Disclaimer: I don't own Kishimoto-san's Naruto or J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter.

A/N: Mwa ha ha ha! I'm so evil for doing this, but you know, it's getting kind of boring reading all those Dumbledore hires Konoha shinobi fics. Therefore, I wrote this one-shot chapter to challenge you NarutoHP crossover fanatics to write something dark or twisty! I would but I'm not that interested in writing Harry Potter anymore; therefore, I've decided to end it on a weird note. –Insert evil laughter– Mwa ha ha–No! –kick–(I want Orochimaru's evil laughter!) Ku ku ku (There!. . . You think I'm weird don't you?). Well, hoped you guys like this really weird one! Don't forget to review!


Dark Alliances

by chairomori


Tsunade scrutinized the figure before her as she glared. "So, you're telling me that you want to hire my forces to aid your own in a war in another continent?"

The figure stood before her menacingly. "Basically."

Tsunade suppressed a huff. "How did you pass the wards anyway? I thought the alliance of shinobi erected barriers to keep your kind out."

"Yes. That's true. However, I managed to learn quite a bit from our resources. But I'm not here to discuss trivial things like that. I want to know if you agree to me request."

"The very reason we sealed the eight continent off. Our kind were tired of you stick-wavers coming to us for every war problem. Since you somehow managed to pass the barrier, however, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. If I were to lend you some of my hand, what would you give to compensate it?" she asked.

"Compensate?" The man, if that was what he was, scoffed. He pulled out a piece of thin wood and pointed it threateningly at her. "I don't think you understand. I'm here to take, and I will not hesitate to kill you if you do not follow my request."

Tsunade glared at him while beginning a set of seals under her desk. In a small puff of smoke, the stick was replaced with a pencil. "Voldemort, was it?" Her tone was icy and nonchalant at once. "I don't thing you understand. You're in our territory." She twirled the stick. "You're in the big leagues." She almost smirked at his unease. "Without your little wand here, you're powerless. You stick-wavers always were ridiculously weak. I could kill you in an instant." She demonstrated by grinding another pencil to dust in her palm.

Voldemort flinched visibly, and couldn't help but sweat. "Of-of course. I was just jesting a bit." He forced himself to chuckle lightly.

She smiled at him coldly. "Now, we will discuss the terms?"

"Ah, yes," he answered hurriedly.

"Very well then. I must know the size and skill level of both sides of the combatants as well as allies, duration, et cetera."

The business conversation went on for nearly an hour more with Voldemort fearfully trying to avoid the woman's wrath before an agreement was called.

"Very well. I will classify this as an S-ranked mission, scheduled to last for the maximum duration of one year. I will supply you with three elite squads, rotating new ones monthly and you will be responsible for any deaths or injuries. In one week you will deposit a sum of three-hundred fifty pounds of gold and will make monthly payments of one-hundred pounds of gold in addition. Added to that, you will also pay extra for any inconveniences, injuries, fatalities, etc. if they should occur. If the payment is not received at regular intervals, we will not hesitate to annihilate your forces. If everything if understood, sign here."

Voldemort bitterly signed the one-sided contract with the intention of making his minions pay for the woman's outrageous demands.

"It's all settled then," Tsunade grinned all too gleefully. "You'll come back here in one week to pick up the first round of fighters and deposit the money."

The Dark Lord huffed indignantly and vanished with a loud cracking noise.

As soon as he did, Tsunade lost her cheerful demeanor and glared at where he once stood. She didn't trust the man; he reminded her too much of her old teammate. She knew her demands were outrageous and used them to discourage the man from seeking their services; but if it meant money, she would never flat out refuse.

"Bring in ANBU squads nine, eleven, and special jounin squad fifteen!" she ordered to a chuunin at the door.

"Yes, Hokage-sama."


Naruto grumbled as he hung his frog mask near his ANBU uniform and left his apartment. The old hag had a penchant for always sending Shikamaru's and Gai's squads together on weird missions. This one had to be the weirdest yet–go past a barrier he never knew existed and help some weird snake-like man win a war. Joy. Sarcasm was dripping from his thoughts.

On a slightly better note, Shikamaru would be retiring from ANBU after this mission of Tsunade's request that he join Konoha's strategy division. She informed Squad Eleven that Naruto would be taking over as captain after they returned in a month. This good new was only marred by one thing. Much to his, Chouji's and Kiba's chagrin, his replacement was Hyuuga Hanabi, the sixteen-year old sister of Hinata.

It wasn't that she was that bad, Naruto reasoned as he made his way to the Ichiraku ramen stand. She was a formidable fighter. It was just that lately, she had been attempting to be funny, cracking the driest, most confusingly lame jokes and puns. Did he say lately? He meant for the past two years, courtesy of some annoying chuunin teammate. It was annoying whenever he did field work with her. More annoying than Kiba.

