"Well, let's get started."
Uchiha Sakura nervously twisted her hands in the lap of her expensive white sundress. Uchiha Sasuke gave a blank look towards the speaker and crossed his arms. The counselor gave an encouraging smile to the couple, but neither made a move to return the gesture.
"A few questions, then." The counselor suggested, leaning back into his chair and looking at blank, lined paper. "The basics. How long have you two been married?"
Again, the female Uchiha tightened and squirmed even more uneasily; her partner grunted and made no other sound to communicate. The counselor frowned deeply. Couple seems have no communication skill.
"Maybe you didn't hear me correctly. How long have you two been married?"
Sakura raised her anxious eyes to his. "Um… a year."
The counselor raised an eyebrow at that. "A year, hmm?"
Afraid she had done something wrong, the pink haired young woman snuck a quick glance at her husband. When Sasuke didn't move a muscle, the counselor watched as her posture relaxed slightly. Wife seems to need the reassurance of her husband…
"Tell me, Mrs. Uchiha," he paused, letting her proper name sink in, "do you two share the same room?"
He watched as her mouth dropped open in shock, and he also watched as she picked at the hem of her sundress. "Excuse me?" She squeaked out.
"Do you two share the same room?"
The counselor looked at her expectantly, waiting for the inevitable nod that was supposed to come after his question.
The counselor's eyebrows shot up. Wife and husband do not share a room…only a year-old couple…
"Well-then where do you two sleep?"
Apparently, her partner was not too happy with the situation. "Why do you need to know?"
"It's my job to help-"
"You're not helping us."
"I'm not right now, but I'm trying-"
"You won't succeed."
"You're not giving me-"
"I don't need to give you a chance."
"Your marriage needs he-"
"We are perfectly fine."
"Look here, Sasuke-"
"It's Mr. Uchiha to you, counselor."
"Fine. Mr. Uchiha, your wife is obviously-"
"My wife is none of your concern."
"It is if I'm going to-"
"We don't need your help."
Sakura just sat there, wide eyed and looking reminiscent of a squirrel in a car's headlights.
"Then why are you-"
"My wife made me come."
And all eyes turned to focus in on the pink haired woman. "W-what?"
"Well," the counselor sniffed and quickly scribbled down a few words. Insufferable and rude came up a lot.
"I didn't make you come!" She gaped at her husband. "It was Naruto!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You agreed with him right away. I know that you think our marriage is going down-"
"That's because it is!" She yelled, angrily cutting him off.
The counselor's eyebrows went further up at his watched the tirade. Wife seems to have severe mood swings from shy to angry. He watched as Mrs. Uchiha made a flurry and hand motions and yelled in her husband's face. The latter frowned and looked extremely displeased with the current situation. He also watched as the husband, now irritated, put a hand on Sakura's mouth and hissed something into her ear. The ear turned positively red before she turned back towards the counselor and whispered an apology.
Husband seems to show signs of aggression.
The therapist raised his eyebrows higher and cleared his throat roughly. "Now, back to the basic questions. When did you two first meet?"
Mrs. Uchiha had clearly recovered her awkward shyness. "We…we met when Team 7 was assembled."
"You mean as in the Team 7 that had to break up because of one Chuunin's disappearance?"
"Well," she gave another quick glance towards her husband, "yes."
"I see." Was all that echoed through the bare room.
Sasuke snorted and crossed his arms, leaning back to get a more comfortable position.
"And you two are now Jounins, correct?"
The male Uchiha snorted again. "As if two 26-year-old ninjas would actually still be Chuunins."
Another pause and some more furious scribbles. "I see."
"Mr. Uchiha," the therapist directed his attention towards the husband, "how often are you home?"
"I come home every night."
At this, Sakura made a distinctively odd sound in the back of her throat. "You do not! I come home to an empty house every day!" And it was all the counselor could do but watch the fight. "Where are you when I actually need you, huh?" She yelled. "Where exactly have you been all those nights? Sleeping with other women? Sleeping with Ino because maybe she'll give you a better blood line? Huh?"
"I've been training." He bit out, clearly not having the patience for his wife's anger.
Husband is quick to anger and gets annoyed easily. Wife seems to trigger these emotions frequently.
"So you would rather train with Naruto then sleep with me?"
The therapist was confused. Did she mean sleep sleep, or just sleep?
"Because I want to become stronger."
"Why! You already killed your stupid brother! Why do you need to become stronger now!"
The onlooker's mouth dropped open significantly. He was in the room with a murderer?
"To protect you." Sasuke growled out, giving a full glare towards his spouse. Mrs. Uchiha, obviously caught off guard, sputtered a few random sentences before landing in a gape.
Silence thicker than a brick wall settled over the room. "Well…" The therapist uncomfortably broke the condensed air. "I'm glad we all let that out. How do you feel about that, Mrs. Uchiha?"
"I-" Sakura stuttered, still gaping at her husband. "I feel stupid."
Sasuke grunted and muttered something, but the therapist was unable to catch it. "And why is that?"
"Because I thought that he didn't care about me anymore."
Well, they were getting somewhere now, weren't they? "How do you feel about her statement, Mr. Uchiha?"
Sakura's significant other scoffed.
"Hey, I told you my feelings!" She said, poking her husband on the side of his head. He slapped away her hand and gave the female a disgraceful look.
