Entry 1 (a month after Harry moved in with Mathew)
I did just as Uncle Sirius asked me to. When word came to me that Harry had runaway from the Wizarding World, I went to search for him. It wasn't long before I learned that he was living on the streets. It was harder to find him though. When I did, he was in such bad shape. Uncle Sirius had always told me that Harry was small, but the weeks that he hadn't had a good meal had seriously done him in. I lead him to believe that I was muggle, since he didn't seem to want anything to do with wizards, and gave him a place to live.
It wasn't long after I found him that Bellatrix wrote to me for help tracking him down. Though I told her that I would look around, I refuse to let her get to him. What made her think that I would actually help her after she killed my uncle is a mystery. I mean, just because my dad and he weren't close when they were alive doesn't mean that I felt the same way about him. Besides, there's something about Harry, something that I hadn't expected. I like him, more than I had thought I would.
Uncle Sirius had said that Harry was sweet, loyal, a true Gryffindor. That he was noble to the last. I just hadn't expected it to be so true. Though I had set out to rescue him, from the very first he did everything he could to protect me, even if I didn't need it. The only way I could be happier is if I didn't have to lie. I hope that if he ever learns the truth, that he'll be able to forgive me.
I know he's not ready for anything more than friendship, so I'll have to wait…something I'm really not good at. He tends to tense up whenever I come close to him. I hope that its sexual frustration, but I doubt it. It's like he's afraid of me, even though it's obvious he likes me, at least as a friend.
Entry 16 (Nearly 2 years later)
I haven't heard from Bella in almost a year. I guess she gave up on me finding him. I hope she's given up on trying to find him. He deserves better than to be hunted like some animal. I didn't think I could come to love him so much.
It took me so long to get him to actually trust me. He pretended to at first, probably so he wouldn't hurt my feelings, but he was never really comfortable around me until the past few months. I guess he's finally realized that I wouldn't leave him or hurt him intentionally…or whatever else he worries about. He used to come close to bolting out of the room whenever I so much as looked at him, kind of like a frightened kitten.
I'm glad I waited for him to get used to me. We started dating about a month ago, and finally slept together last night…he's great in bed. He also didn't refuse to do most of the things I suggested…even the most insane of them. I hope it's always like this. A lot of the guys I used to date looked at me like I was insane when I asked if we could do it on the kitchen table…and the bathroom counter…and the balcony…not to mention wearing matching underwear the next day. He did look a bit shocked at first, then he began to laugh when he agreed.
Entry 37 (One week before attack)
Bella finally owled me. She said that they were closing in on Harry's trail, even without my help. I had thought that I'd covered our tracks, but I think she suspects he's with me. I know I need to warn him, but I'd have to tell him the truth and I know he'd be angry with me.
I should have told him that I was a wizard long ago. He'll find out soon anyway…I think he's pregnant. The past month he's been a little moody…well, more than a little, really. It might be nothing, though. He's going through a hard time at work trying to get promoted. It could just be stress…I hope.
I wouldn't mind having a baby, but it would put a strain on our relationship. There's a chance he might leave me if he were to learn about the lies. He'd make a good parent though.
There's no way to give him the potion to find out if he is without him realizing that I'm a wizard. I'm gonna have to tell him soon. I just have to find the right time. If I haven't found the right time by the end of next week, I'll just come out and say it. "Harry, I'm a wizard and you might be pregnant." Just like that…well, I might order a pizza, buy some wine, and put out candles to soften him up. It usually works.
The thing that worries me is that if Bella really does suspect he's with me, why would she say that she's closing in on him? It doesn't make sense. She has to have something planned. I just hope Harry will be okay.
Harry threw the journal across the room, watching as it hit the wall and fell to the floor with a loud thud, tears rolling down his eyes.
In the beginning, he'd been afraid of getting close to Mathew in case he had to leave him. Run away in case someone found him. He'd thought that he'd hidden most of his fears from Mathew. It upset him to know that he'd been seen through.
Not only that, but Mathew had lied to him for years. He only planned to tell Harry him because he suspected the pregnancy. It was no wonder Mathew never wanted him to read the diary. He held nothing back when he wrote in it. He didn't bother to hide anything. He hadn't even locked it, magically or normally.
The thought of just anyone coming along and reading what Mathew had written had him even angrier. By not realizing what Mathew was, Harry had been made a fool of.
Now that he thought of it, there had been so many clues. Whenever Harry had called him in need, it only took seconds for Mathew to show, though he said he was "just around the corner". How he had never burnt down the house when he tried to cook while Harry was out. And, most important, how things they "needed" that was across the room suddenly appeared next to them. Harry was sure that he hadn't used his own magic for that.
Burying his head in his hands, the tears started to flow faster, sobs tearing out of his throat. He bit down on his thumb until the metallic taste of his blood filled his mouth, hoping to stop the noise.
Severus stood outside Harry's bedroom door, a dark frown on his face. He'd been standing in the same place for the past thirty minutes, and Harry had only just begun to cry…and throw something. He hoped that nothing important ended up breaking before the end of Harry's grieving.
With a sigh, he went downstairs. He'd have to wait until Harry calmed down before discussing what the boy wanted to do with the baby.
