Title: I Will Shout
Category: Romance, Angst, Humour
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Season / Sequel: Middle or Late Season 9
Rating: PG – K+
Content Warnings: extreme sappiness
Summary: "And then you shout like you have never done before. You shout as if there was no tomorrow; you shout to save your life; you shout to save his; you shout because you never could just say it."
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The situations and original story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.
I WILL SHOUT
You find yourself in your civvies wandering in the streets of Washington D.C., a place where you used to live like a lifetime ago. You do not know what exactly brought you there; the meeting you had been appointed to, finished an hour ago and while you have to meet other officials at a later hour in the evening, you do not want to stay in your hotel room for the time being.
The truth is that you are not feeling quite comfortable in this city anymore. You feel just tense for no apparent reason. You are longing to return to Colorado Springs. Not that there are people there waiting for you, or pets, or plants for that matter. In fact you live in the base quarters nowadays, having sold your house months ago. And you are not exactly eager to return to work but it would mean something to do and you are dying to do something, anything. On the other hand there is nothing you really want to do.
You feel tense and restless.
Your feet unconsciously lead you to the last place on earth you would have voluntary step in but you are not in the state of mind to notice. You know that you are avoiding your issues but it is not as if you could face them.
You feel drained but it does not surprise you, you did walk a long way.
Your gaze is unable to focus at your surroundings so your eyes are directed to the ground just before you. And you mechanically put a foot in front of the other, move your legs, blink your eyes, breath in, breath out.
Your body moves with effort; your limbs are made of lead; your head is dull; your breathing gets heavier.
You yearn for relief but you do not know from what; you yearn for peace but you do not know which kind; you yearn for a stop but you do not know why you move on. You sigh but in your mind the sigh does not stop and goes on and on – ad vitam eternam.
The sky gets greyer; the air gets wetter and there is like a fragrance coming about, something toxic, something electric. It smells like the city but deeper, stronger, rawer.
The temperature lowers just a bit and you feel your skin tingles. Yet you do not care that it will rain in a moment.
The crowd gets thin then thinner but there are still as many cars if not more in the streets.
You swallow and you feel the lump in your throat made its presence virulently noticed; your mouth is dry; you continue heedlessly to walk.
At the turn of a corner, it flashes in your peripheral vision, just a figure in the distance.
But suddenly you feel your heart jumps out of its cage.
You take another look – to at least calm down your tormented mind but it does not result in what you strongly expected. Your heart beats quicker and quicker; blood rapidly circulates in your body; finally your combat-prepared muscles make you know that they are ready for action.
Without waiting for the approval of your conscious mind, your body moves. Once launched it is not to be stopped.
You are breathing deeper in the battle-learned rhythm that has saved your life many times already.
Your head, shoulders, arms, chest, hips, thighs, legs move of their own accord, stretching and contracting, twisting one way then the other in a perfect balance. You have no trouble reaching a fast speed.
You push away moving obstacles not apologizing because you have no presence of mind to even think about what you are actually doing. Of course you inevitably end up stumbling on a pedestrian innocently coming from one building of sort. And then after flying spectacularly in the air, you go crashing down on the ground.
You do not register that your hand is bleeding, that your shoulder is aching, and that your head is spinning because you are already on your feet running away from the scene. You hear nor the yelling nor the talking. But then you do not hear the noise of the cars either.
You only hear your heart beating and your breath shortening.
Due to your fall, you are slightly out of breath and you have lost view of your target. You panic but the only effect on you is that you speed up.
You have now a street to cross; you do not heed the risk of being hit by a car, which is really high as you do not look each sides before crossing. But you are lucky; the cars are jammed, both ways.
You do not take time to wade your way around the vehicles instead you jump and slide on the hood of the first car. The second vehicle in your way is an SUV; you just proceed to climb on it. Car horns rang loudly in the air accompanied by some further yelling but it is not as if you care or hear them.
You finally reach the other side of the street when it begins to rain heavily. There on the pavement you take a tight curve, your feet slip on the wet ground but you avoid falling shamefully on your backside with astounding reflexes. Your heart is beating madly but you get your balance back and you immediately start to run again.
Water is dripping through your hair down to your face, you blink and your eyes are searching for your target. Your heart jumps again when you spot him. He is standing a few feet from a car, he is wearing his dress blues with a thick coat and his attendant stands next to him an umbrella over him.
You cannot believe that he is there. It seems to you that your race had lasted an eternity.
But the sight of him is hardly a balm to your heart while your mind stays neutrally blank.
He is yards and yards from you as if out of reach and he is slowly getting into the official vehicle.
You force on your aching muscles to speed up your pace; your breathing is labored; you pant heavily. He is sitting in the backseat, just a leg hanging outside.
At the sight, something snaps inside of you.
