Author's Note: When they draw who goes when, Esme and Carlisle are included in that drawing. The job for this chapter was chosen by me and Emmet's escort was randomly chosen.
The Scissors… of DOOM!
Lesson of the Day: (A/N: Yes, this is a new addition.
It'll be fun)
Never run with scissors… or bring them near a vampire
"Are you serious!" Alice shrieked with laughter, reading the account.
"Whoah, Emmet called you boring! How could he!" Bella exclaimed.
"He did what?" Edward made a grab for the paper, for he had not read the part added by Emmet, as he was distracted by his thoughts about being the keyboard player for a band.
Esme intercepted his grab and stole the paper away.
She read the paper, then took out a box and made a show out of locking it away.
"Now, now, Edward," Esme said, "If I let you see this paper, you'll shred it. And we can't have that now, can we? No, we need a record."
Edward's scowl deepened.
"Cheer up, Eddie! At least you won't have to come with me next time," Emmet said, confident he could pass the next job too.
Bella and the remaining Cullens watched in amusement as Edward began chasing Emmett again for the use of his hated nickname.
Actually, all the Cullens, minus Rosalie.
"Let's draw while they're playing chase, okay?" She suggested.
The other tore their gazes away from the amusing scene before them and reluctantly agreed.
Alice held out the Hat of Jobs for Rosalie. She drew out one quickly and glanced at it.
"Hair dresser," Rosalie announced with a smirk.
Alice clapped her hand over her mouth to prevent laughter. "I hope I go with!" Then she picked up the Hat of People and again offered it to Rosalie.
Rosalie drew and laughed out loud, "Carlisle!"
Alice groaned her disappointment.
Carlisle looked up from a notebook he was writing in, "Say what?" He asked, nonplussed.
"You've been chosen," Esme told him.
Carlisle looked surprised and happy.
"You know, from the hat," Jasper added and Carlisle's grin dropped.
"What job do I get to accompany him on?" Carlisle asked in a resigned voice.
"You didn't hear?" Alice asked.
"What were you doing that distracted you so much?"
"I was writing."
"Really? What are you writing?"
"A book for vegetarian vampires!"
"That's nice. But… uh… how are you going to publish it?"
Carlisle frowned. "I dunno. I suppose I could pass it off as a fiction novel that only a real vampire would know it for what it truly is."
"Clever," Bella agreed.
"You wouldn't need to read it, Bella," Edward, who had just reentered the room looking smug, told her.
"Of course I would," Bella started.
And thus, "The Argument" started up again, so the others were forced to ignore them.
"Carlisle," Rosalie called, bringing the attention back to the previous subject. Her attempt failed as just then, a scream followed by a loud crash came from the other room.
"Should we investigate that?" Bella asked.
Edward grinned conspiratorially.
Rosalie rolled her eyes, "No. Edward's just set up one of his Emmet Traps. He'll be fine."
A shout came from the other room, "STOP THE SINGING! STOP THE INSANITY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Are you sure he's ok?"
"Hunky dory," Edward assured Bella, grinning.
"Do I even want to know?" Bella asked.
Edward only shook his head and grinned.
"ANYWAY!" Rosalie roared. All looked at her. In a much quieter voice, she continued, "Thank you. Now, shall we return to the matter of Emmett's getting a job?" All nodded.
"Err, yes," Carlisle agreed, "I believe I was chosen for something?"
"Yes," Rosalie confirmed, "you will go with him when he interviews to be a hair dresser."
Carlisle stared blankly at her for a moment, then burst out laughing,
"You're…not…serious," He managed between laughs.
Carlisle nodded, suddenly also serious. "I'll go get him then." Carlisle left the room and returned shortly with a shuddering Emmett. "We'll just be going then. He'll be as right as rain in a moment."
"Rain. Right," Emmett repeated.
They left the house and got into Carlisle's black Mercedes (haha! I remembered Carlisle's car).
Bella watched from the window as they departed, and the others joined her shortly. While they were busy watching, Bella sprinted to the living room, barely keeping from tripping over the rug.
Edward was right behind her, keeping her from tripping over the rug.
Bella gasped when she saw the Cullen's method of Emmet Torture.
"How could you be so cruel!" Bella exclaimed appalled.
Edward frowned, "But… he called me… me… E…e…"
"Eddie?" Jasper suggested helpfully.
"Argh!" Edward yelped and took off after Jasper.
Bella clicked off the TV, which had been rigged to play a toddler's singing TV show when the iron cage from the ceiling was released.
"I don't even want to know what else this house can do," Bella mumbled, wandering back into the living room.
At… THE MALL
Emmett : Help MEEEE!
"Out… of... the…car… Emmett!" Carlisle was currently parked outside the mall, trying to pry Emmett off of the car. Emmet was putting up a good fight.