"Act your age."
Her eyes narrowed. "You act too old and grumpy all the time."
The therapist, curious, watched on from the sidelines again.
"Maybe because I'm too damn worried about your ass."
"Well maybe you should just acknowledge the fact that I'm a grown woman and get over it!"
"You needed protection at 12, and you need protection now."
She threw her hands up into the air. "From what, Sasuke?"
"From stupid guys who would do anything to get at you when you're mine!"
Her hand immediately stopped in midair as she openly stared at him once more.
"Jesus Christ." He muttered moodily, slumping back into his chair.
The therapist loudly cleared his throat again. "And how does that make you feel, Mrs. Uchiha?"
She sighed and frowned, narrowing her eyes at Sasuke. "It makes me feel stupid."
"And why is that?"
Her glare was turned his way. "You already know, okay!"
Wife gets irritated easily also. Not a good combination when both spouses are quick to anger.
"Hn." Sasuke grunted.
Another long, drawn out silence. "Let's just get back to the basics, shall we?" After another pause, he nodded. "Alright, how long did you two date before he proposed to you, Mrs. Uchiha?"
Mrs. Uchiha shifted uncomfortably, coming to twist her hands with anxiety. "Well-actually," she began, swallowing thickly, "we didn't really date…"
The therapist blinked rapidly and scribbled some more words down. Couple seems to not have gone through the early stages of a traditional relationship. No courting was involved. "And do you feel as if you miss the courting stage of the relationship?"
"No," she paused briefly, "not really."
His eyebrows furrowed. Wife recalls no regret in her loss of husband courting her. "And why is that?"
Sakura shrugged. "I didn't really need to be courted, honestly."
"I am confused on your relationship with Mr. Uchiha." The therapist finally concluded. "You say you don't mind that you were robbed of the courting stages." At his pointed look, she nodded. "So you two went straight into attachment?"
She fumbled with her hands again. "Well, not exactly… We kind of skipped that, too…"
The therapist's eyes bulged. "You went straight to marriage?"
"Yes." Came the annoyed voice of Mr. Uchiha.
Somehow, couple skipped the early stages of attachment and went straight to marriage…
"The answer is obvious why you have such a disfun-"
"Our marriage is fine."
"-tional marriage." The therapist continued, ignoring the male Uchiha's glare. "You simply have no attachments to each other. In order for a marriage to work, the two need to at least feel some sort of attachment. You have rushed your relationship, and now you are paying the consequences."
"That's not true…" Sakura murmured weakly.
The therapist sighed and shook his head. "But we will elaborate on that later. Now we will get to the deeper questions about your personal life." He took a deep breath, trying not to notice the fierce scowl sent his way by the other male. "How many times have you made love this week?"
Mrs. Uchiha blanched uncontrollably, giving a sort of choked gesture and then gasping for air.
Mr. Uchiha gave a blank look towards the man in front of him, coolly regarding the therapist with black eyes.
"M-m-m-made love?" She screeched, still gasping for oxygen. "You are kidding, right?"
Sasuke snorted and comfortably rested a hand on the chair's arm.
"No, I am not kidding."
Sakura paled even more, looking as if she could bolt at any minute.
"I-I don't understand the question."
"I don't see how this is relevant to our situation."
"Do you mean...like-uh-"
"This is a meaningless question."
"Could you rephrase that so I can understand?"
"Can we please move on?"
The counselor put up a hand. "So the answer is no sex, correct?"
"Well, I-I said I didn't understand the question…"
"Can we just move on already? She's annoying me."
"Are we talking about the same thing?"
The shrink held up another hand. "Have you ever had sex?"
"I don't understand this question either…"
"Do you mean never ever, or just ever as in a week?"
"Shut her up."
"Because I honestly am confused. If you mean never ever, then well…uh-"
"Sakura, shut up."
Another hand went into the air. "In all of your marriage, or even before that, you two have never made love?"
It was an awkward, awkward silence indeed.
"Are you assuming that I would have sex before marriage?"
The therapist sighed.
"Because that's the message I'm getting…"
"Just ask another question so we can be done."
"I don't understand this one either… Could you make these clearer?"
"Holy hell, shut up, Sakura."
"Are you doing a double meaning in these things?"
"If you don't make her be quiet, I will."
"Isn't this a little too personal maybe?"
"Because I know that you're a marriage counselor and all, but really…"
"A person's sex life is their business, right?"
"Can you back up and tell me what you're trying to ask?"
"I don't really kn-" A hand shot out and quickly covered her mouth. Behind his hand, Sakura gave a sheepish grin to her husband.
"I will only ask this once more, and I will make it very clear," the therapist said slowly.
"Have you ever, in the entire time of knowing each other, had sex?"
With his hand still attached to his wife, Sasuke gave a heated glare towards the marriage counselor.
A/N: So I really need to stop making stories. Honestly. I know of the general direction I want this to go in, but maybe you guys don't want me to continue, eh? Do not fret, my dear readers, I am making the next chapter of Love Advice, and it will be up quite soon. This is just something to lighten your little hearts (if it even does...) before I go to school in three days. Oh the horror!
Summary of next chapter: Sasuke and Sakura get a program to reform their marriage from the therapist. But what is this? Sasuke refuses to try it? Well-nothing surprising there.