Why live?

Part 1

Lying on her back in her tent, gloriously blurring out all the sounds from outside, Ana Lucia tried to sleep. She was hardly ever sick, yet now, she caught a virus and probably also insomnia. Shifting to the side and pulling the blanket around her neck, a hundred million thoughts and memories entangled themselves in her head. The plane, the crash, the children, the Others. The airport. Sydney. Her life before the crash…

"Ana?" said a distant female voice. With her eyes closed, she was half asleep; she tossed and turned, and half groaned at the effort it took to get into a comfortable position, getting crankier by the second. In her struggle she didn't realise someone was outside her little tent. Sunlight and noise burst into her face as "Ana?"

"What's this?" She thought, "someone tryna wake me up? Not that I'm asleep." Squinting she could she Sun with a small steaming bowl. "I heard you tossing around, I thought this might be soothing," Sun crouched down next to her and Ana sat up, feeling a bit relaxed. a light smell had started to swirl through her enclosure. "Here, you can inhale the steam and when it cools, wash your face with it." Ana, too tired to talk, accepted the bowl with a smile and a wan nod. Sun pointed outside, "we'll be out there if you need anything".

"Okay, thanks" The brew was indeed refreshing. What was she thinking about? Oh yeah, before the crash…and that, that. No. She wouldn't go there.

While she slept, she had dreams, dreams that haunted and taunted her. They felt so real, they seemed real. She was swimming out into the ocean, away from the beach, away from the shore and all the survivors. She saw the rock sitting out a little way ahead, just like in The Bell Jar, the only book she ever finished reading for school. She knew she wouldn't drown, that's why she's swimming as far as she can. Then just for the sake of it, she would dive deep into the water, like Esther, in The Bell Jar. Her dream-self climbed onto the big rock and she lay down. It wasn't day or night, it was a dream world, where night and day was in distinguishable. She stood up, her black top dripping and jeans heavy with water. Staring out to sea, she remembered a friend saying that if you feel there's nothing you can do, then you should try screaming out to someplace, anyplace that was empty. Right now, it was what she did but nothing came from her mouth, she couldn't scream. Why couldn't she scream? Why? How can she be denied this small release? Why? Because you're alone, girl, no one wants you. You've got no family, no friends. You never even got to see your own flesh and blood. The world doesn't need you anymore. There's nothing left for you, Ana, nothing. Except for guilt, it's all yours, girl. All the guilt.

Some invisible force threw Ana far into the air, and as she hit the ocean, BANG BANG BANG BANG "Nooo"

Her eyes snapped open. "Freaking hell!" she thought. She didn't dare let her eyes wander down to her stomach, for fear of what she would see, but using her hand to feel, she was relieved that it was just a dream. Damn, it was so real. She rested her head on her arms. It was night. She hadn't eaten all day and didn't feel too hungry anyway.

Across the beach, everyone just about finished their dinner. Jack thought about getting something for Ana Lucia, but he knew that if she wanted something, she would get it herself. She probably didn't have much of an appetite at the moment anyway.

Sawyer was surreptitiously making his way to Ana's tent, holding some chicken salad in a bowl.

"What the hell? Why'm I doin this for?" he muttered, kicking up sand. He thought he could hear her voice, "what tha hell?" he thought, "she couldn't av heard me now, could she?" as he got closer, he heard her voice raise and said something in Spanish, then "I almost fucking died in my dreams!" Sawyer stopped moving, astonishing himself by wondering whether he should just turn and go back to where he came from, leave her to herself, or just continue and pretend not to have heard anything. He chose the latter. He continued walking, thinking about what she said, strange, there was a time, before the whole creepy island thing got to his life, long ago, when he felt that way too. His heart pained at the thought. He was suddenly in front of the tent. "Arh", he thought, "what am I gonna do now?" he quickly put on a smile. "knock knock"

"Who's there?"

His smile turned genuine at the sound of her voice.

In her tent, still in blankets, she wondered what this guy would want from her. Revenge? Now would be the best time, as she was weak and all. She hoped he didn't hear what she said earlier. A hand appeared in her dwelling, and Sawyer's head poked in. "what cha want?" she said.

