Story Stats:

Title: Esme was NOT Kidding

Summary: In the world of Amusement parks with the Cullens. In the last chapter of previously mentioned fanfic, Esme jokingly threatened Emmet with making him take up a job. What if she wasn't joking…?

Rating: K

Thank you to: LunarTears, for beta reading and to several friends who helped me come up with "the List". Their names shall remain anonymous, but you know who you are. And thank you to the reviewers of Amusement Parks with the Cullens.

Note: This has absolutely NO New Moon content that I'm aware of, seeing as I haven't read it yet. :sob:

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. YAY STEPHANIE MEYER!

Author's Note: This story was originally going to be a one-shot, but now I've decided now that it shall be two chapters, a prologue, and an epilogue. No more, no less, because I really need to work on my other fanfics. I merely writing this one now because I'm having a tad of writer's block on the others and this idea won't go away, so here goes:

Esme was NOT kidding


Once upon a time, in a happy kingdom, err, town, called Forks, there was a castle. Or at least, it seemed like a castle to some, but was actually just a big house. Anyhow, in this house lived seven extraordinary people. Vampires.

This particular Saturday had been dubbed "Movie Day", a choice that had been made the previous midnight. But the plans, however, were shattered by bitter reality.

Screams, shrieks, and noises too bizarre too have names echoed inside the house. Luckily, the house was sound proof, so no humans in the surrounding area heard the noise.

Inside the house, four people tried to calm the disturber of the silence.

"Emmet! Please calm down!" Rosalie yelled at Emmet.

"Jasper! Do something!" Alice.

Jasper concentrated, sending waves of calm at the unhappy vampire.

When Emmet stilled, Edward let go of his iron grip, freeing Emmet.

Emmet smiled weakly. "It's all cool," He said, then suddenly ran yowling out of the house.

Rosalie sighed and went after him.

From the entrance of the room, Esme watched in unabashed amusement. She clapped. "He took that better than I thought!" Esme commented brightly.

Edward, Jasper, and Alice shot glares at her.

"What?" Esme inquired. "You can do movie day tomorrow." Do you think it unfair I'm making him earn money to repay his dept to the park?"

They shook their heads wordlessly.

Esme looked at their solemn faces and added, "And you all found that completely unfunny?"

Jasper, Alice, and Edward exchanged glances. And burst out laughing.

A knock sounded on the door.

Edward raced to open it, for he knew it was Bella, who had come for Movie Day.

It was.

Bella gave Jasper and Alice weird looks, for they could not yet stop their laughter.

"Any reason?" Bella asked, jerking her head in the two's direction.

They explained the situation between laughs. By the end, Bella was laughing too. So, it would have been a weird sight for any salesperson who ventured to open the door, but, alas, it was not a salesperson who entered the house next, it was Rosalie, pulling along a worried looking Emmet.

Emmet's expression dropped when he saw them all laughing. "WHAT, do tell, ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING YOUR JOLLY HEADS ABOUT!"

They laughed harder.

"TELL ME! YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME, AREN'T YOU! No seriously, please tell. I really hate being left out of a joke."

Bella took pity on him. "Chill, Emmet. We were just saying how much fun it'll be for you to get a job."

"It will?" Emmet.

Bella continued, "Of course it will. Job interviews will be fun. Tell you what. We'll come up with a list of possible jobs, and then, I, Edward, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie will take turns going to interviews with you."

"You will?" Emmet again.

"We will!" All the others, minus a smug Esme.

Bella shot them all a look, "Of course we will."

"Of course we will…" They grumbled back.

Emmet clapped. "Yay!"

"Yay," They repeated dully back at him.

Emmet grew suspicious, "Why do you guys keep repeating people?"

Jasper answered, "Trying desperately to contain our unbeatable enthusiasm."

Emmet brightened, "Oh! How jolly then!"

"What's with the jolliness, Emmet?" Edward asked.

"Oh, I just feel happy now you guys decided to come along," Emmet explained cheerily.

Edward sighed deeply, "No. I meant with you using the word jolly. You've never used it before."

