Thanks to all who have been kind enough to review the others in this series-that-never-was: I hope I've managed to get back to each of you. A few people have asked for details about the guides done to date; the full set, which I guess can be accessed through my profile, is now Dean, John, the Impala, and Demon!John.
Thanks again for all the lovely feedback, and I hope you enjoy this one.
The proper care and feeding of Sam Winchester.
Congratulations on your recent acquisition! Here at Winchesters-R-Us we take our responsibility to the environment very seriously. We are delighted to report therefore that, with a lot of hard work and effort, we have managed to reduce the excess packaging on Sam Winchester from multiple layers of clothing to a more sustainable and, dare we say, more aesthetically pleasing one layer. We think you will agree that this can only be viewed as a positive move.
Whether you are a first-time Winchester buyer or already the satisfied owner of a Dean Winchester, you will find the following tips helpful to ensure you enjoy years of fun with your new Sam Winchester.
1. Your Sam Winchester will spend a lot of time sitting and brooding - er, thinking. For those used to the more active Dean Winchester, this may at first be worrying, but it should not be: it is a perfectly normal function. You will find that you get used to it, since you have no other option.
2. Do not, under any circumstances, bake your Sam Winchester fresh cookies. This will bring about a prolonged bout of moodiness. For similar reasons do not offer him barbequed food.
3. Check your Sam Winchester regularly for choking hazards. You may be surprised by the range of normal household items that this includes where your Sam Winchester is concerned.
4. The optimum outfit for your Sam Winchester is a towel. The garment is versatile, functional, and can be obtained in a variety of different colours to reflect different seasons' fashions. Do not believe your Sam Winchester if he says the same about hoodies.
5. Your Sam Winchester has dreams. Sometimes they come true.
6. You may find your Sam Winchester has something of a one-track mind (indeed, some may call him obsessive). Do not be misled by the fact it is on a different track from that enjoyed by your Dean Winchester, and plan accordingly. Hide all holiday brochures for California, whether for Palo Alto or Sacramento.
7. Your Sam Winchester does not sleep much. What you do about that is up to you.
8. Be prepared to act as mediator if you acquire, or are already the proud possessor of, a John Winchester (possessor meaning to own materially, not to occupy spiritually). In this case, you may wish to rethink your Sam Winchester's access to antique guns.
9. It is vital for his well-being that your Sam Winchester speaks Latin. Frequently and often.
10. You may be alarmed by the geekish tendencies displayed by your Sam Winchester with his love of libraries and online research, but there is no need to be concerned: simply compare this with your Dean Winchester's creation of a home-made EMF meter, or your John Winchester's motorised weapons-stash, and you will realise that geekiness runs in the family. You will also find, when he is wearing a towel, that your Sam Winchester's geek tendencies will fade from your mind.
11. Your Sam Winchester is into chick flicks and touchy-feely-self-help-yoga crap - er, sensitive.
12. No matter what your Dean Winchester may tell you, your Sam Winchester will not appreciate being called 'Sammy'.
13. Should your Sam Winchester clutch his head in pain and talk about having visions, this is not a fault. It is a feature