NOT ANOTHER GENERATION FIC 5!
I don't know if I should be saying "Yay! Kuno's back!" or "Oh no! Kuno's back!" Either way, he's come to wreak havoc in the lives of our loveable cast. It's Not Another Generation Fic! For the fifth time around! They warned me the first four times, but did I listen? Not in the slightest! The first four Generation Fic stories can be found on my profile page. And remember, every story loves a review!
ATTACK OF THE KUNOS
It was a bright beautiful afternoon in the district of Nerima. There was barely a cloud in the sky to foreshadow the approaching doom that awaited our heroes. Nor was there any warning for the rookie mailman who had the unfortunate duty of delivering mail to the Tendo Dojo.
"Do de do!" The young mailman sang to himself as he whirled down the street on his bicycle. "Ah! What a perfect day! It must be a good omen for my budding career as a mailman!" He came to a halt and set his bike against the street wall before searching through his sack for the right stack of letters that had been held together by a rubber band.
The mailman had begun to step onto the walkway leading to the Saotomes' front door when he noticed something strange that made him stop. Protruding from the bushes was a wooden sign that read 'Beware of Panda', it also had a terrible sketch of an angry panda in the corner of the sign.
"Beware of panda?" The mailman took a few steps off the path, closer to the sign. "That's strange." He said to himself as he leaned in to get a better look at it.
Right at that moment a huge panda erupted from the bushes, roaring with all of his might. The panda itself had been holding the sign! "AAAAHHHHH!" The mailman cowered in the panda's shadow as it descended upon him. "NOOOOOOO!"
Moments later the mailman realized that he wasn't dead. But he was being crushed by the bear's huge arms that were wrapped around him.
"There's something you don't see everyday! The Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Art's Bear Hug Attack!" Soun shouted as he appeared next to the panda.
"Uh… excuse me?" The mailman wheezed.
"Pops! What do you think you're doing?" A shout came from above. The mailman looked up just in time to see a man with a pig tail and wearing a blue gi, flying towards him and the panda. Ranma caught Genma in the side of the head with his kick, knocking him back into the wall. He landed near the mailman, who had fallen to his knees after being dropped. "What are you weirdos thinking? Scaring off another mailman?"
Genma stood back up, looking angry. 'Don't stand in our way, Ranma! This is bigger than you and me!'
Ranma stood in a fighting stance. "Oh, is that so? Well we keep getting complaints from the postal office and Akane's been getting on my case about it so forgive me if I'm skeptical."
"Ranma! Has marriage and children dulled your senses so much that you can not see the danger that is ahead?" Soun asked with drama ferocity. Genma quickly wrote out a new sign. 'I agree! Ranma's gone soft!'
Ranma's gritted his teeth angrily. "I'll so you who's gone soft you old fart!" He jumped at Genma only to be smacked with a sign that read 'Take that!' While Ranma issued another attack Soun walked over to the frightened mailman.
"Give us our mail quickly! There's only so much time!" Soun shouted.
The mailman stared at him for a moment before pointing at the ground where the letters had scattered. Soun jumped at the letters but Ranma beat him to them. With a swift kick both Genma and Soun were sent flying across Nermia. "DON'T YOU TWO HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?" Ranma shouted after them.
Meanwhile, the mailman had started to crawl towards the exit, eager to put some distance between him at these loonies. He heard the front door to the house open and a woman quickly made her way towards him. "I'm so sorry!" Akane quickly pulled the mailman to his feet. Her strength surprised him. She had to be at least ten years older than him. "It won't happen-, Oh! You're new."
The mailman straightened his hat and caught his breath. "Y- Yeah. Robbie retired."
"It's not because of us, is it?" Akane asked frantically.
"Uh… I wouldn't know." The mailman confessed.
"Ranma! I thought you were watching them!" Akane rounded on her husband with a fierce look. "You said you could handle it!"
"I did!" Ranma pointed at the mailman. "See? He's just fine! It's not my fault they got bored with checkers!"
Akane bowed to the mailman. "Again, we're very sorry."
The mailman smiled crookedly. "S- Sure. Don't even worry about- about it. I'm… I'm just gonna go." He said as he began to back away towards the exit, still very shaken by the fact that he was nearly eaten alive by a pet panda bear.
Akane sighed as he jumped around the corner and out of sight. "Honestly! I can't believe our fathers attacked the mailman five days in a row! Why would they do something like that?" She huffed as she bent down and began gathering the mail from the ground.
"Beats me. It doesn't make any sense, even for them." Ranma leaned down to help her.
A moment later they had all of the mail they could find in a pile. Akane was looking under the bush when she suddenly screamed in delight and held up a magazine. On the cover was an overly polished woman holding a delicious looking casserole. "It came! I knew it would be here any day now!" Akane said happily as she began to flip through the magazine.