At that thought, Severus let out a loud and very uncharacteristic, "SHIT!"
A grieving boy he can deal with as long as he stayed out of the way. A temperamental pregnant man who was also grieving, maybe. But a baby? There were so many things that could go wrong. Before the birth there could be a miscarriage, or it could be a still-born. Afterward, Harry could find out that the baby might have a serious disease, that he or she wouldn't live too long, and if he/she did, then there could be so many problems that couldn't be cured.
Having a baby around the house would also be a constant reminder about what he had lost. Nathan had died giving birth to Severus's daughter. Severus had thought that having Elizabeth would ease the pain of losing his love, like he'd have a piece of Nathan with him always. But it didn't work out that way. Elizabeth had been born two months early. After two long weeks of waiting in St. Mungo's, she also died because of low nutrients. No matter what the healers tried they couldn't get her to eat enough to survive. It had been like she knew her "mother" had left her.
He collapsed on the living room couch, close to tears for the first time in a long time. His breathing was coming in short gasps and he knew that if he didn't calm down he'd really begin to panic, possibly even pass out. Just thinking about it made him dizzy.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, near panicking, but it felt like hours. He was so out of it, in fact, that it wasn't until cold water hit his face that he came back to reality with Harry standing over him, wand pointed at his face.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Snape?"
Severus looked at him in confusion for a moment before his face clouded over and his emotionless mask fell into place. "Did you need something?" He looked at Harry closely, noticing that the boy's eyes were red and puffy, full of misery. Severus decided to forget that he'd just had water squirted in his face.
Harry plopped down on the couch next to him, resting his head in his hands in exhaustion. "What am I going to do?"
"What would Mathew want you to do?"
"He wanted me to have it."
Harry nodded slightly, "He suspected, though he wasn't completely sure."
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. I'm just not sure." His voice was choked, and Severus suspected that he was crying again. "I don't know anything about having a baby, and I've never been around children. How will I support it? I don't have a job anymore, and there's not a lot that I know how to do."
Severus tried not to roll his eyes. "Calm down. Everything's going to be okay. There are plenty of things you can do to earn money. Besides, Hermione will help you. And because Hermione will help, you have Draco there for you too. You're not alone in this. No matter what, someone will be there to help you."
At first, Severus didn't think that Harry would speak. Then he asked in a voice so quiet that Severus almost didn't hear him, "Even you?"
He hesitated, knowing that his decision would bind him to Harry until the boy didn't need his help anymore. He'd have to always be there by his side. It might not be a magical binding, but Severus's honor, what little of it he had left after the war with Voldemort, wouldn't allow him to break a promise to anyone. Besides, many people would take advantage of a promise like that. But if he said no, it would mean he was a coward, because only a coward would abandon a boy when he needed help the most.
So Severus said just as softly, "Even me, Potter. For as long as you need me around."
Harry gave a small smile of relief. "Thank you, Severus."
The sound of his given name coming from Harry's lips shocked Severus, causing him to look down at the younger man. There were dark circles beneath his eyes, showing that he hadn't had a decent nights sleep in who knows how long. Where he had once walked the halls of Hogwarts confidently, now his shoulders were slumped, as though the world had thrown one too many things at him.
Without thinking, Severus reached out and cupped Harry's chin, gently making the younger man look at him. "Everything will be fine Harry. You'll be a great dad, and you'll be able to give your child everything that you never had."
Harry fought the tears back as he placed his hands on his stomach. "But he won't have Mathew there, he won't have his other dad. I know how hard it is to grow up not knowing a parent. I never wanted a child to have to go through what I went through."
"You'll have the memories of Mathew to tell him. He may not know his dad, but you can make sure that he knows about him. Through you, he'll know that Mathew was a good man, someone he could be proud of."
Harry shook his head. "I can't do it on my own. Having Hermione, Draco, and you there won't be the same as having someone there to help me raise him. Even if I thought I could love someone as much as I loved Mathew, how many men would willingly raise someone else's child?"
Severus didn't answer him because Harry had a point. Few wizards accepted another man's child. Many, especially Purebloods, would rather see their line die out than give an unrelated child their last name and the chance to lead their family. Harry had been lucky to become friends with the Weasley children, for Molly and Arthur had always been the kind of people who took in those who needed help. They would have been happy to adopt Harry if it hadn't have been for Dumbledore's objection to the idea. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted Harry to have a happier life, but that the spell that protected him only worked with blood relatives.
Instead, he pulled Harry into his arms, the brunette's head resting against his shoulder. At first Harry stiffened, but quickly relaxed. "Why are you doing this for me?" He asked softly.
For a moment, Severus didn't say anything, causing Harry to look up at him. Severus stared down at him, his eyes clouded with the pain of his memories. "Because I know what you're going through better than anyone. I know how much it hurts; I know what you're going through. You'll never really get rid of the pain over loosing Mathew, you'll always love him. The most you can do right now is take life a day at a time. Think of the good memories, not the bad. Don't hold Mathew's lie against him. He knew you weren't ready to learn he was a wizard.
