I do not own Naruto, Never will.

I use the name Yamato, because Tenzou prefers that. So he's Yamato here, not Tenzou.

SALT AND ICE CREAM

Yamato was troubled.

It happened already four times, four nights in a row. After those four nights, Yamato was sent away four a week to handle missions for the Hokage. When he did return, same thing happened again five times.

Yamato would proudly and bravely admit to himself that he cared deeply for his lover and harbored love for him that he probably will never be able to voice out loud. Kakashi just wasn't that type of person and since both of them preferred a mutual understanding, it was enough.

However, for a total of eight days (four prior and four after his week-long mission), Yamato can't help but feel that something was indeed very wrong. Because Kakashi was stupid in his own silly ways that he'd never tell him what was wrong if he felt like he could handle it himself just fine.

Truth be told, it was starting to piss Yamato off.

Last night would have been the ninth night if that early morning didn't count. Yamato was happily asleep (albeit a bit annoyed and worried), when he felt fingers caress him under the covers, and lips on his chin and neck. It didn't take long for him to wake up and find Kakashi smiling down at him (with a touch of a leer in his look) and sliding down, leaving a nice trail of kisses before taking him in to his mouth. Of course, Yamato had already acknowledged a long time back (the first time Kakashi ever gave him a blow job of course, which was in the private and restricted library of Hokage before they got together) that Kakashi was very good with his mouth. So when, half way through the process Kakashi stopped, disappeared out of the room as fast as a special Jounin could and then reappeared again, Yamato knew something was just not right. He knew so, because one, Kakashi's sucking power was too low, and two, Kakashi never ever gets up in the middle of a blow job.

It was really, really pissing Yamato off.

And what's more, every time he tried to talk about it, Kakashi dodged the subject or quickly changed it and/or kissed him. Yamato liked Kakashi's kisses very much, so one can't really blame him for spacing out after a nice kiss.

Yamato sighed, finishing his report and filing it in at the mission desk. He was done for the day and dinner was his responsibility that night. It was only seven in the evening and if he hurried home, he can probably make some of Kakashi's favorite dish beside the main course.

"Saa. I better get some eggplants." Yamato sighed to himself, just as he stepped up to Kotetsu and handed in his report.

XXX

Yamato was very pleased with himself. He was feeling happy that evening and not only did he manage to make Kakashi's miso soup with eggplant, but he managed to make Yakizakana, Chahan, and Agedashi Tofu. Considering that he didn't receive his paycheck yet to make something a bit more than fried foods (he actually wanted to make Udon or Shabu-Shabu), he will have to settle with what he made. On the sides though, he had enough time to make a sweet sponge cake (he found flour and eggs in Kakashi's cupboard) in which he added a simple caramelized fruit base before the baking.

Just as he was setting the table and the oven rang, he found Pakkun strolling in.

"Hey kid." The pug said, scratching his ear.

"Hello Pakkun. Staying for dinner?"

"Nah. He doesn't want me around at the moment. I'll be going now." Pakkun nudged a paw towards the hallway where Kakashi was taking off his shoes. "Dessert?"

"Cake. With caramelized fruits."

"Excellent. Make sure he eats it. And hide the salt." Pakkun whispered quietly.

"What?" Yamato blinked

"Believe me. You'll be doing him a favor. And yourself." Pakkun said quietly before disappearing into a puff of smoke just as Kakashi stepped in, pulling his mask down and kissing Yamato's cheek.

"Sit down. Rough day?" Yamato said patting his shoulder and padding for the kitchen to get the cake.

"Long day." Kakashi sighed and started scooping rice for the both of them.

Yamato came back out with the cake, taking the dog's advice and hiding the salt while he's at it. "Understandable. It's been a busy season ne?" He set the cake down and sat on his chair, taking his rice and helping himself.

"This is good." Kakashi mumbled, busy picking the eggplant pieces out of his soup.

Yamato's eyes twinkled. "Here. Have mine." He pushed his soup towards Kakashi. "I insist."

