A/N: A short ficlit. Something cute and sweet to get my mind off of all my friends leaving for school and my tummy ache. Please review, I hold all of your opinions in the heights regards.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday.
Deep, Dark, and Devastating.
I'm blowing smoke out of your window
And you're slipping back into your dress
You know you were always such a lady
I've always been impressed…"
I took another long drag on the cigarette resting between my two fingers as I leaned back against the wall. The ledge next to the window was perfect for smoking; of course you wouldn't know anything about smoking would you? You'd never do something so obviously dangerous to your health. My eyes slide slowly over your body as you begin to pull the dress back on sliding your arms through the sleeves. That dress almost killed me when I saw you in it. It dipped low on your back, revealing just enough to make me catch my breath, but not enough to be vulgar. You've always had that about you, that classy sexy-ness. Managing to draw me in with your classic beauty, your big blue eyes, and your sweet smile. You've kept me there with your quick wit, your plethora of knowledge, and your love for books and coffee. When I saw you tonight I knew I just had to have you, or my life may have ended that very night.
I blew another puff of smoke out of the window as you slowly walked over to me, hesitantly, as if expecting me to no longer acknowledge your presence now that I had gotten what I wanted. You have no idea; I would never get everything I wanted until I had you, all of you, to myself. I've always been a little selfish; being an only child has its downsides. You finish clipping your earrings into place as you stand beside me and slowly you hold your hand out towards the cigarette. I hand it over to you as you take a long drag and blow the smoke out the window over my head. I raise an eyebrow in your direction but you just smile at me and continue getting dressed. You sit down next to me to put your shoes on, I watch your every movement, I can't take my eyes off of you. You unclip your hair and I watch it cascade down your back as you shake it out of its confines. I've never met someone as beautiful as you; I don't imagine that it's possible.
I'm not sure what to do with myself now. I can only draw out getting dressed for so long before he can figure out that I'm going extra slow for a reason. He looks absolutely stunning this morning, I woke to him sitting on the window ledge occasionally glancing at the skyline but not for to long before his gaze fell back towards the bed. He looked amazing and the only thing I wanted to do was have him back in bed, holding me close to him, and never letting me go. To be honest, I didn't expect him to stay through to the morning. Hell, I didn't even expect him to stay much further into the night. My God, what a sight he is, leaning his back casually against the wall, one of his legs up on the ledge the other dangling down, his button down shirt unbuttoned, his hair rumpled and tussled but suiting him perfectly. His slow smile had me melting on the spot when he noticed I woke up and I think I fell in love in that second. Now I'm just not sure what to do, how do I explain to him that I want him to stay, to never leave the confines of this room unless it's a complete necessity? How do I tell him I love him more than he can ever know?
I grab my purse and stand up holding my hand out to him, he takes it, carefully in his own and gives it a gentle squeeze. We walk out of the apartment, into the elevator, and down through the lobby into the bright and sunny world. Our hands drop and he looks at me, the same look he gives me every time. That sad, yet understanding look he reserves only for these moments; the mornings that abruptly end our never ending nights. That look like he wants to say something, yet each time he just clears his throat, and smiles that slow heart stopping smile.
"I'll see you around, Rory."
We turn our separate ways, as he heads for his car and I head to my office. I will myself not to look back and more importantly not to cry. There's another party in the upcoming weeks that I'll be forced to attend, one I know he'll go to. I go for him and he knows I do. Ever since the first party where I came face to face with him I couldn't keep away.
That night I went with a friend from work, she wanted to go and dragged me along with her. I wandered around the expansive mansion looking for a library, a habit I had yet to break—reading at parties that is. I made a beeline for the grand doors that lead me to bliss and a long night of reading but before I knew it I had crashed straight into someone's chest. Strong hands grabbed my shoulders and steadied me before I had the sense to take a step back from this stranger.
"Oh my... I'm so very sorry. I didn't see anyone … I'm really sorry… I…" Looking up I saw his dark blue eyes staring down to me, a small smile playing across his handsome face.
"Don't worry about it." He replied with a quick nod of the head. His society face on, no real emotions were shown at this exchange, except for a flicker of hope and excitement in his eyes before he looked up.
"Right then, well um… I'm going to uh… go. Once again… sorry about that."
