Just a guide:

Blah- zanpakutou speaking

Blah- person thinking/ speaking to zanpakutou

I don't own bleach.

Japan was just starting to embrace western culture. Hitsugaya Toushirou was just lucky enough to be one of the aristocrats.

He was only five at the time, dressed smartly in a suit that fit him snugly. His older sister, Kikyou, was in a white dress that matched their mother's. His father was talking with his mother beside the windows animatedly.

It was picture day. They had hired a photographer to come to their house since it was winter and much too bothersome to go all the way to the studio. Of course, they also did not want little Toushirou to catch a cold.

There was though, the fact that there were many unhappy samurai's on the loose that would kill for the lost honor done to them. It was dangerous times for those who had managed to climb to the new Western court of the Emperor.


Hitsugaya Ren looked down at his little son. When Toushirou had first been born, he would have to admit that he was surprised. The shock of white hair had made him think perhaps that he had sired an old man. Also, maybe that his son was one of the rare albinos born in the city. But as soon as Toushirou had opened his eyes, Hitsugaya Ren knew his speculations were false. Though Ren was not particularly a superstitious man, he truly believed his son was possessed by a strong spirirt who would bring fortune to the family.

Ren smiled. "What is it Toushirou?"

The normally sullen child blushed a little while trying to hide something behind his back.


The door burst open to reveal an unshaven man in a traditional samurai dress holding a large box. The family stared. The man promptly ignored them and quickly placed the box on the floor and opened it. Before the Hitsugaya family knew it, the man was pointing a gun at them.

Ren stared at it in amazement; he wondered how the man had gotten such an expensive weapon and why the HELL he was pointing it at them. Toushirou just looked in awe; he had never seen a gun before.

Slowly, Ren began to recover from the shock. He started to take a step forward. "Look, we-"

Those were the only words he managed before a large crack sounded, signaling that the gun had been shot.

Toushirou looked out the broken window to where his father had fallen. He expected him to be standing in the snow, waving, telling them that he was alright and that he would be up in a moment. Toushirou only saw red on white. He couldn't comprehend. He had never seen blood before.

He didn't know who started screaming first, his mother or his sister. Either way, it seemed they had tied.

The man was pointing the gun at Kikyou now. Toushirou saw her fall to her knees, still screaming. Tears were coming endlessly from her eyes as were her cries. Toushirou felt anger, no, wrath fill up in his heart.

The killer obviously was ready to shoot as he brought the heavy machinery up again for the fatal shot. Only too late did he notice the white-haired boy intercepting the girl from the bullet.

The boy, with a frown on his face, glared at the stranger.

"Leave Kikyou a-"

Toushirou felt strange. He felt pain on his chest and began to feel a warm, wet sensation where it hurt. He could also distinguish many small capillary feeling running down his chest. His ears were ringing too. Ring ring ring ring. He turned his head just a little to see his mother with tears in her eyes while having her mouth open. Was she screaming? She was making his ears hurt. He wanted to tell her to stop but couldn't move his mouth. No, he didn't want to because he felt warm liquid gurgling inside his throat, threatening to come up. He watched from the corner of his eyes at the floor seemed to move up to him.

I…don't understand…

Hitsugaya Toushirou lay on the bloodied floor, his dulled green eyes staring emptily at the shooter. It didn't faze the shooter at all. The samurai proceeded to choose his next target.


The robbed room of three corpses lay eerily silent as a broken window let the cold winter breeze in. One woman, one girl, one boy. If one could distinguish from all the blood, a piece of white paper would be seen in the boy's hand.

In an almost illegible childish scrawl, it read: Happy Birthday Otou-san!


Hitsugaya woke up, sweating.

He looked outside his window to confirm it was dawn. Wiping cold sweat from his forehead, he decided to wake up even earlier than he usually woke. He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep even if he wanted to. He was sure of it.

After washing, the captain put on his robes with trembling fingers. He shook his hands in an effort to work out the trembles but it obviously failed as he dropped his tea cup for the twentieth time. Something he had dreamt was thoroughly disturbing him. He just didn't know what.

He found it slightly aggravating that he could not remember a simple dream. Perhaps it was a sign that he had slept well? If he had slept well, he wouldn't have woken up in cold sweat. He knew that. He had to know that. It was the basics of sanity. But it was thoroughly irritating that he couldn't remember WHAT he had dreamt that he was sure he was going to go insane. Outside his thought-filled mind, Hitsugaya broke a cup trying to fill it with tea.

Hitsugaya felt Hyourinmaru uncoil in his mind restlessly as he walked to his office. The captain felt his eye twitch. There were many reasons for this. Firstly, it was always a sign that he was annoyed. Secondly, it was that he hadn't rested or eaten well in the last 24 hours. It also meant insecurity. Hitsugaya sighed as the presence of the dragon turned into a mix of anger, concern, and annoyance.

You fear.

Hitsugaya remained silent. He decided to be preoccupied with stacking paperwork into neat piles. He swore under his breath when one of the piles fell, leaving a nice white mess. The dragon moved again, discontent at being ignored.

You fear this knowledge. Though it is sealed, you have seen it. And fear it.

Hitsugaya sipped at the only successful cup of tea that he had made in the morning. He put it down firmly in the corner to his right.

What reason do I have to fear it?

He knew it was a stupid reply but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge it; there was nothing to fear. Suddenly, as if to prove him wrong, he felt Hyourinmaru's icy breath all around him. The dragon was clearly trying to establish a point.

If you fear this, you must conquer it.

Hitsugaya didn't bother to reply, knowing there was nothing to say and no zanpakutou to say it to. Hyourinmaru had withdrawn from his mind.

The rest of the day came fast. There was a lot of paperwork to preoccupy him with while pushing thoughts from his mind. His division also found it INCREDIBLY tempting to be gossipy and noisy today, making half his thoughts into those thinking of a way to torture them at training. He didn't even see Matsumoto until late afternoon. As usual, thought today it seemed more than just laziness; she decided not to do anything and mumbled about resting before falling asleep on the couch like a dead man. Or woman.

To summarize, he had a migraine the size of his vice-captain's breasts.

Hitsugaya sighed as he put aside a good pile of paperwork. It was already evening. He had skipped breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He just didn't feel like eating. The gurgle in his stomach told him that if he did, he would probably throw up. That wasn't the image he wanted to maintain.

It's no good to go out with your sword to when there is nothing to conquer.

The captain felt another onset of pain coming with a hint of delirium. He looked out the window to try to wait it out.

When Matsumoto woke up, she was surprised to see her captain NOT doing paperwork but looking out the window with slightly glazed eyes.


The young captain didn't turn around but proceeded to talk to his vice-captain as if she was the window.

"Matsumoto. Do you remember how you died?"

The vice captain wasn't expecting this. She half wondered if this was to test whether she was still drunk or not. But from the way he looked, she doubted it.

"Hai taichou."

The captain continued to look outside without answering. The busty vice-captain began to feel worried.

"Taichou? Are feeling alright?"

Hitsugaya took a deep breath, sucking the air in between his teeth. He let it out slowly, while closing his eyes painfully.

No… not really. I'm not feeling the greatest.

Matsumoto watched his reaction carefully. She leapt up almost too late when Hitsugaya fell off his chair sideways, toppling to the ground.

Ya… I don't know what inspired me to write this. It must have been a combination of overactive imagination and overdose of bleach songs xp please don't kill me if you don't like it. And don't kill me for not updating my other bleach fic (if you are a reader of that). The update for that is coming soon. Anyways, this won't be long. It'll most likely be a two chapter fic so don't expect me to go on and on and on forever :) thank you for reviewing!