"Hey calm down chica, don't cha want something to eat?" sawyer plopped down uninvited beside her at a respectable distance, she could give him that.

"oh yeah, thanks" and she propped herself up, finally feeling hunger, while sawyer frantically wondered whether or not he should turn away, in case… oh well he didn't have to, as her blanket slid down he saw she was still in that black top she wore. "Sawyer?" she raised an eyebrow

"What?" he replied, perplexed and hoping he wasn't staring at her while he was thinking.

She reached out to grab the bowl, "my dinner? Or is it yours?"

He nodded with his head tilted to the side, "it's all yours, girl"

Suddenly, her face darkened and didn't look his way; his words had triggered her memory of the dream. "What's up? Wrong type of salad?"

"You know, I didn't put anything unnatural in it."

When Ana remained unresponsive, he started to worry, "Ana?"

She quickly looked down and said into her salad "I want to be alone" she said it so quietly that sawyer almost missed it. He wanted to say something, anything meaningful, but all he said was "ok" and got up, when he stepped out, he took a glance back, and saw that she was still staring into her salad.

Part 2

She forked at something in the bowl, staring into space, only to realize that she'd eaten everything without noticing. Sighing, she put the bowl away. She didn't feel that sick anymore, but there was a heaviness in her head.

She soon found herself at the edge of the beach, wandering across the sand. Her dream. Was it right? Was it what she should do? Swim out, drown? But she knew she couldn't drown. Maybe she should go swim out, try her best to get as close to death as she possibly could.

She sat down at the rocks by the water, arms resting on knees. She didn't know what to do anymore. A sudden cool onslaught of wind rushed past her face. The darkness was welcoming. Sick and tired of everything, Ana Lucia just sat there, gazing out into the darkness.

The sun was almost up, and the beach was bathed in the softest blue and peachy hue. It reminded Jin of the time when he was little and went fishing with his father, just before dawn. He peeked back into the tent he just came out of and smiled at a sleeping Sun.

Breathing in the morning wind and carrying his net, he made his way to his favorite fishing spot. The atmosphere was light and calming, no one else was ever up this early. He smiled and felt sad at the same time when he remembered he was fishing on the island, what seemed long ago, he had heard laughter. It was Shannon and Sayid. They were so happy together. Jin shook his head to focus back on the present. But that was what he liked about being up early; there was no one around to distract him from his thinking. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of Sun and he being parents, especially when they thought it was impossible. Such was life.

Ana Lucia was standing on the platform of rocks out in the water. She got back in the water confidently and bobbed up and down. The water felt beautiful. She looked into the depths and dived under; down as far as she could go, before resurfacing. And again she went down, and came back up, wiping the water from her eyes. Her eyes stung, the water was salty. She could hear her own breathing. Her legs treading water, she dived down again, and came up again. Breathe, hold, down, breathe out, up and breathe again. Down and up, down and up. She was beginning to ache, but that was the point of it, exertion of energy to the maximum. It relieved her for a while. She surfaced, gasping in a great breath of air. And down she went again. She was starting to like this a lot. No wonder her mama told her exercise relieved stress. Mom. I was gonna come home mom. And now I'm here. Oh mom.

Jin walked out to the water, net in hand, about to throw it out, when he saw a head in the water, far out in the distance. He saw it was disappearing and resurfacing at a regular pace. So it wasn't someone drowning. He looked harder, trying to make out who it was, Kate? Head went back down, and came back up, oh it's Ana Lucia. She didn't look like she was in trouble. Jin continued fiddling with his net, though wondering what Ana was doing out there. Sorting her thoughts out, perhaps, just like I do when I fish.

Ana heaved herself back up onto the rock. Her back was itching like hell. Something squishy in the water had slammed her in the back and floated away. She lifted the back of her shirt up and tried to see.