And then you shout like you have never done before. You shout as if there was no tomorrow; you shout to save your life; you shout to save his; you shout because you never could just say it.
The sound flows out of your mouth and in your mind, it pours out, on and on – ad vitam eternam.
"JACK! JACK! JACK! JACK!"
You punctuate your running with your cries; you get dizzier and dizzier from lack of air. It is either shouting or breathing, you do not have much of a choice.
The leg disappears in the car.
And you find that you have reached a whole other level.
Because you shout like you have never done before. You shout as if there was no yesterday; you shout to save yourself, you shout so he saves you; you shout what you never could just say.
"JACK! I LOVE YOU!"
You tear your throat in that last sprout. The car door shuts. You try to force your strained muscles to work harder but they refuse to obey your command. You see the car takes away. You are running the fastest you can but the traffic has now cleared.
Your vision blackens; your body stops without your accord. You take a last deep breath in and you shout your last shout.
You are bent in half grimacing and attempting to regain your breath. You raise your head in an ultimate effort; the rain continues to fall around and on you. Your sudden tears mingle with the water dripping on your face and you force your eyes open. You see the car drives away.
Now that you have shouted and your voice has gone lost into the cold day, silence befalls on you.
You straighten up and keep watching his car moving away. Your clothes are drenched; the heat from the run is quickly soaking away with the rain. Silence and cold invade your world. Your heart quiets down and your mind gets dull.
You find yourself standing in the streets of Washington D.C., a place where you used to live like a lifetime ago. You do not know what exactly brought you there in the rain.
Your feet unconsciously led you to the last place on earth you would have voluntary step in but you are still not in the state of mind to notice. You know that you are avoiding your issues but it is not as if you could face them now – not anymore.
You feel drained but it does not surprise you, you did run a long way.
You did not yearn for this sort of relief; you did not yearn for this empty peace; you did not yearn for this agonizing stop. You let slip a last breath and in your mind the breath does not stop and goes on and on – ad vitam eternam.
In front of you, it flashes, a reflection.
And suddenly you feel your heart jumps out of its cage.
The car has stopped and the door opens. His head appears and he looks in your direction.
You gaze at him – to at least reassure your tormented mind but you find what you have just dimly wished. Your heart beats quicker and quicker; blood rapidly circulates in your body; finally your strained muscles make you know that they are again ready for action.
But you are frozen on the spot.
You gaze at him, mesmerized; your chest is heaving and the rain is chilling you to the bones. His attendant has joined him with the umbrella; they exchange words; soon he resumes his approach, umbrella in hand.
Your head, shoulders, arms, chest, hips, thighs, legs, every limbs of your body are paralyzed.
You do not care that your muscles are sore, that your shoulder is hurting, that your head is spinning. Your eyes are fixed on him.
You hear nor the rain falling around nor the traffic noise. You only hear your pounding heart and your shallow breathing.
You can not believe that he is coming to you. It seemed that your world had gone dark and cold.
But the sight of him is hardly a balm to your mind while your heart mysteriously quietens.
He reaches your level and automatically extends the umbrella to cover you. You refrain from saying you are soaked beyond salvage.
"Hey Carter? Whatcha doing?"
He is standing at a foot distance so close it is intoxicating. He looks like he always did.
"Hey, s – Sir!"
And then you shut up like you have always done before. You shut up like there is no hope for a future; you shut up to save your life; you shut up to save his; you shut up because now was time to talk and you can only shout.
"I – I saw you! Just wanted to say hi – So – hi!"
He is gazing at you, looking at you from head to toes. He scrutinizes you attentively and then frowns. You feel your mind reels in turmoil but your heart is strangely content.
"I see!" He answers.
He gets a handkerchief from his pocket, raises his hand toward your face and starts to wipe the water away. You let him do without intervening; you are hypnotized by his dark eyes glued to yours.
Your mouth opens but no sound comes out.
"Um, I have a meeting, I should – just go!" He says with an unreadable expression.
And then you shut up like you have always did. You shut up like the past has never left your side; you shut up to save yourself; you shut up so he does not fail in saving you; you shut up because you can't just shout – not now.
"I – I – Okay!" You stammer.
"See you, Sir!"
"Yeah!" He says softly with the hint of something you are not sure of.
He takes your hurt hand and you slightly flinch. He does not seem to notice your small wound and gently but forcefully put the umbrella into your palm. He turns his back and makes a little sprint in direction of his car. His attendant meets him on the way providing him with another umbrella.
He is moving away.
Your mind gets blank and your heart quickens.
You swallow and you feel this horrible lump in your throat; your mouth is dry; your head is spinning.
And then you shout like you did before. You shout as if there was no tomorrow; you shout to save your life; you shout to save his; you shout because you never could just say it.
"JACK! DON'T LEAVE ME!"
He makes a quick turn and looks at you.
