Chapter 5: To Hell And Not Back Yet

Elliot couldn't help the grin that crossed his face as he leaned closer to her "Three weeks," he whispered. He remembered that night clearly. It had been so wonderful and it was only fitting that their child would have been conceived that night.

Olivia nodded "Three weeks," she smiled back. She was thrilled to be carrying Elliot's baby but she wished she had known earlier. Now she seemed to be on the 'to do list' of a wacko whose name they didn't even know. Not to mention that they could now add one more count of rape to the list of charges against Jake Erickson.

"A baby," Elliot couldn't wipe the grin off his face. He knew that the situation that they were currently in was not a happy one and he was willing to hold on to any ray of sunlight that he could. He wrapped his arms around her "Liv, we're gonna have a baby."

She leaned into his embrace as a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She was pregnant with Elliot's baby. She allowed herself to feel safe just for a moment. The moment didn't last though as the peace was shattered by the ringing of the phone. The two separated and stared at the phone where it lay on the end table. Neither one wanted to answer it and have to listen to that sick freak again. Slowly Olivia leaned over to look at the caller ID. She released a breath that she was very much aware that she'd been holding as she read it out loud "It's Cragen." Elliot relaxed considerably as Olivia answered the phone "Benson."

"Olivia," Cragen began "How are you feeling?" after Olivia had found out that she was pregnant she had confided everything in him. He had also taken her statement and knew what she had gone through in the park. She had refused to visit with a rape crisis councilor or even one meeting with Huang no matter how much Cragen had insisted she do so and he had become increasingly worried about her. After the phone call he had received from Elliot earlier that evening, he was even more so. He was glad that Elliot had recovered his memories but that did little to assuage his fears about these men on the loose. But he finally had some good news.

"What's up Captain?" she asked him, effectively bringing his mind back to the conversation at hand.

He took note of how she didn't answer his question. He cleared his throat before speaking feeling that it was better just to get to the point "Traffic cops picked up Erickson and another man who was with him," he coughed slightly "Can you come down for a line up?"

Olivia froze "We already know what Erickson looks like Captain," she told him "We have concrete evidence against him. Why do we need a line up?"

Elliot put a hand on her shoulder to soothe her "Shhh, calm down," he murmured more to himself than her. He didn't know what was being said on the other end of the line but he had a good idea from Olivia's side of the conversation.

"We think," Cragen began "That the guy that we picked up with him might be one of the guys who was with him in the park. Erickson won't tell us anything," Cragen paused and his tone became one of concern "If it's too soon Olivia-"

She cut him off hurriedly "No, no it's okay. We should try and get this guy off the streets as soon as possible. I'll be right down."

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked having caught the small change in the tone of her voice. He took her hands in his "Did they catch Erickson?" he asked hopefully.

Olivia nodded before collapsing into Elliot's embrace "There was another guy with him. Captain wants me to come down and see if I can pick the other guy out of a line up."

Elliot rubbed her back soothingly "Are you sure you're up to this?" he asked.

She pulled away and looked at him "I can do this," she told him in a tone that said that she was hell bent on it. She slipped back into the safe embrace of the man she loved "I hope I can," she whispered.

"I'll drive," Elliot told her as he held her close. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to leave the safety of each other's arms.

Finally Olivia stood and put on her coat "Thanks," she said simply as Elliot followed her out of the apartment.


Olivia stood, waiting for the men to enter. Elliot stood beside her, holding her hand. The men began to file into the room and she tensed up instantly. She squeezed Elliot's hand so tight that she was afraid that she had cut off circulation but she was unable to loosen her grip.

"Do you recognize any of these men?" Casey asked her.

Olivia barely heard the question. Her eyes were locked on number three. She was positive that it was him. He was the man that had held her gun. Vaguely she was aware of Casey and the other lawyer in the room starting to bicker about objectivity in the lineup. Finally she was able to open her mouth, she fought to get control over her voice "Number three," she said in a hoarse whisper.