Ranma's face fell as he saw the title on the cover. "A thousand easy-to-make homemade casseroles? No wonder they were attacking the mailman! Akane, please tell me you're not planning to make us a thousand casseroles."
Akane glared at him. "Please, Ranma. They're 'easy-to-make'. The ad said that anyone could make these casseroles. Even a monkey could do it. So don't start with me!"
Ranma grinned. "I already know a monkey could make these. But it's not Makoto I'm worried about baking, it's you." He jumped just in time to avoid being hit by the rolled up magazine. Then he sprinted inside before Akane could take another swing.
"You're such a jerk, Ranma! You're just asking for divorce!" Akane shouted after him angrily. She quickly gathered up the mail and followed after him. But before she even made it to the door Akane was sidetracked by something else she saw in the mail.
She shifted aside a bill to see a postcard with a picture of the beach on it. It read 'Greetings from Osaka!' in a bold loopy print on the corner of the card. She turned it over to read the back.
'Dear Ranma and Akane,
Ucc-chan's has done especially well this season. I had to hire five new waitresses to just handle all the beach tourists. Sorry we couldn't make it to Nerima last summer to visit, but I just couldn't close up shop during the busy season. Perhaps when the weather gets colder we can arrange something. Satu started high school this fall and he seems to be getting along pretty well. Hope everyone in Nerima is doing well!
Ukyo and Konatsu'
Akane smiled as she turned to card back over to look at the front again. She stepped inside before setting the rest of the post down next to the phone in the hallway. "Wow, is Satu really in high school already? I suppose he would be since he's in the same year as Makoto. But I hadn't stopped to think about it."
She made her way to the dinning room, still looking over the postcard. Ranma was sitting at the table, unsure if he was still in danger or not. Since Akane didn't make any brash movements towards him when she walked in he supposed he was safe. "What have you got there?" He asked as he set down a cup of coffee.
"It's a letter from Ukyo." Akane handed him the postcard. "Did you know Satu's in high school?"
Ranma nearly choked. "What? That's impossible. Didn't he JUST start middle school?" Ranma looked at the card, scrutinizing it as though it were trying to fool them.
"Ranma, Satu is a few months older than Makoto, remember? He'll be fifteen next month." Akane took a seat next to him. "Where does the time go?" She sighed.
Ranma grunted and set the letter on the table. Akane picked it up. "Still, we haven't visited with them for a nearly a year. I'll call Ukyo and see if we can't set something up. It'll be fun!"
"Yeah," Ranma agreed with a slight smile. "I have to admit, there's nothing like hearing from old friends."
It was at that exact moment that they heard a polite knock coming from down the hallway at the front door. "I'll get it." Akane pushed herself up and hurried out of the room. Ranma stayed where he was and tried to think of the best way to get rid of the casserole magazine without Akane noticing.
The knocking continued persistently until Akane made it to the front door. "Okay! Okay! I'm coming!" She shouted irritably. She opened the door but quickly had to recoil to avoid being hugged.
"AKANE TENDO!" A man leapt forward with his arms held wide and a huge smile on his face. Though he was much older than the last time Akane had seen him, he was unmistakably Tatewaki Kuno. "Come into my arms! How I have missed you!"
Kuno scooped her off the floor and held her like a knight holding his princess. "K- Kuno?" Akane faltered.
"Yes! It is I Akane Tendo! I have traveled many miles to see you! Over both land and sea!" He pointed mystically towards the horizon. That was when she noticed he was wearing a brown business suit. It looked strange on him, like it was too constraining.
"Kuno! Is that you?" Ranma came around the corner into the hallway. "What are you doing here? I thought you moved to Hawaii!" Ranma asked with a shocked expression. "We haven't seen you in- in…"
"Twenty years." Kuno finished for him. "Ah, yes! I remember it well! It was soon after your marriage to Akane."
TWENTY YEARS EARLIER
A young Kuno stood on the deck of a cruise liner, waving goodbye to a young Ranma and Akane who were standing on the beach. "Farewell my dear Akane! I'm sorry it hast to be this way! If I could marry two women, I would surely have you!" Kuno called chivalrously.
"Oh, my beloved Kuno!" Akane cried, tears streaming down her face. "Why? Why must you leave me with Ranma when it is you I love?"
Kuno clinched his fist as if he were in a great deal of pain. "Please understand! Ranma will take good care of you! I know it hurts! But take comfort in the fact that you will always be in my heart!"
"And you will be in mine, Kuno! Forever!" Akane wailed as she covered her face in her hands. Ranma reached over and hugged Akane so that she could cry on his shoulder. Then he looked over the water towards Kuno with a hard expression. "You have broken her heart, Kuno! You monster! I will take responsibility for standing between you two and try to give Akane a fraction of the happiness she would have had with you!" Tears were also streaming down Ranma's face by this point.