"What?" she rasped out. All she could see was red skin. Her back was hot as hell, as if it was on fire. "Shit" she whispered. She touched her back gingerly, "AHH," what on earth was that thing? It was something else that wanted her off the earth. She eyed a loose rock on the edge, and one foot kicked out at it. Suddenly, she lost her balance and fell face forward. She was oblivious her surroundings now. Her mind was back to when that guy shot her and she fell to the ground. Before she hit the water, she let out a yell.

Jin chose that moment to look up. He saw her fall, and without thinking, he swam out to her.

He dived under. At the same time he saw a shadow to his right moving up.

Ana resurfaced and swam back to her rock, unaware that Jin was behind her. When she turned her body around with her arms on the rock, she let out a small yelp. "Oh, Jin? What are you doing here?"

Jin swam to her rock and lifted himself onto it, sitting face to her. "I fish" he pointed to the beach. "You fall" he motioned her falling "I come. You are ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok"

Jin nodded. Ana Lucia stared out to the water for a long time. "I feel dead. I have nothing left." She glanced at the Korean guy, wondering how much he could understand. He looked at her and back at the water. He didn't know what she said, but he could sense her emotions from her voice and her face. He wasn't sure what to do, but just stayed where he was in case she gets into another accident.

Ana continued talking, encouraged by his silence, she needed to talk to someone, and he okay, as he wouldn't understand her. But she didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to do. She couldn't talk to Libby, and hated it when she tried to get her to talk. She couldn't blame Libby, but it was just so damn irritating. It was like Libby was examining her, instead of listening.

She continued staring at the water. So much went through her head. She just couldn't get any out. Then she whispered "I got nothing left. I don't know how I survived after…my baby was gone and he left me and … I killed that man." She stood up abruptly and closed her eyes, exhaling.

Jin watched her face as she mentioned "baby" and "killed". He wondered if "killed" meant what he thought it was. It sounded close to "kill". He saw her hand briefly drift to and away from her stomach. He coughed to get her attention. "We go back. Beach" he told her.

"So," she thought, "he knows something's up with me" She nodded and took a step, just as she slipped, again. She let out a shout. Jin turned around in time to see her sliding down the face of the rock, on her side and the left side of her forehead impact upon the rock with a horrid sound. "Ana!" he went after her, cursing himself in Korean for being so careless at looking after her. He caught her unmoving form and surfaced the water, "Ana Lucia, Ana" he saw the wound on her head, and blood leaking out of it. "Huh?" it was like her back was boiling. He swam as fast as he could with the lady in his arms.

In his tent, Sawyer woke and stretched his arms. "nnrgg"

"Jack!" Sawyer heard Jin shout and went outside, rubbing his eyes to see what the fuss was all about. Geez what time was it? He stopped dead as he saw Jin carrying Ana Lulu from the water. He then ran towards them, no, he should go get Jack. They were so far away, he was sure he was the only one who could hear Jin. He yelled to Jin "I'LL GO GET JACK" and he sped, and ran like he never had before.

"JACK!"

Sawyer burst into the hatch. Jack rushed out of the bathroom, drying his face with a towel. "Sawyer? Wha…"

"Ana Lucia." Sawyer breathed. "Injured. Beach. Go."

"Sawyer, calm down. Okay" Jack looked him in the eyes. "What happened?" Jack grabbed a bag of medical supplies, and they both ran out

"I don't know. I just saw Jin carrying her out of the water" Sawyer answered as fast as he could, almost incomprehensible. They ran to the beach, gaining curious stares and questions from people. "Something happened to Ana" sawyer managed to tell them.

Part 3

By the time the two of them got to the beach, a small crowd had formed. They parted to let Jack and Sawyer through. Jack began checking her pulse. "Ana Lucia, can you hear me?"

"I don't think she can" Charlie stated matter-of-factly.

Jack ignored him, "Ana Lucia. Jin, what happened?"

Sun translated for Jin. Sawyer had taken one look at Ana before he rushed off to somewhere. He had seen her shoulder; it was all he needed to know what he had to get.

Flashback to sawyer in 2nd grade

At the aquarium, a group of excited little kids were gathered around the open tank.

James Ford bent over and picked up a sea cucumber and slid it from one hand to another. "Cool! It's slimy"

A girl with wavy brown hair looked at him in disgust "euww, stop that. That's horrible."

"You wanna touch it?" james smiled and offered Onya an outstretched arm with a floppy sea creature in his hands.

"No way, yuck"

"Come oooon, it's cute" he wriggled the cucumber in front of her face

"No, stop it!"

"James, if she doesn't want to touch it. Don't force her."

He looked up at Ms Stuart "alright, whatever." He took back his extended arm and stroked the squishy thing. "Onya, you sure you don wanna play with it?" he asked again. When he got no reply, he glanced up. She wasn't there. Oh well.

There was a small scream. It was Onya. James could see her hands, they were swollen and red. A few adults rushed over to her. All the children tried to get a look.

James could hear everyone talking and asking questions and he wished his friends and those girls would just stop being so annoying. Still holding "his" sea cucumber, he saw someone put cream on her hands, then the guide ushered them away to sit down. He glanced back and could see some grown ups arguing over Onya, he couldn't catch what they were saying, but he figured it something about whether or not to give her "epy pen".

Back with the group, he heard Ms Stuart on the phone.

"Hello, Ms Cortez? This is Ms Stuart…"

Onya appeared alright, just that her hands were still red.

Back at school, James stood at the fence waiting for his mom. He heard a scream.

"Onya, Onyaaa" Onya was on the ground with her younger sister bent over her. Teachers ran over to them, some shooing off the crowd. James went to them; he stood near the back of the crowd. Her sister was crying and shaking Onya. A grown up grabbed the girl by her waist, muttering "she shouldn't be seeing this."

He saw this and saw how she wanted to be with her big sister. So off he went, and pulled the girl out of the adult's grasp, "let her go, it's her sister."

End Flashback

Sawyer got to his hut and rummaged around till he found a tube-like thing. He ran back to the beach. Suddenly, his thoughts froze in its tracks, his legs kept running. It occurred to him how Ana bears a close resemblance to Onya and her sister. Was she the sister?

He reached the beach. They weren't there. Where were they? The Hatch. "Hey, did they go -"

"The hatch"

"Thanks"

In the hatch.

Jack patched up her head wound; it was now covered by a bandage. She was still unconscious. He had seen her back and guessed that it had to be an anaphylactic reaction. She needed Epipen. "We have to give her adrenalin"

Charlie looked at him like he was crazy. "What? You plan to put her on a rollercoaster?"

"Kate, go find sawyer's stash and get Epipen, you know what that is?"

"Yeah"

Adrenalin was the best thing to give for a severe allergic reaction. Ana could die. He hoped there was Epipen on the island. He hoped her throat wouldn't swell. She can't die, with us being helpless to do anything.

Part 4

As sawyer burst through to the room, "Whoa Kate," he nearly crashed straight into her. She saw that he already had the Epipen in his hands. Kate raised an eyebrow. He knew about Epipen?

Sawyer took in the whole scene in a second. Ana Lucia was on the bunk, unconscious and a bandage on her head. Jack was next to her. Sun, Sayid and Kate stood at a distance, not knowing whether they should go away or stay in case they were needed. Charlie had gone out of the room to see Claire, as she was in the hatch wondering what all the commotion was about.

"Jack, you have to give her this" he handed the tube to Jack.

"Thanks Sawyer." He was relieved that to see the tube of adrenalin. It would open up her airways if they got constricted But then, what if there were side effects?

All of a sudden, Ana drew in a gasp of breath, her eyes still closed. Sawyer felt like edging towards her but stayed rooted to the spot like everyone else. He didn't know why, but he was drawn to her. It was from the moment he left her in her tent and saw the look on her face, that faraway look.

Jack placed a hand on her arm and another on her face, slightly shaking her, "Ana Lucia, can you hear me?" Her breathing was rasped and labored.

Jack glanced at the tube in his hands. I have to give her the shot.

"Just give her the shot, will ya doc!" Sawyer had the look of "incredulous" written all over his face. "You know how to use it, right?"

"Yes, I do." There was a hint of frustration in his voice.

Sawyer, Sun, Sayid, Kate and Jack could see that Ana was seriously having trouble breathing. "Almost as severe as Shannon's asthma attack was." They all thought.

Shannon was at the beach, recovering from her wound. They had all thought she wasn't going to survive, but, once again, the island had performed its healing magic.

Jack quickly undid Ana's still wet jeans and got it partly down. He removed the cap to the tube and was about to apply it when Sayid asked "Has it expired?"

"Doesn't matter, either way, any adrenalin is better than none." He placed it on her thigh, a moment later, there was a pop sound. He removed it and they could see the needle protruding from the tube. He massaged her skin where the liquid had been left. From Ana's expression, she appeared to be in pain. Her brows were scrunched up, but at least her breathing had begun to calm.

"Sun, Kate, would you mind putting some cream on her back and then change her into more comfortable dry clothes?" said Jack as he stood up and gathered the medical supplies out with him. Just as Jack was out the door, Aaron's crying could be heard and Ana's eyelids fluttered.

A while ago, Ana was dreaming, she dreamt she was in the most peaceful place in the world. There were pale-colored ethereal lights floating above her, where the sky was supposed to be. But she was alone and then she heard it, a beautiful sound. The sound of a baby. She wanted to reach out to it, to hang on to it, but she couldn't, she didn't know how. "Where's my baby? My baby…"

Kate and Sun saw her eyelids flutter and her mouth opening and closing, as if to speak. "Jack" they called in unison.

Jack spun around; so did Sawyer and Sayid. Claire's head popped into the doorway, with Charlie close behind holding the baby.

They heard her whisper, "my baby." At that, before anyone could react, Claire was already pushing through Kate and Sun. She knelt down beside the bunk, desperately. "Did they take your baby? Did the Others get your baby? An -"

Charlie burst through the group and grabbed Claire by the arms, "come on Claire, now's not the time, let Jack look at her, and she just woke up. I think."

"Let go a' me. Charlie..."

The hell is going on? Where am I? Why the crap is someone asking about my dead baby? Ana Lucia's eyes opened and she realized where she was. She looked at the little gathering. Charlie was getting a struggling Claire out the door. And the others were staring at her. What happened to me? Then it came back to her. She must've been allergic to some shit in the water. Heck, my head, it feels so bad. Oh wait, someone's talking to me

"…you hear me?"

She groggily focused her attention on Jack who was now in front of her. "Ana Lucia, you have to tell me. It's for your safety. Are you pregnant? Ana Lucia?"

"What? Why…" she said, shocked confused. What the hell? Why would he think that?

"I gave you an adrenalin shot. I'm not sure if it could be dangerous or not, if…"

Comprehending what was being said, "No," she replied, eyes downcast.

"What?"

"No, I'm not pregnant." She clarified without emotion.

"Oh ok. I just assumed, since … never mind" and he walked out.

Why did he assume I was pregnant?

Sawyer looked at her head, "How's that head of yours?" he asked seriously.

"How does it look to you?"

"Cute," he said and went out before he could get a reply. Damn, why'd I say that?

Sayid also went out. The moment he heard her say "my baby." His eyes had flown up to her face, like everyone else's, but what he was thinking about was different to the others. He remembered when she asked if he had children.

Ana noticed that her jeans were undone. It must've been for the shot. Geez, there was a room full of people she hardly knew. Oh well. She sat up and immediately felt dizzy and saw stars, her hand came up to steady her head.

"Hey, take it easy," Kate reached out to her, "Lie back down."

Ana Lucia did as she was told. Kate and Sun went out. Kate came back in holding a pair of black pants and a large white tee-shirt; Sun had a tub of cream in her hands.

"I can do it myself, thanks" she said to them, getting up, this time not as dizzying as the first. She wasn't used to anyone doing things for her, especially something like this.

Seeing their hesitant expressions, she added "I'll call if I need any help. And I don't need the cream, my back's fine."

Kate nodded and Sun said "ok".

Ana Lucia rushed into the bathroom. God, I need a hot shower! My back's killing me. She stopped short. "Oh! Sorry." She quickly glanced away from Sawyer's chest, not daring to look into his face. She backed out, closed the door and leaned against it, feeling sheepish. The image of a freshly washed Sawyer with a towel around his lower half had stuck in her mind. Geez, what's up with you, girl? Get yourself together. She did and shouted "Hurry up and get outta there, Sawyer, I need to use the shower."

Sawyer had never been tongue-tied as far as he could remember. And here he was. Ana LuLu's face replayed itself in his head over and over and over again. There was nothing about her, but she was…modest. He could see she was shy, the way her face turned away. He never knew her to be like that. Hell, why was he thinking this? He didn't even know this crazy lady who stomped on his shoulder.

"Hurry up and get outta there, Sawyer."

"Yea I'm hurrying. I can't stand that stink-ball perfume of yours," he said as he opened the door and she went in.

"I'm not wearing any perf -" then it dawned on her. She spun around, angry eyes glaring at him. And he had a huge smile on his face. Smack. She punched him across shoulder.

"I'm not your punching bag, Lulu" he turned around to go and muttered "can't even take a damned joke"

"Your perfume can rival a skunk's, cowboy."

He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head back to face her. She was smirking!

"And don't call me Lulu"

"Did you know, Ana Louie, that skunks swing their tails above themselves like a chopper to get the smell around? It's either to define their territory or attract females, I don't remember which."

Ana Lucia just rolled her eyes, stepped into the bathroom and kicked the door closed behind her, leaving Sawyer staring at the door. He must have been there for a few seconds, when a voice broke him from his trance. It was Kate.

"Why'r you staring at the door, is it really that captivating?" She asked, reaching for her top which was on a hook by the door.

"Yes, Freckles," he smiled, "that damn door has me hooked."

"Right, whatever," she went off somewhere.

He shook his head and sighed. He remembered he was running low on mangoes and decided it was something for him to do and to take his mind off Ana Lucia.

Ana jumped into the shower and all tension was released when the hot water flowed all over her; she smoothed her hair back with both hands. It was truly relaxing. After this, I'm gonna get some sleep no matter what and nothing will disturb me. Before long, she found herself thinking about…Sawyer.

Part 5

With a book in one hand, Ana Lucia sat down on the sand, watching Sun and Shannon ganging upon Sayid in a pillow fight. It made her smile. A part of her wanted to rush down there and join them in their game.

Watching them, she thought back to how stupid she was when Danny left her. How she even considered it, even somewhat attempted to do. It was something she would never try again. Never. She wasn't even sure why she tried to sleep with her face down on the pillow.

Maybe she shouldn't keep it a secret anymore. She had a baby, and the baby died before it could breathe in the air of the world. Maybe her psychologist was right, he suggested that if she didn't try so hard to keep it known only to those whose already knew, life might be easier. She didn't need to put so much effort into guarding something that didn't need guarding.

I'm ready to loosen my guard, she thought. So, what am I supposed to do? Yell it out to the whole world?

To Ana's surprise, Kate was running with a pillow and taking her position with Sayid. Wwwhump. Kate got Shannon in the back and she fell face first into the sand. Ana half laughed as she imagined the look on Shannon's face.

Ana Lucia dropped the book and stood up. What if I ruin the atmosphere? What if they don't want me there? Oh stuff it, I'm not gonna miss out on some fun.

And with that, she made her way towards the group. By now, they were in the water, splashing and laughing. She looked at the pillows; they were limp on the sand. They looked lifeless.

"Jack, come on, it'd be fun,"

"Kate, I don't think…"

"Just come" and she dragged a reluctant Jack towards the water.

Sawyer appeared beside Ana "Well, look at that. Doctor Jack frolicking in the water."

Ana had to laugh at that. Then she took off towards the water.

"Hey, you leaving me here?"

Ana didn't answer, just looked backed at him and continued running.

When she reached the water, she made her way to Sun and Jin.

"Jin, thanks for saving me out there"

Sun translated and they pulled into a hug.

