A/N: Written for the 'fifty ways to leave your lover' challenge on the reffie LJ community.
He squeezed the toothpaste tube at the bottom. Rolled it up so that it was all fat at the top and not evenly distributed all around.
He had to go.
Of course, Reno had done that since they had first started going out despite her many protests, but she had brushed it off along with the fifty (billion) other things he did. Like leave the seat up on the toilet. Or come home drunk and smelling like cigars and cigarettes at early hours in the morning. Or forget things like her twenty-fifth fucking birthday.
Yuffie slammed the toilet cover down and sat, tugging at the back of one of her stilettos. Well, it was her own damn fault for expecting anything. He'd been good about the first four she'd had since they first started going out, but lately they'd been drifting apart. And of course it was all his fault. Sure, she was busy with Wutai and her normal responsibilities, but she always made time for him. On the other hand, he usually had crap excuses about how he had to stay late at the office or had some ridiculous mission he absolutely had to be gone for three days for. She always smiled and nodded and been the sweet understanding girlfriend until he shut the door behind him and she threw her expensive suede boot at the wall because she'd spent the night cooking him dinner.
Well, there was no way she was going to put up with his crap any longer. He was probably out banging every chick he came across, aside from just messing up her toothpaste.
With a frustrated little sob she ripped off a square of toilet paper and dabbed at her eye. Mascara stained the tissue.
She fought with everyone, too. 'He's no good for you,' they'd said all the damn time. 'He'll just end up breaking your heart and stealing everything you own.' And she waved them off and told them she was a grown up and she could make her own fucking decisions now, thank you. And they backed off because she wouldn't listen to them anyway, and grit their teeth and shoot Reno dirty looks until she told them they could leave if they didn't at least try to act and look normal. She had risked her friendships and her family and even her place as ruler of Wutai for him, and he left on week long missions which probably consisted of him fucking Scarlet or some other Shinra bitch.
The crickets were chirping by the time she heard Reno quietly open the door and Turtle meow her greeting at him. By that time Yuffie had managed to stop crying, but had worked herself up to such a fit that she knew their break up would be messy. At least the hours of privacy had given her time to plan out her speech to him.
Yuffie shouldered the door open, folding her arms across her chest. His eyes widened in surprise and then flicked down her body.
"You look nice."
She shrugged and tugged at the hem of her short green dress. For some reason she was giving him the time to explain himself, even though she had mapped out the scenario perfectly in her head. 'Reno,' she'd say, 'we've been together for a long time, and though I loved you and will always love you, I think you should go fuck yourself.'
Not exactly. But it would work as a decent replacement if he didn't fucking say anything at all about her birthday and just kept staring shrewdly at her red raccoon eyes. Turtle snaked between her legs and sat down on her toes.
"The candles burnt out." And the food had cooled hours ago. Her voice sounded alien to her ears, flat and emotionless. He took a step forward and she backed up, bumping against the wall and starting slightly, before ducking her eyes down. It hurt too bad to look at him.
She didn't look up, even when his scuffed up boots entered her line of vision.
"Yuffie, will you look at me?"
She shook her head.
There was a moment of silence, then his shoes moved away.
"I didn't forget your birthday, you know."
Oh, good. He mentioned her birthday. Now she could commence dropping him like a bad habit without any regrets. But he continued before she could start her well planned out speech, which had been considerably shortened to "fuck off".
"I was late because I had to think. I, uh."
"What did you have to think about," she said thickly. Hello, tears. She thought she'd cried herself out hours ago, "nuclear fusion? What could possibly be so important for you to think about that you'd make me wait for five fucking hours?" That fit she had worked herself into hours ago was slow to start, but was it starting.
"Yes?" she snapped at her wood floor.
"We've been together for a long time. Five years."
She could feel him wince from across the room. "And, well, you're the only one I've been with for five years."
"So, well, I know I haven't always been the best boyfriend..."
"You could say that again."
"And I know I'm not always there for you when you need me," he plowed on, ignoring her jab. "But..."
"Wait wait." She snapped her gaze up at him, scowling. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"What? No! God you're making this impossible for me."
Her scowl disappeared but she was still frowning.
"Look, Yuffie, I love you, all right?"
She shrugged. He was the only one she knew who could make a confession of love sound so vitriolic.
"And. God. Just marry me, okay?"
It was his turn to look away, fumbling with something in his coat pocket. "I mean, I know things'll be hard, and I'm not exactly what you'd call 'Lord'-type, but. But I think we could make it work."
Yuffie gawked at him. "You want to marry me?"
He rolled his eyes. "No, I've just been with you these past five years for your hospitality." He thrust a small box at her. She just stared.
"Aren't you. Aren't you supposed to get on one knee?"
"God, Yuffie." He pulled his hand back. "Look, I knew this would be a stupid idea."
She grabbed his wrist, carefully taking the box from him. Inside was a simple silver band with a medium sized diamond that was plain and perfect.
"We can get a different band if you want." He was nervous. "I just thought for the engagement we should just. You know. I mean, if you want to marry me."
She looked up at him. He squeezed the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube and he disappeared for weeks and she'd cried for at least two hours because he abandoned her.
She smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
Reno let out a breath of relief and grinned widely back.