Neon Genesis Evangelion is the property of GAINAX. Also now and then I make a reference to a name brand product, I don't have any affiliation with them. Please don't sue me. I have nothing for you to take; you can only hope to make my life even more miserable. Please just think of it as a plug for your product.

This is not a waff, it is serious but I have taken care to make it readable by most people. I'm offering it with a T rating but if enough reviews recommend it I'll bump it up to M though I think I'm ok with T.


I Hate You Father

Commander Gendo Ikari's penthouse apartment is impressively large, yet devoid of any comforts of home. No pictures on the walls, no knickknacks, nothing that will give a hint into his soul. The leather furniture is black and the tables are smoked plate glass, servants clean all daily, they are simply ordainments to him. This is not his inner sanctum merely his residence. Large glass panels that allow a clear view out on the vast Geo-Front primarily occupy one wall.

Though Japanese he has a penchant for single malt scotch, rare and expensive preferred. He enjoys the exotic, including women, what others cannot have pleases him. And tonight he will indulge in the forbidden with out concern of reprisal. He is a man of great power over other people's lives and uses it. Gendo pours two fingers into a tumbler and notes the time. Sipping slowly enjoying the flavor of his drink. Virginity is something to be sipped like single malt and he can experience it a hundred times over if he wishes; he smiles and pushes his glasses up with a white-gloved finger.

Rei Ayanami stands before the threshold of her commander's private residence. She vaguely remembers being here before several times, as a child but it has been many years ago. As instructed she has bathed and is wearing a pristine new school uniform. It was an odd order but it was obeyed without question, she trusts this man unconditionally.

The door slides open revealing Gendo Ikari; to her an imposing figure, tall and masculine in a red pullover shirt, black slacks and black NERV uniform jacket. His beard and orange tinted glasses are meant to add to his menacing appearance, he enjoys intimidating others. The traditional scowl was missing but the smile was thin and some how lacking legitimacy. He was holding a tumbler of amber liquid.

"Enter Rei" He invited and turned to continue into the living room.

Rei removed her shoes respectfully, as she heard the automated door close behind her. Then moved into the living room to join the commander who was now setting on the couch. He indicated the spot where she was to stand at attention; she complied. She has bonded with this man, as a father figure. She has no recollection of a father or mother. Ikari had taken her in when she was four or five years old; at least that is what she has been led to believe.

Gendo inspected her circumspectly; burgundy eyes, cropped with blue hair haphazardly kept, heart shaped face, small nose and thin lips set on a small mouth. Her facial features have a subtle hint of Yui, his deceased wife whose soul is trapped in Unit 01; his desire is building.

"Disrobe" He ordered and took a sip allowing the liquid to dissolve on his tongue revealing the complex flavor of the scotch.

"Yes sir." She responded. Her hand came up to tug the red ribbon around her collar it pulled away easily and drifted to the floor. She lowered the shoulder straps of the jumper and unbuttoned her white short sleeve blouse; it fell to the floor also. She stepped out of the remainder of her outer garment and, as Gendo took another sip she completed undressing finishing with her black socks.

Rei stood nude before him arms at her side to be appraised like a statue in an art museum. She spends at least thirty percent of her time in terminal dogma undressed in front of strangers for medical analysis or synaptic upload for the dummy plug system but this is truly humiliating. Rei Ayanami is intelligent enough to recognize what will happen next and it disgusts her. That she doesn't have the courage to resist breaks her fragile spirit. She now understands why she was summoned.

Gendo tossed back the last of his glass and set it on the smoked glass coffee table then rose walking behind Ayanami inspecting her backside. He placed his hand on the back of her neck and ran it down the smooth pale skin of her body. Rei fought back tears of disgrace, as she helplessly felt him touch her so inappropriately.

With the palm of his hand on the small of her back he guided her "Come with me." He commanded. And lead her to his bedroom to be defiled. She obeyed, there was nothing else she could do, he is her master.

An hour later she emerged deflowered, sodomized and sore. She has been given graceful permission to dress and take her leave. She dresses quickly before the emperor changes his mind. His appetite had been ravenous and mercy little. She had been taken in a way that Tokyo-3 whores would charge extra for. She was ashamed of herself and what has happened to her. The bloodstain on the front of her underwear sickens her; she covered her mouth fearful of being punished for vomiting on his plush carpet.

Rei stumbled out of the apartment headed for the pilot's locker room to attempt to shower away the filth she feels; the pain makes it uncomfortable to walk but she wants desperately to put as much distance as possible between herself and this place. Her mind was racing with the thought she will have to submit to this man repeatedly. She felt degraded and vulnerable. Rei was already suffering the symptoms of rape trauma syndrome.