With that last witty comment I almost sprinted towards the library before collapsing onto a leather couch. The last person I expected to see was…him. I hadn't seen him in years, didn't think I'd recognize him even if I did ever run into him again. What had I expected him to look like? Handsome, devilishly so, a more matured yet still chiseled body, defiantly, so then what about him wouldn't I have recognized? However, I did expected him to be married, with kids, and a dog by now. Yet, no one was clinging to his arm with a rock the size of a golf ball on their left ring finger, then again she could have been off talking to some other wives, but I somehow felt that wasn't the case. That feeling of relief that washed through me as I decided that he couldn't be married was one I didn't expect. In fact I didn't expect to feel anything towards him, ever again. Yet, here I was contemplating every aspects of this mans life just from a brief encounter, one I doubt would occur again, and for the first time let myself feel sad about it. I forgot I left the door open to my personal haven and didn't notice him walk in, I didn't see him approach me cautiously, as one would with a scared puppy, I never saw the look of affection he gave me as looked me up and down before even saying a word.
You looked stunning that night, the midnight blue of your dress brought out the different shades of blue in your eyes. Your hair was up in an elegant twist, and your make up was light for an evening look. Yet, you still had the power to knock the air out of my lungs, even with out crashing into me. You grew up, but still had the innocence of youth surrounding you, and that captivated those around you. I had looked for you at each and every social event I went to since I came back up north. I was surprised to hear you weren't married, or even seeing someone, I was shocked to hear that you never were married, or even engaged. I was hoping you were waiting for me, I knew that was a foolish thought to have.
"How have you been?"
I didn't know what else to ask you. I didn't want to talk, I wanted to ravish you, to pull you flush against me and make love to you until you couldn't walk, see, or think straight. To make up for the years apart, for all the long nights with girls who weren't you, who could never be you. I wanted to memorize your sent, your taste, and the feel of your bare skin against my chest. You went off telling me about your job, your move to the city, how you haven't seen your mom in weeks, and how much you miss your town. You told me briefly about college, rooming with Paris, and your choice to go to Yale. You filled me on any and all major events that had happened since I walked out of Chilton all those years ago. Through all of that all I could do was nod and laugh when appropriate because I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the small section of hair you played with that had fallen out of your hair style, or the way you'd bite your lip when you felt that you had said too much about yourself.
A faint blush graced your complexion, "What have you been up to since you left?" You asked, I went over the few important moments, dropping names and dates that I thought you'd be interested in hearing. I mentioned military school, Princeton, my fathers business and the occasional visit with an old Chilton friend. You smiled and commented occasionally on what I said. I watched you more than I listened to myself talk, the way you tucked one leg gently underneath yourself to get more comfortable, and the way you played with your hair clip as if anticipating the relief you'd feel when it was finally down and out of its confinement. Finally I did something I was dying to do all night, something I didn't know even I was capable of doing. I reached over and carefully unclipped your hair and pulled out the offending accessory. Your locks fell gracefully down and landing just below your shoulders in a wave of curls. The look on your face was priceless, shock, confusion, mixed with a hint of desire. I ran my hands through your hair, before reaching around the side of your face and pulling you closer to me, it was then that I kissed you with everything I had, willing you not to run away.
I kissed back, I didn't even know what I was thinking then, but I knew that I wanted to kiss him more than anything else in the world. I watched him watch me after he pulled away from that kiss, his eyes taking in everything about my face. Was I scared? Embarrassed? Disgusted? He couldn't know how glad I was, how much I had wanted to do that since I crashed into him earlier that night, he couldn't understand the waves of lust and wanting racing through my body, just itching to get closer to him.
I pictured you in blue
But I have to say I'm more partial to the red
Deep, dark, and devastating
Leaving no question as to where you've been…"
You wore red lace underneath your dress the first night we had sex. I hadn't picture you as the red and lacy kind of girl, you always seemed to be the kind of girl that went for comfort over sex appeal, not knowing that you were sexy no matter what you wore. Yet here you were, lying in front of me with nothing more than dark red lacy boy shorts and a matching bra. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I memorized every inch of your body, every detail of that moment. Your hair was sprawled across the pillow; one of your arms was curved around your head the other gently rested on my arm drawing lazy and nervous circles on my forearm. You looked at me with those bedroom eyes of yours and I was in heaven. I never understood the concept of 'love making' until that very moment. You taught me more about myself then I had ever imagined.
