Title: Little Boy Selfish

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

Summary: An abstract encounter, in a vague place, complete with Draco voice-over.

Warnings: Abstract, implied slash, and character death.

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In the end it was all my fault. It was always my fault.

If only I hadn't doubted.

If only I hadn't dared.

If only I hadn't been so selfish.

-

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"

darkly amused smile and bitter laugh

-

Father has always wanted nothing but the best for me. Mother told me so.

And if Father sometimes asked me to do things I didn't really want to do . . .

It would be selfish of me to refuse him.

He's done so much for me.

-

"Just – just put the knife down, Draco. This isn't funny."

But I need to.

-

When you're a young boy, your father is your world.

It's the job of time and slowly gained maturity to diminish your father's importance.

-

"Draco, stop! Don't!"

grabbing hands, a quick shove

-

It's just a shame that by the time you realize how big a bastard your hero is, it's too late.

You're in too deep.

-

"Draco! You can't do this to me! Draco!"

clatter of steel on stone, a knife falling

-

And I have gone way past too deep.

-

"My wand, my wand. I . . . I—fuck, where the hell is my wand?

robes torn, frantic hands

-

Looking back, it was crazy of me to believe him. To believe in him

What was I thinking, actually allowing myself to feel?

It doesn't work that way.

-

"It's not working, Draco! It's . . . it's . . . oh god. You can't do this to me."

choked, pain-filled, gasps

-

And thinking Father wouldn't know?

That Father wouldn't care?

Practically gift-wrap the bloody Boy-Who Lived and I expect a happily ever after?

Idiot

-

"God. . . oh God."

blood-stained robes, hands, face

-

Still, Father is my father. My childhood hero

I can't help still loving him. Can't help still obeying him.

And no matter what people say, in the end, it was my own fault, not his.

-

"Draco . . . ?"

I love you

-

I could've stopped it, prevented this, but I didn't.

Because I'm selfish bastard, and I liked it.

Even in killing myself I'm being selfish.

-

"You bastard . . . I love you, you bastard."

soft sobbing in a sudden quiet

--

I just didn't want to see you hurt.