Ok, well, first KuroFai ficlet. Expect some typos; I do my typing at night. Uh…. Yes! Enjoy! First chapter is a look into Fai. READ AND REVIEW!
Disclaimer: Me : Tsubasa Nasa : Mars. I don't own it. Neither do they. The Martians own it.
Chapter 1: Looking from a Window Above
Bright green blossoms surrounded by red leaves bloomed before the large French window. Through the glass was the ponpon tree in the middle of the sidewalk below. It was littered with people bustling, children screaming, and thousands of small metallic scooters that didn't quite touch the ground whizzing by in the street. Down in front of the place they were staying were Syaoran and Sakura looking over one of the scooters cautiously with their gracious host, Zazu. They were happy and excited. Fai enjoyed admiring the two shy love birds from his window, but he was alone in his room. He wouldn't go out to join the two, they needed time together. Mokona had vanished, probably to talk with the Dimensional Witch, and Kurogane was in a mood that told even Fai "Do Not Touch." So he was alone.
The mage should've been used to being alone, should've liked it by now. After all, in his world he hated being around other people… being around him. Fai frowned out the window. Back then, being alone was a blessing, a treat. Sleeping untouched at night was rare and welcome. Being forgotten for a day like an old shoe was benevolent back then, back when he used to bleed for hours after… Now, though, it was different. Now he had those two sweet, innocent children to help and look after. Now he had Mokona to play with. Now he had a big, tough Kuro-daddy. Slowly, the smile returned, but not as bright as before. Kurogane did that to him; he made Fai happy and sad at the same time.
Kurogane was everything Ashura wasn't. Kurogane was honorable, concerned, loyal, and determined. He had strength that was new to Fai, strength with courage, humility, and mortality. In some ways, Fai thought Kurogane could even beat Ashura if he tried… or cared. Also, Kurogane treated Fai like a human. Given that Kuro-pii treated him like a miserable, mysterious, untrustworthy, bothersome, impossible wretch wasn't very humane, but was much better than being treated like property and used as such.
Fai's smile brightened more. It was true; Kuro-daddy never used him, never lied to him, and never took pleasure in his pain. Though he was moody, grumpy, and overprotective of his masculinity, he was nicer than cold, cruel smiles and void of all emotions except evil. And though his theory was probably wrong, Fai felt that there was a possibility that Kurogane liked him. That made him feel secure.
Hope is a dangerous angel, though. It delivers and condemns, frees and binds. The words it whispers wound and heal. Fai knew this well. Every word Kurogane said to him out of anger cut just a little too deep, and yet he kept coming back to the ninja. Any attention from Kurogane made him feel safe, even if it ripped him up. He just smiled, because he knew that Kurogane was the only one who could ever undo what Ashura did. If Kurogane was so capable of hate, he could be capable of love as well. Fai would never ask for love though, and tried to keep himself from dreaming of it as the three below the window sped off. Because if he wanted it badly enough, then it would just come back to strangle him when he was rejected. And still, Fai would smile, and act as if it was all fine.
He pulled a few things through his wispy blond hair, absently watching the breeze carry stray leaves away. He didn't like being alone, especially when he could be with Kurogane. "What a dilemma," he brightly mused to himself. Smiling a bit more, he looked at his reflection in the window. "Indeed, what a dilemma," the reflection agreed. "Why don't we go play with Big Puppy? It's always fun."
Remembering all the games they had played lightened Fai's face, and sunk his spirits. All the times Fai had touched Kurogane only fed the hope and false sense of security. The stolen hugs, the pets, the pokes, the pinches were so small and bothersome to Kuro-pii, but so staggeringly important to Fai. It was laughable. Perhaps he should just stop it if Kurogane hated it so much, but Fai knew he couldn't. The reactions were too precious, too fun, and made the mage feel real. They kept him.
Such devotion in Kurogane for a princess that sent him away was admirable. Kuro-rin seemed to be the perfect guardian; obedient to a fault. And Fai knew that one day, when the quest was all over, that Kurogane had a home and a mission to go back to. Fai would keep running, unable to go anywhere without constant paranoia, without someone to take him away to a different world. It must be nice to have someone who needs you, who cares about you, waiting for you to come back. Fai's smile was slipping again. He doubted that the warrior knew how lucky he was. Still, the mage hoped that he might be able to know what it felt like to have a home. Any home. Sometimes people could feel like a home, couldn't they? That was why Syaoran wasn't homesick with Sakura around: she was his home. Perhaps Kuro-puppy could be Fai's home and comfort – wherever he went, Fai would follow, so he would never be lonely.
The hope only made the mage feel worse. It was alright through, in a little while he would smile again.