He was so cute the night we first had sex. It's as if he expected me to still be a virgin, he was careful, attentive, slow, and completely and utterly wonderful. I now understood what all the fuss was about in high school. Even though I had already had sex, with him it was a completely new and amazing experience. It's nothing I had ever felt before, and I know it's nothing anyone else could ever evoke out of me. I loved the look of pure shock on his face when he saw my underwear set, he hadn't expected that from me, he still viewed me as the naive girl from high school, and maybe it was better that way. It was nice to have someone still think of me the way I was then, more than the way I am now. That night started everything, every heated kiss in a back hallway, each painfully long party when he wasn't around, and each night filled with passion, lust, and desire. We never talked during these encounters, we saved talking for when we were at parties and couldn't sneak away into a spare room. Talking could wait the yearning my body felt for his could not. From then on every time I thought I'd see him I'd wear something sexy, just to see his eyes light up with shock and excitement.
The last encounter with you did me in, that morning when I had to watch you walk away from me, made me realize just how stupid I was being this whole time. You weren't a one night stand, and you sure as hell weren't a booty call. All I knew was that I hadn't slept with anyone else since we started sleeping together, in fact I hadn't so much as looked at another girl since you came back into my life. More importantly I didn't want anyone else in my life. I had become accustomed to your room, your window ledge, your bed, your body warm and soft against my own. I stopped going out, excluding the parties I went to just to see you again. We never met up with out the safety net of these parties. Never once had I called you and asked you to coffee, or to go to a movie. We didn't date, we didn't spend nights watching movies and cuddling on the couch, we had no titles, no responsibilities to each other and I hated every second of it.
I didn't know anything about his personal life. I didn't know if he was dating, if he was in a relationship, I didn't want to know. The denial I had become accustomed to was comforting if not even remotely true. I wanted to be the only girl he came home to, the only girl he looked at like I was the only one he wanted. I had no reassurance of our relationship; all I knew is that I hadn't been with anyone else in a long time. I had no desire to be with anyone else, I don't believe that anyone else on this planet could do to me over the course of a lifetime, what he can do in the span of half an hour. I have given my body over to him completely, and I'm so willing to do the same with my mind and spirit that it even scares me. I never thought I'd be the girl in this situation, I don't even know what our status is. Friends with benefits? Fuck buddies? The result of to many heart breaks and watching marriages fall apart around us? No matter what the title was all he had to do was ask and I would be his.
You're impossible to read, you give nothing away, no more or less than necessary. I used to be able to read you so clearly before but you've worked on masking emotions for a long apparently. I can read you like a book in bed, I know what you want, what you need, what you ache for even before you do. However, once the sun is out, and your body is once again clad in cloth and not my own skin you're about as easy to understand as hieroglyphics. I need you, the kind of need that eats at you until all you feel is this unending desire to hold you and never let you go. Until all you know is that unending ache inside that doesn't go away. I know I'll see you at the next party, and the one after that and the one after that. Still, how much longer can we keep this up, how many months or years will we continue to lie to ourselves. One day we'll need to get married, what excuse will we use when our parents try to set us up. "Sorry mom, can't go out with Melinda tonight. I'm going to have sex with the girl of my dreams. Are we dating? No, we're just sleeping together."
I lay on my couch editing the last article for this weeks issue and all I could think about was him. Everything in my apartment reminded me of him and yet we never even left the bedroom. There was a soft knock on my front door which was odd, I hadn't called for take out yet, maybe they read my mind and got me my food before I even called them. Now that's just crazy talk, its probably the neighbor asking for sugar, but then who asks for sugar anymore. I opened the door just a crack and there he was, leaning against the door frame, a single sunflower in his hands. So he hadn't forgotten.
I couldn't do this anymore. I needed to be with you and I needed it to be official. The up coming party wasn't for another week but I couldn't wait that long to see you. I shouldn't have to wait that long to see you. The unspoken agreement we have is ridiculous, what mature adults acte like this in the civilized world? I need to have you in my life permanently. I'd rather spend the rest of my life being able to see you when ever I wanted then just having sex with you on this sporadic party schedule we have limited ourselves to. This situation is ridiculous and for once I'm not going to watch something else in my life fall apart, not when I have the chance to fix it.
"Would you like to get some coffee with me?"
"I would love to."