The Anti-Sue Agency

Chapter One: The Introduction!

Story summery:

A group of students attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry are tired of the many students appearing that are 'perfect'. It seems that there is only one spell you need to know to stop these so called Mary Sues; "Stopius Marisuius!"

A/N: This is basically a Sue parody of sorts. I hope you enjoy seeing these Sue's being busted. Oh, and I know that when I describe Sue's I'm going to contradict myself. I'm just trying to act like a Suethor…

Oh, and another note. This takes place about twenty years after Harry graduates Hogwarts; and this is assuming Harry and the lot don't die in the last book.

Oh #III: Want me to include a MS or other character into this story? Just drop me a line!


Two people sat in a small table at Madam Puddifoot's. One of them was a girl that had radiant waves of golden ebony hair that reached down to the small of her back, and eyes as blue as a cesspool. Opposite of her was a boy with dark green hair that came down around his shoulders, and honey colored eyes. They both had large smiles on their faces, and they were chatting.

"So, you were abandoned at birth by your father?" The boy asked, still with a smile on his face,

"Yeah; it is really tragic, though now that I learned I am a witch my life is great now. Especially now that I know that I am already better then Dumbledore and Voldemort combined at magic…" She said; her smile even larger then the boy's goofy smile. The boys look then got serious,

"Listen, Marie-Superflowa-Raven, I have something very serious to say." The boy said, getting down on one knee, looking her in the eyes.

"Yes Kevin baby?" She asked, thinking he was going to propose. After all, they were already on the second date!

"I… Am a member of the Anti-Sue agency! You have been found guilty of being a… SUE!" The boy, Kevin, said, all of a sudden the room erupted in a burst of motion, several people ran toward Kevin and pulled out badges that looked slightly like a police badge, but with the initials 'ASA' on them. Marie-Superflowa-Raven gasped,

"But… But… But… I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" She screamed as she was being handcuffed by several people and dragged out.

A girl with long black hair walked up to Kevin,

"You know Kev," She started, "You really are a piece of work ya know?" She finished, she had a slight valley girl accent, Kevin nodded with an evil grin.

"Yeah," He said before breaking out laughing, the girl shook her head before walking out of the café.


Later that day Kevin walked up to a door on the sixth floor of Hogwarts castle; he knocked on the door, already knowing it was locked. A few seconds later the door opened,

"Wot's the password?" A boy with teal colored hair and quite a few scars and bandages asked with a grin to Kevin, Kevin rolled his eyes,

"I'm going to report you to Gossamer if you don't knock it off Jesse." Kevin said pushing his way past the boy.

"Close 'nuf…" He said as he was pushed aside. The boy, Jesse, went back and locked the door before returning to a desk that had no sharp corners on it. Kevin continued walking over to a desk with a little plaque on it that had the words 'Kevin Prefect. Wannabe Van Helsing.' Flashing on it. He rolled his eyes and saw the girl with long black hair grinning and waving,

"You try to kill a Vampire once, and you've earned yourself a new title! Well… Actually twice… And the Vampire being your best friend… And I suppose my great whatever times fold grandfather was Van Helsing doesn't help either I suppose…" He thought before picking up the plaque and throwing it towards the girl, Gossamer, unfortunately, Kevin's aim stinks. It ended up hitting someone else, a loud scream was heard as Kevin realized who he hit.

"OMG" Kevin said, actually saying the letters o, m, and g. "I am so sorry Jesse, I wasn't aiming at you this time! I swear!" He added, running over toward the now heavily bleeding boy, where Gossamer already was.

"It's OK Kevin, I'm used to it…" Jesse said as he put one of his many rags against his head, it seemed that whenever something bad happened, it was to Jesse. "I'm going to go to the infirmary wing now, please refrain from wounding me even more. Thank you." He added, getting up and walking out of the door,

"Well?" Gossamer said, looking at Kevin with her eyebrows raised.

"I don't do guilt." Kevin said as he went back to his desk. Gossamer shook her head as she ran out of the room after Jesse, mainly because he probably would have fallen down the stairs or something with out help.

Kevin sighed, looking around. "We seriously need more people…" He thought before getting an idea and running out of the room with a somewhat mischievous look on his face.


Gossamer and Jesse were returning from Madam Pomfry's office when they saw several signs on the hall walls that read something like this:

"Do you think the amount of people coming to this school is perfect? Are you amazed how much of a man whore Professor Harry Potter must be to have so many children? Or stunned by the amount of people that are Dumbledore's grand children? Have all of the things listed here disgust you? Then come on down to room number 777, and apply for a position at The Anti Sue Agency! Remember, we might not be perfect. But that's the point!"

Gossamer gasped,

"Oh no he didn't…" Gossamer said, her valley girl accent shining threw slightly again. She shook her head as Jesse continued re reading it. He simply chuckled and shook his head,

"That boy is going to put Gryffindor in the negatives by the end of the year…" Jesse said, grabbing Gossamer by the arm, and continued walking; she seemed to be completely dazed by this. "And don't act so surprised by this Ms. I'm going to poison the school food…" He added; referring to something Gossamer had done in her first year.

"That year of detention was so worth it…" She muttered, pulling her arm away from Jesse. She could almost hear the professors now "Mr. Prefect, how DARE you disrespect authority! Don't you ever call Professor Potter that again!" Gossamer snickered as she got to the room. Jesse knocked on the door,

"NOPE! I'M NOT LETTING YOU IN!" Kevin shouted playfully, Gossamer rolled her eyes.

"Kevin, I suggest you open the door now or you will very much regret it." Gossamer said, pulling out her wand.

"OK THEN GARLIC BREATH!" Kevin shouted from inside. Jesse snickered at that, he know knew why he was acting like that.

"Kevin; were you sniffing the glue again?" Jesse asked as Gossamer opened the door with a spell.

"No… Not this time at least…" Kevin muttered jokingly. He wasn't lying; he just had way too much sugar while making the posters.

They then continued on the rest of the day, sorting their 'Sue Files'; and having a good laugh at some of those people, whose perfection was their mistake. They continued having a merry old time until a knock was heard on the door and a screaming of

"KEVIN PREFECT!" Was heard from out side; at this Kevin went running out the door, trying to avoid the 'fuzz' as he so called them…