The Title:
How To Dismantle An Atomic Bonnie

The Fandom:
Kim Possible

Your Author:
Dr. Vainglorious

The Original Author, Who Dumped This Fic On Me and Cited "Writer's Block":

Oh Yeah... The Co-Author Is:

The Review Screener Is:
Mr. Bob Patterson

The Heart & Soul of the Show Is:
Ron Stoppable

And this is...

(Drum Roll...)

...A Dr. Vainglorious production

"Yeeeeaaaaahhh! All right!"

Disclaimer: Ron & Bonnie are properties of Disney Y'heard?

Disclaimer II: Yes, the title is a play on the grammy winning album from U2. Also, I just wanted the public to know that no Bono's or Edges were mistreated or harmed in the making of this fic, though they should have been.

"Uno, dos, tres, catorce!"

"Attention students of Middleton High. This is your prinicipal speaking. This is a public service announcement! Bonnie Rockwaller has entered the building and she is not in a good mood. I repeat, she is not in a good mood. Please proceed with caution throughout the day. If you value your safety, or if you are not a member of her circle, please avoid her like the plague. Also, Ron Reager, please report to the truancy office... Have a nice day."

While the announcement wasn't exactly of that nature, except for the Ron Reager portion, the public address could have done a good portion of the students some good. To say that the above-mentioned brunette was 'not in a good mood' was a fairly good nomination for the understatement of the year. 'Not in a good mood' didn't wasn't doing her justice. The correct term may have been ticked, tweaked... furious, enraged, rancorous, splenetic... somewhere along those lines.


"Out of my way, unknown," She growled to... well, an unknown.

As the morning hours went by, rumors began to fly by about why Bonnie was so cantankerous today. Anything from her and her on-again, off-again boyfriend Brick Flagg being off again to her hostilities with lead cheerleader Kim Possible reaching new heights were ruminated amongst the gossip-dishers that infested M.H.S.

By about lunchtime, everyone had known about Bonnie and her being ornery... Well, more ornery than usual.

Guess who didn't?

"Someone should go talk to her. She really looks down," Ron, the school-wide outcast said to his best friend.

"Not a good idea," Kim said firmly.

"Come on, Kim. She looks really despondent over there."


"School word. But anyway... You two have been busting each other's chops for years now... It wouldn't be so bad if you would extend an olive branch or two."

"Ron. I've extended a thousand olive branches to her. All of them were stepped on," Kim reasoned. "Over, and over, and over again."

Ron wasn't convinced.

"If you care so much, why don't you go over there?"

The blond's expression went from concerned to shocked to downright afraid.

"Me?" A small-voiced Ron asked.

"You seem to be the only one who's concerned about this," Kim explained. "Hey, you might even be able to score some points with her."

"Uh-uh," Ron said offhandedly.

"Are you... afraid to go over there?"

"Uh... Yes," The blond said. "I don't think you understand, K.P. She doesn't like you because you're like better than she is at most things... But me..." He drew closer to the redhead. "I have a sneaky suspicion that she hates me so much that she'd wear tap dance shoes on the day of my funeral."

"Ron, that's ridiculous."

"Why is it so ridiculous?"

"She probably wouldn't care enough to go to your funeral."

"Good point."

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Ron. She's only human."

"You'd like to think that wouldn't you?"

The auburn-haired girl shook her head as the blond began to overly exaggerate the brunette's dislike for him.

"...And when I come within like, fifteen feet of her, her eyes start glowing, and..."


"Yeah, K.P.?"

"Stop making excuses and go over there!"

Her voice was sharp enough to startle him... Boy, the things he would talk himself into...

Tentatively, he awkwardly stepped away from the table. As if he was some sort of secret agent (Double-Oh-Zero comes to mind), he took all sorts of bizarre paths to keep himself from Bonnie's line of sight. With about five meters left, he stealthily hid himself behind a tree plant. Once there, he questioned why the heck would they place a tree plant in the cafeteria. It just didn't match the decorum of the...

"I can see you, loser..."

Blast! Caught! Now the agency had to disavow any knowledge that he was a part of the operation...

"Oh... Hey, Bonnie," the blond said sheepishly.

"I'm not talking to you, Stoppable," she said simply.

What was this... No insults? No put-downs? No slams? This was out of the ordinary. Out of that, the blond gathered some ammunition on how to talk to the impenetrable wall that was the brunette.

"No insults? OK, Bonnie," he began, taking a seat next to her. Sure, she promptly scooted away from him, but he wouldn't be deterred by just that.

"Something must be wrong if you're not insulting me every chance you get. Seriously, what's wrong?" The blond asked in the most serious tone he could muster. Bonnie took a deep breath, which piqued the blond's interest. Perhaps she was going to open up to him... That would be awesome if she did.

"You want to know what's wrong with me?"


What he thought was an explanation turned into an explosion that of course, blew up in his face.

"What's wrong is that losers like you are coming within five feet of me asking me what's wrong!" She yelled.

Geez... That's two times that he got snapped on.

