that everyone should know." He grew serious. "You don't think it's a good idea?"
Ron put the magazine on the table and sat down. "Of course I do, Harry, but-well-you never know what people are going to think, do you. I just don't want you to be hurt."
Harry smiled at him. "Ron, I don't care what the whole world thinks. They'll make up stories about me no matter what I do. All I care about is being honest with the people I love."
At that moment, a familiar voice came from the fireplace. "Harry, dear, you should have told us. Who is she?"
Harry and Ron looked over to see Mrs. Weasley's face floating in the fireplace.
"Hello, Mrs. Weasley. How are you and Mr. Weasley?"
"Harry, dear, you are trying to avoid the question. We'd all love to meet her, of course."
Ron laughed. "Don't worry, Mum. Harry'll bring his date to dinner. Won't you, Harry?"
"Yeah, sure Mrs. Weasley," said Harry, glaring at Ron.
"Wonderful! Ronald, you really should start looking for a girl yourself. Just the other day, I was talking to Mrs. Rootly. Her daughter is very nice, you know."
Harry and Ron laughed.
"Well, one son at a time, I suppose," said Mrs. Weasley. "I'll see the two of you tomorrow. Be sure to comb your hair, Harry dear. I imagine everyone will be taking pictures of you."
"I will, Mrs. Weasley."
With a faint pop, Mrs. Weasley's head disappeared from the fireplace.
Harry asked, "Do we have any film for the camera?"
Ron understood immediately. "I'll tell Hermione to take a picture of her when you walk in."
This just made the two of them laugh even more.
On Harry's birthday, the Great Hall of Hogwarts was filled to capacity. There were many round tables, but there were so many people that not everyone had a seat. Harry stood in a small room off of the main entranceway of the school with Hermione, Ginny, Ron, and the Weasley family.
"I still don't understand why we have to wait here," said Harry, fidgeting as Mrs. Weasley straightened his tie.
"They want you to make an entrance, Harry," said Ron.
"Mum, quit bugging him," said Ginny.
"His tie is straight enough, Molly, dear," said Mr. Weasley, laughing and pulling Mrs. Weasley away from Harry.
"Where is this girlfriend of yours, Harry," asked Charlie with a smile.
Before Harry could think of an excuse, Ginny said, "She's gone to powder her face."
"I think she's avoiding Mum," said Bill.
"Very funny," said Mrs. Weasley. "Well, we'll see you in a bit, dear."
"We'll wait for you in the Great Hall, Harry," said Bill.
Most of the Wesley family filed out of the room, and Harry was left with Ginny, Ron, and Hermione.
"Well, I guess it's now or never," said Harry.
"Relax, Harry," said Hermione. "What's the worst that could happen?"
The four of them walked into the entranceway of the school. Ginny and Hermione went into the Great Hall, and Hermione found a place from which she could get a clear photo of Mrs. Weasley's face. Ginny pointed her camera towards Sirius and Remus.
"Sure you want to do this, mate," asked Ron.
"Yeah," said Harry.
From behind them, they heard a familiar voice. "Mr. Potter. Mr. Weasley."
"Hello, Professor McGonagall," said Ron.
"Thanks again, Professor, for-well-all of this and everything. You really shouldn't have gone through the trouble," said Harry.
"No trouble at all," said Professor McGonagall. She lowered her voice. "To be honest, I was getting angry mail constantly for not allowing you to come to the earlier celebrations. Now, where is this girlfriend of yours?"
Harry and Ron stared at her, dumbfounded. Professor McGonagall read The Quibbler?
"Your fans kept writing to the Hogwarts staff, sending us copies of the article and asking us to speculate on who she is."
"Er, she's gone to powder her face," said Harry.
She looked at him like she knew he was lying, but just said, "Well, please come join the festivities as soon as she returns." With that, she walked into the Hall.
Harry took a breath and offered his arm to Ron. "Ready?"
Ron linked arms with Harry and said, "You bet."
The two of them walked into the Great Hall. Photographers started taking pictures, blinding Harry and Ron with flashes, but were immediately confused, wondering where Harry's girlfriend was.
Ron decided to make the truth perfectly clear and pulled Harry into a passionate kiss. Flashes began going off around them again.
Many years later, Harry and Ron still kept a framed copy of the front page article of the 1 August 1998 issue of The Daily Prophet, entitled Boy Who Lived Likes Boys. With it, there was a picture of Harry and Ron kissing. Even though it always gave them a laugh, they liked the two pictures next to it the best. One was of Mrs. Weasley's shocked expression and the other of Sirius and Remus laughing uncontrollably.
The copy of The Quibbler with Harry's article was still there as well, and Ron always told Harry with a smile, "You forgot one thing. I'm the only one who's as bad a boyfriend as you are, so we deserve each other."
Author's Note: This is my first completed and posted fanfiction. Please read and review. Was is worse than Vogon Poetry? I was trying to make the ending a surprise for the reader by not revealing that Harry was going out with Ron. Did I do a good job, or was it completely obvious? Flames will be used to fight the Inferi.
Happy reading and writing. May the Force be with you.