Disclaimer: I own nothing!
"Bean you idiot!" Nack shouted from the top of the pile of ash and charred rubble that had once been his house. Amid the wreckage, Bean and Bark beat at the few remaining flames with dripping wet towels borrowed from the neighbors. As the unfortunate duck passed by, Nack grabbed him by the neck. "You blew up my house! I'm gonna kill you!" The weasel yelled in Bean's face as he throttled him.
"Calm down Nack." Bark said as he freed his friend from the homicidal weasel's grip. "Bean saw a cockroach and tried to kill it with a bomb, but he accidentally blew up the TV, causing the rest of the house to catch fire and explode. It's really no big deal..."
"No big deal..." Nack muttered through clenched teeth. "I let you stay with me, and you blow up my damn house!" He shouted at the duck and polar bear. "Where the hell are we gonna live?"
"Relax Nack...," Bark began, "We can stay at a hotel until we find a new house."
"Until I find a new house. From now on it's just me. I don't give a damn where you two go, but you ain't living with me!" Nack said.
Bark pulled out his wallet. "I've got two hundred dollars. That should be enough for two or three nights at a cheap motel. Bean might have some money." Bark glanced over at Bean. The green duck was trying to put out last of the flames. "Hey Bean!" The polar bear yelled, "Do you have any money?"
Bean flipped through the pockets of his red wallet. "Yes!" He shouted as he pulled out several bills. The duck snatched the two hundred dollars from Bark's hands and counted the all the money.
"How much do we have, Bean?" Bark asked.
"Five hundred dollars!" The duck yelled.
"Five hundred?" Nack questioned. "Give it to me!" He yelled, trying to snatch the money away from Bean.
"No!" Bean shouted, trying to hold the money away from Nack. "My money!"
"Give it to me!"
Nack lunged at Bean, tackling him to the ground. Bean stretched his arm out behind his head, holding the money away from the greedy weasel. Nack tried ripping the five hundred dollars away from the green duck, but he could not reach. Instead, all he could do was knock the bills loose from Bean's hand.
Bark dove for the money, Bean dove for the money, and Nack dove for the money. But they were too late. The five hundred dollars floated through the air and landed in the flames that Bean had been trying to extinguish. The three of them stared at the hundred dollar bills as they blackened and crumbled, mixing into the ash that all ready covered the ground. "Five hundred dollars..." Nack said, as he if could not accept the fact that half a thousand dollars had vanished right before his eyes.
"Now what?" Bean said, looking over at Bark.
"Now..." Nack answered, rounding on the duck with a maniacal look in his eyes, "...I'm gonna kill you Bean! I'm gonna rip out all your feathers and stuff them up your nose, and then I'm gonna cook you in your own juices! After that, I'm gonna force you to eat your miserable charred carcass. Then-"
"Nack," Bark interrupted," we can just stay at my cousin's hotel, Chateau Royal."
"Yay!" Bean shouted, "We get to stay at the Chateau! With the big bathtubs and the big beds and the big swimming pool and the free food!"
"Did you say free?" Nack asked the excited green duck.
"Yeah, he did." Bark said, brushing some ash off of his fur. "My cousin lets us stay at her hotel for free. We get everything free. She even provides a chauffeur for us."
Nack was listen closely to what Bark said, and he liked what he heard. The idea of living in a fancy hotel where everyone catered to his every need appealed to the sleazy weasel. "Well, let's go then." He said as he made his way through the remains of his home.
"Uh, Nack... I feel inclined to point this out to you: We have no car." Bark stated.
"Forget about it, what kind of car do you guys wanna take? Lexus? Ferrari? Or maybe something a little older like an Impala or an old Thunderbird..."
"Nack are you talking about stealing a car?" Bark asked.
Bean gasped. "I heard that you can go to jail for that!"
"No!" Nack said to the duck.
"Yeah!" Bean shouted, totally oblivious to the sarcasm in Nack's voice.
"Besides," the weasel said, ignoring Bean and turning to face Bark, "I don't like to think of it as stealing... I prefer to think of it as borrowing with every intention of eventually returning."
Bark grabbed Nack by his belt. "It's still stealing." He pointed out.
Nack yanked his belt free from the yellow polar bear's grip. "So what? You wanna get there or not?"
Bark sighed and watched Nack examine each car that was parked along the curb. "Nack hurry up. Someone might see what you're doing."
"Alright, alright!" The weasel snapped, "Just let me find a nice car..."
"What about this one!" Bean shouted from the other side of the street. Parked in front of him was a champagne colored Buick that had obviously seen better years.
"Bean, we ain't stealing that piece of crap." Nack said, finally deciding on a red Lexus that was parked in his neighbor's driveway.
"Oh okay." The green duck said. As Nack struggled to open the car door with his lock pick, Bean shrugged and opened up the passenger's side door of the Buick. He reclined the seat and put his feet up on the dash board.
"Um, Nack..." Bark said, looking over at Bean who was sitting inside the car.
"Not now Bark! I'm busy." Nack grunted, licking a drop of sweat as it slid down his nose. Despite all of his efforts and experience, the weasel could not get that car door to open. Finally, the weasel gave up. Exasperated, he threw his lock pick down on the ground. "Alright what did you want?"
Bark pointed over to Bean. The duck was now sitting in the diver's seat, pretending to drive. "Bean got us a car."
Nack stood there for a moment, staring at the car as if he could not believe that a mentally challenged duck had managed to succeed where he, a skilled professional, had failed. The weasel slapped his forehead and mumbled something inaudible. Bark shrugged and crossed the street. He wordlessly opened the door and sat down in the passenger's seat. "How did you get the door open?" He asked Bean.
"It was unlocked." Bean said, watching Nack cross the street. The duck rolled down the window. "Hey Nack! Did you get the Lexus unlocked yet?"
The sleazy weasel yanked the door open and threw Bean into the street before sitting down in the driver's seat. The green duck stood up and dusted himself off. "I wanted to drive!" He said.
"No." Nack said as he searched for the wires that were needed to hot wire the car.
"Why?" Bean asked, opening up the backseat door and climbing in.
"Because I like living!" Nack snapped at Bean. The weasel smiled to himself as the car started up. He pressed his foot to the gas pedal and sped down the street, towards the chateau, towards fancy living, and towards the strangest adventure they would ever have.
Okay, please tell me how I did. I'm a little nervous about this fic...