Title: Little Boy Selfish

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

Summary: An abstract encounter, in a vague place, complete with Draco voice-over.

Warnings: Abstract, implied slash, and character death.


In the end it was all my fault. It was always my fault.

If only I hadn't doubted.

If only I hadn't dared.

If only I hadn't been so selfish.


"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"

darkly amused smile and bitter laugh


Father has always wanted nothing but the best for me. Mother told me so.

And if Father sometimes asked me to do things I didn't really want to do . . .

It would be selfish of me to refuse him.

He's done so much for me.


"Just – just put the knife down, Draco. This isn't funny."

But I need to.


When you're a young boy, your father is your world.

It's the job of time and slowly gained maturity to diminish your father's importance.


"Draco, stop! Don't!"

grabbing hands, a quick shove


It's just a shame that by the time you realize how big a bastard your hero is, it's too late.

You're in too deep.


"Draco! You can't do this to me! Draco!"

clatter of steel on stone, a knife falling


And I have gone way past too deep.


"My wand, my wand. I . . . I—fuck, where the hell is my wand?

robes torn, frantic hands


Looking back, it was crazy of me to believe him. To believe in him

What was I thinking, actually allowing myself to feel?

It doesn't work that way.


"It's not working, Draco! It's . . . it's . . . oh god. You can't do this to me."

choked, pain-filled, gasps


And thinking Father wouldn't know?

That Father wouldn't care?

Practically gift-wrap the bloody Boy-Who Lived and I expect a happily ever after?



"God. . . oh God."

blood-stained robes, hands, face


Still, Father is my father. My childhood hero

I can't help still loving him. Can't help still obeying him.

And no matter what people say, in the end, it was my own fault, not his.


"Draco . . . ?"

I love you


I could've stopped it, prevented this, but I didn't.

Because I'm selfish bastard, and I liked it.

Even in killing myself I'm being selfish.


"You bastard . . . I love you, you bastard."

soft sobbing in a sudden quiet


I just didn't want to see you hurt.