Kakashi beamed and accepted the offer. He resumed eating which Yamato noticed was slow. That was rather odd because Kakashi ate fast; Yamato didn't press the matter. If Kakashi felt like eating slowly, then he let him be.

The food was polished off within twenty-five minutes; Yamato found that odd but said nothing. He was starting to stack the dishes when Kakashi stood up, not even glancing at the sweet cake he made.

"No dessert?" Yamato asked, feeling a bit offended. His cakes were good. Every kunoichi and child he gave cake to loved them. Kakashi loved it and now he wasn't even sparing it a glance? Yamato couldn't stop the frown from coming to his lips.

Kakashi saw his face and looked away, rubbing the back of his head and looking rather sheepish. "Ah. I didn't notice the cake."

Yamato's pride felt like a pile bricks just landed on it "You didn't notice it."

"No I didn't." Kakashi swallowed.

Yamato's brow twitch. "How can one not notice this? It's huge!"

"Tenzou ..."

"I told you countless times not to call me by that name."

"But Tenzou -"

"Are you deaf, Hatake?" Yamato glared.

Kakashi shook his head. "I was only -"

"If you didn't want dessert, say so from the beginning." Yamato gave an annoyed sniff and picked the cake tray up; he was partly curious from what Pakkun said and partly very annoyed because Kakashi is acting odd again. "I'll just give it to the old lady downstairs. Maybe she'll notice that there's cake on her table."

Yamato moved past him towards the kitchen and set the cake on the counter while he looked around for a box. Kakashi was right behind him immediately, looking apologetic.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

"Oh it's okay, Kakashi." Yamato said, kicking the cupboard shut. "You just don't like my cake. I understand."

Kakashi bit his lower lip. "My bad." Yamato shot him an annoyed look. "Let's just eat it together. On the bed. What do you say?"

Yamato had good acting skills. It was a compulsory for top ANBU members to undergo some sort of acting-lessons for undercover purposes. The talent and experience just automatically kicked in because for the love of him, Yamato can't stand Kakashi being odd while eating or during sex. Yamato also happen to trust Pakkun.

"I thought you said you didn't notice it." Yamato mumbled.

Kakashi shifted in his feet and reached out to take Yamato's hands, stopping it from chucking the cake in to the box he found. "I'm sorry."

"And I believe you why?"

"Because you make good cakes."

Yamato twitched. "That's it?"

"We were talking about the cake, weren't we?" Kakashi blinked.

"You just want to eat in the bed and then end up with sex you -"

"But Tenzou -"

"Yamato!"

"Ten -

"Kakashi, if you say that name one more time I'll -"

"But you're so good in bed!" Kakashi said, throwing his arms up in the air.

"We were talking about the cake here! Not bed activities!" Yamato glared. It annoyed him to no end that all Kakashi ever thinks about is his penis and anything else related to it.

"I did say I want to eat cake, Tenzou."

"Yamato!"

"No one's around." Kakashi shrugged.

"We're in a village full of ninja!"

"Come to bed Yamato, and bring the cake and forks. I'm going to change in to something more comfortable."

"Get the cake yourself." Yamato grumbled and went about washing the dishes. He heard Kakashi leave and re-enter the kitchen a minute later, He watched from the corner of his eyes as Kakashi tug out two forks from the drawer and carry the cake outside.

Yamato let himself sigh. He was being too whiny but if what Pakkun said was right, then he didn't have a problem with acting for a little longer. Drying his hands, Yamato stepped out of the kitchen, switching the lights off and pulled a chair towards Kakashi's bed,

"What's the chair for?" Kakashi grumbled, the in front of his crossed legs as he handed Yamato his fork.

"For me to sit on."

Kakashi blinked. "You don't want to sit on the bed?"

"Not yet, no. I am going to enjoy my unnoticeable cake first." Yamato mumbled and took a chunk of the soft sponge cake and started chewing.

"You know I didn't mean it that way."

