Hey guys. I am so sorry about the incredibly long wait. I've been pretty busy since the summer. The good news is I passed all my GCSE's. The bad news is I decided to go back to school to do A levels, so I have virtually no free time. I started to write this chapter before, and I didnt like it, so I just sat down, and typed it straight out of my head (which I never do) and it sort of came out as a chapter which explains why Leo's why he is, without actually telling you... coz thats a surprise. lol. Hope you like it. (Anyone who's also reading Kaleidoscope, I have no idea when I'm gonna be able to update... just bear with me, coz I've sort of lost where I am and where I'm going with it...)
12:42 am. How could it only be 12:42 am? It seemed like weeks had passed, when it had barely been five hours.
Leo sighed, swivelling his chair round to give his tired eyes a break from the glaring computer screen, and his back a rest from his hunched position.
Everything was so quiet. Still. He hated it, but had slowly come to realize that working was the best way to avoid sleep. The dreams had a way of catching up with him at home, even when he was wide awake, and they were something he didn't have the energy to deal with at the moment.
So he was sat in his office working on other doctors' paperwork. It was boring, but didn't come attached to flashbacks and panic attacks.
A soft knock at the door brought him out of his reverie.
"'Brought you some coffee."
"Thanks Julie. What are you still doing here?"
The redhead yawned, looking how he felt, but much, much happier about it.
"It's Toby's birthday coming up. I'm working a few doubles. The little monster wants one of those mini BMX things."
"He's like two…"
"He's coming up for eight Leo." Julie said softly.
Leo frowned, wondering how each day could drag on for so long but at the same time fly by so fast. It never used to be like this. Nothing did.
"Of course he is…"
Julie invited herself to sit on the edge of his desk, obviously preparing for a lecture.
"Are you alright?" she asked, looking at him like she still knew him. Like he was still the same man she'd been so close to for so many years.
This was obviously the wrong thing to say.
"Leo, do you think I ask the same question over and over again to get the same response?"
"I thought you'd have given up asking it by now." He said, turning back to his computer.
"I think you need help."
"Which one of us is the doctor?!" he snapped.
"The same one of us that's a self absorbed bastard. You still haven't dealt with what happened Leo. You're keeping it all inside. Feeling guilty. Taking it out on everyone around you. It's gone on too long."
"I'm not in the mood for this."
"You never are."
"Spare me the amateur psychology, Julie, it's not in your job description. Thanks for the coffee." He said, completely turning his back on her. Giving her a cue to leave.
She took it.
She was right. He knew she was right, but what was he supposed to do? Break down in tears, admitting that every time he tried to sleep, images of Rick filled his head? It would only be telling her what she already knew. That everything had gone down hill from there. Carrie had left him after six years of marriage, not being able to cope with him shutting her out. In the end she left him for a man who could tell her that he loved her.
Leo picked up the coffee that Julie had brought him, as a thinly disguised excuse for yet another therapy session, and squeezed the Styrofoam cup, not even flinching when the boiling liquid overflowed onto his hand, and hurled it angrily at the wall.
The cup bounced, some of it sloshing up the wall, some of it puddling into the carpet leaving a dark stain. Black. How he always had his coffee. How he always felt.