Thank you all for taking the time to read the prologue to my first Kingdom Hearts fanfiction This whole thing will be from Axel's POV, so you can expect alot of profanity and frustration throughout. But that's why we love him, right? This is a very short prologue; I promise, the next 13 or so chapters will be much, much longer. By the way...I like reviews. ;) Enjoy!
I want to live.
I want to be whole again.
To be me again.
What's so wrong about that?
What's so damn wicked about wanting to exist?
About wanting to matter?
You don't answer.
You never answer, you damned bastard. You turn towards me with those cold, blue eyes, and I am nothing again. Nothing but your servant. Nothing but your bitch.
That's my name-my alias. My curse. Axel, the fourth; the one of Fire. Axel the Nobody.
Ironic, isn't it, the way a name could brand? The way it could sink into your fucking skin, dive within your blood like a plague. It's like a disease, spreading through your soul, gnawing away with its jagged teeth at what you were and what you were thought to be until you are nothing but an artificial identity; a cloaked lump of skin and bones lacking the one thing that separates human from monster;
Funny, almost, how that god-damned beating organ, so loud and obnoxious, could be so useful. So fucking vital. Without it, the fist-sized mass of moving tissue in your veins like a never-ending drum, you cease to exist- to breathe, to function. Without it, human life ends.
And we begin.
Creatures: "Ghosts," we are sometimes called, human doppelgangers caught between the light of the living and the dark of the heartless. No real reason to exist; heartless have their need to devour hearts, humans the need to live life. We have nothing.
Nothing but the thirst to be something. Is that bad?
Tell me, Key Bearer.
Tell me, Sora.
Is it a bad thing to want to be human?
To want a reason to exist?
To go on in life?
You say nothing. You consider what I say-the machinations of your mind in those cold blue eyes. They glitter, almost like sapphires-jagged, sharpened blue blades that slice into hearts with a frosted uncaring. That was what I always found so ironic about you, Roxas. Sora. It's so effortlessly amusing-your friendly exterior, so fixed in light; in pure, sacred, virgin innocence. But it shines from your eyes like the light of a knife, when wielded above the head of its victim-ready to break the body beneath; but so gentle in your face; in your smile.
I knew from first sight that you were capable of killing; of spilling blood, of breaking me entirely with that frozen gaze of yours.
I am staring into a blue abyss-pleading for recognition, for those arctic eyes to warm and thaw into memories chained beneath the irises; for you to remember, to give me a reason to go on-
To make me feel like I have a heart again.
But you reel back; bare your teeth like a rabid animal. A sliver of light gleams within the air, coalesces into smooth metal; the jagged surface of a key-shaped blade. Blood stains its tips in scarlet skin, and you smile.
If only I didn't fucking love you so much.
If only I could have killed you from our first encounter; could have forgotten the cold blue eyes that once flickered with so much love, so much adoration; forgotten the Nobody hiding beneath the stupid boy. But I gave into-what, a heart? Is there a heart after all, lying beneath all the skin, all the dead veins, un-beating and solid and existent and…human? God, it makes me laugh. It makes me fucking smile to think of how stupid I am, ever hoping to see you again-to be with you again-
So you can give me the illusion that there is something there, deep down within my chest. Something that makes me human-makes me real, alive; less of a monster.
But I need you, Roxas.
To make me feel.
To make me think.
To make me speak.
To make me anything but Axel.
So I'll remember it all; remember all the fucking memories you seemed to forget; all the days within Organization XIII, the introduction, the rebellion. I'll chain these memories you wish to eradicate; and maybe then, maybe then you'll remember it yourself.
Maybe then you'll come back to me.
Until then, Sora, you can go to hell and die. What I care for the is the Nobody within-for the boy named Roxas.
Got it memorized?
I could kill you, just to get him back.
Would that be a bad thing?