"Huh," Emmet said, "I guess I saw in a book and the word is just so… just so… so jolly I can't resist using it!"

"I see…" though it sounded like Edward didn't really see, but didn't care either.

"Let's get started on that list then, ay?" Bella suggested.

"Not so jolly!" Emmet yelped, running from the room.

"Maybe it'd be better if we let him mull over the idea of working while we come up with a list." Rosalie suggested.

"Ok…," Bella watched out the window as the blur that was Emmet disappeared into the forest. "Anyone got some paper and a pen?"

"Right here!" Edward handed her the requested supplies.

"Great," Said the take-charge Bella, "Any ideas then?"

There was a pause.

"Oh come on! You've been living for how long? You must be creative!"

The challenging note in Bella's voice did it. There was a babble of noise that Bella couldn't make out.

"Whoah! Slow down; I'm only human," She chuckled at the joke and Alice joined her, Rosalie smirked, and Edward narrowed his eyes, afraid Bella might bring up 'The Argument' with that lead. And Jasper… well, Jasper didn't really pay much attention to Bella's little joke. He was too busy at the moment coming up with jobs for Emmet that would funny. This was a good chance for payback for the time at the lake with the shark.

Jasper shuddered at the memory. (A/N: Let me know if you want this elaborated :evil laugh: )

"Hellooooo! Anyone home?" Someone rapped on his skull, not enough to hurt, but enough to be annoying.

It was Rosalie… of course.

"What?" Jasper snapped.

"Care to join the discussion?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Anything on the list yet?"

"Yep!" Bella said happily. "So far we have: Ice Cream Man-"

"A WHAT!" Jasper laughed/yelped/barked out/shouted out with glee.

"Ice Cream Man. Think of the perks! Well, for me anyhow," Bella repeated, while Jasper choked on air.

"We also have down, a hair dresser-"

Jasper choked again.

"Rosalie's idea," Edward informed him.

"What! They have lots of hair dressers that are guys!"

"And Alice suggested a pet store worker," Bella concluded, then shot Jasper a concerned look. He looked like he was dying.

"Is Jasper…ok…dying?" Bella asked.

Rosalie smacked Jasper on the back, "Snap out of it, Jasper, it's not that funny."

"Yes-laugh, laugh, laugh,-it- laugh, laugh, laugh- is- laugh, laugh, laugh-!"

"Take this seriously, Jasper," Edward tried keeping a straight face.

Bella gave Jasper her best librarian stare. It worked to a certain extent.

"How about…" Jasper trailed of laughing, then finished in rush, "A fast food worker!"

Jasper started fresh laughter, but Bella solemnly put it down.

After about a half hour of the like they had a list and a hat full of their names, so that they could draw who went with Emmet where.

And thus was the list:

Emmet's Job Ideas (He must try them all, if he disagrees, we'll take it up with Esme. Mwhahaha! No Edward, I'm not conversing in the language of Mhwhaha's. Simply laughing. So sue me. Just kidding! Why was I Mwhaha-ing? Cause of something I wrote; see here? Why am I writing this all down instead of saying it? I dunno, it sounded fun, I guess. On with the list? If you say so…)

Starting over then…

Emmet's Job Ideas

Hair Dresser

Fast Food Worker (McDonald's? Burger King?)

Ice Cream Man

Pet Store Worker

Grocery Store Dude

Rock Band Member

Movie Set Worker

Dance Instructor (tap dancing)

Substitute Teacher (heheh, feel sorry for the kids already)

Book Store Person

Amusement Park Conductor (AHAHAHA! Just kidding. Emmet would freak if he saw that. Heheh.)

Garden Designer

TV Host



Farm Hand (Mwhahaha!)


Nurse (Carlisle's Assistant)

Dentist assistant

Window Washer (omg)



Lawyer (heheh, Emmet's on his way to presidency! Shudder)



Total : 24

This out to be good…

"Oh Emmet! We have a list for you!"

Author's Note: It's not too late to send in ideas for jobs, but this is your last chance. Hope you enjoyed!