"Where do you recognize him from," Casey asked because she was supposed to. If it had been up to her, she would have put the lineup off until morning at least but the damn guy's damn attorney was adamant that it take place immediately.

Olivia took her time before answering. It took everything she had to stay in that spot "From the park," she answered. Casey thanked her and Olivia headed for the nearest exit with Elliot close behind.

Elliot had recognized the man too and he knew that while he had been there, he wasn't the tall one. The man who had called them and threatened them was still out there. He wrapped his arms around her as she stopped and leaned against a wall in the corridor "It'll be okay," he whispered.

Neither of them saw the two officers escorting Erickson out of the precinct in handcuffs on his way to central booking but he most definitely saw them. In an instant he had wrestled his way free from the two men that held him and, with his hands still restrained behind his back, ran up to the two detectives "Long time no see," he smiled at Olivia. Elliot stepped between Erickson and Olivia as the two officers grabbed Erickson again and pulled him away. Elliot fixed Erickson with a death glare but that did nothing to silence him "Best lay I've had in a long time," he called out as they disappeared down the hall "We'll have to do it again, sometime when your little boyfriend isn't around."

Elliot fought the urge to run after him and kick the crap out of him. He turned to Olivia and saw her shaking as she fought tears. He gathered her into a tight embrace "It's all right," he told her. Slowly they walked to the doors of the precinct.

"I just wanna go home now," she whispered back. Seeing Erickson again had been too much for her. She didn't even want to think about when she would have to face him in court even though she knew that that day would come.

Cragen ran into them just before they reached the exit. He had heard from the two officers about what had happened with Erickson and it just made him feel all the more guilty for having to call Olivia down to do the lineup at all "Olivia," he began but he got no response. She was numb after what had just happened; her mind was trying to separate flashbacks from reality and it was everything she could do not to lose it right then and there.

Elliot shoved his captain out of the way "Save it Don," he hissed angrily "If you need to put her through anymore hell, you know where to find us," somewhere in his mind he knew that the lineup had been necessary and that the thing with Erickson had been no one's fault but it did nothing to keep him from being angry. He hated those men for what they had done to her. He had never seen her so afraid of anything in all the years that he'd known her and he hated that they could do that to her. He missed his strong, courageous partner and if it took him the rest of his life, he was going to do everything to help her to feel safe and be that strong woman once again.


Elliot unlocked the door of her apartment building for her "After you," he said gently as he guided her through with a hand on the small of her back. She hadn't spoken a word since she had said that she wanted to go home. It seemed as if she had retreated into her own mind as some form of self preservation. He walked close beside her as they approached her apartment. He looked at his watch, it was already 6:00am and they would both have to be at work in two hours "Maybe you should take the day off," he suggested.

She shook her head as she pulled her key out to unlock her door. She spotted something on the floor outside the door and bent to pick it up. She unfolded the piece of paper and read it. She let it flutter to the ground instantly "He…" was all she managed. Suddenly she couldn't stand under her own power.

Elliot quickly opened the door for her and brought her inside. He lowered her to the couch, picking up a nearby blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. She appeared as if she were going into shock of some kind "Liv, honey," he pleaded, taking a seat beside her "What's wrong?"

"He was in the building," she managed to whisper.

Elliot jumped to his feet and made sure to close and deadbolt the door to the apartment. He returned to the couch and pulled Olivia close to him "It's okay," he soothed as he rubbed her back.

Olivia ran a hand subconsciously over her abdomen. She hadn't begun to show but she knew that the baby was in there. Not even the size of a grain of rice, her baby… their baby was already in so much danger. She felt so guilty at that moment that her baby had been cursed to have her as a mother. She buried her face in Elliot's chest and began to sob silently.

Elliot simply held her because it was the only thing that he could do at that moment. When her sobs had subsided and she appeared to have fallen asleep, he reached for his cell phone and called Cragen to inform him of this latest development.


Half an hour later and two uniformed officers stood outside Olivia's apartment, keeping a look out for the third man. The note that had gotten Olivia so rattled was on its way to the crime lab. Elliot remained with Olivia on the couch. She had managed to sleep soundly for the last thirty minutes without any visible clues that she was having a nightmare. Finally she opened her eyes and looked at Elliot.