His grip tightened around Harry, ever slightly, a single hand coming to rest on Harry's stomach. "Your baby will be a part of him. If nothing else, he did give you someone else to love, too take care of."
Harry nodded, wiping away the tears that had slipped from his eyes. "You're right," he whispered. I know you are. But it's still hard I lived with him for years, and I never had a clue that I was being lied to. It's not that I hate him for lying to me. I hate myself for being a fool. I spent years learning between reality and lies under your tutelage. Yet I let him trick me so easily, just because I didn't want to see it. There were so many signs, so many times when he did magic around me and I purposely ignored it, putting it to the back of my mind."
Severus couldn't hide the amusement in his voice as he said, "So it's a blow to your ego that's got you all worked up?"
Harry laughed slightly, his eyes still watery. "Yeah, I guess you could say that." He sighed and pulled away from Severus. "I'm sorry to do this to you. I know you don't enjoy baby-sitting," he spat the word out, "me. And I know that I can be difficult to deal with at times. I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you're doing for me."
"It's no problem, Harry. If it were, you wouldn't be here."
Draco and Hermione sat across from each other at their dining room table. The blonde wasn't sure what was going on, but the seriousness on his wife's face scared him more than he cared to admit. He knew she wasn't upset; otherwise her eyes would be flashing. At the moment they were soft, warm, the color of chocolate.
He sat there and stared at her, not touching his food, but preferring to watch as she ate. There was something different about her. She seemed happier, more enthused, than she had been since learning of Mathew's death and Harry being moved in with Severus. She…glowed. There wasn't any other word for it. Noticing the change, he relaxed and smiled as he watched her take a bite of grapefruit. His eyes widened, she hated grapefruit. But she seemed to be enjoying it, even craving it.
"Wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?"
She grinned at him and said, "I'm pregnant," before taking another bite.
Draco didn't move, couldn't speak, for a moment. Then he let out a loud "YES! How long have you known? How many months?" as he jumped out of his chair and ran to her. She laughed as he pulled her out of her chair and spun her around.
"Three months, and I only just learned for certain a few weeks ago."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asked as he set her feet back to the floor.
"At first I wasn't ready, so many things can go wrong in the first trimester, and I didn't want you to get you hopes up only for nothing. Then everything with Harry happened, and I just felt that he needed our attention and that telling about the baby would make things harder."
Draco wrapped an arm around her waist, letting his free hand rest on her stomach. "A baby," he whispered. "I can't believe it."
"You better start believing," she laughed. "I'm not going to be the only one waking up in the middle of the night to change the diapers."
He smiled at her. "I never dreamed you would."
Bellatrix glared around her living room at the small group of Death Eaters that had managed to survive the war and stay out of Azkaban. They were a disheveled group, in a disheveled house far away from any towns and people. It was far from the luxury that she was used to, but while the aurors and that deluded Order of the Phoenix was still looking for her, she had to make do with whatever she could lay her hands on.
That didn't mean, however, that she had to be happy with it. She was far from being happy. The Death Eater's, once a strong proud group, was now incompetent…not that they hadn't made mistakes when they were following the Dark Lord. It's just that she hadn't really noticed it as much when she, too, had been following her beloved Voldemort. But now that she was in charge, now that everyone answered to her, she was nearly driven insane from the many times she had to go behind them and clean up their mess.
All she wanted was for that brat, Potter, to die by her own hand. Was that so much ask? Was vengeance against the boy who had killed the only man she had ever loved too farfetched? She didn't think so, and nothing would stop her from killing Potter and making the Dark Lord's dream of ruling the wizarding world and wiping out muggles and mudbloods come true. She would see to it that everyone who had had a hand in her Lords demise would pay dearly. They would regret the part they played. She would see to it that they would beg for her forgiveness, beg for mercy.
"Crabbe!" She snapped. The oaf hurried towards her, dropping to the ground in front of her.
She smiled down at him, the corner of her lips twisting in that eerie way that made even the bravest of men tremble with fear, and Crabbe wasn't brave in the least. She could smell his fear, knew that he was close to running from the room screaming.
"How is your mission coming along?"
He began to fidget. "Fine, Mistress."
"Fine? That's all you have to say to me?" Her eyes narrowed as she grabbed her wand and pointed it at Crabbe. "Crucio!" She watched with pleasure as he withered with pain in front of her, his screams echoing around her. From the corner of her eye, she could see the other Death Eater's wince. When she finally eased the curse, she asked softly, "Now, how is your mission going?"
"Our spy will soon close in on Potter, Mistress," he gasped out. "I'm sure he will not disappoint you."
"Splendid. Now leave."
He left quickly, afraid that she'd call him back if he stayed in her sight any longer than necessary. Her mood a bit better, she sat down on her ratty couch like a queen and surveyed the small crowd for her next victim.
I wanted to get this chapter up a while back, but I kinda got stuck around page three and couldn't think of how to proceed, though I'm happy with how it turned out. I've already got bits and pieces of the next chapter figured out (I'm trying not to think too much on it, though, since I prefer to let have some things be surprises for me. I usually don't plan out anything but the most basic idea). I hope ya'll liked it...at least enough to drop a review.