And then again you shout like you did before. You shout as if there was no yesterday; you shout to save yourself; you shout so he saves you; you shout what you never could just say.
"JACK! I LOVE YOU!"
You do not care that a few bystanders witness your confession. You do not care that the world has changed.
Your eyes are only on him. His expression gets serious as he comes back on his steps.
You are transfixed. He now stands under the umbrella at a foot distance.
And once again you are frozen on your spot.
"What did you say?" He inquires.
Your mouth opens but no sound comes out.
"In the car, I also heard someone shout, was that you?" He asks.
Your mouth opens and closes.
Your mouth opens again.
"I – I –" You stutter.
You back one step away and drop the umbrella. It falls and spins on the ground. Hopefully, the rain has stopped. He picks it up and throws you a studying glance. Once again he frowns and turns his back to go away.
"NO! STAY!" You shout and he is only a couple of yards away this time.
He turns towards you and comes near.
"Yes?" He awaits.
Of course you can only but shut up. You do not even attempt to open your mouth, you know it is useless.
His eyes widen for a moment and he again proceeds to go back to his car.
"JACK! DON'T LEAVE ME!" You shout as soon as he turns his back, this time you even step forward and reach for his coat.
When he turns towards you, your hand freezes in the air and you quickly yank it back.
"You are definitely nuts, Carter!" He says to you in an amused voice.
When he tentatively backs away, you snap again.
"JACK! JACK! PLEASE!" You shout and now you are crying.
Immediately, you feel his arms surrounding you.
"Shh – C'mere!"
You let yourself be cradled in his strong embrace and you sink your head in his chest.
"Shh Sam… I'm sorry, didn't mean to hurt you! Just wanted to test something, silly of me!" He softly whispers in your hair.
You sniff and calm down.
After awhile, he pushes you back a little.
"So you were saying?" Jack smiles mischievously.
You turn pink under his intense gaze.
"Um, can you repeat it?" He does not relent.
You open your mouth once – then twice.
"I – I," you manage to say at your third attempt.
You force yourself to say it.
"I – I – lo – lo – love – y – you!" you hardly succeed to utter.
But he grins gloatingly at you.
"Once again!" He requests.
"I – I love you," you whisper more easily.
"Practice makes perfect," he sing-songs.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," you obey him to the letter.
He seems immensely pleased, you do not know if it is with you or with himself.
"A bit of a change in the wording wouldn't hurt, would it?" He says.
"Say you want me," he intimates.
"I want you."
"You need me."
"I need you."
"You are mine."
"I am yours."
"Correct that, you are mine only."
"I am yours only."
"Um, say you will play all of my fantasies!"
You blush awfully.
"I will – I will play all of your fantasies!"
"Say you will obey my every whim!"
This time, you playfully punch his shoulder. You delight at the sound of his laugh. Then he holds you tight.
He puts his forehead against yours and his warm eyes pierce through yours.
"Say it once again, Sam!"
"I love you," you do not hesitate anymore.
"I love you," he says to you.
Then he leans further and your lips meet.
You have no word to describe it but it is everything if not more than you have ever hoped it would be.
"And your meeting?" You blurt out when it ends.
"Very romantic, Carter!" He retorts sassily, making a face.
"Seems your brain is right back on track!" He adds as he hugs you tightly probably because you are shivering from the cold.
"I am glad, I thought I lost it there," you gently mumble in his shoulder appreciating his warmth.
"Wanna be late with me to my meeting?"
"Depends, can I go change first?"
"Dunno, I'm really late and I sort of like you all wet!"
You back away and punch him a little harder this time but then he takes the opportunity to ravage your mouth.
You do not protest.
"You know what people say: once late, always late," you tell him breathlessly.
"Huh?" He answers in a daze.
The two of you get slowly to the car. His attendant judiciously chooses not to complain about his tardiness. But then even if he did, you would not heed.
In fact the two of you do not care about anything except yourselves; the two of you are gently floating away; the two of you are humbly enjoying your usual but now more intimate banter.
Way later that day, you are laying in bed, deliciously sated, your head on his bare chest, your limbs intertwined with his.
You are dozing off when you hear his last words.
"I love when you shout."
You do not know what he is exactly referring to but you fall into slumber with a smile on your lips.
Whereas the general idea is original, the title itself is taken from a manga I know "Sakende Yaruze" which means "I Will Shout".
With how the situation had turned out after season 8, I think that the only thing preventing the two to enter in a relationship is this insurmountable first step. It is also commonly believed in this fandom that it is up to Sam to make the next move. It is this belief that I adopt for this story.
Otherwise, I am fairly sure Jack is in character. And I don't see this Sam as being OOC but then I'm biased being the author . Oh and it's my first 2nd person point of view story.
Reviews and criticisms are welcomed.