A/N: Hai guiz
A/N: Hai guiz. It's been more then a year since I last updated this story. I'm sorry to anyone that cares. A few reviews recently have prompted me to write a new chapter or so. So yeah. Thanks to Cyberchao X. He is, in fact, awesome. Even though I don't know him. But yeah. Sorry if the characters are weird. It's been a while since I wrote for them in this, and they've mutated since. So yeah (Again).
This is a special chapter (Though not quite as special as Ebony). Enjoy the blatant self-insert :D
It was a cold day in Hogwarts. People had been slow recently, almost as though some god somewhere had left them to fend for themselves, and they weren't quite up to the task. Despite this, our 'heroes' were out. Sitting in their office, as they did most of the time when they had nothing else to do.
The Sues had been quiet recently. TOO quiet. And it worried them.
Well, it worried Jesse and Gossamer, the only two people that weren't too absorbed in themselves to notice.
"I wonder what's been happening lately... It's been so quiet." Jesse stated flat out, leaning back in his chair slightly as he thought. It was almost scary. For all he knew, all of the Sues were going to pop up at the same time and... Rape him or dress him up in women's clothing or something.
"I don't know. There haven't been a lot of Sues, that's for sure." Gossamer, shot a look over to Kevin. She knew what he was going to say.
"We could go after that vampire guy. The one in Ravenclaw." He said, right on cue.
"How many times do I have to tell you. He is not a vampire. He's a guy with a birth defect and a Romanian accent that you've been harassing nonstop since you met him. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a crush on hi-" Gossamer nagged to Kevin about said boy, Vlad, before being interrupted by a cold glare.
"I would never have a crush on a vampire." He paused for a second "Or a guy" He blurted out, coughing slightly. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before Jesse rose.
"I'm going to go patrol the grounds. I'll be back in a bit." He grabbed his coat, his hand placing itself on the doorknob. Then the door placing itself into his nose.
Oddly, this wasn't done by him. Rather some outsides source. Like a person. Like a somewhat chubby Hufflepuff chick with long brown hair.
"Hello my minions" She said with a slight smirk. She looked down and blinked "Oops." She waited for him to rise a few seconds before gently tapping him with her boot, then stepping over him.
"Who the hell are you?" Kevin blinked, grabbing his wand and standing.
"Your god. You don't have to bow" The chick placed her hands on her hips, grinning widely. She seemed to be getting a kick out of this.
Stella, for some reason, snapped out of some sort of internal trance.
"Why are you among us?" She asked with an odd amount of sincerity.
"Glad you asked." She paused, grabbing a tissue from her pocket and blew her nose. "Cold's been going around" She explained, throwing it into a trash bin. "Anyways. The reason I am here? Retcon."
This caused everyone to blink. Besides Kevin.
"What?! Only crappy writers do that. And besides, you can't retcon real life. Noob." He rolled his eyes "Now go back to the loony bin." The chick chuckled, she saw this happening.
"I knew you would say that." She paused, "Actually, I knew you would say that because I wrote it. But, anyways." She coughed slightly "Things are going to be different around here from now on."
"You're closing us down?!" Gossamer gaped, standing. For some reason she now believed this chick was for real.
"No no, not at all." She smirked "But things have happened in the past year. Books have been published. Canon called. I must answer before your lives can go on." She paused, letting them listen. "Any objections?". The group shook their heads obediently. "Good.".
"First of all, you" She pointed to Stella. "Doesn't work. Luna only had a pair of twins. Males at that. Let's see. Another character that doesn't canonly have kids. Let's see. Oh I know." She paused again, cocking her head as she looked at Stella. Her face started contorting, changing shape. It finished in a more rounded face. The color on her robes changed to the trademark Hufflepuff colors.
"You still have the same initials even." She paused, looking at the newly christened Longbottom. "Oh yeah, and you need a haircut." With a slight nod of the head, Stella's slightly lighter blond hair was cropped to her shoulders. "Theeeere. Now you're good to go."
She turned her gaze to Gossamer.
"Nuhuh. You're not changing me." Gossamer crossed her arms.
"Already did." She laughed "Thanks to my friend Sam for the inspiration for this one. Really is a beaut. Sets you apart from me a lot. Which is good." Gossamer cocked an eyebrow and scrunched her nose in thought. She was utterly confused.
"You'll figure out what it is soon."
The strange lady looked to Kevin, and just laughed for a second. "As will he." She turned to the last person on her list.
"Oh yeah. Jesse." She blinked, he was still out of it. And his nose seemed to be bleeding. "Err... I just don't like him." She paused "What can I do to remedy this..." She clicked her tongue to her cheek a few times in thought.
"I could kill him off." She paused, shaking her head, "Nah. I do that to everyone else." She stopped for a second, her eyes widening "Ooooh. That's good." She smiled. If you can't kill someone, give them mental disease.
She coughed again into her hand "Anyways. I'm done here." She walked toward the door, leaving the group dazed and confused. They were unable to speak, it would seem. The strange Hufflepuff woman started toward the door, kicking Jesse with a giggle. "That's fun."
She was nearly out the door when she paused
"Oh yeah. And Dumbledore was gay all along."
And with that, she was gone.
And they could talk.
"What the hell was that?" Kevin blinked, running his hand through his hair.
"Dunno." Gossamer shrugged, going over to Jesse. She blinked "When'd Jesse become cute?" She asked, looking over to Kevin, "When'd YOU?" She grinned, picking up Jesse as best she could and dragging him to a wall, propping him up.
Kevin scooted away a bit. Gossamer had never said anyone was cute before. Ew. A girl just called him cute. Rather, FEAGREEN just called him cute.
Stella looked down at herself, her eyes wide
"I fell scared and out of place" She whimpered, looking around now. "My memories feel funny."
Kevin shook his head, sighing.
"Am I actually the normal one now? How sad is tha-" He trailed off as his eyes caught on a mirror. His eyes widened. "My roots are showing..." He whispered
"MY ROOTS ARE SHOWING" He shouted again, breaking down. Never before had his brown roots surfaced. This scared him. He grabbed his coat as he started towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Gossamer asked, looking up from Jesse.
"So help me god Kevin, if you harass Vlad one more time..." Gossamer glared full on. Vlad was a friend of hers. He had enough people harrassing him without Kevin helping. Now that she thought of it, Vlad was cute too.
"I'll send you pictures of him in the shower if you just shut up about it." Gossamer grinned, then frowned.
"It scares me that I was actually considering that." She said, letting a morbid note fall into her voice.