A Question of Worthiness
Pairing: Adama, Adama/Roslin
Spoilers: 2x12 "Resurrection Ship II"
A/N: This is my first BSG story so all comments are appreciated. However "Resurrection Ship II" is as far in the series as I've seen so please don't spoil me. This was written for VelocityofSound's Marjor Arcana thon.
I – Judgment
He hadn't expected the cylon to throws his own words back in his face. Though, he supposed, there was a certain poetic justice in it, the leader of humanity's race for survival questioning the validity of that quest. True, he'd spoken the words, but it had never been something he'd seriously questioned…the worthiness of the entire human race as a whole.
He contemplated the final sip of water in his glass. Did he deserve to survive? Probably not. He'd done more than his fair share of distasteful deeds. He was, after all, a soldier with years of service under his belt. He could try to shift the blame up the chain of command all he wanted, but in the end he'd given the orders, he'd pulled the trigger. And no matter how you dressed it up, service to Fleet and Colony or necessity of war, a dead man was still a dead man. No, despite the feeling of entitlement that came with being human or the decisions he made from here on out, he did not deserve to survive.
He raised the glass to his lips and emptied it. He moved to around his desk towards the hatch, but an old photo on a bookshelf caught his eye. Two young faces smiled up at him from the distant past full of the untarnished joy and promise of childhood.
'What about the rest of humanity?' whispered a small voice from the corner of his mind. 'What about the children?'
True, there weren't many left in this rag-tag collection of people, but one day, the god's willing, there would be more. Maybe they would be worthy of survival, even if he wasn't. Regardless, who were the Cylons to pass such judgment over the whole of them?
He reached out and brushed a finger over the dusty frame. He had survived this long, perhaps for this purpose alone. The human race did not deserve to survive, but maybe one day they would. For that to happen there would need to be teachers, role models, people who deserved to be respected. It was time he considered that, beginning with his own actions.
The speaker in the corridor blared to life, "Set condition one throughout the fleet. Prepare to execute jump."
'Game on,' he thought as he turned from the photo of his sons and headed for CIC.
II - Lovers
He will never admit it to anyone but every once in a while, when she allows herself the small moments of weakness in front of him, he wonders if he's made the right decision. Sometimes he can forget that he is following a dying school teacher into battle, other times, other times he can't help but wonder if maybe Kara was right. Maybe they would've been better off with Cain's brand of decisiveness.
But then her grip on his arm eases; she squares her shoulders and the weakness is gone, the steel beneath exposed, and he remembers why he's chosen as he has. She's become more than she was and she's done the same for him. They've come to balance each other, strength for weakness, light for dark, and he knows that it is this, more than his own worthiness, that keeps them all alive.
Maybe it does take him longer to make decisions these days, but he can't go back to the way he was before. She's charmed, argued, and maneuvered her way into his heart and mind. He knows he'll hear her voice in his head long after the cancer that's eating at her has run its course. She's become his conscience and his prop. He's even holding new gold insignia for his collar to prove it.
As he helps her to her feet he can't resist. He leans in and presses his lips to hers lightly in thanks, a promise, and a whisper of what they will probably never share. As he watches Billy help her back to her private area he thinks that maybe it's not just the children that deserve to survive.