WARNING: while there is nothing explicit here, there is mention of sex, kink, and slash (ie male/male sex), simply because, well, Demon!John. It may not therefore be everyone's cup of tea, even if you have read previous ones in this series-that-was-never-intended-to-be.
And for all those who have been kind enough to ask, I do still hope to do a Sam guide, which is likely to be back at the lower rating.
The proper care and feeding of Demon!John
At Winchesters-R-Us, we pride ourselves on being responsive to the needs of our customers. We are delighted therefore to announce the following exciting addition to our range: Demon!John.
Please note that due to the nature of Demon!John, we are unable to indemnify you against any damage that may occur either to you, your property, or your existing Winchester collection as a result of acquiring him. We provide below some points for you to consider when deciding whether or not to acquire a Demon!John, but cannot stress too much that acquisition of a Demon!John is at your own risk.
1. He should not allowed to play unsupervised with your Dean Winchester or your Sam Winchester. It's also best to keep him away from any six-month-old babies, just in case.
2. Your Demon!John has no concept of personal space. Try not to grin too widely at that fact.
3. Do not splash holy water on your Demon!John. It serves no purpose other than to irritate him when he's tied hand and foot to your bed, spreadeagled - er, trying to get some well-deserved sleep.
4. It is not yet known whether allowing your Sam Winchester to recite Latin around your Demon!John will affect your Demon!John. You should, however, encourage your Sam Winchester in this really hot practice at all times, regardless.
5. Taking into careful consideration customer feedback received on the rest of the Winchester collection, and the fact that Demon!John is already wearing a meat-suit, we have adjusted his wardrobe to ensure you will not suffer the inconvenience of too many layers of clothing on your Demon!John.
6. You may find that your Dean Winchester experiences an emotional crisis when confronted with your Demon!John. This is likely to involve tear-filled eyes and trembling lips. However tempting you may find this prospect, do not orchestrate repeated confrontations, as your Dean Winchester is not as resilient to emotional crises as he would have you believe.
7. Your Demon!John enjoys a number of physical activities to help him relax after a stressful day torturing innocent families:
- Bondage - hell, yeah.
- Blood-play - just ask your Dean Winchester (once he's completed his course of transfusions).
- Breath-play - your Sam Winchester will tell you more, just as soon as he can breathe and speak again.
8. Demon!John is a devoted parent. True, he may not have got round to actually naming his son, but that's demons for you.
9. Your Demon!John has a bit of a thing for guns, especially antique ones. By 'bit of a thing', we actually mean a really, really big thing. As in he'll do anything, even play nice with your Dean Winchester, to get his hands on one.
10. Encourage your Demon!John to talk. It doesn't matter what he says. Chances are you won't even notice what he says. Just listen to that voice…
11. Your Demon!John's feeding habits (tearing his prey apart, tasting the iron in their blood, etc, etc) will be awkward to incorporate at the average meal-table. If he insists on eating your Dean Winchester, and not in a good way, it may be time to reconsider your ownership.
12. If your Demon!John starts leaking black clouds, he has suffered damage. Return him to Winchesters-R-Us for an immediate refill. In this eventuality we recommend shipping him by air rather than road to avoid any road traffic complications.