Ayanami made her way through the Geo-Front quickly as possible. She negotiated the escalators and passages with the familiarity of a little girl that grew up here. As she neared the locker room she was no longer able to hold back the tears of shame and sorrow. Leaning against the wall she began to sob. I can't call it rape she thought to herself in her confusion. I submitted to him like a prostitute. Is pilot Soryu correct? Am I nothing more than a doll meant to pleasure the commander? Depression began to grip her psyche

Rei noticed an unattended maintenance cart the custodial engineer was probably in a designated smoking area taking a break. She rummaged through the supplies finding the solution to her misery. It was a nearly full bottle of lye based drain opener. She shook it to mix it well then removed the cap; it dropped to the floor bouncing several times before rolling away.

Rei slumped backward against the wall falling slowly, as her bottom touched the floor she was reminded again of what she had suffered in the bed of Commander Ikari, the man that she had respected, trusted and adored.

The thought of painfully bleeding to death through her digestive tract seems more merciful than the life she is facing now, hopefully her replacement will fair better. She closed her eyes and brought the bottle of caustic liquid to her lips preparing to ingest as much of the contents of the container, as possible before her bodies self defense mechanism forced her to stop. It will only take a few milliliters for a fatal dose. If she can hold the burning liquid down long enough, death will be certain.

She felt a very strong hand grip her wrist pulling the bottle away from her mouth, then from her fingers. Failure, lack of success, her heart sinks deeper.

"WHAT are you doing Rei?" Shinji asked nearly in panic. The First Child had been about to drink a bottle of drain opener.

"PLEASE, just let my die." She begged, barley recognizing Shinji's voice.

"No! I can't, this isn't right! Why?" He asked, as he held her tightly hoping to calm her down. Shinji has never seen the First Child in this frame of mind before and it frightens him.

"I do not want to be a sex slave to the Commander; I cannot endure it." She pulled up her skirt to show Shinji the now darkened red stain on her underwear, she has stopped bleeding by now but the implication is obvious.

Shinji fumbled for his cell phone and hit speed dial. "MISATO I NEED A MEDICAL TEAM NOW!"

"I'm on it. What's the problem?" Misato recognized the panic in Shinji's voice. She knows he doesn't over react about something like this. His level of agitation means trouble.

"I found Rei by the locker room, she's hurt. I…I think she's been raped." His pupils constricted, as he began to realize the gravity of the situation. Father you did this didn't you. You bastard.

"Oh god. Are you two safe now?" Her concern has morphed into controlled fear. "Hold on one sec." She picked up her secured desk phone and hit a button to initiate an alert. "I need a fire team and med-evac the First Child is down, ping Shinji Ikari's cell phone for position and I'm placing him in field command, he has the most up to date information."

"Shinji! Are you there?"

"Yeah I'm still here Misato."

"Keep your cell phone on there vectoring in on it. I put you in command you have to hang in there. Are you two safe? If not find cover."

"Yeah, I don't think it happened here." As he finished his words twelve men arrived, they were not section two stuffed shirts but solders armed with M16 assault rifles. Silently they set up a perimeter around two of the most valuable fourteen-year-old children in the world, entering their kill zone would be suicidal.

"Security is here." Shinji told her, as he held Rei tightly in his arms.

"Okay, medical is right behind them, I'll meet you in the infirmary." Misato ended the call and grabbed her red jacket moving quickly to the medical wing. As she half ran, she flipped open her cell phone and hit speed dial "Place Asuka….The Second Child under level three security protocol for twenty-four hours there may be a security breach. No, better yet, bring her directly to me. I'll be in the infirmary."

This order caused a chain of events, not the least of which was the launch of a NERV vertical take off and landing aircraft loaded with special forces troops to take Asuka Langley Soryu into protective custody.

"Did my father do this to you?" Shinji's tone was unusually serious.

"Yes, he ordered me to submit to him and I obeyed; it was painful and degrading. I made no attempt to resist" She began to cry softly in his arms, she was overcome with disgrace, she has lost face.

Shinji hugged her tightly then kissed her cheek before he spoke. "This wasn't your fault Rei. No one has the right to make that decision for you."

When the paramedics arrived Shinji insisted on placing Ayanami on the gurney himself, carefully lifting her with his arms under her knees and around her back to avoid applying any pressure to her tender abdomen. She has suffered enough.

He looked deeply into her heartbreaking burgundy eyes and brushed the tuft of blue hair that formed her bangs. "Your safe now, these people will take care of you. I will protect you from my father." He promised and leaned down giving her a tender kiss on the lips.

"Good by." He said solemnly.