"I only ask one thing, Ranma!" Kuno shouted in a quavering voice. "That you provide a good life for her!"
Ranma's expression softened and he smiled. "I swear, brother! I swear!" He waved goodbye with a sad smile on his face while Kuno's ship sailed into the distance, Akane soaking his shirt with tears.
Kuno bit his lip and tried to hold back tears. "I have lived with a guilty conscience to this day! Forgive me Akane!"
Ranma waited for his bewilderment at Kuno's story to pass before he rolled his eyes. "It was something like that."
Akane just looked irritated. "Do you mind…PUTTING ME DOWN?" She punched Kuno's jaw up and he dropped her.
"As feisty as ever I see!" Kuno laughed as he massaged his jaw. "That's fine, so long as you accept my apologies for abandoning you all those years ago." He added seriously.
"YOU DIDN'T ABANDON ANYONE!" Akane screamed.
"Did you come all the way from Hawaii just for that?" Ranma asked in a peeved voice.
"Of course not!" Kuno was suddenly sitting down at the dinning room table and pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot on the table.
"Hey! Hey! Did we invite you in?" Ranma slammed his hands on the table.
"Don't you want to catch up with an old friend?" Kuno asked.
Ranma leaned his head on his hand. "I can think of a few who are higher on the list."
"Ranma! Don't be rude!" Akane snapped.
"Oh, Akane Tendo! You really are too good for me!" Kuno leaned towards her but she pushed his face back. "But how have things been going with you two? Tell me everything!" He continued
"I teach in our dojo, okay? Now tell me why you're in Japan!" Ranma demanded.
"Oh, yes." Kuno straightened his tie. "I had wanted to keep it secret, but I suppose there's no fooling you Ranma. I'm moving back to Nerima!"
"You're what?" Ranma stammered.
"Yes! I arrived several weeks ago to fix up my old mansion. You see, I manage my family's money."
"Manage your family's money?" Ranma asked. "Wait… so you don't work at all? Then why are you wearing a business suit?"
Kuno looked surprised. "Well I wanted to look presentable to meet my old friends."
Ranma sighed and scratched his head. "Okay, I guess it is kinda good to see you again Kuno."
Akane smiled with a sweat drop running down her cheek. "So when are you actually moving in?"
Kuno took another sip of his coffee. "I must admit, it is a very difficult process, moving all our possessions from one side of the world to the other. But the plane holding everything arrived yesterday. I have movers taking it into the mansion as we speak. My wife and son also arrived on a plane this morning."
Ranma, who had been taking a drink at the time, had to hold his nose to stop liquid from coming out from laughing. Akane just looked surprised. "Oh, so you did get married after all?" I thought that was just part of his story. She thought to herself.
"Well congratulations Kuno!" Ranma said with a sly smile. "So who's the unlucky sap?"
Kuno folded his arms. "Hmph. Do not be so quick to insult my wife, Ranma. It is someone you know well."
"Oh?" Ranma said, still smiling.
"For you see, I married none other than my childhood sweetheart! The Pigtailed Girl!" Kuno declared.
The silence that followed this statement was of the sort you hear about only in legend. Ranma's face was frozen in his stupid smile; Akane's eyes were wide and staring at Kuno in disbelief. "Ha ha. That's really funny, Kuno. Now tell us who you really married." Ranma eventually said.
Kuno's expression turned to surprise. "I am not joking."
Ranma's mouth dropped for a moment before he face screwed into a look of anger. "Don't be stupid! You're not married to the Pigtailed Girl! That's completely impossible!"
"How so?" Kuno asked, completely clueless.
Ranma stood up. "Because I've been living here all these years you idiot! There's no way I was your wife in Hawaii!"
Kuno also stood from his seat to match Ranma's growing anger. "Did I say you were, heathen? You accuse me of making up stories! Do you think I would joke around about the love of my life? You haven't changed at all, Ranma!"
"Kuno," Akane interrupted. Ranma and Kuno looked her way. "When exactly did you marry the Pigtailed Girl?"
"DON'T TELL ME YOU BELIEVE HIM?" Ranma shouted anxiously.
"No, of course not! But this is Kuno we're talking about. He might have misconstrued some incident between you two as a marriage vow or something." Akane said.
"Ah, yes! I remember it perfectly!" Kuno held his hand up to his chin in thought, as though he hadn't head what Akane had said. "It was eighteen years ago on a beautiful beach in Hawaii. My horrid father provided the music but was quickly dealt with. The Pigtailed Girl's beautiful red hair was braided with tropical flowers. And the island natives provided a feast of roasted boar over a spit. I gave her a white shell necklace I had made with my own two hands in lieu of a wedding ring. We spent our honeymoon on a small secluded island, alone for two weeks of-"
"I think that's enough." Ranma irritably grabbed the front of Kuno's suit. "You're just making stuff up to mess with my head aren't you?"
