Title: Trading Spaces

Author: Amethyst Hunter

Fandom/Genre: Get Backers, humor

Rating: PG (swearing)

Warnings/Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: I don't own.

Status: Complete. Oneshot.

Summary: Hevn loses a bet. Cue insanity.


"You snake-eating bastard! Knock it off!" snarled Shido as he whacked Ban upside the head.

"OW! Watch it, monkey-boy!" Ban took a swipe back at him. Shido ducked. "I wish it was, but trust me, this ain't the Jagan!"

"Then hell," Shido pronounced with solemn morbidity, "has officially frozen over."

"And then some," added Ban, unable to believe the sight before both their eyes as they looked again at the pair who had just entered the Honky Tonk.

Hevn scowled at them. "That's not very nice! Okay, maybe the color doesn't do much for me, and it is rather long," she said as she smoothed down the front of a big black trench. "But I rather like the material. Although certain alterations would have to be made to certain parts, to accommodate certain...features," she said as everyone looked to the spot that usually garnered the most attention whenever Hevn walked through the door. The white shirt was barely hanging on to its buttons as it strained across her considerable bust.

"That would not be a very good idea," a soft voice said pleasantly, yet dangerously, from behind Hevn. And it was all Ban could do not to fall over and piss himself laughing – or run screaming in agony out the front door – at the sight of what Akabane had on. Amazing, how a guy that skinny could be so formidable...though Ban had to admit, he did have nice legs, especially with those heels – holy fuck, I so did not just think that! he berated himself.

"You seemed to feel it necessary to take your chopsticks to my best blouse," Hevn sniffed, though she wisely did not raise the idea of tailor alterations again.

"It was boring." Akabane shrugged and the sleeve of the nearly-transparent purple blouse slid halfway down his bare shoulder. Nearby, Natsumi was unobtrusively as possible trying to get pictures of him, and his outfit – the other half consisted of an almost obscenely tight pair of black shorts – short shorts – extremely short shorts – and together, the pieces looked smaller than some band-aids she'd seen. Oh, the girls at school would die if they saw this! Who knew Akabane-san had such a figure?

Shido looked about ready to either drop dead or swallow flies, his mouth was still hanging open. "Someone wanna explain the big occasion here?" he finally managed to mutter.

"Hevn-san said it would be an interesting job," Akabane said. The quirk of his eyebrow seemed to say that while he was intrigued for the moment, his interest was fast waning, and if that wasn't remedied asap then the scalpels were sure to start flying shortly thereafter.

Kazuki, in the corner with Juubei, didn't help matters when he collected himself enough to remark, "Wow, and I thought people thought I was girly-looking!"

Ban inwardly groaned. Please die now, Kazuki, m'kay thanks. To Hevn, he sent a demanding glare which meant, explain, and fast.

She sighed and leaned in closer to Ban. The hat on her head almost poked his eye out and she had to flip back the brim to see him. "I lost a bet with someone, okay?" she hissed. "It's only for the afternoon, anyway."

"Who'd you make a bet with?"

"None of your business."

"Yeah, well I'm making it my business," Ban growled. Because whoever won is gonna get a big 'ol Snakebite up the ass for this nightmare that has seared itself into my retinas for all eternity, he added to himself. That goddamn Akabane couldn't seem to stop twitching his hips for one minute each time he moved around, and it was seriously getting on Ban's nerves for a number of reasons. Not the least of which was because he was starting to find it disturbingly...attractive.

And as if things couldn't already be any more miserable, Ginji chose that exact moment to come into the shop. "Holy – what the – HEVN! AKABANE-SAN!"

Akabane's pique instantly transformed into delight. "At last, I have received my job satisfaction for the day," he said happily. Even in the stiletto heels, he managed a graceful stride as he approached a thoroughly freaked-out Ginji.

"Well, I haven't," Hevn huffed. "I can't even see anything with this stupid hat on. Ban, got a pocketknife or something so I can at least cut a peephole in the front of it?"

Without breaking stride or looking back, Akabane said in polite ice-cold tones, "Attempting to alter it would be a most unfortunate event, Hevn-san."

And out on the street, watching from the relative safety of her bike, Himiko giggled herself senseless watching the results of her wager. She made a mental note to tip Natsumi well for those pictures...