As they wheeled her away, she didn't fully comprehend the meaning of his oath. When two of the solders remained, as his bodyguards, he motioned them to protect Ayanami, they complied without question. Major Katsuragi had informed them that pilot Ikari was in command of this mission. And they would interfere with his scenario.

Shinji slid his ID card through the mag-stripe reader and typed in his pin number. The deadbolt released and the door opened. He withdrew a small leather bound case from his weapons locker. It contains a caliber 0.357 Magnum revolver and several speed loaders. There is also a box of jacketed 125 grain hollow point ammunition. He has a grim, deeply angry look on this face. He is determined to correct the sins of his father and bring honor back to his family name even at the cost of his own life enough is enough.

After loading the revolver he placed it in the integral holster of his black dress uniform jacket, then filled the five speed loaders with the deadly ammunition, dispersing them among his several pockets.


Shinji found himself in a sea of white mist, any clear path was obscured by a treacherous terrain of dead trees and thorny under brush that blocked any safe passage.

My father hates me. Why?

I don't understand what I feel. Why?

Father abandoned me. Why?

Father killed mother. Why?

Father raped Ayanami. Why?

Father is bad.


"I hate you father," Shinji said calmly, as he squeezed the trigger. His eyes were glazed with a nearly vacant stare, he hadn't even attempted to discuss the issue with him; there was no point. He never listens or tries to understand. He is cruel and heartless.

The hammer dropped detonating the powder charge, super-heated gas pressure drove the projectile down the barrel engaging the rifling inducing stabilizing spin. The bullet traveled down range at over 1,500 feet per second striking the elder Ikari between the eyes. The exit wound was an aerosol of blood, brain and bone splattering the back of the mans office with a spray of gore.

Gendo Ikari's corpse slumped to his desk with a pool of blood forming, the iron and saline content of which began shorting out the electronics of his elaborate desk, another extravagance he will no longer need.

Shinji sank to his knees, ears still ringing from the report of the weapons discharge and began to cry. He knows that he will spend the rest of his life in prison for what he has just done. Shinji raised the barrel to his temple searching for the courage to end it. It's time to run away.

He hears Rei's soft melodic voice. "Please don't; you saved me, allow me to save you."

She gently grasped his hand, guiding the weapon away from his head. After she removed it from his hand she opened the cylinder and ejected the shells. The FBI loads clattered on the floor. They then held each other in their arms crying softly together.

Vice-commander Fuyutsuki, Major Katsuragi and pilot Soryu, still wearing the Kevlar vest that was unceremoniously put on her by the commandos entered with the section two-security personnel. Kouzou surveyed the two pilots on the floor comforting each other, Misato has filled him in about what the Commander did to Rei. He turned to look at Gendo, then to the leader of security.

"I've been a doctor for over twenty-five years" He said shaking his head. "This is the worst case of suicide I've ever seen."

Asuka removed the body armor and dropped it to the floor in a daze. Misato knelt by Rei and Shinji, placing her arms around them, her head resting on theirs. Asuka moved to her and embraced her purple haired guardian with a blank, slightly frightened look on her face, she has been uncharacteristically silent, she is in shock at the events that have taken place.

The newly field promoted Commander of NERV came over to the group, instinctively brushing Asuka's hair, as if she were his granddaughter and in a calm reassuring voice gave Major Katsuragi an order. "We need to get these three to medical for counseling and I would like for you to get some as well Major."

Misato lifted her head and wiped away tears. "Yes sir…sorry sir."

Rei looked up sadly at Kouzou "What will happen to Shinji?"

"Nothing." The older man said with a slight smile. "Leave that to me."



Because I still have a lot to learn about conveying my meaning in a story I just want to make it crystal clear that I do not condone rape in any shape or form. It is among one of the most heinous crimes that human beings commit against each other. I only used it as a convincing reason for Shinji to flip out and kill Gendo. ("If you can't get along with somebody, kill his ass and get along with out him".)

Sorry about what I did to Rei but she was the only logical choice. Originally, I didn't intend to dwell on the rape aspect because it was only a plot device. But after researching the subject I felt compelled to at least try to convey some of the anguish that victims suffer.

The idea for this story came from Daniel Snyder's story Damnation if you can stomach a truly dark fic, I recommend it but I'll warn you now it's not for the weak.

I want to give a special thanks to GoatMan for helping me with the technical aspects of Shinji's weapon of choice, a large caliber handgun (you can find him on my favorite author list).

I went back and updated this story (12-13-2007) and hope that it is a little better. I didn't want to go overboard rewriting it, just patch it up a little.

Thanks for reading and reviews are appreciated.

Dale (AKA 94saturn)