The Jaded Cliché, Part 2

The Jaded Cliché, Part 2

Author's Note: I'm so glad people liked my story! Thanks everyone who reviewed it! And no, I'm not 99. Or 98. I'm a teenager. And I did mean first Discworld writer on ff.net. I'm sure that someone out there has probably done millions of Discworld stuff, and they're laughing at poor little me right now. *shrugs* Oh, well. Can't be helped.

Susan: All right, everyone stand in a circle…

Everyone stares at her strangely.

Susan: *sighs irritably* Aargh! Must I do everything myself?

Susan puts her hands on Jade's shoulders and steers her to a place beside Rincewind. She then does the same to Agnes, and approaches Granny Weatherwax.

Granny Weatherwax: Don't even think about it.

Susan: Ok, ok, fine. Stand there, please. And you beside her, Nanny Ogg.

Everyone eventually ends up in a shape that is vaguely circular. Well, maybe more oval. Round, anyway. Susan raises her hand, and a raven and a rat skeleton drop onto it.

Rincewind: *screams* YAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Susan: *rolls her eyes* Will you shut up? I've told you and told you, he's perfectly harmless.

Rincewind: He's not! He's a sadistic little… creature… and he wants to kill me!

Raven: What's he talking about?

Rincewind: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! He's talking! Get him away from me, he's going to kill me, I tell you!

Susan: He's not. He might peck at your eyeballs a bit, but he won't kill you. He's just a dumb bird, for crying out loud!

Death of Rats: SQUEAK?

Susan: No, actually, he's afraid of the bird. *sighs and looks up at the ceiling* Where do I find these people?

Granny Weatherwax: *impatiently* So are we going to stand around in a round shape all day, or are we going to do something useful?

Susan: Something useful, I hope. *looks at the Death of Rats* So, where is he?

Death of Rats: SQUEAK, SQUE, SQU-EA-EA-EAK!

Susan: *surprised* Really? I thought it was the Easter Bunny…

Death of Rats: *consideringly* SQUEAK SQUEAK?

Susan: Well… I guess…

Jade: *suspiciously* What is it?

Susan: Granddad.

Jade: What about him?

Susan: He's… acting funny…

Jade: Funny how? Like, funny, ha-ha, or funny, lock-him-up-in-a-mental-place-and-throw-away-the-key?

Susan: Um. *shifts uncomfortably*

Rincewind: *triumphantly* I knew it! He's gone funny in the head, hasn't he! *looks challengingly at Susan* Hasn't he?

Susan: Yeah…

Jade: How?

Susan: He thinks he's not only the Easter Bunny, but also the Phantom of the Opera, George Lucas, and Dumbo the Flying Elephant.

Everyone stares at Susan strangely.

Agnes: *slowly* Um… why?

Susan: *in exasperation* Well, how should I know?

Agnes: You're his granddaughter. *glances at Jade* One of them, anyway.

Susan: Well, I don't know why, but I do know I've got to fix him. And you're all going to help.

Jade and Rincewind: Oh, no!

Jade and Rincewind begin talking at the same time. Just assume everything they say until Susan interrupts them goes on during the same period of time.

Jade: Just because you drop into my room…

Rincewind: Just because I had the bad luck to get pulled into your transportation spell…

Jade: … and I apparently have an idiot grandfather who can't even figure out which storybook personification he is…

Rincewind: … and Fate and the Lady seem to think I'm their favorite playing piece in whatever chess game they've got on up there…

Jade: … and all this seems to be happening in my universe, which I really couldn't care less about…

Rincewind: … and all this affects people from my universe, whom I couldn't care less about…

Both together: … you are not dragging me off to who-knows-where, on some terrible, horrible "adventure" that will probably result in me getting half killed!

Susan: *looks at the two of them for a moment* Y'know, you sound alike.

Rincewind and Jade glare at Susan.

Jade: Don't change the subject.

Rincewind: I know what you're trying to do. You'll get me into a terrible situation, I'll try to run away like anyone with any common sense whatever would, and I'll end up saving the world -

Jade: *breaks in* Probably by doing something that will give me nightmares for the next ten years!

Rincewind: *looks at her funny* I was going to say that.

Jade: Sorry.

Susan: Yeah, well, too bad. You're coming, and you don't get any say in the matter. Ready, ladies?

While all this has been happening, the three witches were making a portal in the middle of the round shape. It's sparkly and shiny and oh, so pretty, and takes a really long time to make, so just figure Rincewind and Jade talk really slow.

Rincewind and Jade, together: I'm not going through that thi- AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Susan shoves Rincewind and Jade through the portal.

Susan: Ok. Let's go.

Susan, Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, and Agnes go through the portal.

Author's Note: *scrolls up* Ok, what did I just write? *reads her story* Uh huh. Oooookaaaaay… Well, it wasn't what I'd planned, but I guess it serves me right for trying to write this when I'm half asleep. Sorry it took so long. I'm actually a personality of another author (two, really), and they're both dominant. *sighs* I get practically no computer time. Thank you everyone who reviewed this. And I know that I changed in character from part 1 to part 2, but like I said, I'm half asleep. *shrugs* Sorry.