"Never!" Emmet declared, gripping the door. "You won't take me alive!"
"Oh, well, that'll be easy then, seeing as you're not!" Carlisle chuckled quietly.
"You're going to damage the car, Emmett. Let go!" Carlisle chided. "What would Rosalie say if I told her she had to repair a dent again, ay?"
Emmett's eyes widened as he gulped and simultaneously let go of the car, instead opting for the lamp post.
Carlisle sighed and tried reasoning again. "Come along, Emmett. You're causing a scene! What would… err… Aro say?"
Emmet let go of the lamp post in his confusion. "Aro? What's Aro got to do with any- Hey!"
Carlisle took the advantage of Emmett's distraction to pull him into the mall.
Emmet glared at Carlisle, who didn't even notice.
Emmet glared at the man in the business suit walking by. The man looked quickly away.
Emmet glared at the woman walking by. The woman grabbed her daughter's hand and sped up.
Emmet glared at the little girl. The little girl stuck out her tongue at him!
Emmet gaped. The audacity!
"Close your mouth, Emmett," Carlisle instructed as they walking into the hair dresser's lair. SALON! I meant to say Salon!
The Following is a Recording
Of the Emmett Interviews
For a Job
The Particular Interview
At the Hair Dresser's
Is Recorded by:
Emmet and I walk into the shop. It's white. The floor is checkered black and white. The place bothers me, for some as of yet unknown reason.
People are getting their hair cut as we sit in the waiting area. Their hair is mercilessly shorn off without a care. Oh yes, I nearly forgot. Their hair will grow back, while, alas, ours will not.
Oh, bother. I think Emmett's rubbing off on me.
Ah, well, after all these years it was bound to happen some time.
Now Emmett's trying to look over my shoulder.
Go away Emmett! This is confidential.
He's not going away…
I'll tell Esme!
Ha. He says, "You wouldn't dare."
Oh. Look ahead Emmett! They are waving you up!
Yes, I'll come too.
Wait. Why am I writing this instead of saying it?
Eh. It's just fun I guess.
Okay, they've just accepted Emmett for an interview. We're in.
They lead us into a back room. Uh oh. Now they are inquiring about me! Writing!
I explain now.
They've accepted! Now the interview begins…
HD (hair dresser): So, Emmett, right?
E(Emmett): That would be correct. :nodding:
HD: What experience do you have in this profession?
E: I've dabbled in it a few times.
C(myself, Carlisle, for those who've forgotten): You have?
E:looking offended: Of course I have!
HD: Anyway! Have you ever been trained professionally?
Now Emmet leans over and scribbles a message on this paper to me. It reads:
Can I lie?
Sigh. Esme will be so disappointed. I shake my head at him. He glares. I think his face may get stuck like that if he keeps it up.
E: Well, erm, no. Not really.
HD: I see… And why do you want this job, Emmett?
E:smiles evilly (uh oh): Because my family is blackmailing me to take it!
HD:snaps out of it and stares at me: Hey! You have very cool hair man! Could I try something with it?
C: I suppose?
E: Go ahead, Carlisle, be wild.
Emmett will now hold the paper…
YO PEOPLE! I'm back! Did you miss me? Hmm… let me scan this real quick. Interesting. Very interesting…
The hair dresser (or HD as C (or Carlisle) calls him) has just sat C down in a spinny chair. I wonder if I could get one of those.
Oh no! HD has just pulled out a pair of shiny evil scissors! Carlisle will be scarred for life if his hair is cut! I try to warn him inconspicuously, but it comes out as a squeak. Ah well. Carlisle hears it anyways and looks up, only to see the scissors descending towards his head.
"Ah!" He yelps and jumps up, running to the other side of the room.
"It's okay, they are just scissors," HD tries, but Carlisle just shakes his head.
Oh my. Now HD is chasing Carlisle around the room with the scissors. Yikes.
"Run, Carlisle, RUN!" I shout.
I need to call in back up. It's Edward time.
Edward arrives even before HD crosses the room to Carlisle.
"STOP!" Edward commands, all dramatic like.
HD looks at him. "And who might you be?"
"Edward Cullen," Edward says stiffly.
"Edward Scissors Hands," I whisper, unable to help it.
Edward glares at me and I gulp. Note to self for later when we leave: HIDE!
While HD stares at me (see, I help. I'm the distraction!) Edward walks over to Carlisle and together they leave. Leave. Leave as in gone. Leave as in Leave ME!
Wait up! I run out the door human speed.
"What about your interview?" HD calls after me.
"That's alright!" I shout back, "I call uh… that that person there to be my second! Interview him instead!"
Then I run and run and run and don't stop till I'm home. And FREEEEEEEEE!
End of Recording
Of the Hairdresser interview
Author's Note: Wicked Awesome! That chapter was nearly 2,000 words: does victory jig: