Napoleon Dynamite

Ligers Exist

Chapter 2 - An Idea

Napoleon burst back through the door.

"Where the flip is my bike, Kip?"

"What?", asked Kip distractedly, while typing away at his keyboard. He mumbled something which to Napoleon sounded like "I wish I could dip your hair in a tub of strawberry ice-cream."

"Where the flip is my bike, Kip?"

"How the heck should I know?" And then softly, still typing, "I'm wearing a Speedo, you?"

Napoleon stomped over to Kip, got him in a headlock and gave him noogies. "Where the flip is my bike, Kip?"

"Hey, you're constricting my windpipe," Kip gurgled.

"Then tell me where's my bike!"

"Okkkk, gr gr gr gr..."

Napoleon released his brother's head.

"Grandma took it with her on her sand-duning trip," choked Kip, tenderly stroking his Adams apple.

Napoleon let out a long sigh. "How many times must I tell her not to do that? Gosh. Now how am I gonna get to the contest?"

A line of text started appearing on Kip's screen:


"Sweetums? Who are you chatting to, Kip?" The screen-name read 'hotbabe101'.

"Just a hot babe I met the other day. Are you jealous?"

Napoleon ignored him. "What about your girlfriend, Lafawnda?"

"I don't want to talk about that."


"She turned out to be a man."


'hotbabe101 HAS LOGGED OUT...'

"Now look what you did! I was just about to propose..."

Napoleon made his way to the front door, leaving Kip sobbing onto his keyboard. He passed the TV, which had 'The Wildestest West Part 53' showing.

"...Thanks, Stranger Bob Joe. Once again you've saved the day..."

"And I couldn't have done it without my Trusty Steed," said Joe, dismounting his trusty steed and affectionately rubbing its bottom...

Napoleon went outside.

It was a sweet day outside. The sun was shining, the sky was cloudless and somewhere in the distance birds were chirping, bees were buzzing and a cow was about to get shot by a farmer.

"I suppose I'll just have to go to Pedro and the contest via my feet." Napoleon started to run in the direction of Pedro's house.

"Hey!" called Kip, his head out of a window. "Where are you going? You must feed Tina!"

"You feed her!"

"...And I couldn't have done it without my Trusty Steed..."

Napoleon had an idea...

To be continued...