Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Summary: They had ripped out her heart and completely destroyed her confidence in relationships with one stupid decision. A decision that had changed them all. And not for the better.
Rating: PG-13 (for now, anyway)
Author's Notes: I apologize for the long wait on this one. Frankly, I think college is going to kill me… And if the stress alone doesn't get me, it's gonna be my damn shower. I swear to god, it's like showering in tiny little shards of glass, the pressure's so bad… In one of the other houses, the water pressure actually knocked the whole door off the shower… It's a little bit scary…
But I digress… Anyway, I'll try my best to get more out as soon as possible. No promises, 'cause I've been extremely busy, but hopefully I'll be able to get some more written over break this week…
The song here is "Perfect Enemy"… Again, by t.A.T.u.
Hope you like it, and thanks for the reviews!
She had overheard them earlier, arguing over her behavior; wondering at the hurt she was showing…
"I know she's hurt, and I know we fucked up, Angela, but Bones and I were never actually together, so why the hell is it so bad! Why is it she'll hardly even look at me!"
They had been walking through the lab… or rather, Angela had nearly been sprinting down the hall, and Booth had been chasing after her, in his desperate search for answers. And then, finally, Angela had spun around on him so fast that Brennan had been surprised when she hadn't knocked him over from pure shock. "Because she told me, Booth! She told me how she felt about you! She told me that she was terrified because she was falling in love with you! You had Cam, and you had Rebecca, and so she was too afraid to tell you, but she told me, Booth! She told me she was falling for you, and when Temperance Brennan admits to something like that it means something! And then she found us like that… Booth, it destroyed her, okay? And it's not what you did… It's what I did. How I hurt her…"
And it was true. As much as she had been hurt by Booth's actions; as sure as she had been that Booth cared for her the way she cared for him, it had been Angela who had caused all the hurt. Angela. The one person in the world she had believed she could trust enough to let out her deepest secrets to, had slept with the man she loved. The man Angela had known she loved.
Alcohol be damned, there was nothing that would ever convince her that what Angela had done could be forgiven.
She should have known, really. Should have seen it in the way Angela had looked at him, flirted with him… But she hadn't paid it any mind, because that was Angela, and Angela had Jack, and there was no way that she would have risked that relationship… But then she had. With Booth. The man Temperance loved.
And love wasn't a word she had ever thought she would be using to describe her feelings for anyone, much less a man, and Angela had known that.
But it clearly hadn't mattered.
Why should I welcome your domination?
Why should I listen to explanations?
I'm not pretending to make it simple
Try to be something experimental
Tears had gathered in her eyes, and she hated herself for being so weak. Never before had she reacted so emotionally to anything, and for that, she blamed Booth. He had pulled her out of her shell, only to crush her heart to pieces, leaving her broken and alone. She wanted nothing more than to crawl back inside herself and block out the world, and for the most part she had succeeded… At least it appeared that way to the outside world…
But she wasn't nearly as closed off and coldhearted as the rest of the world perceived her to be. With every passing moment that she was alone, a tiny shard of that cold façade fell away, and she was left with nothing more than tears and the overwhelming feelings of betrayal that haunted her now and, she imagined, always would…
She had no one… No one to love. No one to turn to.
She was completely and utterly alone.
And this time it hurt.
No longer waiting, remove illusions
No more complaining, forget confusion
No more compassion, not sentimental
I am now something experimental
The knock at the door startled her, and she wanted nothing more than to simply tell whoever it was to leave her be… And she would have, too, had the intruder not invited himself in.
She laughed, a bitter, cutting sound that hurt even her.
Of course. Who else would it be. Three weeks of barely having spoken to one another, and now, because of Angela's confession, he wanted to talk it all out… But she would have none of it.
Her words were biting, and she could almost feel him drop his eyes to the floor in a gesture that wasn't quite one of defeat… Not yet. No, he wouldn't give up just yet… But neither would she, and she knew she was far more stubborn. Especially now, and especially with him… The man who had broken her heart.
"We need to talk about this."
He sounded so sure of himself, and she knew he was overcompensating. Trying his best to present himself with authority, as though he believed she would back down at that. "We have nothing to talk about… Now please, leave."
She still had yet to turn to him, and she knew it was unnerving him, but she couldn't look at him… Mostly because she knew he would instantly see the tears she had so recently let slip… And partly because she couldn't give him that control. He had a way about him. A way of breaking her. She knew that if she were to look at him, she would break. And he would witness it… Which was something she simply couldn't allow… Not anymore.
"Angela told me some things today…"
Again, she cut him off with a bitter laugh. "Did she, now? I'm surprised. Didn't realize the two of you were so interested in talking."
He ignored it, and she could do nothing more than squeeze her eyes shut tight against the fresh tears that sprung as he continued. "She said you were in love with me. That you admitted it to her. That she heard it straight from your lips…"
"If I loved you before…" She paused for a moment, trying her best to steady her wavering words. "It's gone now."
"Love doesn't just disappear like that, Temperance…"
"Well, then… apparently it wasn't love." She knew he could hear the tears in her voice now, but she no longer cared. It didn't really matter anyway. Because even if she did love him, she could no longer trust him, and without trust, their relationship was nothing. And the same went for her relationship with Angela.
She was done with both of them.
It simply wasn't worth the pain.
You don't turn me off
I will never fail
Things I loved before
Are now for sale
"Temperance, please…" She stood, then. Finally turning to face him, no longer concerned about the tears that stained her cheeks or the emotions she knew floated in her eyes. And he took it as a sign that she was letting him in, and so he took a few steps closer, reaching out to place a gentle hand on her arm. "Can't we just talk about this?"
His voice was so quiet, so pleading, that for a moment, just a moment, she wanted to give in. To reach out, and fall into his arms, and just let him hold her for as long as he would have her…
But then the images of that day came rushing back at her and her anger flared, and she jerked her arm away so forcefully that he stumbled back in shock. "Who the hell do you think you are! You sleep with every goddamn woman you meet, including my best friend, and then you expect me to what? Fall into bed with you? Because that's not happening!" And she knew full well that that was in no way his intention, but she looking for a reaction. Trying to hurt him… Just a little bit. To give him just a little taste of the hurt he had caused her.
"I never said that." His voice remained quiet. He was talking softly, being patient… Too patient.
He was speaking to her as though she were a child. And she didn't like it. Not at all.
"Get out." She'd had enough. And she was sure to make that clear.
Keep yourself away
Far away from me
I'll forever stay your
For a moment, he simply stood and stared at her, his eyes pleading… But when the ice in her gaze failed to melt away, he gave in, turning and walking out the door, without so much as a glance back at her.
And as he went, she couldn't help but feel as though he had given up too easily. She remembered a time (or maybe she had imagined it, even she herself was no longer sure) that he would have waited a lifetime just to see her smile… But now, it seemed, he was letting go.
Apparently, love wasn't all she had hoped it would be…
I'm not pretending to make it simple