"Why would I lie about my love for the Pigtailed Girl? Surely you are jealous." Kuno said with a knowing smile.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" Ranma demanded furiously.
Kuno sighed heavily. "Ranma, I had hoped the years would mature you. But even so, I can not ignore my childhood friends. I have brought something for you both. That's really why I came here today."
"Wasn't it to apologize to me? Then to catch up?" Akane asked in exasperation.
Kuno reached to a pocket inside his suit jacket and pulled out two square pieces of paper. They were in embroidered with cherubs and ribbons. The golden writing read 'You are invited to the Kuno wedding renewal!' then gave the date and time.
"Wedding renewal?" Ranma glowered at the invitation.
Surprisingly, Kuno looked forlorn. "Yes, apparently shell necklaces don't last forever like diamonds. My dear Pigtailed Girl was so upset when the necklace broke while out on our sail boat! The pieces were lost at sea that day. So I decided to buy her a beautiful wedding ring. But why stop there? With this ring will come a new era in our relationship! And the new wedding will assert our vows of love to the world!" It was at that moment that Kuno got a kick in the face.
"I told ya! You're not married to the Pigtailed Girl!" Ranma shouted in frustration. "Even if that were physically, emotionally, or morally possible! You still call her 'Pigtailed Girl'! Wouldn't you know her name by now?"
"I think I know my own wife!" Kuno spat angrily. "And I would appreciate it if you hold your tongue, Saotome!"
"OH! So I'm Saotome now!" Ranma shot back.
A loud noise silenced them as Akane banged her hands down on the table, knocking over the coffee pot. "Be quiet!" They stared at a huffing angry Akane for a few seconds before she spoke. "Kuno… come on. You can't really be married to the Pigtailed Girl.'
Kuno grabbed his chest as though he had been shot through it. "You too, Akane? I- I can't believe you would accuse me of lying! I am very hurt! I'll prove it to you then! I have a picture of her in my wallet!" He pulled out a wallet from his back pants pocket and quickly began shifting through it.
A few moments later Kuno gave up his search. "That's strange. I know I had a picture of her in here."
"How convenient." Ranma scoffed.
"Oh, that's right! I left the picture at the store so they could frame it!" Kuno tapped his fist on his other hand in remembrance. "But I do have a picture our son." He picked up a picture.
"What? No way!" Ranma tried to look over Kuno's shoulder, but Kuno handed it to Akane instead.
Akane's expression changed to some mix of surprise, humor, and terror. Ranma quickly scooted behind her so he could see. Then he understood why.
It was a headshot of a boy that looked similar to Kuno in his eyes and expression. Aside from that he had brown hair cut into a bowl shape, thick glasses that make his eyes look really small, and a flower print Hawaiian shirt that were tucked into his pants, which were held up by a pair of red suspenders to match the shirt. But easily the boy's most dominant feature was his head gear, which was holding his face into a constant and somewhat creepy smile. This wasn't a little boy either; he was a teenager, probably Daichi or Jatsuma's age. He also appeared to be sunburned.
Ranma and Akane stared at the picture in disbelief. Kuno chuckled. "Ah, the fruit of our loins! He is a handsome boy, isn't he?"
"Uh…yeah." Akane stammered, shivering slightly.
Ranma looked from the picture to the wedding invitation to Kuno's confident expression. Does he really believe he's married to the Pigtailed Girl?
"Are you convinced now? I am indeed the Pigtailed Girl's husband." Kuno said as thought the case were closed.
Akane blinked then turned to look at Ranma. Ranma stared back at her for a minute before his stare turned into a glare. "I DID NO SUCH THING! LIKE I WOULD HAVE A KID THAT UGLY!"
Kuno's presence suddenly turned fiery with fighting aura. "How dare you insult my son in front of me! Perhaps I was mistaken in inviting you to my wedding! You are hereby stricken from the guest list!" He took Ranma's invitation and tore it in half with dramatic dexterity. Then let the pieces float to the floor.
A vein in Ranma's forehead was popping. "I didn't want to go to your nonexistent wedding in the first place!"
"Dear Akane, you of course are still invited." Kuno sat next to Akane and took her hands in his. "I would love to have you there and I know it would mean the world to my dear wife. She speaks of you quite often."
"Does she now?" Akane asked.
Ranma snapped. With one well placed kick, Kuno was sent flying through the roof into the stratosphere. He huffed angrily as he glared at the hold in the ceiling Kuno had left. "Geez, he's finally lost it."
"I don't know." Akane wondered. "I know he has a tendency to be dense but would he really make up something so elaborate?"
Ranma folded his arm. "I know one thing. There's something rotten in the district of Nerima."