"Of course not." Yamato said, swallowing and helping himself to another forkful.

"You know I didn't."

"Of course."

"Ten -" Kakashi shut his mouth when Yamato gave him his glare of doom.

"If you're not going to eat -"

"Eating." Kakashi took a small forkful and chewed on it slowly.

Yamato's brow twitched but he ignored Kakashi's slowness and continued eating nevertheless.

Just as he suspected, after the eighth forkful, Kakashi stiffened and quickly got off the bed and headed for the kitchen. Yamato smirked as he helped himself to more cake when he started to hear Kakashi's hurried attempts in searching for something.

Ah. The salt.

Cupboards opened and closed. Yamato even heard Kakashi move the fridge (to probably see if the jar of salt fell behind it - which was really dumb because it would be too big anyway) and push it back. He also heard him empty its contents and shove it all back in before coming out looking uncomfortable.

"Yama, where's the salt?"

Yamato didn't even glance at him. Instead, he ate his cake slowly. "Where it should be."

"It's not there." Kakashi said, eyes darting back and forth, a clear indication that he was feeling completely and utterly uncomfortable.

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

Yamato blinked. There was a hysterical edge to his tone. "It's there Kakashi. What do you need it for anyway?"

"Nothing." Kakashi answered quickly.

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "If you don't need it, why are you looking for it?"

Kakashi was loosing his footing in control. "I just need it!"

"But you said -"

"Tenzou, the goddamn salt!"

"Kakashi, you're not making any sense." Yamato wanted to laugh. Kakashi wore an expression of a child who needed the bathroom badly.

"Tenzou, please. The salt!"

"It's in the cupboard, Kakashi."

"It! Is! Not!"

"Kakashi - "

"Tenzou!"

"Sit down!" Yamato hissed and pushed Kakashi on to the bed. Kakashi obeyed while Yamato went to put the cake away on the table where it wouldn't get knocked down. He knelt in front of Kakashi and looked up at his face. "Now. What is the matter with you?"

"I need salt."

"What for?" Yamato gently pressed only to have Kakashi look away. "You're being silly. Let's just go to bed, all right?"

"Fine."

A few minutes later after brushing teeth, they were both in bed. Yamato counted thirty seconds before Kakashi climbed on top of him. Not in the mood, he shoved and accidentally got Kakashi's cheek.

Yamato was not expecting the howl of pain.

It made him blink and sit up immediately to kneel in front of Kakashi who was sitting and cradling one side of his cheek, eyes shut and groaning in pain.

"I shove at you all the time." Yamato said, blinking in confusion. Kakashi only groaned in reply. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing." Kakashi grumbled. "Go back to bed."

Yamato reached out to tug down at Kakashi's hand to have a look when Kakashi resisted and shoved. "Kakashi, stop acting like a child!"

"Nothing is wrong, Tenzou!"

"Hatake!"

"Just let it go already."

Yamato channeled chakra and wrenched Kakashi's hand free from his cheek. "Open your mouth Kakashi."

"No."

"Open it!"

"No!"

"Just goddamn open your stupid mouth -"

"I'm not opening my mouth!"

Yamato kissed him forcefully before reaching out and squeezing the cheek that Kakashi was cradling earlier hard.

Kakashi howled in pain.

Yamato peered inside and found two of Kakashi's molars cracked and in need of a filling. "So that's why you needed the salt."

Kakashi shoved and faced away. "Shut up."

"Why didn't you just go to the dentist?" Yamato asked, flopping down to sit on the floor.

"No need." Kakashi said, moving to lied down on his good cheek.

"You need to get it filled. Maybe even crowned or extracted. Did you get punched?" Yamato stifled his yawn.

"Once. Two weeks ago."

Yamato blinked. "So that's why your blow jobs suck."

"What?"

"I've been wondering why you were so bad -"

"After all those times you screamed -"

"I'm taking you to the dentist tomorrow." Yamato said, standing up and lying down beside Kakashi.

Kakashi scooted away.