"...Now Go Away," she commanded, pointing him toward anywhere but where she was sitting. In most instances, the boy would have taken the hint and gone about his business. However, there was something about the brunette at this very moment that made him not want to give up so quickly and so easily. With a focus that he hadn't reached since he met up with that strange force called Mystical Monkey Power, the blond stood his ground, or in the case, stayed at his seat.

Bonnie was a bit unnerved by the fact that the boy hadn't left her table... Since when did Stoppable grow a backbone?

"Are you deaf?" She asked harshly.

"No..." Ron said. "...But I am concerned."

Bonnie would not have any more of this. She wanted to have this source of annoyance off of her case immediately. With a grunt that made the blond back up a couple of feet, she spoke.

"Fine... You wanna know what's really wrong?"

In a nervous manner, Ron nodded.

"If you really must know, meet me at Middleton Park at sunset..." her voice low with secrecy. Taking in this information, Ron nodded and turned to go back to his table with Kim when he was tugged back by the brunette."...and come alone," she commanded with narrowed eyes.

"O-OK..." the blond said tenuously.

Yes, the color of the sky was turning yellowish-blue, but that meant nothing, right? Sure the young man was pacing the floors back and forth, but he did that all of the time. Anyone could vouch for that. He was absolutely fine... Nothing wrong with him. He was good... He was...


Who the heck was nervous? Not Ron Stoppable... No way. Just because some intensely attractive girl decided to speak to him confidentially about what was bugging her. There was absolutely no way that the blond was rattled. Heck No... Maybe someone else... But definitely not him. If he was really rattled, he would probably be sweating, shaking, and stalking about the place. Plus if he was really nervous, his hair would start standing on end in this really weird way...

...Wait a minute... He had to stop... His thoughts were talking too much.

His teeth chattered nervously in anticipation of what was going to happen in no less than an hour. To pass the time, he ran a comb through his blond strands. (For the first time in months.) Whatever the cheerleader was going to tell him, he wanted to make sure he looked halfway decent in any case. Giving himself the almighty once over, he found himself ready for this rendezvous... Butterflies floating around in his stomach or not. As he reached for the door, he heard a familiar chattering of some sort.

'Twas his naked mole rat, Rufus.

"Sorry buddy... Gotta ride solo on this one," he said solemnly.

Not taking his best buddy would probably be for the best. There had to be some things that the young man had to face on his own every once and a while. Add to that with the fact that Bonnie was repulsed by the sight of the hairless rodent...

The boy's temples ached and his heart was doing a pretty good drumline. Was this what anticipation felt like?

She was pacing back and forth rapidly. How long did it take for a loser to arrive on time anyway? She stopped her pace to begin impatiently tap a foot. The brunette was beginning to have second thoughts about this whole thing... Second thoughts like... I dunno... Does she really want him of all people to know just what was going on with her? She could always confide in one of her close friends, but it'd be too risky.

With all of the pacing and the tapping, Bonnie Rockwaller looked a little better than a madwoman... Well, a madwoman with a fantastic body. Which made it all the more easy for the blond to spot her.

"There she is," he said to himself. Sucking in his gut for a long inhale, and maybe his last deep breath for about twenty minutes, Ron strolled on over to her.

"U-Uh, Bonnie?"

"Where have you been? I have a life, you know," she snapped.

"But you told me to come at sunset and it is," Ron squeaked, pointing to the sky.

"Dealing with me, you're supposed to come ten minutes before I tell you to," she said with arms crossed and back turned from him.

You learn something new every day. This very evening, Ron was figuring out what 'high-maintenance' meant.

"I'm sorry..." He said, his voice barely audible.

After a couple seconds of silence, the brunette began her spill.



"...Would you say that I'm attractive?"

Hang on, was that a trick question? Either way, it was an easy answer... Or was it?

"Yes," the blond said slowly.

The brunette didn't respond. She just stood there.

"...Hey, Stoppable?"

"Uh, Yeah?"

She paused once again. This time, she turned her head toward him.

"Would you say that I'm pretty?"

Attractive? Pretty? Gorgeous? Wasn't it all the same thing?

"Yes," he replied. "V-Very much so."

The cheerleader girl grinned. Maybe Ron was too caught up in her questioning because he didn't realize that the brunette was inching closer to him.

Well, he noticed now, as she was just a couple of steps from him. The blond's face flushed considerably as her gaze toward him increased. What exactly was going on here? Before he could come up with an answer to his own question, she spoke again.

"Sooo... Would you say that I'm... beautiful, Ron?" She asked this time.

The blond didn't realize it, but the he was just about hyperventilating. Her stunning bluish-green eyes made it impossible for the young man to look away from her. He didn't know what it was, but he was learning what seduction was.

His eyes almost glassy, he nodded his head.

"Very," he droned.

The brunette was pleased with the answer. Affectionately, she let her hand caress the boy's cheek. Instinctively, the blond nuzzled against the palm of her hand. Ron barely knew where he was right now, but it must've been somewhere close to heaven.

"You really think so?" Bonnie asked, her voice sweet as honey.