Ana waded over to Shannon, "um, how you feeling?"

"Much better. And you?"

"Yeah, I'm okay thanks" they both smiled, no hard feelings.

"WHO WANTS FRESH MANGOES? It's not everyday that you see Sawyer sharing the fruits of his hard labor" said Sawyer on the sand with a pile of mangos beside him.

And he smiled as everyone got out of the water, dripping wet. Jackio looked relieved at this timely intrusion.

They sat in a circle and talked and ate and laughed.

Ana was seated next to Sawyer, "pass me another" she said.

"How fast do you eat?"

"I'm hungry"

Sawyer cocked his head and look at her face.

"What?"

He continued to smile. He didn't know what made him do what he was about to do. "Look at the Korean couple" he told her. She looked; Jin was giving piece of mango to Sun. She looked back at Sawyer and he put a slice of mango up to her lips. She looked at it, smiled the sweetest smile to him and opened her mouth to chomp at it. "WHAT THE HECK? You almost ate my fingers" Ana tried so hard not to laugh that she was bent over and her stomach muscles were strained. Everyone else burst into laughter while Sawyer pretended to look hurt.

Then, they all heard a slight commotion. Claire was running up to them and Charlie was trying hard to keep up. "Ana Lucia" Claire was out of breath.

"Wha…"

"Claire, don't, it's personal," said Charlie.

The gathering was now curious to what Claire had to say. The Australian woman looked desperate and, well, a bit off.

"What's wrong?" asked Jack.

Her attention was on Ana only.

"Your baby, did they take your baby? On the other side of the island? What happened to your baby?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Before the crash," Ana Lucia swallowed. All eyes were on her, she has a baby? Why isn't she looking for her child?

"My baby's dead." There, she got it out, it wasn't hard. Claire stared at her, and realized what she just did. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I …"

"Don't worry about it."

Jack and Sawyer looked at her. she had a baby who died? No on knew what or if they should say something.

"You were shot. Was…" Sayid caught himself mid sentence.

Ana Lucia looked at him with sad eyes, her chest heaved as if about to speak.

Kate remembered something, when she went to see Tom. She was waiting and saw someone comforting a new nurse who was crying about a young LAPD officer who was shot four times in the chest and lost her baby as a result.

Kate was trying to get something out of a broken vending machine, when she heard her ex-boyfriend yelling. What was he doing here? Was he following me? He had seduced her, fallen for her and betrayed her. She never thought she would see him again.

She heard him yelling to someone. "You killed our baby. I just can't live with you anymore. I can't bear to see your face," and with that, he ran out into the corridors of the hospital. Kate walked pass the door left open, wanting to catch a glimpse of the woman. The woman's head was turned towards the window. Kate only saw her soft brown wavy hair.

"Danny…four bullets…the baby," Kate whispered, and lifted her head to look at Ana Lucia.

Ana looked confused, "How…"

"I was at the hospital. I saw Danny and heard him yelling. He was my boyfriend, a long time ago, until I realized he didn't really love me."

Both women looked down into the sand.

Jack gave Kate's knee a little squeeze and she smiled at him.

Sawyer slapped an arm around Ana and said "Hey, LuLu, want more mangoes? I'll feed you mangoes, but not any of me fingers."

To Sawyer's surprise, all Ana did was smile and look into his eyes, full of love and said "yep, I want some mangoes"

And that's how they spent the afternoon. Group bonding, over mangoes.

"Lu Lu?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah? What is it?" she asked, drowsily

"Geez, what's got into ya, you sound so cheesy and, and drunk"

"So, what were you asking?"

"I knew your sister, Onya. I was there…"

"That was you?"

"Yeah, that was me alright. Wait. You remember?"

"How could I not? It really touched my heart, what you did for me."

The two of them looked each other so tenderly before Ana rested her head on Sawyer's chest. One day Lulu, I'll tell you about my past.

No one could remember the last time they had been so happy and relaxed on the island. No one wanted this moment to end. They were group bonding over mangoes without a care in the world.