Yamato rolled his eyes and decided to leave Kakashi alone to sulk.

XXX

Yamato didn't give two shits if Kakashi glared at the kids around him to death nor did he care if he made them cry. When it got a bit out of hand, he reached out casually and pinched Kakashi's side.

"Do one more foolish thing and I will not hesitate to punch your good cheek, sempai."

One threat and Kakashi kept quiet. Kakashi knew that when Yamato got annoyed it was more than a punch and more than lack of speech. If Yamato got really mad, it would mean to touching, no good food, no cuddles and most certainly no kissing and no sex. Kakashi adored Yamato to bits to lose all of that so he kept quiet.

"Hatake Kakashi?"

Yamato stood up. "Here." He gestured to Kakashi who was trying to not get noticed (which was stupid, because he was built, tall and dressed in dark blue Jounin uniform) by the nurse.

"The doctor will see you now." The nurse said and returned to her desk.

"Come on." Yamato gestured towards the door.

"You know, I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"I'll do better."

"No. I want you to get better. Now get in there. Stop acting like a five year old." Yamato started pushing Kakashi towards the clinic. "If you do one foolish thing, Kakashi, one foolish thing, don't think I'll keep quiet."

Kakashi cowered and disappeared in to the door.

Yamato went back to the waiting chair and picked up the newspaper. He didn't even blink when he heard Kakashi scream from within the door.

"What the fuck is that long metallic thing! Get away!"

XXX

Yamato returned home after a short mission with a large tub of ice cream. It turned out that Kakashi had to extract two of his teeth. Last time Yamato checked, Kakashi was lying down in bed, icing his cheek.

Who would have thought that the great copy nin had a phobia for dentists.

Must have been something to do when he was a kid.

When he entered the small apartment, he found Kakashi still icing his cheek. "Hey." Yamato greeted, closing door. Kakashi remained quiet. "Feeling better?" Kakashi glared. "I got you ice cream."

Kakashi looked away, not paying him any attention.

Yamato didn't say anything more and went about changing in to a pair of house pants before sitting next to Kakashi with the ice cream.

"Extreme Strawberry. With large chunks too. Sit up." Yamato said, taking off the lid of the ice cream tub.

"I don't want ice cream." Kakashi grumbled and crossed his arms across his bare chest, scooting a bit so that Yamato can sit properly.

Yamato knew that Kakashi was only the way he was when he was around him. "You need to cool the swelling of your gums. Sit up. Say ah." Yamato lifted a spoonful of ice cream towards Kakashi's lips.

"No thank you."

Yamato sighed in exasperation. "What am I going to do with you? You know it was for your own good."

Kakashi kept silent. "I don't need a spoon."

"Wise ass. You can't use your fingers to eat ice cream."

"Strip."

"What?"

"Strip." Kakashi shrugged.

"No."

"Why not?"

Yamato twitched. "What are you going to do?"

"Eat ice cream. You said it'd make me better. You just didn't say how I should eat it." Kakashi shrugged.

"What's that got to do with me stripping?" Yamato demanded.

"Everything."

Kakashi jumped on Yamato and nearly ripped his pants off in an attempt to pull it off before upturning the tub of ice cream over Yamato's loins.

"What the hell are you doing?" Yamato squeaked, the cold making him jump and his skin crawl.

Kakashi shrugged and got ready to eat his ice cream. "I want to get better. Hold still."

"KAKASHI!"

FIN

Yakizakana - basically grilled fish. Here, Yamato used salmon.

Chahan - fried rice.

Agedashi Tofu - deep fried tofu that is usually dipped in soy sauce before eaten.

Salt helps in relieving toothache. Better than painkillers actually. It's instant relief for the teeth.

A get well present for Kagaya.

This is just ... plain silliness. I am aware of Kakashi's OOCnes. But my excuse is that he loves Yamato so much that he can be the way he is in this fic and still get away with it.

As for Yamato ... meh. I have no excuse. It works for the fic.