"Uh-huuuh," he half-said, half-groaned.

"Does that mean you like me?"

"Uh-hunh," he repeated.

"Good... Then..."


The blond recoiled in three stages of horror. What just happened? He held his stinging cheek, in an attempt to mitigate the blow. Did Bonnie just slap the taste out of him? And if so, why? Meanwhile, the brunette had a question of her own.

"...Why the hell haven't you asked me out yet?"

What... the...?

Asked her out...? Why not? Was she freakin' delusional? There was a myriad of answers and questions on top of answers that Ron had in response to that. However, his brain wasn't exactly in first gear at this very moment.


"I asked, 'why haven't you asked me out yet'?" She asked, her hands now cocked on her hips.

The blond was aghast... She was actually expecting an answer!

"Are you kidding me? Let's start with the fact that you hate me--"

"I don't hate you," she said.

"Well, that's news to me. You almost go out of your way to put me down, insult me, and make fun of me," the blond complained.

"That doesn't mean I hate you," she shot back.

"Then what does it mean?" Ron asked, his arms crossed defiantly.

"Are you raising your voice at me?"


"No," Ron shrank back. "But why the heck would you want me to ask you out?"

"Why do you think?" She asked. "God, you're such a loser..."

"There you go again with your insults... You're confusing the heck outta me. I'm outta here," the blond said. He didn't have to take this. He didn't have time to be berated by Bonnie outside of school. He turned to leave, but his arm was grabbed by the cheerleader.

"Don't turn your back on me when I'm trying to talk to you," she commanded. Despite the fact that she was an inch or so shorter than he was, she was still domineering to him. Thus, he stayed right where he was. Knowing that the boy was not going to walk away, she turned her back once again.

"To answer your question, I insult you because I want to get your attention," she said.

The blond was startled to hear this.

"Really? Why?"

Bonnie sighed. She knew that the boy wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed... But damn.

"Because I like you, OK?" She growled in a low tone.

He knew that he heard it. But he didn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"Can you s-say that again?" He asked, his voice even more thin and tiny than before.

"BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, O-K." the brunette yelled to the heavens (and Ron). She quickly regretted... Who knows of who might have heard that.

Now that he had heard it loud and clear, Ron felt like he was going to faint... When? How? Why?

"...Now do you see why I've been upset as of late?"

The blond tried to put the puzzle pieces together. But he just couldn't...

"No," he answered honestly.

She sighed once again... She turned toward him. The blond's heart rate increased rapidly. Deftly, the brunette took his hand and stared into his anxious eyes.

"Ron," she began softly. "You may not believe it, but I really like you. So... How do you think I feel when the only way to get your attention is to insult you?"

Where did the lump form in the blond's throat come from? Her eyes were just too beautiful and overpowering to bring himself to an answer. He tried to avert her gaze, yet, he couldn't tear himself away."

"I... uh..."

"It doesn't make me feel very good, Ron." She answered for him.

"S-So you're mad at me?" He asked fearfully.

The cheerleader chuckled softly. "No..." She squeezed his hand tighter, which flushed the blond's skin even further.

"So... What are you... er, we... gonna do about this?"

"Hmm... I never really thought of that," she answered. "But I do like the fact that you said 'we',"

"Y-You mean? You'd be willing to forego your rep for me?"

The color drained out of the girl's face.

"No way," she quickly blurted out. ."But.. I was thinking of something more... discreet," she said with a seductive grin.

Her beaming at him was enough to make the blond faint... But that would sorta kill the mood. Either way, the sidekick was speechless.

"So you get what I trying to say then, yes?"

Ron nodded. He noticed that the moon was high in the sky. How long had it been?

"Good," she said, pinching the blond's flushed cheek

"O...K," Ron said as he turned away from her momentarily.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing? I'm not done with you yet," she said, tugging him around to face her.

"I was jus--"

He was cut off by the brunette... Or actually, the brunette's lips were the ones that cut him off. But the young man wasn't about to complain. Bonnie let the embrace continue for as long as she could, just to show the blond that she meant business. However, she was sure that she did. Moments later, she broke away. She had to giggle at the boy... He looked as if he was in heaven. And maybe she was too.

"Now I'm done... I'll see you around, Ronnie," she said, placing a finger on his lips before leaving him.

Comatose? Frozen? Yes, maybe.

'...So that's what Heaven felt like,' the blond thought. It felt a little something like...

Hello, Hello!
Hola, Hola!
I'm at a place called Vertigo
It's everything I wish I didn't know
Except she gives me something I can feeeeeeeeel, feeeeeeeeel

The End

My first fic... and I think I like it.

Much thanks to my left-hand man, S-Chrome, who challenged me into finishing this. If anyone remembers "Take A Look At Me" from S-Chrome (which was his first fic), this was supposed to be his sequel... But I think mine came out better. XD

So the whole lot of you... Review, Review, Review! You heard me, Review, dangit!

And yes, the lyrics are from Vertigo from U2... I already said that no Bono's or Edges were mistreated... But they were robbed. XD