a/n - BOO! did I scare you? I mean, it's only been like 4 years since I updated, right? This is short, really just a few minutes between kristy and miranda after a party. I'm interested to see what people think, if anyone wants me to keep going. I've had quite a few requests to continue this and my other stories. :)


three months later.

I grunted under Miranda's weight. This girl wears a size zero, how is she so heavy?

"HA!" Miranda shouted, stumbling over what I'm sure was nothing. I could smell her breath, reeking with liquor. "Krissy you're such a good fren."

"Don't I know it." I grumbled, wrapping my arm more tightly around her shoulder. "Try and walk, ok? It's hard to hold you up, I don't want you to fall."

"I like Shannon." Miranda said with a giggle. I rolled my eyes. She and Shannon had spent most of the party hanging all over each other, kissing occasionally, to the delight of every guy in the house. It was just a random "Christmas" party thrown by some Junior, and when I say "Christmas," I mean, you know, there were lights.

Miranda veered left suddenly, and we were standing in the middle of the street. I dragged her back to the sidewalk and sat her down. "Are you sure you don't need your jacket? It's freezing."

"I'm SO hot, though." Miranda said, grabbing her hair and pulling it back from her face. I could see beads of sweat on her forehead, and wondered if she was okay. It couldn't have been more than twenty degrees out. I gently put her jacket over her shoulders, just in case.

Miranda smiled at me. "I'm okay." She shook her head. "Crazy night, huh?"

Maybe for her. My night hadn't been half as crazy. When she and Shannon decided to get crazy, Ashley and I had agreed to keep an eye on them. Which immediately had become a full-time job. Between the make-out session, the dirty dancing, and Miranda wanting to go streaking, Ashley and I hadn't had much fun. Now she was dragging Shannon to her house and I was dragging Miranda to mine. I hadn't wanted to risk Shannon's parents peeking out the blinds and seeing . . . something. Derek had disappeared around ten, his father enforcing a strict curfew for some reason or other. Probably for getting suspended again. He's been skipping class way too much.

I leaned back on my hands, ignoring the stinging cold of the concrete sidewalk beneath me. Looking up at the stars, I exhaled slowly. Thinking too much again, Thomas. Ashley and Shannon had both recommended deep breathing exercises at an intervention of sorts - one day at Rosebud, over sundaes. Too intense, my friends had decided. They wanted me to relax a bit, and let myself live. I had agreed. I mean, hell, I've gone as far as drinking, messing around with my boyfriend with no clothes on, staying out late and even smoking pot - twice! - and they were right. It was time for me to get out of my head. In the past month or so I've let things go - like grudges with Mary Anne and Stacey, who were still acting like brats, according to Claudia. Like losing the BSC - it was just a club after all, and I have a life now that it's gone. Like caring what my family thought about EVERYTHING I do - Charlie has been a big help with that, and he's given me the most sound advice of all; the family is too big, nobody cares. And he's right. Mom noticed something was up at first, but she quickly let it blow over and attributed it to being a teenager. Like nagging Derek about all of his little flaws - yes, I even gave that up. Going with the flow is my new lease on life, how I handle things.

It's killing me.

I have opinions on all of this. Mary Anne and Stacey? Need to GROW UP and get over it. Claudia and I still get along just fine, which means they are just being bratty little kids that are hurt I made new friends. The only reason I grew so close to Shannon, Miranda and Ashley was them abandoning me! Morons! I miss the BSC, of course - the money, the kids, the power! I love to be in charge. I love taking the lead. And I don't even do that in my new group of friends! Miranda, she is by far and away the leader of our pack, and I let it happen, as much as it irks me. My family not caring that I've basically turned into a completely different person? Who would that not bother? Even Sam doesn't care anymore, he sticks with his crowd, I stick with mine, and we pretty much ignore each other. I call Charlie once a week to unload all of this on him, to make confessions about what I've been doing - not so much the naked stuff, but he gets that I've been . . . you know . . . bad. And Derek? Derek is the antithesis of who I used to be - of who I, of course, still am under the surface, and he's so cute and I adore him but his rebel ways are really starting to bug me, sometimes I think it's all an act–


I looked away from the stars, at Miranda, whose eyes were a bit more clear. She was glaring at me. "You're doing it again."

I sat forward quickly, and exhaled slowly again. My hands were numb from the cold. "Sorry. I was just–"

"Thinking, yeah I figured." Miranda grinned. "Stop. Just be here with me, now. Please?"

I gave her a little smile and grabbed her hands to warm my own. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm losing it. I can't ever seem to stop dwelling and go from happy to sad in an instant. I get it, I'm a teenager, but do I REALLY have to go into a depression? Am I that stereotypical?

"What am I going to do about Shannon?" Miranda wondered aloud.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I just made out with her all night. I wonder if she thinks we have a 'thing' now."

I raised my eyebrow. "You guys were out of your heads."

Miranda threw back her head and laughed. "Kristy! Are you blind? Shannon is gay!"

"Gay?" I asked. Like she was speaking a foreign language. I've never known a gay person before. "How do you know?"

She shrugged, smiling. "I just do." She tapped the side of her head. "Excellent gaydar. Plus she told me a little while ago. She was drunk, told me I was pretty, asked if she could kiss me because she likes girls but never got to kiss one."

Where the hell was I when all of this was happening? How do I not know one of my closest friends is gay? I pushed back the tiniest twinge of jealousy - she's known me longer, after all. Do my friends feel like they can't tell me things? Why–

"Kristy! Me, we're talking about me, focus."

I shook the thoughts out of my head and focused. "Do you like her, too?" was all I could think of.

Miranda shrugged, tossing a pebble into the street. "I'm not gay. I guess I could be Bi, I had a lot of fun with her. It was way different then kissing a boy, it was . . . " she paused for a moment, contemplating the right word.


"Nicer." She said, shaking her head. "Boys are always so eager. This wasn't. It was just . . . nice."

"And she likes you?"

"I think so. I love Shannon, I do. I guess I could give it a shot." Just like that. I guess I'll take some time off from boys and start dating a girl, no biggie. Ugh, how does she do that?

"What about . . . " I gestured in a circle. What about people. In general. What they'll think. I didn't want to finish asking because it was so stupid to do. Miranda doesn't care what people think.

"Who cares? I can do what I want. I'm a teenager." She grinned, digging into her purse. "And right now this teenager wants a cigarette. Have one." She added, tossing it to me.



"Miranda I don't–"

She flicked her lighter. "Kristy. Just smoke the fucking cigarette. I'm having an epiphany, be supportive."

I leaned forward and allowed her to light it, blowing the smoke out without inhaling. It was a menthol, and cool on my tongue. Out of sheer curiosity of how it felt to inhale, I took a drag. Miranda laughed as I breathed out, looking at the cigarette with fascination. "It's... kind of yummy."

"Right! Like inhaling a piece of gum, I know."

"But it tastes and smells so bad when someone else does it."

She snorted. "That will go away. You're going to get a great head rush, too. It's like pot but... shorter. And more intense."

I took another drag. Short and intense. That's me alright.