Speaking of annoying, he was more than annoyed that he'd be doing this mission with Gai's squad. Gai and Lee were valuable allies and assets to Konoha, but after nine years of knowing them, they still blatantly preached 'the power of youth.' He still couldn't quite believe Gai decided to join ANBU just to keep his squad together. Lee was the only ecstatic one, he remembered.

Even more annoying was the special jounin that Tsunade assigned with them. The team was nicknamed by familiars as 'the super power pervert squad.' It consisted of Ebisu, the closet pervert, Anko, the sadist and not-so-closet-pervert, and Genma, who surprisingly was found to have had a secret collection of Icha Icha Paradise books under his bed. The only thing missing was Kakashi, who had decided to remain solo, and Jiraiya.

Naruto grinned as he neared the ramen stand. He was going to have to use the week he had left to make up for the month he'd be gone. He doubted there'd be time for ramen there.


A week later, Voldemort stood in the Hokage tower analyzing eleven people. "How did you know my Death Eaters wear masks?" he asked curiously after gazing at the eight ANBU.

"Death Eaters?" Tsunade inquired.

"The name of my group of followers."

"We don't, it's standard uniform."

"Then why are those three wearing something else?" he gestured at Ebisu, Anko and Genma in their usual attire.

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched slightly. "Different. . . rankings. And why the pointless questions?"

"Of course," he looked at Anko, "although, if I may request another in place of the woman? I'm fighting a war, not some-" He soon found himself slammed into a wall, body paralyzed by snakes wrapped around his body. Surprisingly, his parseltongue didn't work on them.

"Are you inferring something?" A steely female voice spoke behind a mouse mask as she held a sword at his throat, killer intent radiating.

"N-n-no." He curse himself for looking so idiotic in front of them. He was the Dark Lord!

"Good." The snakes that held him quickly disappeared into the sleeves of the older woman. "Because I really wouldn't mind tasting your blood."

The Dark Lord paled, if that was possible. He made a mental not to stay far away from her, even if she also had a fondness for snakes.

"Now, my units will be helping during the war their way. I trust you will refrain from irritating them in any fashion. They are known as Frog, Deer, Elephant, Dog, Mouse, Tortoise, Turtle, and Eagle." Tsunade gestured at the masked shinobi. "The other three are called Ebisu, Anko and Genma. Now leave!" she barked.

"Very well," he nodded, "hold on to this umbrella."

A quizzical atmosphere was created as they reluctantly did as commanded. In a few seconds, they were whisked away.

Positive they were gone, Tsunade let out a sigh and pulled out a small bottle of sake from her drawer. Those stick-wavers always were weird, she had read.


The assistant appeared at the doorway. "Hai!"

"Get Jiraiya here. I want him to install some wards for me. . ."


A tall old man with a long silvery beard and hair followed a younger man with matching hair color through a maze of twists and turns. They finally halted after entering a large, dimly lit chamber. On a throne-like chair sat a man resembling a snake. It reminded him deeply of the enemy.

"So. . ." the man hissed. "I hear you are from one of the seven outer continents. . ."

A quick nod from the visitor confirmed it.

"This is indeed a surprise. . . and what brings you to seek me?. . . Power? Knowledge?. . . Allies?"

The visitor flinched slightly as his purpose was seen through so easily.

"My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I have learned a great enemy of my people has already sought assistance from your own enemy–the land of Fire. I have come to seek help from those who wield similar power."

"Ah, so Tsunade has agreed? Maybe she sent Naruto-kun? What do you thing Sasuke-kun?" the snake lord questioned.

A young man stood from behind the chair. "I couldn't care less. It won't make me any stronger."

"Ku ku. I expected that answer. What of you Kabuto?"

Dumbledore's escort adjusted his glasses. "With slightly less numbers, I suppose we should use this opportunity to attack Konoha instead; however, we still must account for Suna and their new ally, Kiri. If we do accept this mission, we must also account for the possibility that they will combine forces to attack us. The ultimate decision is yours, Orochimaru-sama."

"As calculating as ever. Ku ku ku. Why don't you and Sasuke-kun gather a few of our more promising pawns and test them on the battlefield? I imagine you two must be bored cooped up here, hmm?"

"As you wish, Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto bowed.

Sasuke, however, was less obedient. "I'm staying here to train. I don't have anything to gain on this mission."

Orochimaru frowned at him. "Now, now, Sasuke-kun. If you really wanted me to take your body now, you should have said so."

Sasuke glared at him coldly. "Fine, I'll go."

"You two go find who or what you need while our client and I discuss the terms," he turned to Dumbledore. "Let us begin."


A/N: See? I told you it was weird! Well, you read, now review!