"Hey," she said sleepily.

"Hey," he smiled at her, happy to hear her voice again.

She gripped his hands "He was in the building," she whispered fearfully.

"I know," Elliot told her "He won't get in again."

"How do you know?" Olivia asked, slowly becoming more anxious.

"Eastwood and Mueller are outside," he told her.

"We have a protective detail," she groaned. Normally she would put up more of a fight but she was more than ready to accept the detail this time. She had never been pregnant before and she wasn't going to take any unnecessary risks. She still had her pride though and put up a reluctant front.

"Liv," he framed her face "The detail is a necessary evil," he chuckled slightly. Olivia nodded and simply pulled Elliot closer to her.

Elliot pulled away a few minutes later "Are you hungry?" he asked. He wasn't really and he didn't expect that she would be either given the circumstances they found themselves in but she had to think of the baby.

"Not really," she mumbled a response "But I should probably eat something."

"Pancakes," Elliot suggested, standing up and moving into her kitchen.

"Sounds great," Olivia answered. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she sat alone on the couch. She watched Elliot move around in her kitchen, preparing breakfast. She smiled to herself thinking how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of her life with him.


"Thanks," Olivia smiled as Elliot handed her a plate of pancakes and the syrup. She tried to get the syrup to pour from the bottle but it had been a long time since she had last used maple syrup for anything and the cap of the bottle was stuck down hard.

"Want some help?" Elliot asked with a sly smile.

"No, I got it," and just as she said that, Olivia finally pried the cap from the bottle and received a maple shower as her reward "Yuck," she muttered. Maple syrup tasted delicious but it was absolutely disgusting to spill on one's self. She stood up from the table "I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Finish your pancakes first," Elliot nearly begged through a pathetic smile "I made them for you," he pouted.

Somehow she found him just too cute at that moment to say no to "You know," she smiled as she brought a fork full of pancake to her mouth "You're so pathetic sometimes."

Elliot only pouted more in response "And I thought you loved me," he wined, finding it hard not to burst into laughter.

"Maybe I think pathetic is incredibly attractive," Olivia suggested, smiling at how Elliot tried to put on his most pathetic puppy dog look in response.

"You like pathetic huh?" he asked, finding it impossible not to grin by this point.

"Maybe," Olivia chuckled.

"Good," Elliot scooted the chair he was sitting in closer to Olivia's side of the table "Because there's plenty more where that came from," he jutted out his lower lip and managed to look entirely dejected.

Olivia nearly choked on her breakfast "That's very nice for you," she informed him as she coughed and reached for her glass of orange juice.


Olivia stepped out of the shower into the steam filled bathroom. She toweled off in front of the still foggy mirror and pulled on a fresh change of clothes. Her hand came to rest on her still flat stomach "You probably can't even hear me yet little one," she whispered "But I'm really sorry about all this stress that I'm putting on you."

She heard a knock on the bathroom door "You ready Liv?" Elliot asked. He would never understand why women took so long in the bathroom. Of course sharing a bathroom with just Olivia was a lot easier than sharing a bathroom with his teenage, appearance obsessed daughters.

"Yeah," Olivia called back just before she opened the door.

"Hi," Elliot smiled at her. She never ceased to amaze him, the way that she always looked so put together. Maybe it had something to do with the extra time in the bathroom he thought.

Olivia took a deep breath "When do we have to be at Erickson's arraignment?" she asked.

"It's at three this afternoon," Elliot answered. He was hoping that he could get her in to see Huang before then. He had been thinking that maybe he should sit down with the psychiatrist himself. This whole thing was just too big and no matter how much he wanted to, he knew that he couldn't help Olivia on his own. "You ready?" he asked her just before she opened the apartment door to head outside.

"Yeah," she answered, even though it was far from the truth.

As they drove to the station they were both well aware of Eastman and Mueller following them three cars behind. What they weren't aware of was the man who watched their car until it had turned the corner at the end of Olivia's street.